Much Harder Than I Expected

[TheDoctor]

I posted a few days ago with the news.....I got dumped by my girlfriend of almost 15 months.

This is much harder than I expected it to be. This is my first true love despite my age. I've never cared for any girls or girlfriends growing up. They were just a source of s3x.

Now I don't feel like living for anything. I can't eat, sleep, work, focus, I can't do sh*t. I love her still and want her back badly. I haven't had any contact with her since she broke up with me. Its been a week. I read the "Just Got Dumped" guide by Metaphysical and am trying to stick to it. I want to call her so badly. I'll break down and do it in a day or two.

I feel like me holding out to call her, holding out on the possiblity that I can talk her into coming back is just prolonging the healing. I just want to talk to her before I try to come to terms with it definetly being over.

I have searched the archives without much luck. Can anyone who's had their heart ripped in two please point me to some posts or give me some advice on getting over this heartache. I can't bear to be in this condition much longer. My world is upside down. I lost my lover and more importantly my bestfriend.

 

[Igetit!]

Sorry to hear about your situation Doc. I'm sure some of the other members can point you in the right direction of how to deal with the pain you're going through,however,the point of my reply is to help you understand WHY this happened in the first place. I don't know if you ever went back to your other thread called,"She left me.",but I put a reply in there that I think may be helpful to you,that will help you understand why things turned out the way they did. Check it out.

 

[WhtRbt]

Open up notepad and write out all of your feelings and then delete it. Read the book 'the power of now'

Your best friend and true love would not break up with you. The more energy you waste on this girl the more time you lose before you find a better one.

 

[Byezbozhniy]

It's simple. Go get laid.

There are more than 3 billion women out there. If you think your ex is the 'perfect one' then that's just arrogant.

 

[TizZle]

Time heals all wounds. Go out and have fun. I was in a similar situation about a year ago. It's crucial that you go out with your friends and have fun while forgetting about this recent breakup.

 

[BobMo']

Do something to distract yourself, right away. Not just going out for a wall alone, either. Get into some social setting, especially where women might be present. Don't talk about your ex to any woman, either, that'll make you look weak and undesirable - and you want to be desirable to women, right?

Getting laid right away might help, but it sounds a though you're not so inclined, so it might not be easy, or productive.

To summarize, get your arse out in circulation as soon as you can, and try not to wallow. Remember, there are thousands of females in your immediate vicinity. Let the one who dumped you live to regret her actions as you move on without her.

 

[TheDoctor]

Thanks Igetit, I did read your other reply and checked out the link you suggested. You hit the nail on the head. I was a cool laid back dude who was masculine and mysterious and tough. I got the girl and became AFC, jealous, insecure, controlling, the list goes on and on. She lost all attraction for the person I turned into and gave me numerous signs for me to toughen up and act like a Man. I failed to do that. As a result, she left.

I'm thinking about giving her a call in a few days and I'm sure I will. I'm just going to ask her to give me another chance to change. She says that people shouldn't have to "change" for one another to make things work BUT, I really do have to change because whether I'm with her or not, I don't want to be an AFC with her or anyone else. I'm going to try to explain this to her and ask her to stick around for a little while longer. Bad idea I'm sure but, fvck, I'm head over heels in love with this girl.

Back to the origins of this post. How long does it take to shake the memories and depression associated with a LTR break up? We were heavily invested in one another.

THIS SUCKS!

 

[Byezbozhniy]

Go read Pook.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127902

Read this whole thread.

Also study some Tony Robbins NLP techniques.

You've got to change your associations as soon as possible to avoid further pain.

Work at associating even more pain with breaking down and calling your ex since that is exactly what calling her will lead to.

Work at associating closure and eventual return to normal emotional feeling with going complete no contact with her.

Associate intense pleasure with not ever contacting or calling her again by imagining incredibly pleasurable and satisfying things not necessarily related to women but things such as your favorite sports team winning a game or you yourself winning some kind of competition, associate not ever calling her again with feelings of your being ontop of the world.

You accomplish all of this by mental repetition.

Whenever the thoughts of her enter your mind begin the association game and begin doing as I've instructed you.

Once you think of calling her think of many things that have been intensely emotionally painful to you in life not even counting this breakup and associate the thoughts of calling her with all the pain you've ever felt.

Then think about all the pleasure you've ever experienced in your life and associate it with not calling her or contacting her ever again.

Sounds difficult and unrealistic to read this I'm sure but it does work with enough repetition.

 

[Perfect10]

You've invested alot of time and emotion in her and now it hurts to rip it away. It's like a ripping away a band-aid. First it hurts, then you see the ugly scar inside and after time it becomes better. But remember that the more you poke the "scar" the more it hurts.

 

[Captain]

Go and date and screw other women. I know, not the answer you really wanted to hear, but it works.

You can't take her back if she dumped you, it has to be the other way around. You should always be the one to end it. It gives you options later on.

It's over. Don't call her, if she calls you, make it seem as if you're having a great time and you're dating other women. That should make her a little intrigued.

 

[edger]

How long does it take to shake the memories and depression associated with a LTR break up? We were heavily invested in one another.

THIS SUCKS!

A long f*ckin' time. I still feel like sh*t after 3 yrs(not as bad as I previously felt, but bad enough). Sure, I've hooked up with and nailed a bunch of women after our break-up, but it did sh*t to shake the memories and depression. It's been so hard to forget about my ex, because, like you, we invested so heavily in one another. It wasn't just some other ordinary meaningless relationship that Joe Schmoe has, where both parties don't genuinely care about each other, it was f*ckin' big. I was about to marry this broad. Every woman I've hooked up with since my break-up, I've never been able to develop feelings for. I'm pretty positive I'll never feel the same way about a woman. People here might laugh, but it's the truth. You won't know about it, till you experience it for yourself. My emotional investment in this girl was so deep, so much of my whole spiritual being and energy went into this girl. It's really hard to explain.

 

[Jakes21]

I waited a month before calling gf.it was a hard month but it was well worth it.in that month i tried going out with other chicks but my mind was elsewere.anywayz i called her and said we need to talk.she asked me whats to talk about, to which i replied to collect my stuff.but when i got there at her house she waS eager to talk.best of luck for u.

 

[axxo]

why did you break up? she dumped you?

A long f*ckin' time. I still feel like sh*t after 3 yrs(not as bad as I previously felt, but bad enough). Sure, I've hooked up with and nailed a bunch of women after our break-up, but it did sh*t to shake the memories and depression. It's been so hard to forget about my ex, because, like you, we invested so heavily in one another. It wasn't just some other ordinary meaningless relationship that Joe Schmoe has, where both parties don't genuinely care about each other, it was f*ckin' big. I was about to marry this broad. Every woman I've hooked up with since my break-up, I've never been able to develop feelings for. I'm pretty positive I'll never feel the same way about a woman. People here might laugh, but it's the truth. You won't know about it, till you experience it for yourself. My emotional investment in this girl was so deep, so much of my whole spiritual being and energy went into this girl. It's really hard to explain.

 

[TheDoctor]

A long f*ckin' time. I still feel like sh*t after 3 yrs(not as bad as I previously felt, but bad enough). Sure, I've hooked up with and nailed a bunch of women after our break-up, but it did sh*t to shake the memories and depression. It's been so hard to forget about my ex, because, like you, we invested so heavily in one another. It wasn't just some other ordinary meaningless relationship that Joe Schmoe has, where both parties don't genuinely care about each other, it was f*ckin' big. I was about to marry this broad. Every woman I've hooked up with since my break-up, I've never been able to develop feelings for. I'm pretty positive I'll never feel the same way about a woman. People here might laugh, but it's the truth. You won't know about it, till you experience it for yourself. My emotional investment in this girl was so deep, so much of my whole spiritual being and energy went into this girl. It's really hard to explain.

I feel the same way. I don't think I can handle three years of this or even three months. I'm fvcking miserable right now. I've never felt this way before. I can't do anything but think about her.

 

[mothballs]

I'm pretty positive I'll never feel the same way about a woman. People here might laugh, but it's the truth. You won't know about it, till you experience it for yourself.

Bull****, it will come back. I was out of the game for almost 9 years, 3-4 of those years was getting over the kinda girl you're talking about and the other 5 was just being a fool trying to self indulge (I did find myself in this time at least). One day I just said I had enough of not getting laid and not having a female to hang out with in my life. And now I've got a GF (already in past the 2 month mark) who I feel more connected to than the other girl (in my time healing I realized that she really wasn't close to what I wanted). After being out of that relationship for a few years I had learned to analyze the last GF for what she was and came out much the better for it. If this current relationship ends I know now what I need to do to get back in the game much faster. When all LTR's end we feel this way, like total ****... but the key is to just know that it will be over someday. And the sooner you can really accept this, the less time it will take to heal.

 

[TheDoctor]

3-4 years to get over your girlfriend? You have to be kidding. This feeling in my stomach is going to kill me soon. I can't do a year of this or even 6 months. Somebody please tell me it doesn't take that long to get over someone you loved.

 

[mothballs]

3-4 years to get over your girlfriend? You have to be kidding. This feeling in my stomach is going to kill me soon. I can't do a year of this or even 6 months. Somebody please tell me it doesn't take that long to get over someone you loved.

Dude, it's not about feeling like you do for that long, it's about completely getting over it. Do you seriously think you will feel exactly like this for months and years? No you won't, within the month you'll start feeling a lot better... in 6 months you should be doing pretty well. You just have to stick out the short term. When I say 3-4 years I'm talking about the time when I felt like I'd still take her back... that if I saw her again I'd try to get with her. But, it was only a few weeks before I tried to date another girl... it didn't work out, but it helped me get past the short term.

 

[Igetit!]

3-4 years to get over your girlfriend? You have to be kidding. This feeling in my stomach is going to kill me soon. I can't do a year of this or even 6 months. Somebody please tell me it doesn't take that long to get over someone you loved.

No,it won't take you this long to get over her. However,you'll have to actually begin the journey to recovery. In other words,if it's over with,then it's over with. You can't keep thinking in your mind that you're going to try to get back with her. Once you've truly decided to move on,then you add distance/100% no contact between the two of you,THEN emotionally speaking,you'll start to feel better. As long as you have some plan about still trying to get her back,you'll stay right in the heart of this painful situation. You keep going back in forth in your mind between just completely moving on,and going back to her and asking for another chance.

Well,whatever you decide,you need to think it though LOGICALLY. And this plan of going to her and asking for another chance,especially the way you plan to do it,is EMOTIONALLY DRIVEN. It's doomed to fail because right now,you just want the pain to go away. Answer me this:let's say you do go back to her,and she says yes,she'll give you another chance. Ok,then what?
Have you thought about that? It's like how some women dream and dream about having this big,perfect wedding. They'll spend months and months thinking and planning it out,then when it happens,yeah,they're happy,but they spent all that time on the wedding,and no time thinking about the MARRIAGE. Her saying yes to giving you another chance would just be the beginning.

All I can say is whatever you do,just don't be emotional when you make that decision.