DJArlington
Don Juan
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are there any good threads for getting someone out of your mind? I am trying to do all the typical stuff, date around, rediscover old hobbies, etc. Just need a quick fix.
moving on from a girl
- Thread starter DJArlington
- Start date
Ecstasy.
On a more serious note, have you tried removing EVERYTHING in your life that is immediately/directly connected to her? Her phone number, texts, emails, IMs, gifts, pictures, etc...
What happened though? Sounds like you went through a serious break up...
Were you expecting it?
On a more serious note, have you tried removing EVERYTHING in your life that is immediately/directly connected to her? Her phone number, texts, emails, IMs, gifts, pictures, etc...
What happened though? Sounds like you went through a serious break up...
Were you expecting it?
There may not be one but you are in luck because I will start one for you. So here is part 1..
So right about now you are experiencing all of the drag of just losing someone you somehow got attached to no matter how hard you tried not to. You can’t concentrate, you jump every time your phone rings, you are listening to sad songs that has you and your ex name written all over them, you imagine seeing your ex everywhere, etc.,
Now, that you recognize this stuff, you are doing what every person does in this situation… You are seeking advice. You feel like getting advice from everyone and their momma but you have to realize, the more you talk about your ex, the more your thoughts will be addicted to thoughts of her. On top of this, you will become addicted to talking about your ex.
So just read the advice in the thread here but resist posting about your ex and waking your best friend up at 2a.m. to talk about her. Everyone, no matter how much they love you, even your own mother, will get tired of your ass talking about your ex. I guarantee it!
Next, no matter how bad you want to do it. Do not contact your ex for anything! Just don’t do it! If you just got over her and really must do it and it feels like it will take away some of the crappy feeling, then just go ahead. Maybe she will curse you out or something and this will help you to be less crazy about her. An exception to this rule is if you feel that you really never got closure. If you feel that you really need closure then by all means, call her but don’t expect some miracle that ain’t about to happen such as getting back together. You must realize that regular phone calls will only keep you on a string tied to your ex!
Write down what you will say if you were to call your ex. Write down some thoughts and some questions you would ask. This may save you from the embarrassment of actually calling her to get those thoughts out. She will only call her buddies and say “I can’t belive this sissy is still trying to call me! I don’t won’t to talk to him!”
Don’t start calling up all your friends and family and giving them all sorts of details of the break up nor do you want to tell them what a real b1tch she was. You never know what the future may hold.
Treat yourself just as well as you did when you were with her. Treat yourself to a movie or good dinner. Go bike riding through some nice scenery, stay at a fancy hotel but avoid places you two use to frequent together. It will only bring back a flood of memories.
My friend, bang someone else soon! It’s okay. Built up sexual tension will only have you obsessing of the sex she was giving you and now you are cut off. Go to a strip club if you must.
It’s okay to have a hard time sleeping. It’s normal but don’t just lie around in bed if you are not sleepy. Watch TV, read a book, or visit a friend. If you just lay around in bed but can’t sleep guess what you are going to do? You are going to fantasize about your ex and having her next to you in bed.
Gather up all the pictures, gifts she has given you, her old clothes that are laying around and every thing in your environment that associates you closely to the relationship and put them into a box in take it to the basement. Let cobwebs grow on the box. You can always retrieve in the future to reminisce once you are over her but the cobwebs must grow first!
Make a change in your life! Rearrange the furniture in your house, cut your hair, take a trip or something. It will make you feel better.
Turn those sad feelings into mad feelings. Have your buddies tell you why your ex was a real b1tch and things they hated about her. When a relationship ends and you feel sad, you tend to concentrate only on the good aspects of the relationship and make your ex out to be something better than what she actually was. Write down all of the crappy things about your ex and every time you get a sad thought about her, read that list. You will see that she wasn’t all that.
Well, that is it for part 1. If you are still having trouble after trying the above, give me a holler.
So right about now you are experiencing all of the drag of just losing someone you somehow got attached to no matter how hard you tried not to. You can’t concentrate, you jump every time your phone rings, you are listening to sad songs that has you and your ex name written all over them, you imagine seeing your ex everywhere, etc.,
Now, that you recognize this stuff, you are doing what every person does in this situation… You are seeking advice. You feel like getting advice from everyone and their momma but you have to realize, the more you talk about your ex, the more your thoughts will be addicted to thoughts of her. On top of this, you will become addicted to talking about your ex.
So just read the advice in the thread here but resist posting about your ex and waking your best friend up at 2a.m. to talk about her. Everyone, no matter how much they love you, even your own mother, will get tired of your ass talking about your ex. I guarantee it!
Next, no matter how bad you want to do it. Do not contact your ex for anything! Just don’t do it! If you just got over her and really must do it and it feels like it will take away some of the crappy feeling, then just go ahead. Maybe she will curse you out or something and this will help you to be less crazy about her. An exception to this rule is if you feel that you really never got closure. If you feel that you really need closure then by all means, call her but don’t expect some miracle that ain’t about to happen such as getting back together. You must realize that regular phone calls will only keep you on a string tied to your ex!
Write down what you will say if you were to call your ex. Write down some thoughts and some questions you would ask. This may save you from the embarrassment of actually calling her to get those thoughts out. She will only call her buddies and say “I can’t belive this sissy is still trying to call me! I don’t won’t to talk to him!”
Don’t start calling up all your friends and family and giving them all sorts of details of the break up nor do you want to tell them what a real b1tch she was. You never know what the future may hold.
Treat yourself just as well as you did when you were with her. Treat yourself to a movie or good dinner. Go bike riding through some nice scenery, stay at a fancy hotel but avoid places you two use to frequent together. It will only bring back a flood of memories.
My friend, bang someone else soon! It’s okay. Built up sexual tension will only have you obsessing of the sex she was giving you and now you are cut off. Go to a strip club if you must.
It’s okay to have a hard time sleeping. It’s normal but don’t just lie around in bed if you are not sleepy. Watch TV, read a book, or visit a friend. If you just lay around in bed but can’t sleep guess what you are going to do? You are going to fantasize about your ex and having her next to you in bed.
Gather up all the pictures, gifts she has given you, her old clothes that are laying around and every thing in your environment that associates you closely to the relationship and put them into a box in take it to the basement. Let cobwebs grow on the box. You can always retrieve in the future to reminisce once you are over her but the cobwebs must grow first!
Make a change in your life! Rearrange the furniture in your house, cut your hair, take a trip or something. It will make you feel better.
Turn those sad feelings into mad feelings. Have your buddies tell you why your ex was a real b1tch and things they hated about her. When a relationship ends and you feel sad, you tend to concentrate only on the good aspects of the relationship and make your ex out to be something better than what she actually was. Write down all of the crappy things about your ex and every time you get a sad thought about her, read that list. You will see that she wasn’t all that.
Well, that is it for part 1. If you are still having trouble after trying the above, give me a holler.
Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
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good post, any more please he he 
classy broadside
Don Juan
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Take everything she owned or used that's still with you and put it in a box. If in doubt, throw it in. Don't store the box in the basement or in the back of your mind. Instead, ship it all to her and don't look back.
I can't say there's any quick fix.
This is all about something that's taking place in your mind. That's where the real battleground is.
It's part habit, it's part brain chemical reaction. We're humans, this is how we're made to operate.
I can tell you that adopting zen philosophies can help a lot. It's quite like therapy.
Basically, you've become emotionally attached to someone who's no longer there. So you feel that absence. The PEA "feel good" brain chemicals that she stimulated aren't being triggered anymore, and like an addict, you're seeking a fix.
The habit of your routine with her has you stuck.
As human beings, we then aggravate that circumstance by dwelling on it. You see, a dog gets its leg chopped off in an accident and after the initial pain, forgets all about the accident and makes do with three legs and moves on, happily wagging its tail.
We, on the other hand, relive the pain of the breakup over and over again, by dwelling on what could've been, what happened, what was, what isn't, what now will never be, and in the process creating misery for ourselves and lamenting over our loss.
If you're in misery for a year, that's equivalent to reliving your pain 365 times.
So pain is a given but misery is optional.
So what to do?
GAL: "Get A Life". You touched upon that. Stay busy. Preoccupy yourself with endeavors, new and old. New hobbies, old hobbies, new interests, old interests. Sports is real good because you can't dive into a pool or watch a baseball coming at you at 90 miles an hour and be thinking about your ex at the same time.
You're basically trying to get out of old habits/routines and put on new ones.
But there's more benefits then just that. New experiences make you grow as a person. Personal growth makes you more interesting to others. You meet new people. New doors open to yet more new experiences.
I went from kicking out my ex-wife to acting off-off broadway and in indie films. That probably would not have happened otherwise.
GAL also "shrinks" the ex's importance in your life the more you make other things bigger. Yeah, you'll have moments, but that's normal. Just don't keep backsliding but push yourself forward. It's like waves upon the shore, ebbing and flowing, until you're finally back on land again.
Stay clear from alcohol, that's a depressant. there's a reason guys "cry" into their beers.
And when you get triggered, like something reminds you of her, replace it with another thought immediately. Know that such thoughts will only bring miserable feelings if you let them stay on your mind, because feelings follow thoughts. This is why we can be happy but then hear some sad news, and then feel sad.
Thoughts are going to pop into your head, but you don't have to dwell on them. Remember: you can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop them from building a nest there.
Dating around may not be good for you until you're okay. Until then, you may be seeking a replacement, which many guys do but is the wrong reason to be with someone. Or no one may seem to compare with the ex, which is normal but only because you've glorified her in your mind. So, just go out to have fun for now.
Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.
This is all about something that's taking place in your mind. That's where the real battleground is.
It's part habit, it's part brain chemical reaction. We're humans, this is how we're made to operate.
I can tell you that adopting zen philosophies can help a lot. It's quite like therapy.
Basically, you've become emotionally attached to someone who's no longer there. So you feel that absence. The PEA "feel good" brain chemicals that she stimulated aren't being triggered anymore, and like an addict, you're seeking a fix.
The habit of your routine with her has you stuck.
As human beings, we then aggravate that circumstance by dwelling on it. You see, a dog gets its leg chopped off in an accident and after the initial pain, forgets all about the accident and makes do with three legs and moves on, happily wagging its tail.
We, on the other hand, relive the pain of the breakup over and over again, by dwelling on what could've been, what happened, what was, what isn't, what now will never be, and in the process creating misery for ourselves and lamenting over our loss.
If you're in misery for a year, that's equivalent to reliving your pain 365 times.
So pain is a given but misery is optional.
So what to do?
GAL: "Get A Life". You touched upon that. Stay busy. Preoccupy yourself with endeavors, new and old. New hobbies, old hobbies, new interests, old interests. Sports is real good because you can't dive into a pool or watch a baseball coming at you at 90 miles an hour and be thinking about your ex at the same time.
You're basically trying to get out of old habits/routines and put on new ones.
But there's more benefits then just that. New experiences make you grow as a person. Personal growth makes you more interesting to others. You meet new people. New doors open to yet more new experiences.
I went from kicking out my ex-wife to acting off-off broadway and in indie films. That probably would not have happened otherwise.
GAL also "shrinks" the ex's importance in your life the more you make other things bigger. Yeah, you'll have moments, but that's normal. Just don't keep backsliding but push yourself forward. It's like waves upon the shore, ebbing and flowing, until you're finally back on land again.
Stay clear from alcohol, that's a depressant. there's a reason guys "cry" into their beers.
And when you get triggered, like something reminds you of her, replace it with another thought immediately. Know that such thoughts will only bring miserable feelings if you let them stay on your mind, because feelings follow thoughts. This is why we can be happy but then hear some sad news, and then feel sad.
Thoughts are going to pop into your head, but you don't have to dwell on them. Remember: you can't stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop them from building a nest there.
Dating around may not be good for you until you're okay. Until then, you may be seeking a replacement, which many guys do but is the wrong reason to be with someone. Or no one may seem to compare with the ex, which is normal but only because you've glorified her in your mind. So, just go out to have fun for now.
Nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.
First the truth - there is no quick fix (sorry buddy). That would be making the game easier now wouldn't it. Some people do things as simple as putting a rubber band around their wrist and snapping it (hard if needed) every time you catch yourself thinking about her. There's probably lots of tricks like that I suppose.DJArlington said:
The answer you're looking for (and getting) is a combination of two things, First, very proactively stopping yourself from thinking of her, dwelling on her, fantasizing about her, talking about her, writing about her, posting about her, etc. Others here have suggested getting rid of stuff, phone numbers, etc. That is part of the riddance portion you will go through.
The other thing that is required is time. Ever noticed how we always wanted to feel good - right now. We wanted to meet that certain HB - right now. We wanted to have things - right now. But you can't do that with grieving. What takes you 3 months might take the next guy 2 days and the guy after that his entire life.
Even grieving has a beginning, middle and end. That last part is important. There will be an end. The sooner you rid yourself of her (sounds harsh but just being practical) the better the time part of the equation will work to your advantage.
People say keep busy. Now you know why. Doing things (especially working out, hobbies, dating again, etc) keeps your mind from wandering backwards. And it gives the sensation that time is moving faster.
Here's a reframe for you to ponder. Before you guys parted ways, you were only allowed (self limited) to experience one single woman across this entire planet for the rest of your life. Now, today (well maybe after a bit of healing) you are free to experience billions with the exception of just one - and you've already experienced her. That's like being in a ice cream store with 100 flavors and knowing you can have any flavor but the one you've had so many times before and made you sick last time you had it. Is your ice cream cone 99% full or 1% empty
Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
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great posts here, brilliant!!!
I love the pain is inevitable, misery is optional!
So true.
I love the pain is inevitable, misery is optional!
So true.
DJArlington
Don Juan
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The advice on this forum is brilliant. Thank you DJs. Always appreciated!
KontrollerX
Master Don Juan
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You got any buddies to go bowling with, shoot darts with, play videogames with, get drunk with?
That over an extended period of time is what gets you through this.
Well that or using the poster Bible Belt's cure which is to fvck 10 other women.
So yeah its basically doing stuff that you already know to do combined with time that gets the old crap out of your mind dude.
That over an extended period of time is what gets you through this.
Well that or using the poster Bible Belt's cure which is to fvck 10 other women.
So yeah its basically doing stuff that you already know to do combined with time that gets the old crap out of your mind dude.
I remember after my ex broke up with me after dating 2+ years I was pretty upset for a while. The best thing for me was being with friends, going to movies or just hanging out. They got pretty annoyed of the pining sessions and they always let me know, but they stuck around.
Honestly though, you just have to carry on doing your own thing. The hurt will be there but eventually you'll learn to put it deeper into the back of your mind until you truly forget about her.
Honestly though, you just have to carry on doing your own thing. The hurt will be there but eventually you'll learn to put it deeper into the back of your mind until you truly forget about her.
Romjuan
Don Juan
i realize this is an old thread but i wanted to bump this because spanky and mr. me's advice is the best ive ever read. in all honesty i have bookmarked this into my phone and anytime i ever get sad thinking about my ex or think down, i read this thread again, and to anyone that ever gets down on their ex, read this thread again, and again, and again. good stuff
quicklearner
Don Juan
some advise
Don’t loose your daily routine, otherwise it will be downward spiral
A new girl will definitely help, but don’t ignore the following.
-Maintain good sleep,
-good diet (no junk food)
-start working out if you haven’t. Exercise is therapeutic.
-keep up with the your circle of friends and force yourself to go to social activities, even if you don’t feel like it.
Depending on how serious you were it can take as little as a week to few months.
Lastly, DO NOT MAINTAIN ANY TYPE OF CONTACT WITH YOUR EX, no emails, text, nothing.
Don’t loose your daily routine, otherwise it will be downward spiral
A new girl will definitely help, but don’t ignore the following.
-Maintain good sleep,
-good diet (no junk food)
-start working out if you haven’t. Exercise is therapeutic.
-keep up with the your circle of friends and force yourself to go to social activities, even if you don’t feel like it.
Depending on how serious you were it can take as little as a week to few months.
Lastly, DO NOT MAINTAIN ANY TYPE OF CONTACT WITH YOUR EX, no emails, text, nothing.
Reyaj
Master Don Juan
An absolute great thread. Archive material
To summarize
Keep busy
Try to replace reoccuring thoughts about your ex with different ones
Time heals all wounds
To summarize
Keep busy
Try to replace reoccuring thoughts about your ex with different ones
Time heals all wounds