Im writing this article based out of the respect of #17, desertfox, and a few others who have inspired me.....
Moving on after a breakup or a romantic encounter can be very painful and tough on your soul. In my 40 years I have learned about myself, women, the process of dating, rejection, and the most challenging----moving on with courage.
Its a very strange feeling knowing that you could be dating "the girl of your dreams" one day and the next she could be sharing her heart and dreams with another man while you are just a memory. I have asked myself many painful questions such as.....How does one move on with courage? How does one distance himself emotionally from a woman after a break-up? How
does one handle the pain of knowing your girlfriend is emotionally tied to another man? How does one handle the process of moving on with courage?
A break-up brings out A LOT OF overwhelming grief. There is no denying that. A broken heart can bring the strongest man to his knees.
I have about 3 exgirlfriends that live in my city who I run into occasionally from time to time. I still get those butterflies when I see them in person, that connection is sometimes still there. When they hello and talk briefly I can still feel those same feelings that brought us together in the first place. Sometimes I try to avoid those ex-grilfriends. Its funny how things change but, yet don't change with time.
To illustrate, when I took a trip back to Arizona last week to reconnect with all my old friends I was in for a big surprise. After ten years I thought all my old friends and ex girlfriends who I grew up with had moved on and dissappeared from that sleepy little town. But that wasnt the
case.
When I finally arrived in Arizona after being gone for about ten years I realized the environment and landscape had changed a lot with the contruction of new buildings, new homes, new strip malls, and new bridges. However, I noticed there were some things that had not changed---my
friends. I saw the same old faces who were still toiling away at the same old jobs from ten years ago. I can honestly tell you....I felt sad.
I had accomplished a lot on life in ten years after I left that sleepy little town. I still saw my old friends dating the same people. Some got married and others divorced. But really nothing changed about them. When I greeted one of my friends who had always been sarcastic towards me---he was in fact still saracastic towards me 10 years later! His personality did not change. He
just looked older. My boss was still there at my old job and he was still boring as ever. I felt
like I had stepped out a time capsule. I have had so many experiences with so many different people and events since I had left ten years ago. I realized my friends did not "move on." I couldn't figure out why. Then I started
asking them questions why they stay put all these years? Why didn't they move on?
I finally found the answers I was searching for: Comfort. Stability. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of risk. Enjoyment of the familiar. I call it "the Abyss."
Is that what life is all about? Staying in one place. Not growing. Not willing to take risks. Not willing to change jobs or places, not willing to seek promotions, not willing to seek higher, not willing to seek out education or adventure? Not willing to find a better? a better girlfriend? Not experiencing new friendships? New food? or new relationships? Thats not moving on.
Life is about the fear of the unknown, its about taking risks to achieve your dreams and goals, stepping outside the box, taking a stand, standing up for what you believe in, sticking to your boundaries, being a man and challenging authority, having a mission in life, a purpose, striving towards a goal with enthusiasm, promoting new ideas, having drive, moving to a different part of
the country, traveling, getting an education, seeking out adventure and being successful and mostly being happy. I call it the mountain top of elf-actualization.
Its about reaching that mountain top because at the top of that mountain top is happiness, joy, morality, creativity,serenity, feeling of accomplishment, growth, wealth, confidence, maturity, problem-solving, trancendence, and knowing how to know. You cant reach the top of that mountain peak until you have gone through that abyss first. The abyss is the fear of the unkown and coming out on the other side successfully. So when you turn around and look back down that mountain and you see all the pain, suffering, broken relationships, loss jobs, heartaches, you will know why you had the courage to move on and reach the top of you went through and you will know why you climbed that mountain.
I realized people fear change. Change is good. Moving on is healthy. Developing new relationships is healthy. Moving to a different city is interesting and challenging. Making new friends is rewarding. But none of my "old friends" did that. I have. I went on to get two college degrees at several colleges, bought several properties, several relationships, and had many jobs and careers in ten years. I had grown.
My first question was...what are you still doing here? The only question I got was. You got older. I thought yes older AND wiser.
Their personalities had not changed, my interactions with them had not changed, and the way I felt about them had not changed. I began to realize that SOME PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. Only your experiences, your environment, and attitude changes---which leads to personal growth.
So for those of you who are stuck in the abyss and want to reach the "moutaintop of self-actualization" you must be willing to face the fear of the unknown and take that first step to trancend yourself.
hope this helps,
HuskyBear
Moving on after a breakup or a romantic encounter can be very painful and tough on your soul. In my 40 years I have learned about myself, women, the process of dating, rejection, and the most challenging----moving on with courage.
Its a very strange feeling knowing that you could be dating "the girl of your dreams" one day and the next she could be sharing her heart and dreams with another man while you are just a memory. I have asked myself many painful questions such as.....How does one move on with courage? How does one distance himself emotionally from a woman after a break-up? How
does one handle the pain of knowing your girlfriend is emotionally tied to another man? How does one handle the process of moving on with courage?
A break-up brings out A LOT OF overwhelming grief. There is no denying that. A broken heart can bring the strongest man to his knees.
I have about 3 exgirlfriends that live in my city who I run into occasionally from time to time. I still get those butterflies when I see them in person, that connection is sometimes still there. When they hello and talk briefly I can still feel those same feelings that brought us together in the first place. Sometimes I try to avoid those ex-grilfriends. Its funny how things change but, yet don't change with time.
To illustrate, when I took a trip back to Arizona last week to reconnect with all my old friends I was in for a big surprise. After ten years I thought all my old friends and ex girlfriends who I grew up with had moved on and dissappeared from that sleepy little town. But that wasnt the
case.
When I finally arrived in Arizona after being gone for about ten years I realized the environment and landscape had changed a lot with the contruction of new buildings, new homes, new strip malls, and new bridges. However, I noticed there were some things that had not changed---my
friends. I saw the same old faces who were still toiling away at the same old jobs from ten years ago. I can honestly tell you....I felt sad.
I had accomplished a lot on life in ten years after I left that sleepy little town. I still saw my old friends dating the same people. Some got married and others divorced. But really nothing changed about them. When I greeted one of my friends who had always been sarcastic towards me---he was in fact still saracastic towards me 10 years later! His personality did not change. He
just looked older. My boss was still there at my old job and he was still boring as ever. I felt
like I had stepped out a time capsule. I have had so many experiences with so many different people and events since I had left ten years ago. I realized my friends did not "move on." I couldn't figure out why. Then I started
asking them questions why they stay put all these years? Why didn't they move on?
I finally found the answers I was searching for: Comfort. Stability. Fear of change. Fear of the unknown. Fear of risk. Enjoyment of the familiar. I call it "the Abyss."
Is that what life is all about? Staying in one place. Not growing. Not willing to take risks. Not willing to change jobs or places, not willing to seek promotions, not willing to seek higher, not willing to seek out education or adventure? Not willing to find a better? a better girlfriend? Not experiencing new friendships? New food? or new relationships? Thats not moving on.
Life is about the fear of the unknown, its about taking risks to achieve your dreams and goals, stepping outside the box, taking a stand, standing up for what you believe in, sticking to your boundaries, being a man and challenging authority, having a mission in life, a purpose, striving towards a goal with enthusiasm, promoting new ideas, having drive, moving to a different part of
the country, traveling, getting an education, seeking out adventure and being successful and mostly being happy. I call it the mountain top of elf-actualization.
Its about reaching that mountain top because at the top of that mountain top is happiness, joy, morality, creativity,serenity, feeling of accomplishment, growth, wealth, confidence, maturity, problem-solving, trancendence, and knowing how to know. You cant reach the top of that mountain peak until you have gone through that abyss first. The abyss is the fear of the unkown and coming out on the other side successfully. So when you turn around and look back down that mountain and you see all the pain, suffering, broken relationships, loss jobs, heartaches, you will know why you had the courage to move on and reach the top of you went through and you will know why you climbed that mountain.
I realized people fear change. Change is good. Moving on is healthy. Developing new relationships is healthy. Moving to a different city is interesting and challenging. Making new friends is rewarding. But none of my "old friends" did that. I have. I went on to get two college degrees at several colleges, bought several properties, several relationships, and had many jobs and careers in ten years. I had grown.
My first question was...what are you still doing here? The only question I got was. You got older. I thought yes older AND wiser.
Their personalities had not changed, my interactions with them had not changed, and the way I felt about them had not changed. I began to realize that SOME PEOPLE DONT CHANGE. Only your experiences, your environment, and attitude changes---which leads to personal growth.
So for those of you who are stuck in the abyss and want to reach the "moutaintop of self-actualization" you must be willing to face the fear of the unknown and take that first step to trancend yourself.
hope this helps,
HuskyBear