Moving my life along...

[Viper]

Even with my new, more positive attitude about things, nothing really seems to be changing. People still don't notice me, I still don't have many friends and I'm still not getting any. I basically want to know, what can I do to improve this? I don't want to be popular or anything, but lifes just a lot better with friends, plus, what does talent mean, when few people recognize it? I'm a track runner, I'm smart, I'm a musician and a programmer, but everyone still sees me as the kid with no life.

 

[originaldj]

Viper, the thing you need is confidence right now. Your roblem is you try to act like you have confidence in front of other people but you know you don't. Confidence is the one thing that you can't fool people with. It's a way of life every move you make is different with confidence from without confidence.

If you want people to think you have a life than be loud about it. If you are talking with someone you can casually say.

You: "Im so tired"
Him/Her: why?
You: I don't know, lately I've been so busy with my school work, and I still have to do track, wrestling and band three times a week"

I hope I've helped you, even though I doubt it

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by originaldj
Viper, the thing you need is confidence right now. Your roblem is you try to act like you have confidence in front of other people but you know you don't. Confidence is the one thing that you can't fool people with. It's a way of life every move you make is different with confidence from without confidence.

If you want people to think you have a life than be loud about it. If you are talking with someone you can casually say.

You: "Im so tired"
Him/Her: why?
You: I don't know, lately I've been so busy with my school work, and I still have to do track, wrestling and band three times a week"

I hope I've helped you, even though I doubt it

Haha, so you just go up to a random person and say that? I don't know, remember I don't have much of a reputation yet, so it would sound weird if I just went up to a random person/person I've talked to, but don't really know that well. Thing is, I KNOW that I'm talented in those things, but since other people don't, who do I have to chat with it about? How will my talents ever be noticed? Exactly. I would talk to people in band about music, but most people aren't really into the music, like they play well, but won't really get into deep conversation about it.

 

[DJ4Real]

Don't lose your positive attitude. You'll get success so don't worry about it. Now that your attitude is positive, you need to learn the other things about becoming a DJ.

Gain some confidence. Learn how to become ****y and Funny and all that stuff.

As far as the advice that you were given so far, I wouldn't recommend it because it sounds like complaining about having a life.

Friends advice: "Been there before. Know the feeling. GET A LIFE AND FAST!. As soon as you do, you will notice a new sense of self confidence and so wil the people around you."

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by DJ4Real
Don't lose your positive attitude. You'll get success so don't worry about it. Now that your attitude is positive, you need to learn the other things about becoming a DJ.

Gain some confidence. Learn how to become ****y and Funny and all that stuff.

As far as the advice that you were given so far, I wouldn't recommend it because it sounds like complaining about having a life.

Friends advice: "Been there before. Know the feeling. GET A LIFE AND FAST!. As soon as you do, you will notice a new sense of self confidence and so wil the people around you."

I think I'm good with the confidence thing, but when I change and nothing different happens, it kind of lowers my confidence, makes me think, "I've changed, but I'm still not getting any. Sure, I've changed, but I feel like I'm still back where I started.".

 

[Vulture]

Self-Confidence:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=867590#post867590



Stay positive and success will come.



_____________

Let yourself FAIL for you to Learn.

 

[Viper]

Thanks for the advice so far guys. Although I have to say, I hate how when I'm complaining and everything, my topics get hundreds of replies, but when I try to improve, I get little to no replies.

 

[Distant Light]

Why the hell are you worrying about reputation? Who gives a fuvk what everyone thinks about you just do it. The best thing that could ever happen is if you just came to a new school don't know anybody but just opening girls after girls nothing worrying about some Reputation. Your being social proofed just by approaching these girls.

What is it that your really here for? Is it to get girls? or to get a reputation. Or do you want both. Almost everyones hardest obstacle is the game, is the approach. This is actually the easiest part its just the axiety makes it feel like its the hardest thing to do. Just jump in there without warning thats why the have the 3sec rule.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by Distant Light
Why the hell are you worrying about reputation? Who gives a fuvk what everyone thinks about you just do it. The best thing that could ever happen is if you just came to a new school don't know anybody but just opening girls after girls nothing worrying about some Reputation. Your being social proofed just by approaching these girls.

What is it that your really here for? Is it to get girls? or to get a reputation. Or do you want both. Almost everyones hardest obstacle is the game, is the approach. This is actually the easiest part its just the axiety makes it feel like its the hardest thing to do. Just jump in there without warning thats why the have the 3sec rule.

I don't care about reputation, but are you saying I should just go through High School and life with no friends, no one who shares my common interest? It sounds like that. I can actually approach a hot girl, without hesistation, but the thing is, I never get far with girls, because I can never think of anything to say and I'm not a naturally funny guy either. When I first came to this school district, a lot of people, especially girls, got bad impressions of me, I talked to myself, didn't wash, dressed like a freak, so who can blame them? But yeah, most of that's turned around now and I want to know? If a girl, you're interested in going out with, had a previously bad impression of you, what's a good way to turn that impression around? Show her that previous impression, was completely bogus? That would really help my game, if I knew that.

Going back to the approaches thing, here's are some of my previous approaches to show you what I mean by, I just can't think of anything to say:

Danielle, I've been wanting to go out with this chick, since she first moved to our school in 8th Grade. I've been thinking about approaching Danielle for a few days now, but I kept thinking "She's one of the most popular chicks in our grade, she probably won't even notice me.". However, today, I decided to take a stance and say "Man, screw this, I'm tired of being avoidant, I'm going to talk to Danielle!" and that, I did. Being insecure about my voice, I tapped her arm to get her attention and the conversation starts.
[I tap her shoulder lightly 'to get her attention' and go "Hey Danielle."]
Danielle: Uh, hey Mike.
Me: So you going to the carnival this Saturday?
Danielle: Uh, no I don't think I'll be able to go.
Me: Oh, well, that's cool.
Danielle: Yeah.
Me: So, uh, did you take the Algebra test yet?
Danielle: No, not yet .
Me: Oh, well, it's pretty easy. You'll do good on it.
Danielle: Uh, thanks.
Me: Well, see ya later.
Danielle: Bye.

As you can see, I'm not a very good conversationalist.

[I engage in eye contact with her]
Me: Hey, Tina.
[Tina looks at me]
Me: Hey, Tina is it okay if I sit with you?
[Tina Smiles]
Tina: Sure!
[I sit down]
Me: So... how was school today?
Tina: Oh, good.
[Pause for a few seconds]
Me: So... what are you listening to?
Tina: [She stated a band name, but I can't remember the name of it.]
Me: Oh, that rock music?
[Tina nods]
Tina: Yep.

And for the rest of the ride, we didn't talk at all. I just sat there wondering why she was interested and Tina just basically sat there looking out the window, listening to her CD Player.

Yep, it took some guts to go up to the girl and ask if I could sit with her, but it went ALL downhill from there.

Dialogue:
[I approach Brooke and her friend]
Me: Hey, what's up?
Brooke: Nothing much.
Me: Anything worth mentioning going on?
Brooke: Nope.
Me: So, summers right around the corner, you excited?
Brooke: Yeah.
Me: Doing anything special?
Brooke: Nope, plan to stay home and watch the days pass, invite friends over ocassionally.
Me: Just kicking back, huh?
Brooke: You could say that.
Me: Well, see you later.
Brooke: Yeah.

Me: Hey, Arielle.
Arielle: Hi, Mike.
Me: How's it going?
Arielle: It's been going pretty well, nothing extradonary though.
Me: I see. Pretty normal day?
Arielle: Yeah.
Me: Well, has anything happened that's worth mentioning?
Arielle: Nope.
Me: Cool. Well, see you in gym class.
Arielle: Yeah.

 

[Canibus27]

Viper, I'd start by making friends with people that sit around you. Therefore, you don't have to walk up to random people in the hallway or in lunch. I remember my first day in Middle School, which was years ago, I didn't really know anybody, but you just got to talk to them. For instance, you say your a pretty smart guy, you see someone struggling, (like me in Geometry) you'd ask them if you need help, be kind, and show them respect, if its a girl, keep a smile on your face, and let them know your intentions are good. Hope I can help.

 

[DJ4Real]

You know what your problem is? You keep your conversations at too much of a general level. Expand your conversations a bit....for example, after you asked the girl if she was going to the carnival and she said "no, I don't think I will be able to go." You probably should've said, "well that's too bad because I heard that there was going to be this really really good looking guy there....his name is *insert your name* I heard......but too bad that you have to miss out, talk to you later."

In order for that line to work...you need to start off the convo with a good opener.....don't ask her out....invite her....and if she says "no"....use that line....if she say's yes....give her some kudo's for having good "taste" (atleast for that day).

 

[B-Lemond]

The DJ Bible has a good section on Converstion.

Check it out Viper.

 

[itishe]

Viper, you said you acted very odd at the beginning of the year or whenever you moved to that school. Teenagers will hold that against you no matter what, if you play it cool for the rest of this year and try to make friends by next year they may forget and you'll have a clean slate.

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by itishe
Viper, you said you acted very odd at the beginning of the year or whenever you moved to that school. Teenagers will hold that against you no matter what, if you play it cool for the rest of this year and try to make friends by next year they may forget and you'll have a clean slate.

Haha, no stuff dude. Besides, remember that was back in 8th Grade and I'm in 10th Grade now, so it's been a good 2 and 1/2 years.

 

[Taviii]

Talking to girls that you know and that also know you is not approaching!!!!!! it is just talking.

lol

If you want to approach go talk to some girl you dont know and that doesnt know you.

 

[Spookey]

People wont know what a fantastic interesting guy unless you talk to them.

If they don’t come to you and initiate convo, then its up to you to pawn into a social group and communicate, they aren’t psychic and very rarely will strangers come to you. a good starting point might be people who are part of your music or track group.

as for convo, stay up to date with the news, especially quirky things... for example, the latest craze in thailand (aparently) is getting fake braces! weave funny/interesting stuff into a convo, it saves you having to think as it is something you have remembered and more often than not they will start to talk about it

Take a deep breath, smile and approach

 

[Holland]

Even with my new, more positive attitude about things, nothing really seems to be changing.

Change goes very smoothly, sometimes you don't even know you're changing. But the fact is that everyone changes everyday, some more then others and in different directions, but no one stays the same for any amount of time. Keep that in mind.

Don't let your enjoyment in life depend on other people. Enjoy what you're doing in life FIRST. The rest will fall into place.

People still don't notice me

This is bad programmed thinking. First of all, it doesn't matter what people think of you, that's their business, not yours.

but everyone still sees me as the kid with no life.

-How do you know they think of you that way?

-What is it about them that makes you think that they think this about you?

-Could it maybe mean that most people don't think anything of you (except just a average random school kid)?
(which is an advantage)


Don't expect to much in a short time. It took me some time to finally get the male-female attraction dynamics. And I didn't have any other problems, so I think you still have some time to improve. Just improve bit by bit. That's key to stay motivated and stoked. Try something new, then try something else. Then change something about your appereance. Then go do something else you never do. Keep it up, as long as you keep trying new things you cannot fail. Failures are learning oppurtunity's. Remember that too.
Good luck.

 

[Adone]

Viper, the problem is that you are the first one to admit that you have:


1. No confidence
2. A loser reputation
3. No conversation skills


Do you find it strange that people don't feel any urge to befriend you? I don't.


Now, what can you do about it NOW? Not much, unless you change school and you live in a fairly big city, because reputation sticks. You've had a loser reputation for a couple of years now, so it's almost impossible to change that perception of you that people you see everyday have. If they were not to see you for 3 months and then you were a completely different person, they would recognize you as your new self. However you see them everyday, so you CAN'T fool them into thinking you have changed overnight.


How many years do you have to spend in High School yet? 1? 2? Whatever, spend these years trying to focus on yourself and improving yourself as much as you can. Don't even think about changing people's opinion of you, because you most likely aren't going to succeed, you would just aggravate your position by appearing as a try-hard. Become the best Viper you can, so that you can have a completely new life during the very years that count in your youth: College.


Adone

 

[Holland]

Now, what can you do about it NOW? Not much, unless you change school and you live in a fairly big city, because reputation sticks. You've had a loser reputation for a couple of years now, so it's almost impossible to change that perception of you that people you see everyday have. If they were not to see you for 3 months and then you were a completely different person, they would recognize you as your new self. However you see them everyday, so you CAN'T fool them into thinking you have changed overnight.


How many years do you have to spend in High School yet? 1? 2? Whatever, spend these years trying to focus on yourself and improving yourself as much as you can. Don't even think about changing people's opinion of you, because you most likely aren't going to succeed, you would just aggravate your position by appearing as a try-hard. Become the best Viper you can, so that you can have a completely new life during the very years that count in your youth: College.

I don't agree.
It's easy to change your reputation. Come on, he doesn't really know people well at school. Besides no one gives a **** when you change your attitude, they only give you more respect. Off course it won't happen overnight. But I think it can be done in a few months.

 

[Adone]

Originally posted by Holland
I don't agree.
It's easy to change your reputation. Come on, he doesn't really know people well at school. Besides no one gives a **** when you change your attitude, they only give you more respect. Off course it won't happen overnight. But I think it can be done in a few months.

1. Have you ever read other posts of Viper's? Everyone knows him in his school and thinks he's a loser.

2. It's not true that people give you more respect when you change your attitude. Eventually they will, but it will take a lot more than a few months, expecially in High School where the first impression sticks to you. People will always try to put you down when they think you are becoming a better person.