Moving in together ?

[lifemisspent]

Hey,

A brief summary..................Im 34, she is 28 and still living with her parents. She does not make much cash so staying at home has been the best thing for her..................We have been together for 6 months and things have been amazing. I am the leader in this very traditional relationship and that is what she wants and loves. She misses me , calls me, invites me out with her friends parents etc...............We are bf / gf.

I live alone in a house and at this stage of my life am looking for something that evetually develops into more................She is a great cook and in this tough economy sharing living expenses with someone would be a big help.

My question is , when should I bring it up ? ever ? Should I let her bring it up one day ........At our ages how long does dating occur before a residence becomes shared. I know she wants to get out of her parents place.

All suggestions apreciated.

Thx

 

[amoka]

"When should you bring it up"? NEVER. Lets just say six months is not enough to bring a woman to live with you. You can justify it anyhow you want: the recession, she's a good cook, you're the leader, etc, but the thing is all those things will gone once you bring her in.

 

[zekko]

Wow, you're going to get buried by a bunch of guys telling you not to do it.
And you're going to bring Rollo out to post his "Iron Rule of not shacking up" again

Anyway, I've lived with my girlfriend for eight years and I haven't run into problems so far. These days I think it's preferable to being married, and as you say, it's nice to have someone around to share the household chores and duties.

But before you do anything you should take a long hard look at the laws where you live about cohabitation. Depending on where you live, you could find she'd have a claim on your assets if you split up.

Another thing, if you do this, you'd better be sure this is really what you want. You don't want to bring her in, then ten months later decide you want to spin plates again. Then you're stuck with how you're going to get rid of her.

It's also possible she won't want to play house - she may want a ring instead.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Life Misspent,
If the Bills are hard to pay,why not get a boarder in?then when they annoy you or get on your nerves you just get rid of them......When a Lady moves in it starts in motion the weaving of a web,your life will no longer be your own....funnily enough a lot of the glitter in your relationship will disapear swallowed up in the mundanity of domestic responsibility.

 

[runner83]

DON'T DO IT!

I did this once and it turned out very badly.

Rollo's Iron Rule about this should come crashing down from the sky right about now....

 

[Kailex]

Hey,

She does not make much cash so staying at home has been the best thing for her..................

in this tough economy sharing living expenses with someone would be a big help.

So just from an economic standpoint... let's analyze this.

She doesn't make much cash, so she lives at home with parents for free.
In this tough economy you want to share living expenses with someone who is living for free?

How does this even make sense?

You said it yourself: She does not make much cash.
So you are in fact, increasing HER expenses in order to decrease YOURS.

So what happens when she realizes what you are doing? Or what happens when she realizes she can't pay half the rent?

And then you are stuck paying more than you bargained for and then have the added person with you. Kid, don't fool yourself... living together DOES NOT cut the expenses in half. What you divide in rent, you'll make up for in utilities, food, entertainment costs, etc... etc... etc.

From an economic standpoint ALONE, this is a WASH.

You want to take someone who is struggling to make ends meet... get into a year long lease with you.



As a sidenote:

ITS ONLY BEEN SIX MONTHS.
What in the BLUE HELL are you thinking? You are STILL in the Honeymoon phase of this relationship. I'd never think about moving in with a woman before the 2nd or 3rd year of the relationship. You still do NOT know enough of this woman to want to even try to move in with her. Just economically alone, it's a BAD IDEA.

But relationship wise... it'll be a killer.
Pretty soon, she'd stop making meals and start making sandwiches. All that sex she was probably giving you, will definitely decrease.

You want that already?

Remember, it's only been 6 months. You haven't even scratched the tip of the iceberg with this one.

So what if she wants to get out of her parents' house. That is not YOUR problem, that is hers. If she wants to move out, I guess she needs to put in the work to make some cashola to get her own place.

I swear, some times guys just don't think about all of the consequences their rash actions will incur.

Sure, living together sounds like a RIOT.
Then all of a sudden, she moves in and you don't have those nights to yourself that you all of a sudden seem to value. You can't just go out and have a beer with the guys without having to explain yourself in detail. Your bathroom is now stocked with infinite tampons and you're being told to pick your shirt off the floor and then stuff starts getting rearranged. And if you happen to meet a woman at a bar or that you saw at the mall and were interested in... forget it... now you have to begin to make excuses to see someone out of your place and you can't even bring her back.

AWESOME.

Like I said, you two don't know each other yet... truly. You don't know her little nuances, her quirks.

DON'T DO THIS.

I did it with my LTR about 3 years after we began our relationship with no intention of marrying her... out of CONVINIENCE and it was terrible. I was NOT ready for it.

Do you really want to get stuck in a year lease with someone you just met and then halfway through Month 5 you realize you don't want to be in that relationship anymore??? Ohhhh... the awkwardness...



Wait... did I list any positive aspects about living together?

There's a reason I seemingly haven't... think about it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

OP, put an age on your profile, read the forum rules.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. I'm adamantly opposed to the "shacking up" dynamic, it is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. My fervor agianst this isn't based on some moral issue, it it simple pragmatism. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of annonymity you commit to, legally, being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial committment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance polcy for her - "I the undersigned promise not to ƒuck any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance.


Now, after all that, I don't expect you'll take any of this advice, but for the sake of proving a point please do keep us all updated as to how dynamically your relationship shifts when you do move in with her.

 

[countermart]

"NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry within 6 months." Rollo.

This needs to be updated for changes in the law...

"NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry within 6 months...Unless she is about 10 times richer than you are. In which case go for it."

Countermart

 

[squirrels]

My question is , when should I bring it up ?

When you decide you want to marry her.

Not before.

 

[Colossus]

DONT DO IT. I dont care how wonderful she is. You dont truly know her. Ever move in with a friend you thought would be a great roommate, then 3-6 months later you are ready to kill them?? Yeah. Imagine that times ten.

 

[vatoloco]

Holy shit!! You wanna move her in after only 6 months!? If she even hasn't brought it up, then your IL in this girl is obviously much higher than hers in you.

Looks to me like a disaster waiting to happen...

 

[backbreaker]

I did it with my fiancee, at about the 8 month mark and we have been together 3 years. I knocked her up, I kinda lked the idea of having her around and I said fvck it, move in. In hindsight, it worked out great, but it was a boneheaded move on my behalf.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...she is 28 and still living with her parents....

This just may be my perspective, but this screams red flag...

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I fell into the cohabitation trap back in college, where I obviously failed to learn anything that really mattered.

Thankfully, I discovered SS before doing anything really stupid.

Let me ask you a question: How excited will you be to screw this girl when you smell her sh!t?

I'll live with a woman when I'm a billionaire and we can each have our own wing of the house.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Don't do it. And if you do get married to her, make sure you two have separate bedrooms. My parents did it are still doing it. Married for 27 years now. I'll do the same.

 

[amoka]

Don't do it. And if you do get married to her, make sure you two have separate bedrooms. My parents did it are still doing it. Married for 27 years now. I'll do the same.

What? This should only happen when one of them snores; otherwise, there is no reason for two happily married couple to have separate bedrooms in the same house. Why are they even married? I bet your father is not having as much sex as he would like.

 

[zekko]

How excited will you be to screw this girl when you smell her sh!t?

Girls sh!t, it's a fact of life. You should know that going in.
Pretending that they don't sounds like pedestalizing.
This reminds me of that t-shirt that says "Girls don't poop".

 

[scorpio1138]

Let me ask you a question: How excited will you be to screw this girl when you smell her sh!t?

One of the "TRUE" tests of love fellas....

 

[romangod]

Let me ask you a question: How excited will you be to screw this girl when you smell her sh!t?

*lol*


And if you're more excited to screw her after a strong whiff then consider it a "red flag". She'll think her sh!t doesn't stink.


Cheers!

 

[Bluntmaster]

Girls sh!t? You guys are kidding.... right?