Most relationships don't work, so what is one to do?

[jnMissouri]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I got dates no problem but didn't know what to do with them so they never went anywhere. Eventually through some books I learned about what works in dating and what doesn't. Finding women to bed and date isn't the issue now and hasn't been for nearly two decades. I have a new problem now....relationships not working out.

My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years. Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still). The longest one was almost 10 years. Another was 9 months, another 3 years, the list goes on. I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.

Studies show 95% of relationships before 30 don't last. The reality is MOST relationships don't last, even past 30. Now being 40 and looking at the prospect of dating in my 50's doesn't seem so enticing. I have no family here, and just a couple of close friends. I'm an introvert. I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

I'm getting to the point where even when a relationship starts I already know it will end. In fact my current gf and I said to each other when we became a couple, nothing lasts forever...we've both been through heart break and realize this. Even though I'm trying to save our relationship, I know eventually it will end even if we resolve our issues.

It's a depressing thought and makes you almost think, why bother having relationships? Even sex is not worth the effort honestly. I read that in an article on here recently and I agree 100%. So what does one do? Getting married doesn't guarantee being together forever and I have never really wanted to get married. This is an issue everyone really faces, the thought of just going from date and relationship to date and relationship until you're too old to date...

 

[SoSuave666]

You depressed bro?

 

[Dr.Suave]

So most relationships dont work. Dosnt matter. Do what makes u happy

 

[Hamurabimbi]

It’s a process. Just thinking of my last few relationships and how awesome they were. Made my life better. But when they end, just start a new relationship and keep moving. I regret none of them.

 

[Black Widow Void]

When I was younger, I always wanted to be wiser and more aware than the average person. As the saying goes "be careful what you wish for." The reality that you are seeing, sure isn't pretty. Right?

Considering that around or over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And at least half of those that remain married are not happily married (they'll not divorce due to finances, co-pendency, fear of being alone etc...) . This means that there's likely only about a 20% success rate or less.

Ask a person... if they could take a short cut to their destination, but it had an 80% fatality rate and only a 20% survival rate... would they take that chance? Probably not, but ask them if they'd consider marriage and the majority are willing to take on something that has about an 80% failure rate. This will not only have an emotional impact on them, but most of these people reproduce. Consequently, their choices also impact their offspring.

We live in a society where everyone thinks that they will beat the odds.
They don't.
Being cognizant of our environment isn't a pretty sight. The one benefit is that we are aware enough to avoid making their mistakes.

 

[BadBoy89]

- My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years.
- Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still).
- The longest one was almost 10 years.
- Another was 9 months,
- another 3 years,
- I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.
- I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

That make 0 sense.

 

[jnMissouri]

It’s a process. Just thinking of my last few relationships and how awesome they were. Made my life better. But when they end, just start a new relationship and keep moving. I regret none of them.

I guess at the end of the day yes, life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the experiences with the women while you can. I take lot's of pictures and save some key memory items to look back on when I'm old and unable to date. It is still not a fun thought knowing you're going to fall in love with someone but it is unlikely to last.

 

[jnMissouri]

That make 0 sense.

Ummmm...OK....

 

[tkazansky]

I guess at the end of the day yes, life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the experiences with the women while you can. I take lot's of pictures and save some key memory items to look back on when I'm old and unable to date. It is still not a fun thought knowing you're going to fall in love with someone but it is unlikely to last.

Here is the thing. I have been married 12 years...almost 13. It is pretty easy to be alone in a relationship as well...and have your wife hold your kids hostage in family court if you end up there.

In a relationship, women who are happyish are looking to you for guidance, support, and leadership. If they think they are too important to you, it is hard for them to see you as valuable enough to guide them. So even in a relationship, if you start to see your girl as some good friend, confidant, etc., she dries up for you.

Do what Dr. Suave said above. Do not expect women to make you happy. They won't. Pursue a passion or mission that makes you happy.
Women will come, and if they are adding to your life, you can allow them to stay. That's it.

T

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Here is the thing. I have been married 12 years...almost 13. It is pretty easy to be alone in a relationship as well...and have your wife hold your kids hostage in family court if you end up there.

In a relationship, women who are happyish are looking to you for guidance, support, and leadership. If they think they are too important to you, it is hard for them to see you as valuable enough to guide them. So even in a relationship, if you start to see your girl as some good friend, confidant, etc., she dries up for you.

Do what Dr. Suave said above. Do not expect women to make you happy. They won't. Pursue a passion or mission that makes you happy.
Women will come, and if they are adding to your life, you can allow them to stay. That's it.

T

s

Women do make me happy. Even though they are troublesome and consume time/resources/energy. I am always happier with some woman around that being alone.

 

[tkazansky]

s

Women do make me happy. Even though they are troublesome and consume time/resources/energy. I am always happier with some woman around that being alone.

Sure, I bet many man would agree with you. I just think this poster seemed a little too concerned about not finding a more successful relationship. In my humble opinion, he would do well to make finding a lasting relationship less of a concern and finding a compelling mission a big concern.

Just my 0.02

T

 

[Grounded eagle]

Life opens up when you realize that there’s more to it than women.

 

[SW15]

Considering that around or over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And at least half of those that remain married are not happily married (they'll not divorce due to finances, co-pendency, fear of being alone etc...) . This means that there's likely only about a 20% success rate or less.

Ask a person... if they could take a short cut to their destination, but it had an 80% fatality rate and only a 20% survival rate... would they take that chance? Probably not, but ask them if they'd consider marriage and the majority are willing to take on something that has about an 80% failure rate. This will not only have an emotional impact on them, but most of these people reproduce. Consequently, their choices also impact their offspring.

We live in a society where everyone thinks that they will beat the odds.They don't.

In my 30s, I gained the wisdom to realize that I wouldn't beat the odds on marriage. None of my relationships had gotten close to marriage but then I realized that marriage only works for a small percentage of people.

You're exactly correct that marriage has only about a 20% success rate. In 80% of marriage, AT LEAST ONE of the following 3 things will happen

• Divorce
• Affair
• Ongoing mediocre to subpar, soul killing relationship with minimal amounts of sex

Do you know when these 3 things tend to arise? When the relationship is more than 5 years old. The median marriage that fails has a duration of 7 years. If you add in the median amount of pre-marital time (around 3 years), you're talking about relationships typically failing around 10 years. The fat part of the bell curve (within 1 standard deviation of the mean) of total relationship duration (pre-marital + marriage relationship) in a marriage that fails is likely 7-14 years.

Knowing when relationships fail has made me believe that relationships have a shelf life of goodness of 5 years. I expect relationships to fail. I limit my downside risk. I have no kids and no failed marriages. Some might say that I have less baggage. That might be true. However, I've had trauma from "one date, no sex, no second date" type interaction, ghosting/flaking on apps, failed relationships, etc. I have made efforts to heal from this trauma.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I got dates no problem but didn't know what to do with them so they never went anywhere. Eventually through some books I learned about what works in dating and what doesn't. Finding women to bed and date isn't the issue now and hasn't been for nearly two decades. I have a new problem now....relationships not working out.

You had a good run in your teens and early 20s, which is better than many. You're still getting women. That's good.

As I said above, the vast majority of relationships fail. You need to alter your expectations. Stop living in a Disney fantasy.

My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years. Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still). The longest one was almost 10 years. Another was 9 months, another 3 years, the list goes on. I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.

You had a 10 year relationship. That's an achievement. So was the 3 year long one. You can say that you've had LTRs. There are some men out there that can't say that.

Studies show 95% of relationships before 30 don't last. The reality is MOST relationships don't last, even past 30. Now being 40 and looking at the prospect of dating in my 50's doesn't seem so enticing. I have no family here, and just a couple of close friends. I'm an introvert. I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

I'm an introvert with no family in my area. It isn't easy. I have friends, but none of my local friendships are strong right now. We're in a similar place emotionally.

Unattached or marginally attached men in their mid 30s to mid 40s are not welcomed strongly in a lot of social circles. Most social circles are run by established couples. They tend to spend time with other established couples.

Being an introvert doesn't mean that you have to do swipe apps. Swipe apps are bad. You've actually done better than many with swipe apps. That could be a point of pride for you. Introverts can make in-person approaches in non-bar venues if they don't like bars. It would be possible for you to do mainly outdoor approaches (the best pandemic era strategy) or even approaches in gyms or grocery stores. Grocery stores still have a decent amount of masking going on, which is an obstacle.

I'm getting to the point where even when a relationship starts I already know it will end. In fact my current gf and I said to each other when we became a couple, nothing lasts forever...we've both been through heart break and realize this. Even though I'm trying to save our relationship, I know eventually it will end even if we resolve our issues.

It's a depressing thought and makes you almost think, why bother having relationships? Even sex is not worth the effort honestly. I read that in an article on here recently and I agree 100%. So what does one do? Getting married doesn't guarantee being together forever and I have never really wanted to get married. This is an issue everyone really faces, the thought of just going from date and relationship to date and relationship until you're too old to date...

You need to alter your expectations. If you want to get your dicck wet, you're going to need to participate in the mating environment in some way.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Missouri,
Try a Mainland Chinese Girl.....if you are a good provider they are loyal unto death....Another bonus is that they don't age as fast and do it on demand...Don't listen to the nasty rumours that theirs is sideways,though they do make strange noises when sliding down the bannisters without their pants on....brrrr.

 

[RBK]

When I was younger, I always wanted to be wiser and more aware than the average person. As the saying goes "be careful what you wish for." The reality that you are seeing, sure isn't pretty. Right?

Considering that around or over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And at least half of those that remain married are not happily married (they'll not divorce due to finances, co-pendency, fear of being alone etc...) . This means that there's likely only about a 20% success rate or less.

Ask a person... if they could take a short cut to their destination, but it had an 80% fatality rate and only a 20% survival rate... would they take that chance? Probably not, but ask them if they'd consider marriage and the majority are willing to take on something that has about an 80% failure rate. This will not only have an emotional impact on them, but most of these people reproduce. Consequently, their choices also impact their offspring.

We live in a society where everyone thinks that they will beat the odds.
They don't.
Being cognizant of our environment isn't a pretty sight. The one benefit is that we are aware enough to avoid making their mistakes.

Always enjoy your posts.

 

[Bigpapa]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I got dates no problem but didn't know what to do with them so they never went anywhere. Eventually through some books I learned about what works in dating and what doesn't. Finding women to bed and date isn't the issue now and hasn't been for nearly two decades. I have a new problem now....relationships not working out.

My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years. Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still). The longest one was almost 10 years. Another was 9 months, another 3 years, the list goes on. I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.

Studies show 95% of relationships before 30 don't last. The reality is MOST relationships don't last, even past 30. Now being 40 and looking at the prospect of dating in my 50's doesn't seem so enticing. I have no family here, and just a couple of close friends. I'm an introvert. I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

I'm getting to the point where even when a relationship starts I already know it will end. In fact my current gf and I said to each other when we became a couple, nothing lasts forever...we've both been through heart break and realize this. Even though I'm trying to save our relationship, I know eventually it will end even if we resolve our issues.

It's a depressing thought and makes you almost think, why bother having relationships? Even sex is not worth the effort honestly. I read that in an article on here recently and I agree 100%. So what does one do? Getting married doesn't guarantee being together forever and I have never really wanted to get married. This is an issue everyone really faces, the thought of just going from date and relationship to date and relationship until you're too old to date...

good post .

I think that the main reason on why relationships do not work this days is because women live in a social media fairy tale

another thing that is also correct is what @Pan87 os saying about men actually wanting some sort of a mommy

and maybe the most important thing is that women are big egoists , and they do not care about anyone else than them , except for their children ( in most cases at least )

if women would not have been such big egoists to begin with , they would realize at some point into their life that in order for things to last they have to make concessions . More or less “US” is more important than “ME” .

Most men realize this quite soon , sometime middle to late 20s , women never really .

men make a lot of sacrifices for the greater good of the relationship , while women almost nothing . At least in current times

I think that women putting children above them , and children taking their mom for granted , is the woman divine punishment for her egoism prior to baring children

having said all of this , I have no idea how to resolve this problem , about how to have a great relationship with a woman , …

though , I would say that it is a matter of pre selection as some women are more reasonable than others , rather than a matter of changing behavior

 

[Barrister]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I got dates no problem but didn't know what to do with them so they never went anywhere. Eventually through some books I learned about what works in dating and what doesn't. Finding women to bed and date isn't the issue now and hasn't been for nearly two decades. I have a new problem now....relationships not working out.

My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years. Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still). The longest one was almost 10 years. Another was 9 months, another 3 years, the list goes on. I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.

Studies show 95% of relationships before 30 don't last. The reality is MOST relationships don't last, even past 30. Now being 40 and looking at the prospect of dating in my 50's doesn't seem so enticing. I have no family here, and just a couple of close friends. I'm an introvert. I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

I'm getting to the point where even when a relationship starts I already know it will end. In fact my current gf and I said to each other when we became a couple, nothing lasts forever...we've both been through heart break and realize this. Even though I'm trying to save our relationship, I know eventually it will end even if we resolve our issues.

It's a depressing thought and makes you almost think, why bother having relationships? Even sex is not worth the effort honestly. I read that in an article on here recently and I agree 100%. So what does one do? Getting married doesn't guarantee being together forever and I have never really wanted to get married. This is an issue everyone really faces, the thought of just going from date and relationship to date and relationship until you're too old to date...

You are experiencing relationship burnout. Probably best to spin plates for awhile with no emotional strings attached, refocus on yourself in that time and taking care of your life and improving yourself. Maybe you get back to the point where you are ready to take another stab at an LTR. Or maybe you don't. It isn't for everyone and if you aren't happy or feel fatalistic at the prospect in general, maybe just resign yourself to living your life to its fullest on your own.

 

[2Rocky]

You have to approach each relationship as having a lifespan. Some have longer lifespans than others. We don't buy cars, appliances and houses thinking they will last forever...Why would something as dynamic as a relationship, with so many variables be any different? Each person we have in our lives fills a space. don't ask people to go beyond what they can provide. Friendships are easier because you don't have to spend every minute with them. You can take them in doses, and separate when you need a change....all without feelings being hurt...

 

[Modern Man Advice]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties I got dates no problem but didn't know what to do with them so they never went anywhere. Eventually through some books I learned about what works in dating and what doesn't. Finding women to bed and date isn't the issue now and hasn't been for nearly two decades. I have a new problem now....relationships not working out.

My last gf before my current one was about 1.5 years. Current one is .5 years. The one before that was a month (she had feelings for ex still). The longest one was almost 10 years. Another was 9 months, another 3 years, the list goes on. I meet them weeks or maybe two months apart and bam, in a relationship after dating a few people and finding a hot girl who I like and likes me. But it seems they don't last.

Studies show 95% of relationships before 30 don't last. The reality is MOST relationships don't last, even past 30. Now being 40 and looking at the prospect of dating in my 50's doesn't seem so enticing. I have no family here, and just a couple of close friends. I'm an introvert. I meet women online dating because I don't like bars.

I'm getting to the point where even when a relationship starts I already know it will end. In fact my current gf and I said to each other when we became a couple, nothing lasts forever...we've both been through heart break and realize this. Even though I'm trying to save our relationship, I know eventually it will end even if we resolve our issues.

It's a depressing thought and makes you almost think, why bother having relationships? Even sex is not worth the effort honestly. I read that in an article on here recently and I agree 100%. So what does one do? Getting married doesn't guarantee being together forever and I have never really wanted to get married. This is an issue everyone really faces, the thought of just going from date and relationship to date and relationship until you're too old to date...

You're focusing too much on the other person. I think you are losing your individuality.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Machine10033]

I had great relationships all my life... the issue was me... I wanted plates... I wanted excitement... I got somewhat bored with the girls I was with. The irony is they legit all turned out to be great wives to their husbands ... the one common factor is those ex’s of mine never got into social media..... maybe that’s the key ?