Most of my friends are women...YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT??

[kanaka]

I'm like someone above, i don't actively go out seeking female friends at all, in fact i'll be the quiet guy at the back of the room minding his own business BUT women seem to find me nonetheless and inevitably we become friends and i meet their friends and their friends and the whole network continues to expand.

I also agree with the statement that women seem to be more outgoing this days whilst guys just want to go home and sleep for work the next day.

There are women who will inevitably try to turn you into a girlfriend, in fact i have to admit i've made a mistake where i allowed one girl the privilege of the "help me solve my man problems" discussion a little too often. On one occasion, i ask her "what am i your GF now?" and she had the audacity to say "yes" and i replied "we'll see about that". I deleted her number immediately and never returned her calls.

Out of all these female friends i have 1 or 2 close ones and thats because they're not girly girls more tomboys who hate flowers, love notes, like video games, technology and beer. So its all good. There is some sexual tension there and thats cool by me as long boundaries don't get crossed

I also have guy friends who i hang out with to discuss typical guy stuff, chicks, money making schemes and all that.

At the end of the day its good to have a balance too much of everything is never good.

 

[STR8UP]

And though I didn't really say much towards the end, because you know how girls are amongst other women—yapping away about "people", which is something I don't care much for—I didn't mind being around all that estrogen. I hang out with guys all the time and so some estrogen was a comfortable change of pace.

Last weekend at dinner when it was 2 guys and 4 girls the convo definitely got skewed in the wrong direction at times. When there are too many chicks vs. dudes this is bound to happen. In this situation when the convo swings too far in that direction I just sit back and let them do their thing for awhile and then eventually they will recognize that they are monopolizing the convo with useless chick talk and they will either change the subject or apologize or both and things get back on track. Hell, the same thing happens in a convo with guys too, when a subject comes up that you aren't interested in you just back off and let it take its course or jump in and change it up.

There's nothing wrong with male-female friendships so long as you remember who you are—i.e. a guy. Most (American) women are utterly worthless, in my opinion, to hold a friendship, at least with me—they're too chaotic, restless, self-absorbed, and most importantly, totally uninterested in anything not pertaining to their immediate lives—but hey there are cool chicks out there. If one happens to persist to filter through the crap and steadily accumulate a good stable of good female friends, then so be it.

I don't know how I have managed to meet so many cool women, but it seems that when I meet one chick she ends up introducing me to three of her friends and before you know it they are everywhere. Wouldn't date most of them for various reasons, but I enjoy hanging out with them.

Saturday I am going out with a few of my boys and a WHOLE bunch of women. I'm sure there will be a few new faces in the crowd, looking forward to expanding my circle

 

[disillusionist]

im not sure what the big deal is here. people are people. either you find them interesting or you dont. they share your interests or they dont. youre more likely to share interests with guys and less so with chicks but thats just obvious and so i dont see the point of making this into some grand battle of the sexes thing, proving, yet again on sosuave, the (supposed) inferiority of women.

the posts seem to center on two things: the idea (fear) that chicks will force them to have boring conversations about their problems or about celebrities and second, that they are such studly men that even being close to females non-sexually is so sexually stimulating to them that it causes raging erections and they simply must mount her and so it is therefore physically painful to them to be so 'teased'. if that is the case, then i can actually understand their non-desire to be in a platonic situation with a female. i am doubtful though, that this is often the case (maybe if your 18, lol). i am not speaking of being mildly aroused, im talking physical discomfort.

second, i cant remember ever discussing celebrities with chicks (other than maybe in the context of a movie) and anyway, if you cant lead a conversation out of something pointless into something mutually interesting, then theres not much hope for you.

someone can maybe explain to me why certain topics (guy topics) are somehow valid and female topics (whatever they are) are not - like why its supposedly cool to talk with a guy about bandwidth or basketball but somehow not cool to discuss with a chick a movie you both saw. it is useful (for one's superiority complex) but intellectually naive to somehow privilege all guy topics as important and to negate all female topics as trivial. as far as that goes, since chicks like to talk about food (restaurants), clothing (fashion), shelter (homes, decorating) and other human beings, and since people here are fond of relying on evolutionary theories, its not clear to me why these topics - so foundational to real life itself - are not the topics that are esteemed, rather than talk about lawnmowers, superbowls and abstract philosophizing.

finally, the fact that lots of posters cant even imagine hanging out with chicks makes me wonder how they could have any useful insights about women unless they are just theorizing from their keyboard. oh yeah, thats it.

 

[The Hooligan]

One of my best friends is a woman. She is actually smoking hot, but Im not joking when I say I have absolutly no attraction to her. I grew up with her, so we have been friends for years. I remember her with no front teeth FFS.

I dunno, its kinda like that hot cousin you have that you know is hot, but you would feel all weird if anything had to happen. The thought actually never even crossed my mind come to think of it. Wahahaha, just talking about it hs me going "eeeeew". Would be like shagging my sister.

In all honesty though, I dont think that you can every really be genuine friends with a woman. We just dont click that way. I honestly dont know what you would talk about half the time if you were not flirting in some way. I think its rare to have a genuine friend who is a woman.

 

[So Many Ways]

I don't have many female friends anymore but during my 20's I had quite a few.

The only problem that I can see with having female friends is if you catch feelings for one. That has happened to me and yes it's true, if a woman sees you as a friend, that's as far as it will go usually.

As long as you're mature about it, and this is the mature board, having female friends has plenty of upside. Women are fun to hang out with. You can joke with them, tease them, share a laugh, give each other advice, stuff like that. Women friends in the past have helped me with fashion, introduced me to other women, talk you up to their friends, things like that.

I honestly don't see any downside unless you only see women as sex and that's it. Over the years, I've lost contact with a lot of people but that happens.

 

[Hydroblunt]

See, I don't put myself in that position with most women. Yea, I will put up with a little extra crap from the few women who are GOOD friends, but the more casual friendships (most of them that I have are, same with male friends) we don't get into that stuff.

Basically, I am a guy friend to them, NOT a girlfriend.

In other words, you don't really have friends, but hang out buddies and gateways to more potential pu$$y. Big difference. Fits perfectly with the image you portray through your posts, which are unnecessarily full of self boasting & bragging.

The term "friend" was not meant to have a distinction between male & female. Which is why most guys who aren't gay, overly sensitive & feminine have problems with having good female friends. The sexual intimacy issue is rarely properly resolved, if it's not the guy, it's the girl. Then there are the obvious emotional and drama issues, as well as interest conflicts.

I've had a number of good female friends and it rarely lasted. Either we lost touch, I wanted to f**k and it showed or she started falling for me which started pushing me away.
I'm currently good friends with my Ex (even though I'm almost 100% sure she secretly wants me back). When I need to go shopping for clothes, I get her to come along and help me. We talk about current dating situations and honestly. However, she always backs out on going out with me when I want to pick up girls, even though she says she will. And she can't shut the f**k up at times. So the friendship is limited by the male vs female differences.
I used to be good friends with one of my ex-FBs before she went on some celibate bullsh*t which turned into a huge overdramatic production (long story). I've told her stuff that I never told even my best guy friends, she used to tell me the same. She once gave me advice that worked like magic when I was trying to bag this spoiled prissy 19 year old virgin, she was an expert with advice like that. We had no problems hanging out and helping each other with booty.
But that female dilemna on sex and all that dramatic bullsh*t that overcame her, well, I ended up telling to never call me or contact me again after her fit.

It's not about happy fun going out events, it's about that crap which STR8UP refuses to deal with. And a huge majority of the time, men & women cannot deal with each others problems, complaints & true selves on a pure friend basis. In the social scene, everybody has a front, that's not where friendships are built, that's all about one big social game of perceptions. Outside of that, how many women truthfully wanna hang out with guys playing video games, talking sh*t & acting stupid?

At least that's my view. These types of girls are rare. So when a man says about how they have mostly female friends, either certain assumptions have to be made about that man, or his definition of "friend" is a bit twisted.

 

[STR8UP]

In other words, you don't really have friends, but hang out buddies and gateways to more potential pu$$y. Big difference. Fits perfectly with the image you portray through your posts, which are unnecessarily full of self boasting & bragging.

Sorry you feel that my posts are "unnecessarily full of self boasting & bragging."

And I DO have friends. A few really good ones and quite a few more who are more than just acquaintances. And of course I do have some hang out buddies and gateways to potential pu$$y too. I think I keep a good mix.

The term "friend" was not meant to have a distinction between male & female. Which is why most guys who aren't gay, overly sensitive & feminine have problems with having good female friends. The sexual intimacy issue is rarely properly resolved, if it's not the guy, it's the girl. Then there are the obvious emotional and drama issues, as well as interest conflicts.

And that seems to be where we disagree. I don't feel that sexual intimacy issues always have to be resolved in order to have a healthy friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I absolutely DO agree that there is a fine line between what is good and what is bad when it comes to walking that line, but I don't see the same black and white distinction that some of you do.

I'm currently good friends with my Ex (even though I'm almost 100% sure she secretly wants me back). When I need to go shopping for clothes, I get her to come along and help me.

Am I missing something here?

You are basically defending the idea that men and women can't be friends, yet you are friends with your EX??

That's REALLY stepping over the line if you ask me. If I have been in a serious relationship with a woman I usually can't remain friends with her, let alone good friends

It's not about happy fun going out events, it's about that crap which STR8UP refuses to deal with....... Outside of that, how many women truthfully wanna hang out with guys playing video games, talking sh*t & acting stupid?

Like I said, I'm not taking knitting classes with my female friends. We go downtown, hang out at home, watch movies, whatever I would normally do without them.

 

[Hydroblunt]

You are basically defending the idea that men and women can't be friends, yet you are friends with your EX??

For a 35 year old man, you should be able to properly read over the whole paragraph without zoning in on one sentence. I was not clear enough, but my general view is that a man being a true friend with a woman is very out of the norm. So when you say how most of your friends are girls, well, from my experience it usually connotates certain feminine labels. Of course, I will give it the benefit of the doubt, so my actual theory is not you are not really friends but hang out buddies. Basically, you are using them, which is fine, but don't pretend that they are real friends.

That's REALLY stepping over the line if you ask me. If I have been in a serious relationship with a woman I usually can't remain friends with her, let alone good friends

Yeah it's unheard of guys being friends with their Ex-GFs. And I thought I was smoking the good sh*t.
Without going into detail & explanation, I already stated that our friendship is limited due to our innate male vs female differences. You should note that she is not a pu$$y gateway for me, yet I'm still friends with her. There is no convenience or social factor, even though she is very attractive and is a pro dancer.

Like I said, I'm not taking knitting classes with my female friends. We go downtown, hang out at home, watch movies, whatever I would normally do without them.

In other words, if you don't want to do it, tough **** for them. You treat your guy friends like that too?
Seems like that these female friends of yours want to f*ck you, I think you more than hinted at that. My guess, and I think it's a d*mn good one, if their sexual desire for you dissapeared, they would not talk to you anymore. And if the desired effect of having women round you when you are out was no longer true, as well as a pu$$y gateway, you would not really talk to them either.
You seem to have a different definition of "friend" from the rest. That's why you got such responses of psychoanalysis that are way off.
Let's be honest, when a guy meets a girl and it seems apparent that there is no real potential for sex/relationship, 95% of the time, the only reason he would continue socializing with her is either to try get with her friends or to use her as a social tool. If neither is a real possibility, communication stops (unless he is a total AFC). The other 5% is real friendship.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The title was for shock value, don't get your panties in a wad

It seems like a lot of guys here have "issues" with maintaining friendships with members of the opposite sex. I can understand why it is important to avoid unhealthy male/female relationships (been there, done that thank you). But to universally cast this type of friendship in a negative light is also unhealthy, in my opinion.

Most of my friends and acquaintances happen to be women.

Tomorrow I am going to a lady friends house for dinner and drinks with a couple of my other female friends. After dinner I'm suposed to call another female friend to possibly meet up downtown at a club. Monday I'm supposed to be meeting with a girl I dated ten years years ago to have some drinks and catch up. Next weekend I am going out with a couple of my boys and a BUNCH of women I know.

Would I fukk any of them if the opportunity presented itself? Absolutely. Most of them are pretty damn good looking. Am I hanging out with them in hopes that one day I might get some? Absolutely NOT. I know how to recognize when this happens and I back away from the situation immediately.

That's why I have a hard time understanding why a lot of guys have such a problem with having women as friends.

In another post someone made reference to how they couldn't imagine their life without female friends. I feel the same way. Lots of benefits (getting hooked up with their friends, social proof) with few drawbacks (putting up with a little drama from time to time).

So really, what's the big deal?

STR8UP: Bro your a bright guy and I agree with your post for the most part, BUT.......

you gotta consider the vast age difference between you and the average noob in this main DJ Forum. Do you really think a 18 year old virgin could contain himself to that level when he's around 3 or 4 very attractive female "friends??" I highly doubt it. The main reason why male-female relationships never work is the obvious. However if your at a point where you can truely look at the girl as just a friend, then your golden.



Good post.



PIMP

 

[So Many Ways]

STR8UP: Bro your a bright guy and I agree with your post for the most part, BUT.......

you gotta consider the vast age difference between you and the average noob in this main DJ Forum. Do you really think a 18 year old virgin could contain himself to that level when he's around 3 or 4 very attractive female "friends??" I highly doubt it. The main reason why male-female relationships never work is the obvious. However if your at a point where you can truely look at the girl as just a friend, then your golden.



Good post.



PIMP

Which is why this post is in the mature forum. By the time you reach a certian age, you should have enough self control to not view every woman as a potential f*ck.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Which is why this post is in the mature forum. By the time you reach a certian age, you should have enough self control to not view every woman as a potential f*ck.

Oops...thought it was posted in the main forum. Although I agree with the basis of what he's saying, I think it would be a mistake to hang out with these girls on a regular basis. Maybe once or twice a month at the most.




PIMP

 

[SoCalMike]

The title was for shock value, don't get your panties in a wad

So really, what's the big deal?

No big deal at all. But let's be honest, most guys are only hanging out with their female "friends" because they want to fvck them or one their friends. even if they can't fvck them at the moment b/c they have a b/f, LTR, even married, they're hoping that one day... maybe, just maybe...

otherwise, why hang out with women? i mean, to each his own but it would just annoy me unless there was some sexual reason for it. i would never hang out with a fat or ugly girl.

 

[STR8UP]

Of course, I will give it the benefit of the doubt, so my actual theory is not you are not really friends but hang out buddies. Basically, you are using them, which is fine, but don't pretend that they are real friends.

Call it what you will, but my whole issue with this subject and the reason for this post was the fact that some guys don't acknowledge that you CAN hang out with women you aren't fukking, and it isn't necessarily going to be the end of the world. I started to see so many negative comments about having female friends without acknowledging any positive aspects. I looked around and realized that the majority of people that I spend my time with are female, and I am enjoying my social life more now than I ever have in my life.

You should note that she is not a pu$$y gateway for me, yet I'm still friends with her. There is no convenience or social factor, even though she is very attractive and is a pro dancer.

Not all of my women friends provide me with opportunities to hook up with other women, but it is a nice side benefit in some cases.

In other words, if you don't want to do it, tough **** for them. You treat your guy friends like that too?

Don't know how you arrived at that conclusion.

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP: Bro your a bright guy and I agree with your post for the most part, BUT.......

you gotta consider the vast age difference between you and the average noob in this main DJ Forum. Do you really think a 18 year old virgin could contain himself to that level when he's around 3 or 4 very attractive female "friends??" I highly doubt it. The main reason why male-female relationships never work is the obvious. However if your at a point where you can truely look at the girl as just a friend, then your golden.
PIMP

Very good point.

I wouldn't have been able to pull this off in my younger days.

Now that I have a pretty good grasp of how this whole thing works I have a lot more control over my emotions and I can usually put things into the proper perspective. If I find myself in a situation where my emotions override logic, I WILL BAIL. Simple as that.

And that's my whole point here. As long as you know where you stand and it adds value to your life rather that subtracting from it, there is nothing WRONG with it.

 

[Bonhomme]

Good thread, STR8UP.

I found myself chuckling in recognition at some of the responses from grinder, yourself, and some of the other guys who enjoy the company of many female friends.

 

[Latinoman]

I agree with Hydroblunt's principle and the issue of loosingly using the term "friends".

Those woman are not friends. They are just hang up buddies.

 

[woods]

Str8up, I have yet to read about you getting any action from your chick friends or otherwise. Whats up?

I have a few actual chick friends, that I dont want to go for, but if I had a few in me I would. It doesnt mean theres sexual tension. I have a couple girls I knew from high school that are a blast to hang out with. We go out and party and we can kiss and grope each other, and its no big deal. Would I fukk them? yeah. Do I care if I dont? hell no. There is a very slim gray area between attraction and friendship.
I also highly suggest (when its ok for BOTH parties) to be friends with an ex months or years down the road, if/when you are both over it, if possible. I have two ex's that, if we both happen to be single at the time, we can have unattached ex sex. Its great for post breakup booty. We know each other, we had good times together, we just didnt work out, so why not get it on as friends?

 

[Latinoman]

There is a very slim gray area between attraction and friendship.

I strongly disagree with this.

The "thin" gray area is actually between friendship and brother/sisterhood.

 

[STR8UP]

I agree with Hydroblunt's principle and the issue of loosingly using the term "friends".

Those woman are not friends. They are just hang up buddies.

Some are, some aren't. No different than my guy friends. I don't have deep conversations with most of the guys I would consider friends, why should it have to be any different with the women?

 

[STR8UP]

Str8up, I have yet to read about you getting any action from your chick friends or otherwise. Whats up?

Hmmmmm......good question.

Well, I had an F.B. for months, but unfortunately I got stuck working 80-100 hours a week right about the time she got a boyfriend. Since then things have settled down a little but I'm still doing 7 day, 60-70 work weeks, so it's kinda hard to motivate myself to pursue pu$$y. In the past couple of months I have met a few new chicks who should be pretty easy to bag, but it still takes time, ya know.

I have a few actual chick friends, that I dont want to go for, but if I had a few in me I would. It doesnt mean theres sexual tension. I have a couple girls I knew from high school that are a blast to hang out with. We go out and party and we can kiss and grope each other, and its no big deal. Would I fukk them? yeah. Do I care if I dont? hell no. There is a very slim gray area between attraction and friendship.

It seems that some guys only see it in black and white. Maybe they can't handle a little sexual tension without resolution???? I kinda like it.

When I go out with a group of people that includes some of my women friends I ALWAYS have a better time, and usually I end up with meeting a new chick who digs me. I would be willing to bet that a LOT of it has to do with the fact that there are other women around who I COULD fukk if I were to put the effort into it.

And you know how women talk. If you are good in bed the whole neighborhood knows. A good reference in the sex department certainly can't hurt.

Just like you said.....I WOULD fukk most of them (if there were no effort on my part), but for the most part I no problem with the status quo.

I also highly suggest (when its ok for BOTH parties) to be friends with an ex months or years down the road, if/when you are both over it, if possible. I have two ex's that, if we both happen to be single at the time, we can have unattached ex sex. Its great for post breakup booty. We know each other, we had good times together, we just didnt work out, so why not get it on as friends?

Funny you bring this up cause I generally don't keep ties with exes, but recently I ended up reconnecting with two of them. One is married (bumped into her at a concert) but still wants to get together for dinner soon. The other I found while I was poking around on Myspace. Was supposed to meet her for a drink last week but we both got busy. Don't think I'm gonna end up fukking either one of them, but it's kind of nice to be able to catch up with someone from the past.