Most common problems with women.....

[speed dawg]

I'd like to see in general what most guys struggle most with in dealing with women. Mine is money, by far and away.

In this society of female independence, women want their to have their cake and eat it too. They want responsibility, equal rights, but yet still want to be taken care of by a man. That "victim" line of thinking, and the society that makes it "right", sicken me. Me and my gf go round and round about money.

She thinks that I make more than her, so I should pay more. She's normally pretty good, but around Christmas she gets all wacky and ends up overdrawn. She sees her sister spend every dime they make, go in debt and appear rich, and wants the same. She wants to eat out all the time like they do. I ain't buying that sh1t. I've got money because I'm smart with it. Fukk I'm ranting again.

So what's some other experiences and possible solutions?

 

[squirrels]

Yeesh...that's kind of an ugly situation. You know if you get serious with her, and she ends up being the one controlling the purse-strings, she'll be splurging on dumb sh!t, then when you get into debt, she'll be accusing YOU of spending too much on YOURself.

Actually...the "comparing oneself to a family member" is a killer for a lot of girls...I was dating one who was pretty awesome except her older sister had just had a baby, so she was in a frenzy to marry and settle down so she could get all that attention for herself.

I'd say unless her name's on the account, it's none of her business what you do with YOUR money, and if she doesn't like it she can find someone else who can sustain her constant draw-down.

Do you make good money? Is it enough to pay for the kind of life YOU want?

 

[speed dawg]

The thing is that I am doing very well for a 25 year old. I have a fat savings account, house, nice ride, good job, etc. She's 21 and doing well for her age as well. It's natural when you have things to want more and not make as many sacrifices, like the rest of society. Debt ridden sheep.

I'm trying to free her from that matrix. She was on her own for awhile living on ramen noodles too. She's had to work to help herself, like I did. So their's hope for her. She's just a woman. And having a drama-queen, free spending, married to a well off guy, spoiling their kid DEPENDENT sister who constantly talks about her 9th grade ex-boyfriend doesn't help.

 

[jophil28]

Debt, DRAMA QUEEN, arguments ,envy ,comparisons , etc.
Trouble ahead for you !

 

[Nelford]

Nagging

 

[Victory Unlimited]

What I'm running into recently is a woman wanting a relationship with me due to her fantasizing about who she THINKS I am without having had enough time to know who I REALLY am.

The reason this is a problem is because time and experience has taught me that putting committment before compatibility is ALWAYS a dumb move in the long run.

I actually like the woman in question, but I'm still trying to see if I can connect with her on enough levels to justify going exclusive with her. The sex is great, her body is great, her enthusiasm is great, her interest level is great.

But she's only 24 (15 years younger than me), has one kid,and lives 45 minutes away. However, I'm thinking she may be more infatuated with me than she normally would be because she has too much time on her hands--she's currently inbetween jobs due to being downsized. BUT, it's been a LONG time since I had a chick this hot with this much high interest in me.

So the danger is me jumping into an "exclusive" situation before I AM ready. So until I'm ready, I'll keep the official LTR status on hold---INDEFINITELY.

Whew! Sorry for the ramble guys...but to summarize and get back on subject:

My biggest problem with women right now is stopping them (and myself) from putting COMMITTMENT before COMPATABILITY.



Peace...one day.

 

[Latinoman]

What I'm running into recently is a woman wanting a relationship with me due to her fantasizing about who she THINKS I am without having had enough time to know who I REALLY am.

The reason this is a problem is because time and experience has taught me that putting committment before compatibility is ALWAYS a dumb move in the long run.

I actually like the woman in question, but I'm still trying to see if I can connect with her on enough levels to justify going exclusive with her. The sex is great, her body is great, her enthusiasm is great, her interest level is great.

But she's only 24 (15 years younger than me), has one kid,and lives 45 minutes away. However, I'm thinking she may be more infatuated with me than she normally would be because she has too much time on her hands--she's currently inbetween jobs due to being downsized. BUT, it's been a LONG time since I had a chick this hot with this much high interest in me.

So the danger is me jumping into an "exclusive" situation before I AM ready. So until I'm ready, I'll keep the official LTR status on hold---INDEFINITELY.

Whew! Sorry for the ramble guys...but to summarize and get back on subject:

My biggest problem with women right now is stopping them (and myself) from putting COMMITTMENT before COMPATABILITY.



Peace...one day.

Make HER think she is exclusive. And then continue testing the waters until you are sure. Problem solve.

 

[MatureDJ]

But she's only 24 (15 years younger than me), has one kid,and lives 45 minutes away. However, I'm thinking she may be more infatuated with me than she normally would be because she has too much time on her hands--she's currently inbetween jobs due to being downsized. BUT, it's been a LONG time since I had a chick this hot with this much high interest in me.

You're dating an unemployed, presumable broke, single mother. And you wonder why she is hot and has high interest in you. Hello, McFly? She is looking for a provisioner to take care of her very difficult situation, and a lot of men like me are not interested in being a provisioner for some other man's child.

It would be no big deal if she were childless and unemployed - she could just be your woman. But then there would be a lot of men like me who would be pursuing her, and hence, her sexual market value would be higher, and she would not have such high interest in you.

Have you been barefronting (coitus without a condom) her? She may say that she is on the pill, but we all know how "accidents" happen.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

LOL!

I'm listening Latinoman and MatureDJ.

I'm watching where I tread...and I'm treading very CAREFULLY. And as far as sex goes, my earlier statement was a bit misleading.

Ironically, we've done everything BUT actual intercourse---by MY CHOICE. I'm one of those guys who actually likes a lot of the oral, manual, and external type stuff (BJs, T!tfukking, etc.) just AS MUCH as I like "drilling holes" . LOL

Now I know that might be too much info, but I felt it was necessary for the interest of clarity. She issn't pressuring for sexual intercourse so much as I'm feeling that "clingy" vibe beginning to come off her.

So I'm watching this situation closely, weighing all my options, and if a decision is ever made in favor of exclusivity, it'll be made by ME, not her. I'm not one of those guys who makes rash decisions or let's himself be pushed into things.

In fact, quite the opposite. I'm one of those undercover egghead types who OVER-analyzes every little thing that happens until I drive me and everyone else around me crazy! (so yeah, I gotta keep working on that character flaw...lol)

Even in my full-blown AFC days I've never been a "get caught up in the heat of the moment" kind of guy. But, being human, no one's immune to a major fukk up.

So again, thanks guys. 'Cuz I'm DEFINITELY listening to you.

I'm always listening to you guys who keep it real. Because that's what helps me maintain a more objective frame of mind. Even when things are going good. Or should I say----ESPECIALLY when things are going good.


I will not put committment before compatability.



March on.

 

[Vulpine]

Ew... Gawd, VU! I just had a very similar problem. A FB, who I very clearly explained to her there was no future or hope for anything meaningful early on (see also: cut/paste e-mail in my FR), is getting a divorce and throwing herself at me.

It seems that over the years, her fantasy of who I am trumps any character in any harlequin romance novel. Sure, we get along very well. In fact, it's quite refreshing to be around her because she genuinely appreciates me. However, when she asked me stupid stuff like "When this is done, will you be there for me?" the other night, I had to re-explain to her that I will not be a cuckold.

She got her little feelers hurt. I feel sorry for her and her situation, but we are in different points in our lives. I asked her: "So, what if we got together? Would you have MY family too? Of course not, and you can see how that wouldn't be fair to me, can't you?" It's too bad she got knocked up.

Anyway, VU's "fantasy" point is an excellent one. It happens to be my main grievance because it's all inclusive. All women are looking for "Mr. Big" from sex in the city. Tall, dark, handsome, doctor (when I say "doctor", we all know it means "rich", so the fairy tale includes $$$). The thing is, if you were a tall, dark, handsome, doctor... you wouldn't be single after say, 28. Nor would you be settling for a 6 or 7 when 1's-9.9's line up at your door.

You would think women would stop chasing unicorns and develop much more realistic goals. Nope. HB6's and 7's absolutely INSIST there is a 9 on the dude scale out there with their name on them. Meanwhile the clock ticks away as their market value continues to drop... yet they keep the same attitudes????

It's a shame. Women shouldn't watch so much TV. Seven out of eight internet profiles I see include favorite television shows (as if I give a damn): Grey's Anatomy, Lost, Sex in the City, Friends, blah blah blah - you know the shows.

Brainwashed, it's a shame.

 

[blueguy]

The thing is, if you were a tall, dark, handsome, doctor... you wouldn't be single after say, 28. Nor would you be settling for a 6 or 7 when 1's-9.9's line up at your door.

IMO if you are a tall, dark, handsome doctor you should pick your partner based on your similar looks/personality/character and nothing else. For instance, if you are a tall, dark, handsome doctor but are only a 7 on the looks/personality scale, you should likewise find another 7. Money shouldn't factor into the equation because if you do grab those 9s and 10s, you set yourself up in the future. Just check out all the celebrities. They know it. Some of them are 6s, 7s and famous as hell... yet they go for their
same type. Not the 9s and 10s.

Edit: Oh, and to answer this thread... LYING.

 

[drmeathead]

nagging, lying, not trusting me

 

[Vulpine]

Money shouldn't factor into the equation because if you do grab those 9s and 10s, you set yourself up in the future. Just check out all the celebrities. They know it. Some of them are 6s, 7s and famous as hell... yet they go for their same type. Not the 9s and 10s.

I beg to differ. There are plenty of rich guys who have the same disposable razor around longer than the same woman.

Hugh Hefner?
Howard Hughes?

Those are a couple of public examples. Consider the difference between those under the scrutiny of the public eye, and the lifestyles of more private, rich people.

Let me accentuate my point with this:

"What would you do with a million dollars?"
"I'll tell you what I'd do with a million dollars: two chicks at the same time, man."

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I've got the single most annoying habit every woman (no generalization, I mean EVERY fukking woman) share, no matter what her age, 5 y.o. to 95 y.o. is this:

When a woman tells you a story or is relating some kind of information of any gravity (and they're all signifcant, even if it's just a shoe sale at Nordstrom's) they will ALWAYS begin the story at the mid-way point and expect you to know just what the hell she's talking about without giving you any background or she'll expect you to have figured it out on your own. It's as if they retell a story to themselves from the start in their own heads and mid-way through their stream of consciousness they vocalize it and look at men as if they were idiots for not picking up on every detail of what they're relating.

For the longest time I thought I was the one who was insane when it came to this. Maybe I'd been told the earlier parts of the story and had forgotten them? What a horrible lout of a husband I was for not giving my undivided attention to my wife's prior backstories that this one was an extension of! This becomes even more aggrivating when women constantly b!tch about how men don't listen to them.

Then I began to see a pattern in the Matrix. I thought of my wife, female co-workers, old girlfriends, my mother, all of them communicated in this way, even with each other, and they knew exactly what the other was thinking! It was gender group telepathy! So I started paying attention more to this phenomenon and conditioned myself to be sensitive to when it was occuring because, more often than not, men are taken by surprise by this and then feel horrible, guilty and shamed for not having listened before. But it's not that they hadn't listened, they'd simply never been told and were expected to 'catch up' with the rest of the class. My wife, my Mother, all of these women I'd known would literally open their mouths mid-sentence,.."and so then you know what happened? That b!tch brought me the wrong pair of shoes and so I told her you march back there and get me what I asked for and she gave me this look of death,.." and on and on.

Now that's just a funny illustration to describe the dynamic, but think of this habit in a more serious context, such as finances, family, work, childrearing, sex and many others. I thought this was limited to adolscent to adult women. Afterall, it would take some time for a woman to develop this trait through socialization and the wisdom that comes with age would prompt women to communicate more efficiently, right? I thought this until I caught my then 6 y.o. daughter do exactly the same thing! ",...so then Ashely said I don't wanna be your friend and I didn't even do anything, daddy why is she like that?" HOLY SH!T! It's genetic! I thought maybe women in their old age might be different, but besides being a bit more contemplative, they also tend to begin communicating mid-stream.

 

[Latinoman]

Rollo...

I tend to ask lot of question. I mean...if I truly want to pay attention to their story...I must understand it. Correct?

And guess what I get when I ask the questions (for clarification purposes)? A very defensive girlfriend that feels I'm "interrogating" her.

Interestingly enough...other women ENJOY when I ask them the questions as they find it cute that I'm very interested. But my girlfriend gets upset and defensive. Then when I don't say anything, she accuses me of not caring (which by the way...that might actually be the case). Oh, and many times all she wants is just talk. If I give my opinion and is one she agrees with...then she is happy. But if I say something to the effect that she disagrees...then she calls me opinionated. (E.g. "Well, honey...personally, I think that Sex and the City is a show that promotes the behavior of women whoring behavior. All they do is whine and cry and then go back to the same men and get screwed again."). I thank that comment to Westcoaster.

But sometimes are simply mundane things such as "Maybe she is making excuses (in reference to a story about a friend)". Same results..."You are too opinionated".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I ask questions and beg for clarification too at times. The general response is this exasperated sigh and a rolling of eyes as if repeating anything, no matter how mundane, is a capital offense. The same is true for my daughter also.

I still get caught in this from time to time, but I find the way to get around it is to understand what it is women are communicating. Not content, but intent. Women more readily communicate emotional states rather than information - it's not what they're saying but what feeling they're communicating while they say it. My daughter can explain something to me that happened at school, but it's the feelings that are associated with the event, not the details of the event itself that are of importance. Same with my wife. She can say something as simple as "I took the dog to the vet today", but what I'm supposed to get isn't the fact that my dog went to the vet, rather the stress of the inconvenience for having had to take time out of her schedule to take the dog to the vet. My male brain processes the info "dog went to vet today", but I'm supposed to be getting "dammit, the dog had to go to the vet and I had to reschedule my hair appointment again, sweet mother mary! if it's not one thing it's another I can never get anything done,..." Again, it's intent, not content.

 

[azanon]

My greatest struggle with women has been working with them to convince them that its ok to be sexual, and that i wont think of them as a s*** if they are. I dont have too much problem with it now armed with DJ tips, but where i live, its almost always a hurdle to some extent.

 

[Vulpine]

I still get caught in this from time to time, but I find the way to get around it is to understand what it is women are communicating. Not content, but intent.

I can relate... it's a good grievance, this story delivery business. I believe that I have gotten the hang of it, though.

When a chick comes up with some unintelligible, seemingly irrelevant (and somewhat bothersome) story, I tend to cut them off and bust their chops - in an irritated manner:

"Why do you let this stuff bother you? So, you had to take the dog to the vet. OMG, call the National Guard! Inconvenient? Sure. But this stuff just happens. No sense in freaking out, getting all lathered up about it... then, recounting it over and over and over again just to get all riled again, and potentially riling me up - I don't need that. I'm sorry, it must surely have sucked for you. Bullsh!t happens to me all day long, but I try not to burden you with it. Here, have a seat. Let me get you something frosty to drink and you can just relax, ok? All that business is over. ...How's that? Good? Good. Takeadeepbreathreadyrelaaaaax."

I can't tell you how many times I've spewed this rant nearly verbatim. Sometimes I throw in a foot rub, or a shoulder massage. Other times I'll just find something to do in another room and let them cool out. It's not "insensitive", nor is it "cold". It cuts through the crap and gives them what they need: comforting, poo-pooing, relating, etc. It stuns women; they can't tell how to react because it's a mixture of compassion, discourse, warmth, etc.

Of course, it's situational. There are only just so many of those mid-point, whiny, boo-hoo stories I can tollerate before my patience wears thin and I get aggravated. You might find that if you employ a similar generic poo-poo response, it will cut down on the number of sob stories you have to endure. I think I developed this method in attempts to keep from being an "emotional tampon". Training works. Now, with a couple of chicks, when they start those type of stories all I have to do is give them the stink-eye, or say, "Ah! Ah! Ah! Stop! I don't want to hear it. Sit. *point to chair/couch*" Do they get mad at me for shutting them down? Sh!t no! I often get "You're right, I'm sorry." (followed by a big sigh and a smile) I personally think they get off on the shocking emotional contrast... from riled to relaxed in a flash. Try it.

 

[BobFuest]

You would think women would stop chasing unicorns and develop much more realistic goals. Nope. HB6's and 7's absolutely INSIST there is a 9 on the dude scale out there with their name on them. Meanwhile the clock ticks away as their market value continues to drop... yet they keep the same attitudes????

It's a shame. Women shouldn't watch so much TV. Seven out of eight internet profiles I see include favorite television shows (as if I give a damn): Grey's Anatomy, Lost, Sex in the City, Friends, blah blah blah - you know the shows.

Brainwashed, it's a shame.

Thats my current gripe. The female I am involved with loves me but I am not the 6'2 200 pound surfer guy that her AND HER MOTHER invision for her. Even her b1tch of a mother says stupid put down sh1t about me all the time. For example, "dont u wish u had someone bigger?" or the time she tried to skateboard and I wasnt there and she got hurt, her mother says "oh well dont u wish u had someone who could protect you?" Its a bunch of brain wash bullsh1t. Now my women gives me all kinds of sh1t tests because I dont match the dream man they envision.She wants prince charming to sweep her away to his magic castle and it is NOT going to happen for her. EVER. she is a 7 at best. She is NEVER going to get a 9. In any case thats my biggest problem since I am 5'5 and 120 pounds. meeting women who love who I am but i conflict with they have always believed they're dream guy to be.

 

[Sinistar]

Thats my current gripe. The female I am involved with loves me but I am not the 6'2 200 pound surfer guy that her AND HER MOTHER invision for her. Even her b1tch of a mother says stupid put down sh1t about me all the time. For example, "dont u wish u had someone bigger?" or the time she tried to skateboard and I wasnt there and she got hurt, her mother says "oh well dont u wish u had someone who could protect you?" Its a bunch of brain wash bullsh1t. Now my women gives me all kinds of sh1t tests because I dont match the dream man they envision.She wants prince charming to sweep her away to his magic castle and it is NOT going to happen for her. EVER. she is a 7 at best. She is NEVER going to get a 9. In any case thats my biggest problem since I am 5'5 and 120 pounds. meeting women who love who I am but i conflict with they have always believed they're dream guy to be.

I see it this way. We all deserve the sh!t we bother to put up with.