More than anything, I miss my son.

[TheLadiesMan]

...I want to see my son more than every other week. I mean, I see him now when I get off work, but it's for minutes out of the day. Come rain, snow, or shine... everyday after work, I'm there to see him.

Lately, he hasn't been to school... then when he started to go again, his Mom's bf would pick him up earlier, then the time that I usually get off work. So I haven't been able to see him at all.
Every other week is just not enough for me.

 

[Warrior74]

How old are you? I see my kid every two weeks, that's it. They live over an hour away and its tons of bull**** and issues. I'm not "allowed" to visit her home or visit her at school. stop complaining. You got it better than some. Man up and make sure your next kid is with the woman you really want to be with. Learn from this site how to pick a better mate next time. It is what it is. Repeat after me...it is what it is. All you can do is work hard, stack paper and stay active in your childs life as much as possible. Accept the things you cannot change, and strive for the things you can. Stop complaining.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

I used to live 45 mins away from him, but I changed that. I found work in that city, and moved to where he lives now with his mom. So if you don't like living so far from her, move. *shrugs* Considering the times, you know it wasn't easy, but I wasn't going to settle for what it was. Just never been my style. ...ask Penkitten. 1 to 2 miles from both work, and my son, and his school.

As far as not having the ability to see your kid. Why don't you do what I did, which is file for shared custody? I worked the morning part of the day, drove to the courts, and filed the same day. Cost me $100, which I can easily say, was the best $100 I've ever spent. Again, I truly understand the whole 'accept what you cannot change' thang, but.... how's that for manning up? yeeeaaaaa babiez! Tis time you did the same.
I dunno if it is what it is but, I do know what it will be.

What it be is me having true legal rights to a boy who carries my name.
The rights to pick his school, and the rights to sign off on his report card too. the right to have him because I am his legal guardian.

Now repeat after me...
its something you need to do... its the only decision. u need to have legal rights to your child.

One more thing... I'm 39, and plan to have no more children. I am presently conducting 'interviews' for potential step mommas, though.

 

[penkitten]

why is his mothers new bf picking him up from school these days?
is this something that you can work out with her that you will pick him up from school and drop him off at home ?

if not, can you find out if you can take him to dinner on say tuesday nights every week at the same time? then you could do dinner with him and maybe help him with his homework or something?

my kids dad used to do one night a week for dinner with the kids and he enjoyed time with them, they enjoyed time with him and i enjoyed 2 hours of no kiddos each week. he keeps saying he wants to start doing that again, but hasn't been able to because of work.

i think it is very healthy for your child to have equal excess to both of you.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Hey PK

I proposed 2 nights out of the week, and every other weekend, and she said no.
I suggested a mediator, and she refused to go. She then says "...how about no days." for which I replied "Then I'll visit him after work at daycare." ..which is exactly what I do after work, except lately, she's been having her dude pick my son up hrs before I get off work. He works to 4:30pm but has been leaving early to do her dirty deed.

The other day, the Super at the Day Care comes at me with "Can you do this somewhere else?" I was like "I pay for my son to be here.. my son wants to see me everyday, I want to see my son everyday." She then replies something along the lines of "...are you sure he's your son? Have you both had blood work done?" ...I was like wtf?! It's obvious that this woman has clearly cracked from being around kids for so long. She was like "I'm looking out for the best interest of your son." for which I replied "I appreciate that, since this is one of the reason I pay for him to go here... so ask my son what he wants. He'll tell you he wants to see his Dad." ...I mean, the whole thing is mess, as I should be able to take my son home, and spend time with him. My son's mom is a control freak, I'm so serious.... anyway....

So I posted how I missed my son, and the next day, went and filed for Joint Custody.

 

[penkitten]

so she is making her new bf get off work early to pick up your son in order to ruin your day by not getting to see him...
and now has the daycare lady concerned with it too by the way that she talked to you ("cant you do this somewhere else, are you sure he is yours")

this is bullsnot!

good fathers deserve to see their children.
she is making her new bf and the daycare believe you shouldn't be allowed to go there.


well i hope you win your case, and i also hope that the new bf ends up in trouble at work for taking off to pick him up everyday.

arrggg! this crap tees me off.

 

[Warrior74]

I used to live 45 mins away from him, but I changed that. I found work in that city, and moved to where he lives now with his mom. So if you don't like living so far from her, move. *shrugs* Considering the times, you know it wasn't easy, but I wasn't going to settle for what it was. Just never been my style. ...ask Penkitten. 1 to 2 miles from both work, and my son, and his school.

As far as not having the ability to see your kid. Why don't you do what I did, which is file for shared custody? I worked the morning part of the day, drove to the courts, and filed the same day. Cost me $100, which I can easily say, was the best $100 I've ever spent. Again, I truly understand the whole 'accept what you cannot change' thang, but.... how's that for manning up? yeeeaaaaa babiez! Tis time you did the same.
I dunno if it is what it is but, I do know what it will be.

What it be is me having true legal rights to a boy who carries my name.
The rights to pick his school, and the rights to sign off on his report card too. the right to have him because I am his legal guardian.

Now repeat after me...
its something you need to do... its the only decision. u need to have legal rights to your child.

One more thing... I'm 39, and plan to have no more children. I am presently conducting 'interviews' for potential step mommas, though.

touche!

Now what was the point of your orginal post? Whinefest?

 

[amoka]

Yeah, do a DNA test to ensure that child is yours. You many never know. Less you know, you're supporting someone's child with your money and time.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

touche!

Now what was the point of your orginal post? Whinefest?

It was to teach... so my advise is to get taught.

Daddy has spoken.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Yeah, do a DNA test to ensure that child is yours. You many never know. Less you know, you're supporting someone's child with your money and time.

DNA tests were done during her pregnancy. The boy used to live in my nuts.

 

[countermart]

Been there. Here's what to do.

Listen guys I’ve been through this whole access to the children thing and I understand where you are coming from. A large percentage of women will use the access issue as a weapon against you, so much for putting the children first. So do this.

Talk to you ex about your lack of access and see if you can work something out and if not suggest mediation. If she refuses tell her all the studies clearly show it is in the best interests of children to have shared and substantial access to both parents. If she does not agree to work something out after these efforts say it is regrettable but in the interests of the child you will take her to court,... as you leave me no choice.

I cannot talk for the US, but in Australia the Family Court works on over riding points:

What is in the best interest of the child.

An assumption of joint access or care.

Find out how to run the court case without a lawyer. You know more about your case anyway and there is usually lots of information on- line about how to file and open a case etc. Generally, mediation is forced in most systems, but if you have to go to court concentrate fully on the main over riding points as above.

I started with a lawyer but as I learnt more got rid of him. You are better of running your own case if there are no extreme issues involved in my view.

You believe it is the child’s best interest to have shared care and why. State that you love your child and that the wife is preventing access. Keep it simple and ignore the BS her side will throw at you. You are just a loving dad that wants fair access in the interest of the child.

I did this and the magistrate balled out her lawyer in court, saying they would have a very hard time substantiating their case if they ever came back to court... and I won fair access.

There is a view that the courts only side with the women. This at least in Australian over the last two years is wrong. Stand up for your child. You will get Court Orders that will set out a fair arrangement and this can only be changed by an agreement between the two of you. If you cannot agree you fall back on the Court Order for nights, pick up times, places etc.

Good luck, just stand up simply and say what you want and why that will help the child. Remember the court does not care what you want it only cares what is in the best interests of the child. So make sure what you are suggesting is in the child's interest.

Good luck,
Countermart

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Listen guys I’ve been through this whole access to the children thing and I understand where you are coming from. A large percentage of women will use the access issue as a weapon against you, so much for putting the children first. So do this.

Talk to you ex about your lack of access and see if you can work something out and if not suggest mediation. If she refuses tell her all the studies clearly show it is in the best interests of children to have shared and substantial access to both parents. If she does not agree to work something out after these efforts say it is regrettable but in the interests of the child you will take her to court,... as you leave me no choice.

I cannot talk for the US, but in Australia the Family Court works on over riding points:

What is in the best interest of the child.

An assumption of joint access or care.

Find out how to run the court case without a lawyer. You know more about your case anyway and there is usually lots of information on- line about how to file and open a case etc. Generally, mediation is forced in most systems, but if you have to go to court concentrate fully on the main over riding points as above.

I started with a lawyer but as I learnt more got rid of him. You are better of running your own case if there are no extreme issues involved in my view.

You believe it is the child’s best interest to have shared care and why. State that you love your child and that the wife is preventing access. Keep it simple and ignore the BS her side will throw at you. You are just a loving dad that wants fair access in the interest of the child.

I did this and the magistrate balled out her lawyer in court, saying they would have a very hard time substantiating their case if they ever came back to court... and I won fair access.

There is a view that the courts only side with the women. This at least in Australian over the last two years is wrong. Stand up for your child. You will get Court Orders that will set out a fair arrangement and this can only be changed by an agreement between the two of you. If you cannot agree you fall back on the Court Order for nights, pick up times, places etc.

Good luck, just stand up simply and say what you want and why that will help the child. Remember the court does not care what you want it only cares what is in the best interests of the child. So make sure what you are suggesting is in the child's interest.

Good luck,
Countermart

I've got a few months to prepare, and of course I'm already researching. Seriously, I am checking my finances right now to see if I can retain an attorney for the case, as I want anything and everything pertaining to having Custody/Parental/Legal rights to my son.

She must of gotten the court papers, as I was able to see my son without even a inkling of trouble this time. Whereas, the last time I was playing cat & mouse with his Mom, and in the end, was denied seeing my son.

I've got emails documenting a lot... a lot of work ahead.

 

[countermart]

Stick only to the best interest of your child

You know my experience it that it is frightening to proceed without a lawyer but you can do it. Maybe consider getting one just to start you off. Writing affidavits etc is quite easy. Also the courts at least here are sick and tired of the “he said, she said, he did, she did stuff”. The women will usually go down the road of making you out to be just short of the devil in her affidavit, but ignore it, and just focus on what is the best outcome for your child. Don’t get sidetracked into stuff like “On the 25th she did xyz...the court does not give a darn unless it is something that puts the child at risk and going into all that stuff if you have a lawyer costs a lot for no benefit.
I have noticed one other thing, the women will not give you a break until you take the fight up to her. In other words she will not play fair. She will get more than fair and then she will go for more so you have to put your foot down and say the buck stops right here sweetheart.
Countermart.

 

[Scuba]

I don't know how much time you have to learn or how inclined you are to represent yourself, but there are plenty of resources available.

NOLO Press makes some really good layman legal books such as "Represent Yourself in Court" and can be had very cheaply on Amazon.

Also jurisdictionary.com has a great program that should be everything you need and then some. It runs about $250. I have not personally used it yet but I intend to order it in the very near future. Maybe we can split the cost if you're interested or something.

 

[mothballs]

I really would not recommend representing yourself in a custody battle, the other lawyer will probably tear you apart. If you get lucky and she's representing herself, then it could work out. But, divorce lawyers are bloodthirsty.

 

[penkitten]

I really would not recommend representing yourself in a custody battle, the other lawyer will probably tear you apart. If you get lucky and she's representing herself, then it could work out. But, divorce lawyers are bloodthirsty.

i agree.

i once saw a divorce case in court, and beforehand i saw the father and his attorney in the hall talking. the attorney was a woman who told the father "we are going to ask for the moon , and settle somewhere in the stars . "
they went into court and his attorney asked for primary custody, so did hers. they settled on joint 50/50.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

i agree.

i once saw a divorce case in court, and beforehand i saw the father and his attorney in the hall talking. the attorney was a woman who told the father "we are going to ask for the moon , and settle somewhere in the stars . "
they went into court and his attorney asked for primary custody, so did hers. they settled on joint 50/50.

That's exactly how I plan to do it. Go for it all, and hope for 50/50, because I doubt I will get primary custody.

 

[penkitten]

That's exactly how I plan to do it. Go for it all, and hope for 50/50, because I doubt I will get primary custody.

me too since she isnt a neglectful mother.
and she has had the primary all this time.

shoot for the moon and ask for the primary, and be happy if you land in 50/50.
your son deserves the 50/50.

 

[penkitten]

update us !

 

[steveoo5]

My son is about to be three, and I was primary caretaker for the last two years while his mom worked, now she stopped and I only see him about 3 days out of the week, what would I need to prove I was his primary caretaker during those two years because I'm thinking about going to court for full custody myself