More ex-girlfriend stuff...

[Maurizio 2.0]

Here's the ish:

This girl and I dated for over a year after having been basically best friends prior to that. I knew she had always wanted me, and I gave into the relationship. She was two years younger than myself, and we were in college together on the west coast. While I was with her I never really let myself get emotionally involved since I thought that when I graduated that things would have to end between us. Things were pretty good between us while things lasted. Great to hang out with. Great sex. Faithful. Few arguments. Generally exciting. Anyways... I broke up with her, and broke her heart, shortly after I graduated because I moved back home to the East Coast and didn't know if I had plans to ever return to the West.

We both moved on in terms of our relationships. She went abroad to Paris - probably hooked up with plenty of guys there, which she had the right to since she was single. I briefly dated and was hooking up with this older asian woman. The asian lady sucked at life though. Not that she was un-attractive or anything. But god, she was just so incredibly lame I couldn't handle it whenever she opened her mouth. Eventually I cut things off with asian girl.

All the while I continued to talk regularly with my ex just on a friendship level (nearly every day) while she was in Paris, and subsequently, when she was back at school on the West Coast. She keeps it real, and is funny and talking with her is a good time. So yea, I miss her. I started wishing I hadn't given her the cold shoulder since nothing with the relationship before was really 'wrong' (except for the fact that I had to move away, which is kinda a biggie...).

So now I learn that I will probably be moving back to the West Coast next fall for work, and will be in her area again. So now I'm thinking that I could possibly be in a relationship with her again. I also visited out there a month ago for two weeks to visit with friends... and her... and we ended up spending a lot of time together, had a lot of sex, spent valentines together, each said that we still had feelings. Even used the word 'love'. I'll be visiting her again in a week or so for four days over a long weekend which should be fun I guess.

So basically, for the time being, the deal is that I get to see her for a few days every 4 to 6 weeks when one of us might visit the other. It's fun, but not really enough for a relationship, which I know. Six months from now though, I'll be back close to her however, and she has said that she wants to be back with me at that time.

She has also said though that in the meantime - next 6 months 'til I come back - that she doesn't want to be monogamous with me. You don't need to tell me what that means... I already friggin know. YES, it does bother me, I have to admit. I know some of the guys that are after her because I've actually had classes with them in the past, and they all suck. They got nothing on me. But that doesn't mean that she wouldn't hood up with them still... I guess I would rather she hooks up with lame guys who are aren't up to my level in any department though, than some movie star or NFL player. They can only make me look good.

I mean, I know that not being in a monogamous situation gives me the liberty to go out and be with other women while I'm out here on the east coast, but I just don't have a strong desire to I guess. I just feel bitter that she's in school still, and going to a lot of parties, and has a lot more social opportunities than I do to meet somebody and end up hooking up with them than I do. I'm out in the real world, working, thinking about finances, rarely meeting new people... ugh. Maybe I should try harder to meet women to have flings with in the meantime because it might make me feel better about the fact that she's probably seeing other guys. I didn't feel bad about her probably being with some dude in Paris because I was with Asian chick.

Would I feel less bad about going back to her in a few months if she is hooking up with some other guy, if I were hooking up with some other woman in the meantime too? I feel extremely compatible with this girl in a ton of ways, but how fvcked up is all of this for the possibility of a future relationship?

What do you think about this bs?

 

[tick37]

Dude, you should just wait until you move there, and then see what's going to happen. There's no use in worrying about it now. If you let her know that you're bitter about it or pursue when she told you to wait, you'll just run her off or run her to those other guys. Lay back, and let her come to you.

Tell her that it's fine with you because you're enjoying your time on the East Coast, whether you are or not. In the mean time, go out and have fun. Stay busy. Slack off the long phone conversations. It sounds like you're doing things on her terms. Don't act like a poor, little puppy dog that waits on her. Let her prove herself to you. You're the catch, and you need to see if it's worth all the effort. Right not, it's not worth the effort because she's to far away and she doesn't want to be talking on the phone all the time. You shouldn't want to either.

 

[sav]

this is a familiar situation for me, i too had to move often, and its long distance relationships rarely work, so you were right in ending it right then and there... probably sent her interest through the roof with that one.

now that you are moving back, does she know u want to be with her? what you have to do is keep busy, dont become clingy, find a social circle outside of hers... u cant make ur life center around her or you are setting urself up for bad times ahead.

other then that, go for it

 

[Sincere]

yea bro...you gotta live life and just really take it one day at a time...because you don't feel like moving on or hooking up right now but who knows the next girl you might meet before you move back to the west coast...so focus on that career and that money and let things work out for ya

 

[Maurizio 2.0]

Thanks guys for the responses and pretty much telling me what I need to hear.

To clarify: Yea, I did express that I wanted her back, and she said that she wanted to be in a relationship with me when I came back. I guess I'm just butt hurt about about the thought of her being with other guys in the meantime.

You guys are right that I prolly need to back off a bit. Quit being so clingy, which I admit has gotten a bit out of hand, and man up a bit about the matter.

This whole issue of being clingy has actually been on my mind for a bit when I noticed that I was usually the one calling her over the last few weeks. So I didn't call her yesterday, and today she called me. So that's good at least.

I'll have fun with her when I see her between now and when I move back, and see what happens when I return full-time. In the meantime I guess I'll try and find a distraction...