Monogamy is Unnatural

[jarworpar]

I've been in a relationship now for about 8 months, and I'm at a point where I am just bored, and I start to look at other women. As biological evolution states, men are not designed to stay with one woman for a long period of time. I'm starting to miss my single days more and more....

 

[SoSuaveDude]

That's your opinion! But monogamy is proven to be more successful in relationships where both partners are 40+ years of age. Eventually, the majority of people reach a point where they want to settle down and spend the remainder of their life with someone else. Keep in mind that no marriage is perfect, but there's nothing wrong with monogamy...

However, in recent years, monogamy is not a beloved, trending topic among the youth,,, as evident in sky-rocketing divorce rates... But it's hard to find a genuine, meaningful relationship these days, as women and men both enjoy implementing mind games in their relationships...

Hate to say it, but commonly the grass is always greener on the other side too! Do what you want though

 

[jarworpar]

Evolutionary biology is not my opinion. However, I do believe that it is possible to maintain one, it just isn't a natural state for men. Think about it: how many times have you been walking with your girl and you see a chick that you would love to (fill in the blank) with?

 

[Iceberg]

However, in recent years, monogamy is not a beloved, trending topic among the youth,,, as evident in sky-rocketing divorce rates... But it's hard to find a genuine, meaningful relationship these days, as women and men both enjoy implementing mind games in their relationships...

I'm 30. And I don't look at skyrocketing divorce rates as a "youth" thing. It's mostly from my parents' generation. The people born in the 60's or so...

And I don't think it's the byproduct of women and men implementing mind games. I think it's the byproduct of our society being built in such a way where a man doesn't "need" a woman. And a woman doesn't "need" a man.

What was our great grandparents generation going to do without a spouse? The woman certainly wasn't going to support herself by running a Fortune 500 Company. And the man wasn't going to live the life of a single playboy when people were barely living past their 60's.

Which takes us back to the original point: Now that men and women no longer NEED to be united for life, you see more and more people choosing to stray from that path. Marriage was the byproduct of necessity. Not love or honor or any emotional thing.

 

[Kirro]

I'm 30. And I don't look at skyrocketing divorce rates as a "youth" thing. It's mostly from my parents' generation. The people born in the 60's or so...

And I don't think it's the byproduct of women and men implementing mind games. I think it's the byproduct of our society being built in such a way where a man doesn't "need" a woman. And a woman doesn't "need" a man.

What was our great grandparents generation going to do without a spouse? The woman certainly wasn't going to support herself by running a Fortune 500 Company. And the man wasn't going to live the life of a single playboy when people were barely living past their 60's.

Which takes us back to the original point: Now that men and women no longer NEED to be united for life, you see more and more people choosing to stray from that path. Marriage was the byproduct of necessity. Not love or honor or any emotional thing.

Do you ever make a bad post?

 

[Jaylan]

Speak for yourselves. Never have and never will cheat. And Im a firm believer in monogamy for myself. When I fall in love with a chick, shes who I want for sure and from that moment on. I guess Im different than most men, because a switch turns off when I get in a relationship. I dont really ever lust after other women, and hardly need to stare because I am ridiculously attracted to my GF.

Solution for a lot of dudes: Dont settle. I only date girls who I find unbelievably hot.


Theres ways to spice up relationships if they get stale, but if youre bored 8 months in....I doubt you guys were the right fit for the long run.

 

[Hakuna]

Ironically, if you find a girl with a decent amount of "game," she'd be a better fit for an LTR.

For example, I would want a girl who KNOWS that she can't act overly clingy otherwise it will decay attraction. Girls who have passions besides getting male attention typically are better at LTRs than their more virulent counterparts.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Monogamy isn't societies creation based on the necessity of it. It is a form of living that has been perverted to a misplaced degree. Familiarity is the cause and the absense of appreciation is its aid.

We grow familiar with the same things on a daily basis, thanks to this fast paced, corporation driven, nation. New and now is the ideal. Out with the old, and in with the new.

How can anyone expect monogamy to work, when you don't appreciate what you have? Women seem to have more trouble with this than men. New clothes, new car, new hair. Why not toss men in there. Now don't get me wrong, I like new things. Its our drive to live. But appreciate what you have before you decide its time for something new.

If you find it hard, make a list of 10 things you like about your current belonging. It helps.

 

[jarworpar]

Speak for yourselves. Never have and never will cheat. And Im a firm believer in monogamy for myself. When I fall in love with a chick, shes who I want for sure and from that moment on. I guess Im different than most men, because a switch turns off when I get in a relationship. I dont really ever lust after other women, and hardly need to stare because I am ridiculously attracted to my GF.

Solution for a lot of dudes: Dont settle. I only date girls who I find unbelievably hot.


Theres ways to spice up relationships if they get stale, but if youre bored 8 months in....I doubt you guys were the right fit for the long run.

Here's one of those "holier than thou" posts...
First off, anyone can cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is. For example, even celebrities with blistering hot spouses have cheated: Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry, Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller, Brad Pitt (allegedly) cheated on Jenifer Aniston. And most recently, Tiger Woods cheated on his lovely wife. The list could go on and on.... I doubt if any of these fellows "settled." I'm willing to bet that these men were heavily in love with their women in the beginning--and even during--the time when they cheated, but testosterone is a b***h. Of course, monogamy is quite possible, and is the ideal for many.

Of course, monogamy is quite possible, and is the ideal for many.

Point is, relationships DO get dull every now and then; ask any married couple. And as you pointed out, you can always do things to spice it up. I just find it hard to believe that a man doesn't get to a point where he actually starts to fantasize about other women (not that he EVER has to act on it), which I believe to be quite natural.

 

[Iceberg]

Here's one of those "holier than thou" posts...
First off, anyone can cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is. For example, even celebrities with blistering hot spouses have cheated: Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry, Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller, Brad Pitt (allegedly) cheated on Jenifer Aniston. And most recently, Tiger Woods cheated on his lovely wife. The list could go on and on.... I doubt if any of these fellows "settled." I'm willing to bet that these men were heavily in love with their women in the beginning--and even during--the time when they cheated, but testosterone is a b***h.

Point is, relationships DO get dull every now and then; ask any married couple. And as you pointed out, you can always do things to spice it up. I just find it hard to believe that a man doesn't get to a point where he actually starts to fantasize about other women (not that he EVER has to act on it), which I believe to be quite natural.

100% agree. A hot spouse isn't the guaranteed solution for monogamy.

The only thing having a hot girlfriend ever did for me was make me say, "Man, I wonder how many other hot chicks I could be banging."

I've had healthy, monogamous relationships before. But I also have to acknowledge how hard it is to stay monogamous. Temptation is out there. And if your natural instincts are telling you to bang lots of pretty girls, while your "morality" is telling you to stay true to your girlfriend, then you have to wonder....is monogamy natural?

 

[Amazing]

You guys are caught up on looks which to me is a sign that you don't actually know what relationships are about..and it's this:


to have someone who you completely trust, who knows your fears and dreams, and vice versa, and you can be totally yourself with.

That's the power that holds people together - you want to make each other feel great and grow together in all ways not just age wise

 

[DanDaMan]

If you and your mate are "best friends", then you can both respect and love each other enough to keep things monogamous and feel great about it.

 

[Jaylan]

Here's one of those "holier than thou" posts...
First off, anyone can cheat, no matter how hot their spouse is. For example, even celebrities with blistering hot spouses have cheated: Eric Benet cheated on Halle Berry, Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller, Brad Pitt (allegedly) cheated on Jenifer Aniston. And most recently, Tiger Woods cheated on his lovely wife. The list could go on and on.... I doubt if any of these fellows "settled." I'm willing to bet that these men were heavily in love with their women in the beginning--and even during--the time when they cheated, but testosterone is a b***h. Of course, monogamy is quite possible, and is the ideal for many.

Of course, monogamy is quite possible, and is the ideal for many.

Point is, relationships DO get dull every now and then; ask any married couple. And as you pointed out, you can always do things to spice it up. I just find it hard to believe that a man doesn't get to a point where he actually starts to fantasize about other women (not that he EVER has to act on it), which I believe to be quite natural.

Holier than thou? Spare me. And no not anyone can cheat. Weak willed people do. Like I said, I never have and never will cheat. I take commitment and trust seriously and dont betray people I care about.

And I said for me, anyone I am with I tend to be seriously attracted to and find them hot. So why would I need to look at anyone else. Thats my point. I dont need to, a switch turns off for me. Testosterone is a *****, but guess what, I channel that to my lover. SIMPLE ENOUGH

And I guess I am different, I tend to not fantasize about other girls when Im in a relationship because I just desire to screw my gal, unless porn counts.... lol

100% agree. A hot spouse isn't the guaranteed solution for monogamy.

The only thing having a hot girlfriend ever did for me was make me say, "Man, I wonder how many other hot chicks I could be banging."

I've had healthy, monogamous relationships before. But I also have to acknowledge how hard it is to stay monogamous. Temptation is out there. And if your natural instincts are telling you to bang lots of pretty girls, while your "morality" is telling you to stay true to your girlfriend, then you have to wonder....is monogamy natural?

Never had temptation conflict with my morals becuase my temptation is for my gal only. If im single thats another story.

You guys are caught up on looks which to me is a sign that you don't actually know what relationships are about..and it's this:


to have someone who you completely trust, who knows your fears and dreams, and vice versa, and you can be totally yourself with.

That's the power that holds people together - you want to make each other feel great and grow together in all ways not just age wise

I agree and thats what I long for in a mate when I get a little older. I am not all about looks trust me. Empirically most people would of deemed my ex a low 7, sometimes a 6, but to me she was a 10 i was insanely drawn to her. Basically what matters is how I feel about her.

If you and your mate are "best friends", then you can both respect and love each other enough to keep things monogamous and feel great about it.

^this this this

Did I say this?

 

[jarworpar]

To Jaylen:
To me, that's like someone who wanted to become a trial lawyer since age 8, accopplishing that goal as an adult, then proclaiming: " I love my job. I never have a bad day, I never dislike my clients, and I never wish I chose to do something different with my life. I love EVERY single aspect of my job." Now, that SOUNDS great, but it also sounds like something else...b***s**t.

For someone to never, EVER have gotten bored with their woman, look at other women from time to time (not with the intention to actually cheat, but out of pure lust), is just as unrealistic to me, but it SOUNDS great to say or suggest....

But if you never have had lustful feelings toward other women while in a relationship, then I guess you are truly an exceptional man....

 

[jarworpar]

To Jaylen:
To me, that's like someone who wanted to become a trial lawyer since they were 8, accopplishing that goal as an adult, then proclaiming: " I love my job. I never have a bad day, I never dislike my clients, and I never wish I chose to do something different with my life. I love EVERY single aspect of my job." Now, that SOUNDS great, but it also sounds like something else...b***s**t.

For someone to never, EVER get bored with their woman, look at other women from time to time(not with the intention to actually cheat, but out of pure lust), or argue here and there is just as unrealistic, but it SOUNDS great to say or suggest....

But if you never have those feelings, then I guess you are truely an exceptional man....

 

[EFFORT]

Here's an interesting book on the topic

http://www.amazon.com/Myth-Monogamy...=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1308193118&sr=1-3

 

[Jaylan]

To Jaylen:
To me, that's like someone who wanted to become a trial lawyer since age 8, accopplishing that goal as an adult, then proclaiming: " I love my job. I never have a bad day, I never dislike my clients, and I never wish I chose to do something different with my life. I love EVERY single aspect of my job." Now, that SOUNDS great, but it also sounds like something else...b***s**t.

For someone to never, EVER have gotten bored with their woman, look at other women from time to time (not with the intention to actually cheat, but out of pure lust), is just as unrealistic to me, but it SOUNDS great to say or suggest....

But if you never have had lustful feelings toward other women while in a relationship, then I guess you are truly an exceptional man....

Dude Ive had only two relationships in my life, both with girls I loved. The rest is just dating and hook ups. For me to be exclusive with a girl I have to really be sure about it lasting and sure about my capacity to love her, and I dont get knocked off my feet very often. When I have those two times, I never had a reason to get bored of those to gals. So no it isnt bull****.

I guess if I jumped into exclusive relationships with people I barely knew, or were getting to know, the same way everyone else does, then I would be getting bored more. But I dont get into relationships unless I am sure. I wont waste my nor someone elses time with a partnership that wont go anywhere.

And about the lusty feelings thing, I guess I dont have them for other women when I dated those two girls because I was that into them. Works for me. We will see if thats different with the next girlfriend.

 

[zekko]

This is an old topic. Guys are always saying on these forums that monogamy is unnatural. I find this idea ridiculous. Men have conflicting urges. On the one hand, they want to spread their seed. On the other, they like to form pair bonds with potential mothers of their children, at least long enough to raise the child to viability. I don't see how anyone can say that either is unnatural.

What sets humans apart is their intelligence and their adaptability. Humans have a choice of what they want to do, and how they want to live. It is natural for humans to build societies, build buildings, and create technology. If humans would stay in the jungle and swing from tree to tree without developing any further, THAT would be unnatural.

A lot of guys here would say that a guy will fall for/get oneitis for a pretty young girl because they've seen too many Hollywood movies. As if this never happened before there was television or films, L O friggin L? No, it happens because it's a natural urge. Just like it's natural to feel an attraction toward any new pretty girl that walks by. Just because you have an urge doesn't mean you have to act on it. Humans get to choose their behavior. As nature intended.

Now if you want to say that monogamy means having just one sex partner their entire life, yeah I agree that's not going to happen very often. I'm talking about more of a serial monogamy of sorts, or pair bonding that lasts x number of years for the sake of survival of the child. That's natural. But if a man and woman do choose to stay together for life, there's nothing wrong with that, and certainly not unnatural. Is there anything a human chooses to do that is truly unnatural?

 

[jarworpar]

To zekko:
Great post bro, and I agree. There are books out there ( such as The Myth of Monogamy by Barash and Lipton) that state that it is in a man's nature to spread his seed as wide as possible. However, we can always make a conscious choice to be exclusive, as you pointed out. What I meant in asking whether monogamy is natural or not is whether it is our natural state to pair bond with a woman for the rest of our lives. Again, as highly intelligent beings we can make the choice to stay exclusive for life. It just seems that it is more of a social convention to get married in the Western world and be exclusive for life. In some middle eastern and African countries, men are allowed to have more than one wife, and that is accepted by all for the most part.

 

[Kirro]

To zekko:
Great post bro, and I agree. There are books out there ( such as The Myth of Monogamy by Barash and Lipton) that state that it is in a man's nature to spread his seed as wide as possible. However, we can always make a conscious choice to be exclusive, as you pointed out. What I meant in asking whether monogamy is natural or not is whether it is our natural state to pair bond with a woman for the rest of our lives. Again, as highly intelligent beings we can make the choice to stay exclusive for life. It just seems that it is more of a social convention to get married in the Western world and be exclusive for life. In some middle eastern and African countries, men are allowed to have more than one wife, and that is accepted by all for the most part.

The drawback is, you have to able to financially support each & every wife.