Mom's alpha widow is back

[Pandora]

Mom is old school and in her late 60s. She had only a handful of relationships in her life. Back then casual dating was frowned on. She dated this one guy who was her alpha widow. Growing up she would talk about this dude and how well he treated her. She would bring it up occasionally. I knew this was the dude that alpha widowed her. They had to break up because of race related issues. He was a different religion/ culture etc.

She got with my dad and was 100% faithful to him despite his philandering and physical abuse. They finalized their divorce after 40 yrs this year. Guess who is back in the picture? My moms alpha widow. This dude contacted her years ago and she didnt respond until she was divorced ( or so she says). He is recently divorced and now they are talking. They act like giddy teenagers taking trips, going out etc. Its kinda cute and weird at the same time.

My point is that you want to be your woman's alpha widow. If you are not that guy then its probably better not to even settle down with her. This concept is so important. A woman's whole life will revolve around her greatest love. Most women will be permanently unhappy unless they are with that guy.

Once she is mentally broken from her highest score its a wrap for her. This is why old school cultures had the " you break it you keep it" policy. Much of the bitterness exhibited by modern American women is because they have been alpha widowed.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Yes

 

[BeExcellent]

Life is a marathon not a sprint. Sometimes things have a way of coming back around. Be happy for her.

 

[TB24]

It seems as if the element of separation/lopsidedness/obstacle is almost a prerequisite to achieve this high level of attraction!? e.g. would your mom and that dude be as happy as you describe if there hadn't been those racial obstacles?

 

[Pandora]

Life is a marathon not a sprint. Sometimes things have a way of coming back around. Be happy for her.

Yes thank you. I am happy for her. Yeh the universe works in mysterious ways. It also shows that everyone has that person.

 

[Pandora]

Yes

100%. Life is interesting.

 

[Pandora]

It seems as if the element of separation/lopsidedness/obstacle is almost a prerequisite to achieve this high level of attraction!? e.g. would your mom and that dude be as happy as you describe if there hadn't been those racial obstacles?

Interesting. This dude was Indian in Africa. She was half Lebenese/African. Indians could not marry Africans. So his mother forbade it. He tried and tried to convince his mother but she said no. He got a semi arranged marriage. They divorced like 40 something years later. I know this sounds like the plot of a Bollywood movie.

He def was an Indian Chad but he treated her really well. When I was born he even sent her money even though it was not his kid ( she didnt even ask or really need it) . He was obsessed with her. No arguments etc.

So maybe the racial element came into play slightly. I just think he was a rich Chad with a heart of gold that clicked with my mom.

 

[Pandora]

There is always someone out there that will treat you well. When you are in a toxic relationship you sometimes forget that. Everyone has that one person that will worship the ground they walk on. There is no excuse to be with someone who does not make you feel good about yourself. It takes people 40 yrs to learn this lesson sometimes.

 

[BeExcellent]

They loved each other deeply but in the end he chose to respect cultural boundaries expected by his family.

That's not a bad thing in itself. Often times wealthy families will do things like disinherit the children if they make choices that go against family values or cultural norms, or that would embarass the family. Indian culture, even in the 21st century still carries vestiges of caste society, especially in higher social strata where most wealthy families would be. When you observe through this lens it makes sense.

But much has changed in the world over the past 40 years. The love is still alive (for it was always there simmering quietly). They each did the marriage thing, those decades are gone, but their love remains. Now the pressure to marry properly is diminished or gone. Perhaps his mother is long since dead. At any rate those things do not matter now.

Glad she is happy; happy he is good to her. They probably belong together. Good that life has brought them close again. What a great thing for you to see.

 

[Vanderdonck]

My point is that you want to be your woman's alpha widow. If you are not that guy then its probably better not to even settle down with her.

This sounds a bit paradoxical to me. Per the definition, you have to be out of her life and she will always pine for you. So you can't settle down with her. Not to take anything away from your mom's story, I think that's dope that they reconnected.

I have always found the Alpha Widow concept kind of solipsistic and silly. A woman is going to be practical and get on with her life at some point. To me it seems the height of ego to think that a guy can just break a woman and she'll never be the same. That said, some girls do get like this. I just don't think it's a given that every woman has that one guy, there's a lot more to life than sex and romance.

 

[TB24]

Like you have to die young and tragically in order to become a legend. But you don't benefit from that, because you are, well, dead.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Is it feeling heavy,, Mom's spaghetti?

 

[Pandora]

They loved each other deeply but in the end he chose to respect cultural boundaries expected by his family.

That's not a bad thing in itself. Often times wealthy families will do things like disinherit the children if they make choices that go against family values or cultural norms, or that would embarass the family. Indian culture, even in the 21st century still carries vestiges of caste society, especially in higher social strata where most wealthy families would be. When you observe through this lens it makes sense.

But much has changed in the world over the past 40 years. The love is still alive (for it was always there simmering quietly). They each did the marriage thing, those decades are gone, but their love remains. Now the pressure to marry properly is diminished or gone. Perhaps his mother is long since dead. At any rate those things do not matter now.

Glad she is happy; happy he is good to her. They probably belong together. Good that life has brought them close again. What a great thing for you to see.

Yes 100% this is what happened. Also thanks.

 

[Pandora]

That said, some girls do get like this. I just don't think it's a given that every woman has that one guy, there's a lot more to life than sex and romance.

You are right. I use the word alpha widow too loosely. I use it interchageably with " Highest Score" a term that a member named Desvidona came up with. I just say alpha widow but I mean the highest score or guy who imprinted on her the most.

Women do not get over the highest score. This is one of the reasons that divorces are so high.

Also there is not much more to life than sex and romance to women. Women live for romance. A womans greatest fear is that she will never experience her great romantic love.

Btw thanks for the kind words about my moms relationship. I may keep yall updated. There is an interesting turn of events. She is about to sabotage her own happiness ( in typical female fashion).

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

It seems as if the element of separation/lopsidedness/obstacle is almost a prerequisite to achieve this high level of attraction!? e.g. would your mom and that dude be as happy as you describe if there hadn't been those racial obstacles?

Isn't that what all RomComs are about? Obstacles on the way of blissful love?

A woman is going to be practical and

Practical in matters of the heart?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Practical in matters of the heart?

Actually, yeah. It's men who get mired in romance and feelings. Women are on a different schedule and see sex and love differently. Less sentimental. However anyone can get hung up on someone, it happens.