Mom being used as a FB by a 57 years old nice guy

[Suspens]

Brief back story:

My father died around 2 years ago. My parents had a really bad relationship from the start. Right 9 months after the loss, my mom started seeing a "rich classy doctor". It's been almost a year since they started to see each other, and I know it's not just a normal meeting. She is really attached, and the guy is the one who is in control. Sending romantic crap during the first months, now he ignores her from time to time. Typical nice guy dog.


And when he ignores her, she feels extremely sad and depressed. Yes she is a clingy desperate wreck.


I got really mad one night and called the guy at midnight. Told him " Look, I'm a logical person and don't want to control two mature people, I'd like to meet you and talk to you in person abot this. I'm telling you that you are not allowed to contact my mother any more and and you should ignore any such attempts by her.. It's not going anywhere.That's all you need to know." He started stuttering like a pvssy and talked in a soft tone, saying that he was a friend and knows we have been through a disaster. And he just tried to be a friend for her during these desperate times.

Guess what, she called him again and even though the guy didn't want to get into trouble with me and ignored her, she convinced him by saying that " My son is a psycho. Don't be confused by his childish rage. Nothing to worry about"


I feel like a weak coward now, who can't help and defend his mom. I know she likes him but the guy doesn't give a crap about her. What should I do? Should I move out and completely forget that I have a mother?

- Me, my brother and sister are living in a small flat with my mother. All of us unmarried and above 20.
- Haven't seen the guy.
- He isn't committed and my mom is just a desperate FB in his eyes. On the other hand my mother believes she has a chance and eventually they will marry each other, UGH. She has no self respect and she doesn't care about our emotions and mental state. She is naive and very emotional.

 

[Tictac]

Stay out of your mother's business.

She's a grownup.

You on the other hand have your own issues to deal with.

So deal with them.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

In your 20s? You need to move out and get started with your own life separate from the family.

Your mom is a grown woman. If she wants your input on her love life, she'll ask.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Suspens,
Seems a bit ridiculous for a young inexperienced Man to be telling His Mother,and a Doctor how to live their lives!

 

[evan12]

She has no self respect and she doesn't care about our emotions and mental state. She is naive and very emotional.

I know you will hate to hear that , but your mother know what she is doing , she want sex (yes I know want to believe it is about love ), she know it is not going to no where but she want sex. women try to make it about love , but they clearly know when it is about love and when it is about sex .

 

[LiveFreeX]

move out asap.

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

Stay out of your mother's business.

She's a grownup.

You on the other hand have your own issues to deal with.

So deal with them.

Correct, need to let her handle her own stuff... even if she screws up which parents often do. ..

 

[mangotot]

Its probably doing your mom some good to get over the grief. Stay out of her business.

 

[bmp2cpm]

"57 years old nice guy"

If I were you, I would meet the guy and become his friend. Seems to me, he could give you career advice and women advice. Start using him to your benefit.

 

[Alvafe]

Brief back story:

My father died around 2 years ago. My parents had a really bad relationship from the start. Right 9 months after the loss, my mom started seeing a "rich classy doctor". It's been almost a year since they started to see each other, and I know it's not just a normal meeting. She is really attached, and the guy is the one who is in control. Sending romantic crap during the first months, now he ignores her from time to time. Typical nice guy dog.


And when he ignores her, she feels extremely sad and depressed. Yes she is a clingy desperate wreck.


I got really mad one night and called the guy at midnight. Told him " Look, I'm a logical person and don't want to control two mature people, I'd like to meet you and talk to you in person abot this. I'm telling you that you are not allowed to contact my mother any more and and you should ignore any such attempts by her.. It's not going anywhere.That's all you need to know." He started stuttering like a pvssy and talked in a soft tone, saying that he was a friend and knows we have been through a disaster. And he just tried to be a friend for her during these desperate times.

Guess what, she called him again and even though the guy didn't want to get into trouble with me and ignored her, she convinced him by saying that " My son is a psycho. Don't be confused by his childish rage. Nothing to worry about"


I feel like a weak coward now, who can't help and defend his mom. I know she likes him but the guy doesn't give a crap about her. What should I do? Should I move out and completely forget that I have a mother?

- Me, my brother and sister are living in a small flat with my mother. All of us unmarried and above 20.
- Haven't seen the guy.
- He isn't committed and my mom is just a desperate FB in his eyes. On the other hand my mother believes she has a chance and eventually they will marry each other, UGH. She has no self respect and she doesn't care about our emotions and mental state. She is naive and very emotional.

meh you think he is a nice guy but its not, you don't know what happens behind doors and if your mom is desperate or not he is doing something right to get her like this.

funny is even when she said youa re a psycho the dude still talks with her, that would mean he would hide but he don't care about you and I think he is the one who pulled your mom to ignore you.

from what I can see is your mom is not a mom is just a little girl wanting some SEX, pretty sure my mom would ask if I liked the guy if this was the case, a real mom would first care about his kids then other dude.

but if I was in your shoes I would just disapear, she is serious about not caring about you and just want to have the doctor and if is the case better you just ignore her, move out, and every time she tries to talk with you(i'm betting she won't anyway) you just say you are too busy and take care of yourself and watch the train wreck happen since the guy will do anything other then have fun with her, and when she start to realise that will be a funny thing to see

 

[speed dawg]

Your mom is the problem. Any beef you have is with her. If you want to tell her to respect herself, possibly do that. But you shouldn't have anything to say to the doctor guy.

 

[Suspens]

You on the other hand have your own issues to deal with.

So deal with them.

Good advice. I have so many issues myself.

But sometimes it's hard to ignore her. We all know that relationships could devastates someone's life . I Don't want that to happen.

In your 20s? You need to move out and get started with your own life separate from the family.

Actually Im' close to 30. I would like to do that, but I have to invest a considerable amount of money on renting and furniture. Is it worth it?

Dear Suspens,
Seems a bit ridiculous for a young inexperienced Man to be telling His Mother,and a Doctor how to live their lives!

The guy is a phony and weak. He isn't a doctor IMO. A doctor wouldn't beg a woman with 3 children to reply to his texts.

I know you will hate to hear that , but your mother know what she is doing , she want sex (yes I know want to believe it is about love ), she know it is not going to no where but she want sex. women try to make it about love , but they clearly know when it is about love and when it is about sex .

I know she wants the D.

But not from someone who doesn't give a damn about her. That's what I don't like here.

move out asap.

I have to invest a considerable amount of my money on renting and furniture. I don't have that much and I think I better invest that money on a business.

Correct, need to let her handle her own stuff... even if she screws up which parents often do. ..

She is very emotional. She would end up depressed and seriously fvcked up.

Its probably doing your mom some good to get over the grief. Stay out of her business.

More like she is just afraid of loneliness, in that case she can find some one who actualy cares about her.. I'm sure she has completly forgotten about my dad.

Nothing can be done, hamster will hamster

That's exactly what I've come to accept. Fact of life. I should start detaching myself probably and stop caring so much.

"57 years old nice guy"

If I were you, I would meet the guy and become his friend. Seems to me, he could give you career advice and women advice. Start using him to your benefit.

That was one of my suggestion. Meeting and knowing the guy. She dodged it completely.

Your mom is the problem. Any beef you have is with her. If you want to tell her to respect herself, possibly do that. But you shouldn't have anything to say to the doctor guy.

You are 100% right. And we come to PairPlusRoyalFlush's pooint. Nothing can be done.


@Alvafe: Not sure why you posted that bull****. It didn't make sense and wasn't helpful in any way. "Oh I has a better mom than you".

 

[speed dawg]

More like she is just afraid of loneliness,

To me, this is a sign of weakness. People need to learn how to be happy with themselves, which brings me to this:

in that case she can find some one who actualy cares about her..

This won't happen until she cares about herself, and not in a selfish, survival type way........she's got to truly find herself and know herself. This is where SO many baby boomers went wrong. Funny enough, they have this unfounded arrogance, but not the foundation of true self-esteem. It's fascinating to me. It's almost as if their parents' (greatest generation) toughness rubbed off on them, but since they never experienced any real hardship, they weren't forced to confront themselves and find out what they are really made of.

I'm sure she has completly forgotten about my dad.

Another sign of weakness. I know it sucks, but with these women who date/f*ck/re-marry so quickly after a death of a spouse, we have to entertain the possibility that they never cared about the spouse to begin with, and just needed someone to make them feel better and keep them from being lonely. That's why so many relationships don't work, people are only looking to receive rather than to give.

Bottom line, you can't tell your mom what to do, especially if she won't listen. Our parents are very head strong, even if it is to their own detriment. Many of the baby boomer generation will go to their grave with much unfinished business.

 

[Suspens]

Another sign of weakness. I know it sucks, but with these women who date/f*ck/re-marry so quickly after a death of a spouse, we have to entertain the possibility that they never cared about the spouse to begin with

I miss my father. Poor soul.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGDA0Hecw1k

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Suspens,
You say you are thirty now?....You were twenty then...You actually write like a Woman?....I think If you were genuine,I should worry more about you than your Mum!

 

[Suspens]

Dear Suspens,
You say you are thirty now?....You were twenty then...

- Me, my brother and sister are living in a small flat with my mother. All of us unmarried and above 20.

Actually Im' close to 30

I'm 28. Above 20 and close to 30.

You actually write like a Woman?

Yes, and I want to become a man. I would appreciate if you were more specific though. What makes you think that I'm girly, and "write like a woman".

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Brief back story:

My father died around 2 years ago. My parents had a really bad relationship from the start. Right 9 months after the loss, my mom started seeing a "rich classy doctor". It's been almost a year since they started to see each other, and I know it's not just a normal meeting. She is really attached, and the guy is the one who is in control. Sending romantic crap during the first months, now he ignores her from time to time. Typical nice guy dog.


And when he ignores her, she feels extremely sad and depressed. Yes she is a clingy desperate wreck.


I got really mad one night and called the guy at midnight. Told him " Look, I'm a logical person and don't want to control two mature people, I'd like to meet you and talk to you in person abot this. I'm telling you that you are not allowed to contact my mother any more and and you should ignore any such attempts by her.. It's not going anywhere.That's all you need to know." He started stuttering like a pvssy and talked in a soft tone, saying that he was a friend and knows we have been through a disaster. And he just tried to be a friend for her during these desperate times.

Guess what, she called him again and even though the guy didn't want to get into trouble with me and ignored her, she convinced him by saying that " My son is a psycho. Don't be confused by his childish rage. Nothing to worry about"


I feel like a weak coward now, who can't help and defend his mom. I know she likes him but the guy doesn't give a crap about her. What should I do? Should I move out and completely forget that I have a mother?

- Me, my brother and sister are living in a small flat with my mother. All of us unmarried and above 20.
- Haven't seen the guy.
- He isn't committed and my mom is just a desperate FB in his eyes. On the other hand my mother believes she has a chance and eventually they will marry each other, UGH. She has no self respect and she doesn't care about our emotions and mental state. She is naive and very emotional.

You are not in position to control your mother life.Married doesnt mean happy.Why you want to enforce marriage ? Google 'why women love drama' to understand your mom may actually enjoy this guy.Why ? He makes her feel alive.Women need high and low emotions.You are overprotective and overeactive.

 

[Suspens]

Women need high and low emotions.You are overprotective and overeactive.

I even slapped her once. After finding out she started texting him again. Does she hate and despise me now? I've heard that any kind of physical violence will make women hate you as long as you are alive.

 

[Tictac]

So your Mom is right.

You are a psycho.

Get out of her house.

 

[Malcontent]

You need to move out ASAP. You are too enmeshed with your mother.