So many things I want to say, yet so little words to put all my thouhgts into a coherent sentance...Hopefully some people with past experiances can guide me on what to do next...
Let me start off by saying this... Here's the thing I am in my early 20's and all my life I've had alot of guy-"friends". Who were just that, friends, guys who I just hung out with for fun, had no feelings for, never gave them anything more then a peck on the cheek as we said goodbye or a friendly hug.
I've done alot of dating but I cannot honestly say that I've ever been in any type of serious girlfriend/boyfriend romantic relationship, although I've had alot of opportunities to do so in the past but the guys that usually had a "high interest level" in me, I didn't about them or vice versa, the guys I liked, didn't like me back.
And I never really wanted to waste my time with a guy I felt nothing for, you know?
Anyways, about a month or so ago I finally met my "dream guy". It's very difficult to try to list all of his characteristics that made him appeal to me, because it's impossible to describe on paper, needless to say, he is the one guy that gave me "That feeling" where you just "Know" you want to be with that person.
I made sure I played all my cards right with him because I knew that he was a keeper. I've surfed this site for quite some time, read "Chicken soup for the Soul" as well as posts by Pooks and Cosmopolitain etc...
All this to say; looking back on my past dating experiances, I learned that I used to do alot of Barbie garbage. This time, I made sure I didn't do any of it with him. I was armed to the teeth with new knowledge on what and not to do.
It worked. We've been steadily dating for about a month now and everything is going great I would think. We also kiss, hug and cuddle everytime were together. So, he's basically my first real romantic "boy-friend"
As sweet as he is though, he is also a very insecure and self-conscious guy with a very low self-esteem who's always putting himself down on many lvl's, such as his physical looks, his talents etc.
As a girl, it's hard for me to hear alot of these things sometimes, which I know are simply not true. I always try to be there for him and make him feel better and special (which he is) or comfort him in some way, when he starts going all "AFC" on me, so to speak.
Anyways, the truth is, I care very much for this guy, more-so then I ever did for anyone in my life. Sometimes I was even a lady, and I know that a true DJ isn't supposed to be a woman, but if any of you have ever seen the movie "Hitch" I feel exactly like Will Smith did when he says "When I'm around her, I just can't seem to get my stuff right"
Even though I know all the rules, read all the articles, posts etc. It's completly diffrent when your actually with the men you love.
I guess my question is the following. I want to let him know how I feel about him. I really haven't ever told him how much of an important aspect he is in my life.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to go all carebearness mode on him. But I want to get rid of all these feelings which are bottlenecked up inside me, and I haven't told him anything out of fear of pushing him away and being overbearing.
I know that "the-game" requires us women to be "femanine" so to speak and not reveal any of or "motives" or do anything remotely drama-queen style, if we wish to keep the men were with, so that they don't lose interest. But I really need to be at peace with myself, which right now I'm not.
Sometimes he says things to me about himself and about us and I can't help in my mind but think "If you only knew".
Any suggestions, toughts?