Mixed Signals

[nismo-4]

Mixed signals are negative signals. Your princess is in another castle. Erase and replace her. You can do better.

I wrote a thread about this. If it were me, I'd go ghost until she wants me to come by and bang her brains out.

Case closed.

 

[aceventura74]

UPDATE:

We texted a little yesterday, she initiated the convo 2 days ago, I just didn't respond until yesterday.

We spoke on the phone for a little over an hour, it was casual and fun, but she was kinda mean at a few points in the convo, all in all like a 4/10 in terms of how I felt after it was over.

I did text her afterward and she responded with a a cute smiley face (A specific emoticon she used to use back when we first started talking)

I'm considering making plans/just randomly bumping into her next week at some point. Thoughts?

Also I feel I should clarify, I'm not looking to sleep with her, but to try to go for a relationship. I figure if we hangout next time and I grab her and and she holds back for a while its a positive signal and we can try to move work through this and go forward and I can be more assertive and be like "hey I'd really like to take you out on a date sometime."

I'd also like to clarify that while I am excited about this opportunity, I'm keeping myself in check. As in, next time if we hang out and she rejects my attempt at holding her hand I'll just feel embarrassed if anything, I'm not putting my heart out there for her again. I'm still limiting how much I text her and when I even do contact her, and what I say. No more lovey-dovey crap like we started off with back in June cause all that did was hurt me in the end.

 

[Reykhel]

Jesus Christ you're going about this the wrong way....

You're playing a beta game speaking on the phone to her for an hour, it is something that her girlfriend would do.

You're not looking to sleep with her, but to try go for a relationship????? Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! You're thinking like a woman...

So will this be a sexless relationship? or will you eventually fvck?

No matter what you're looking for, you must go for the lay. The sooner you fvck her the more she will invest.....and you let HER ask for the relationship EVEN if it's your desir....

to paraphrase: Men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers of sex. Which means women decide if sex will happen and men decide if a relationship will take place......if you as a MAN give up your time so freely...you lose value in her eyes...

What your doing is playing the nice guy thinking she'll go for the relationship that way. You may get what you want but she'll never respect you and you'll be her little doggy....

Get off the phone and go for the meet. Talk to her less.....scarcity will bring value....

the more time you spend talking with her she'll take you for granted and say "oh you again", the less time you spend talking to her she'll be like "hey can we hang out more?"

Can you not see the difference????

Seriously you need to grow a pair, you have this poon on a pedestal.

 

[RangerMIke]

UPDATE:

We texted a little yesterday, she initiated the convo 2 days ago, I just didn't respond until yesterday.

We spoke on the phone for a little over an hour, it was casual and fun, but she was kinda mean at a few points in the convo, all in all like a 4/10 in terms of how I felt after it was over. Too much talking on the phone. You need face to face time, and what's with this 'kidda mean' comment, be specific, was she playfully teasing, or being disrespectful. It matters....

I did text her afterward and she responded with a a cute smiley face (A specific emoticon she used to use back when we first started talking) I really don't see how this matters.

I'm considering making plans/just randomly bumping into her next week at some point. Thoughts? Make plans, yes, planning to ramdomly blunder into her... very weak. Just call her up on th ephone and ask her out. You are overthinking this. Trust me she will have a lot more respect for you if you just come out and tell her what you want instead of trying to make this look like some kind of accident.

Also I feel I should clarify, I'm not looking to sleep with her, but to try to go for a relationship.
Wrong mindset brother, you are head for the dreaded FZ if you don't pull out. Women have to know that you are interested in fvcking them, otherwise she doesn't know what to do with you. Women flee from guys looking for a relationship, and end up in relationships with guys that start off just wanting to fvck them.

I figure if we hangout next time and I grab her and and she holds back for a while its a positive signal and we can try to move work through this and go forward and I can be more assertive and be like "hey I'd really like to take you out on a date sometime." I really don't understand what you are doing here.... This doesn't make any sense. Figure out something YOU want to do. Rock climbing, kite flying, bowling, whatever it is that you like to do, and intite her to come with you. Settle on a time, place, and activity and tell her what you two will be doing... trying to feel her out to see where you stand makes you look weak.

I'd also like to clarify that while I am excited about this opportunity, I'm keeping myself in check. As in, next time if we hang out and she rejects my attempt at holding her hand I'll just feel embarrassed if anything, I'm not putting my heart out there for her again. I'm still limiting how much I text her and when I even do contact her, and what I say. No more lovey-dovey crap like we started off with back in June cause all that did was hurt me in the end.
If you want to hold her hand, then hold her hand, if she pulls away.... Try this, it works 3 out of 4 times. If you grab her hand and she pulls away tell her, with a smile and a wink, "Hey, I am holding your hand or grabbing your @ss, your choice." Three will laugh and hold your hand, the other will want you to take her home... which is fine. At some point in your interaction with a woman you have to decide when you are willing to either move things forward or burn the bridge.

See comments:

 

[pyros]

the real problem here is that OP, as I said before, is way too naive when dealing with women. He said it himself: "23 years old male. No dates, casual hookups or anything with girls".
He acts and thinks like a 12 years old boy. :nono:

Dont worry that much. When I was 23 I was in a similar situation, but I took action.

So my tips for you are:

1 forget about this chick cause she's not into you. Yoy may not see it now cause you are "blue pill" conditioned.
2 Go and read (as I said before) everything you can at therationalmale.com
3 From there go and read at other related web sites about alpha, beta males, pickup, hypergamy, white knight syndrom, inner game, etc

After you've spent a few months learning and changing the way you understand women, you should then go out and meet new chicks, fail, fail and fail...until you get some results: a couple of dates, some makeout sessions, maybe some sex..etc.

It is the only way I know to 'succeed'. There are guys that have better luck with women just because of how things went in their lifes since they were kids, but for other ppl like you OP or me, you have to put a ton of effort.

 

[aceventura74]

Additional details:

I think this may have been worth mentioning as various posters took the time to respond to me.

1. She is from the middle east (culture there isn't really pro relationship or dating)
2. She came to US in middle school and told me she was never in a relationship or any commitment of that sort

As wrong as I am (and I admit, your advice isn't bad), she is partly new at this, hence we've been both acting so childish?

ALSO: WTF is the rational male? I went to the website and it is jam packed with information, someone replied on this thread telling me to read about the "a guy" and told me I'm a "c guy" according to the website? Where can I find that particular article/section discussing different lettered guys lmao.

 

[aceventura74]

the real problem here is that OP, as I said before, is way too naive when dealing with women. He said it himself: "23 years old male. No dates, casual hookups or anything with girls".
He acts and thinks like a 12 years old boy. :nono:

Dont worry that much. When I was 23 I was in a similar situation, but I took action.

So my tips for you are:

1 forget about this chick cause she's not into you. Yoy may not see it now cause you are "blue pill" conditioned.
2 Go and read (as I said before) everything you can at therationalmale.com
3 From there go and read at other related web sites about alpha, beta males, pickup, hypergamy, white knight syndrom, inner game, etc

After you've spent a few months learning and changing the way you understand women, you should then go out and meet new chicks, fail, fail and fail...until you get some results: a couple of dates, some makeout sessions, maybe some sex..etc.

It is the only way I know to 'succeed'. There are guys that have better luck with women just because of how things went in their lifes since they were kids, but for other ppl like you OP or me, you have to put a ton of effort.

Thanks for the detailed response, I appreciate it a lot! Its pretty embarrassing to admit, but you hit it perfectly in your analysis: while my age is 23 and I have incredible academic accolades (graduated top of my class in HS and college), and I'm pretty social (not to hard for me to text friends to hang out), my girl game is weak. I'm basically as emotionally/relationship intelligent as a 12 year old would be. I know I said this before and it comes off as whiny but she's legit the first girl that had ever given me lots of attention and texted me romantic involved stuff (she wanted to be with me forever, wish we could hang out more, etc.)

I'm still pretty narrow minded, but its because I know this about myself: everyone else can tell me one thing, but until I realize it from within, I have a hard time accepting it. You guys are probably all correct in that she's
1) a bad idea to hang around
2) friendzoning me
3) using me
4) leading me on

But until I get to that point and realize it for myself I'm having a hard time accepting it. It might be "beta" and "naive" to think what I'm thinking but I really do believe that
1. We did have a special connection
2. We had a date, I showed interest, we held hands (i know, people do this all the time, I'm no macho man) but she held back (implying she likes me more than a friend)
3. Her life did get hectic
4. Once her parents find out she was about to start dating a 22 year old, they potentially started keeping track of her cell phone usage/keeping tabs on how many texts per day she sent (very easy, almost all cell phone companies have a simple way to access account information about every line they pay for and i'm sure her parents cover her cell bill) and when they saw 4000 texts to this 22 year old they did make it a lot more strict for her (she lost car privileges and I don't have a car...)

I'm also a smart person (again academically speaking). I'm full cognizant I made up a list to purely rationalize me still going after her (I'm not insane lol), but I still think, from an external perspective that there's a chance, close to 10% that maybe things started off well, we took a pause, and she's trying to make an effort to come back and pick up where things left off and I'd be an ass for leaving her hanging/passing up this opportunity.

Any thoughts? Constructive criticism is welcomed, its harsh to read through, but I really do read through all of your comments and try to reply and explore the resources you guys suggest. Thanks =)

 

[aceventura74]

Additional details:

I think this may have been worth mentioning as various posters took the time to respond to me.

1. She is from the middle east (culture there isn't really pro relationship or dating)
2. She came to US in middle school and told me she was never in a relationship or any commitment of that sort

As wrong as I am (and I admit, your advice isn't bad), she is partly new at this, hence we've been both acting so childish?

 

[pyros]

You can either:

a) Go ahead and get burned. Its ok, we all have been there. You will learn a thing or two, but you will get mad, confused, depressed or all of them.
b) Read what I wrote in my previous post.

Cheers.

 

[divisionuproar]

people commented on this weak ass post but couldn't respond to mine. TF?!

 

[aceventura74]

You can either:

a) Go ahead and get burned. Its ok, we all have been there. You will learn a thing or two, but you will get mad, confused, depressed or all of them.
b) Read what I wrote in my previous post.

Cheers.

Sorry I didn't mean it to come off as rude or disrespectful, its just how I learn best. Being in limbo right now sucks. If she were to flat out tell me she doesn't want anything more than friends I can have a much easier time dealing with this. I'm bracing myself for anger, confusion, etc.

I just need closure more than anything I guess. I actually really appreciate your tips.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Every time I asked her out she said she was super busy with this family stuff, and I actually kind of believed her because she kind of hinted at a family stress that she had to deal with.

Seriously... I've dated girls who's mom/dad had cancer, and the chicks were having to take their parents to the doctor for kemo treatments and tend to their parents. Heavy, heavy stuff... yet they still found time to go on dates with me. All that to say: if they like you, they MAKE time to go on dates with you, and if they don't, they find ANY excuse to be too busy to do it.

 

[aceventura74]

I think that's really person dependent; Me personally, i would not be able to handle that, I'd spend every waking moment with my folks, at therapy, during therapy, and after therapy.

 

[pyros]

I think that's really person dependent; Me personally, i would not be able to handle that, I'd spend every waking moment with my folks, at therapy, during therapy, and after therapy.

...you dont need closure, well, you think you do.

Almost no woman is gonna tell you directly "I am not gonna have sex with you ever but I'd like to string you a long as an orbiter, deal?"

So get used to it.