Mixed Signals Pt. 2

[aceventura74]

To all that replied: Great advice.

I'm more set on starting to let go now.

It might be the emotions talking, but we got into an argument tonight. And I'm sick of always saying sorry to her. Would be nice for her to at least acknowledge the situation unbiased or something instead of always blaming everything on me.

Like a *bleeping* genius I already bought the present. It's a 2 for 1 now. Birthday present, and goodbye present.

I'm sure I'll feel different when I see her, but my plan is to really call it quits. Right now I'm in the midst of starting a very demanding career and I can't mess up my life over a girl that, as much as I don't want to say it, is stringing me along.

I never wanted to think that solely because I'd never do it. Kind of like the idea that "if I'd never do that, then nobody would ever do it to me!" attitude.

After that I guess its goodbye. I'm sure she'll call and text me. But she'll eventually see that i'm just not responding and move on and so will i.

A lot of you guys spoke about self-worth and self-respect. Pretty sure I'm the butt of all her and her friends' jokes right now.

I must sound whiny, but this was essentially the first contact I've ever had with a woman so intimately...albeit it was through text message lol.

I will feel bad about hurting her though - say some time after her bday she hits me up? What do I do then...? I don't want to hurt her feelings and just not respond. Any thoughts...?

 

[dustmuffin]

I will feel bad about hurting her though - say some time after her bday she hits me up? What do I do then...? I don't want to hurt her feelings and just not respond. Any thoughts...?

Her feelings are her issue. She would have strung you along. Do you think she was thinking about your feelings? Hell No! She is thinking about what is best for her. What makes her feel good! Don't give her the gift. Just walk away. Believe me it is for the best. Don't respond.....Put yourself first! She won't appreciate your thoughtfulness.

 

[aceventura74]

Haha good response.

Its just not the type of person I am, and I don't like leaving bad feelings/tension with anyone. Made it 23 years so far doing that, so I'd prefer to not start!

 

[dustmuffin]

Haha good response.

Its just not the type of person I am, and I don't like leaving bad feelings/tension with anyone. Made it 23 years so far doing that, so I'd prefer to not start!

You are 23. You don't know much about life and nothing about women. You will learn the hard way. I'm out.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Good LORD, man - this reads out like a soap opera!

So, Imma need you to really, REALLY look at your actions, 'cause as much as I hate to say it, YOU have become the GIRL in this situation. Check it out:

• You're butt hurt that she won't go on a date with you
• You're crying to us about a girl that clearly has no interest
• Despite many warnings and observations about this girl's lack of interest, you insist on trying to get this girl
• You bought a present for a girl that doesn't have interest in you
• You keep thinking "Maybe I can change her"
• You're afraid of doing things to hurt her feelings
• You're trying to set up some kind of dramatic "goodbye," as if telling her you no longer want to speak to her is going to suddenly change her mind and give her a rush feeling of emotions... and as you're walking out the door she'll turn to you and go "Wait! I... I think I have feelings for you now!" Then you'll both run towards each other, give a strong embrace, and she'll finally be yours...

If it wasn't for you calling her "her," I swear I'd think you had a vagina.

Anyway... I can't say too much because I was the EXACT same way at 23. In fact, I can tell you exactly what she'll do: she'll be fine with not hearing from you for a while, then she'll hit you up at some point in the future knowing you'll pick up because... well, 'cause she knows you're stuck on her. Then she'll get attention validation from you via phone calls and text, but will either never have the time to meet up with you OR will meet up with you and act bored the whole time. Then she'll start a fight about something, stop talking to you... and then the cycle will start back up again.

My advice? Normally I'd say "stop talking to this girl, it's not worth it, you're wasting your time..." But quite honestly, I also feel that some guys have to actually go through the pain and B.S. to actually GET why it's not a good idea. So, I'd say: give her the present and see how she reacts. Chances are, it won't be a kiss or a hug, but more like an "oh.. thanks" with a look on her face like "why the f did this dude give me a gift." Then go through the cycle a few times until your brain finally realizes just how disinterested she is, and then move on to the next one.

 

[Konada]

Protip: The irony that in the effort trying to please everyone, the one suffering is yourself. NEVER give yourself and your value to people who don't give a fvck about you.

 

[aceventura74]

Good LORD, man - this reads out like a soap opera!

So, Imma need you to really, REALLY look at your actions, 'cause as much as I hate to say it, YOU have become the GIRL in this situation. Check it out:

• You're butt hurt that she won't go on a date with you
• You're crying to us about a girl that clearly has no interest
• Despite many warnings and observations about this girl's lack of interest, you insist on trying to get this girl
• You bought a present for a girl that doesn't have interest in you
• You keep thinking "Maybe I can change her"
• You're afraid of doing things to hurt her feelings
• You're trying to set up some kind of dramatic "goodbye," as if telling her you no longer want to speak to her is going to suddenly change her mind and give her a rush feeling of emotions... and as you're walking out the door she'll turn to you and go "Wait! I... I think I have feelings for you now!" Then you'll both run towards each other, give a strong embrace, and she'll finally be yours...

If it wasn't for you calling her "her," I swear I'd think you had a vagina.

Anyway... I can't say too much because I was the EXACT same way at 23. In fact, I can tell you exactly what she'll do: she'll be fine with not hearing from you for a while, then she'll hit you up at some point in the future knowing you'll pick up because... well, 'cause she knows you're stuck on her. Then she'll get attention validation from you via phone calls and text, but will either never have the time to meet up with you OR will meet up with you and act bored the whole time. Then she'll start a fight about something, stop talking to you... and then the cycle will start back up again.

My advice? Normally I'd say "stop talking to this girl, it's not worth it, you're wasting your time..." But quite honestly, I also feel that some guys have to actually go through the pain and B.S. to actually GET why it's not a good idea. So, I'd say: give her the present and see how she reacts. Chances are, it won't be a kiss or a hug, but more like an "oh.. thanks" with a look on her face like "why the f did this dude give me a gift." Then go through the cycle a few times until your brain finally realizes just how disinterested she is, and then move on to the next one.

Wow you hit it spot on.

Despite graduating at the top of my class, sometimes I guess its super easy to miss the most obvious details - thanks for outlining them above. Haha, the "I swear I'd think you had a vagina" part made me legit laugh out loud. I think I needed to hear this from you and all the other awesome posters.

I've been thinking about this a lot, and currently I'm unemployed, and really just waiting for my next job/career stuff to start up soon. Chrissy came into my life at that time and well, guess it made me forget about reality for a bit, and that's another reason (along with all of the great others everyone pointed out) that I was so desperately trying to hang onto her. Along with her being like the first girl to ever exhibit interest in me (that being a huge factor).

Haha you also hit it spot on with the "dramatic goodbye with the present" scenario. While I wouldn't have done that in realitiy, that's exactly what I imagined happening. My plan of action is to really just drop it off, give it to her. Keep it casual. And after that I'm just not initiating contact any longer. I need to focus on my academic career and job now. Enough games.

I figure if she does reach out to me, as you beautifully outlined, yes, I would reciprocate. But it would merely be reciprocation. Not like "oh chrissy called me tuesday...let me give her a ring on friday" it would be like a song fading out at the end - i'd pick up, but I couldn't contact her anymore.

She's clearly not the best for me, and there's plenty of other fish in the sea that don't make me stress out lol.

 

[aceventura74]

Protip: The irony that in the effort trying to please everyone, the one suffering is yourself. NEVER give yourself and your value to people who don't give a fvck about you.

Its time I start giving a fvck about myself and not others. Especially ones that aren't treating me nicely.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The others have covered this well , but I will add my two cents anyway because trust me every man needs go down this rabbit hole before he becomes a real man

Right now she has complete and utter control over you , your spending 17 hours a day thinking about her
And for what !?!

Dude this chick wont even hold your hand in public , your giving her your soul for nothing in return lmao

but its alright because weve all been there , you have to so you can see women and the world for what i
t really is
sadly the days of boy meets girl they fall in love and they all live happily ever after are long gone

society has become far too corrupted for that and this is widespread problem that extends far beyond relationships
learn to use whatever you can to your benefit and I’m putting emphasis on the word use

that is what this woman is doing to you

 

[aceventura74]

Question 5: Why would someone (not necessarily Chrissy) just string a guy along? That's pretty cruel, and tbh, heart-breaking for a guy like me that's never had any relationship or girls interested in him in any form more than friendship. Like that's unbelievably cruel. I never thought someone would be so cold.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Question 5: Why would someone (not necessarily Chrissy) just string a guy along? That's pretty cruel, and tbh, heart-breaking for a guy like me that's never had any relationship or girls interested in him in any form more than friendship. Like that's unbelievably cruel. I never thought someone would be so cold.

Lol, wait until you actually start dating girls and getting to know them better. Then you'll see how cold they can really be.

It looks like you're starting to see the light, but for the love of God man, don't give her the present. I can feel the awkwardness of that exchange from here lol. She has done absolutely nothing to deserve a gift from you. Return it to the store to get your money back, give it to your mom instead, donate it to a homeless shelter, I don't care. But don't give it to her.

In fact, don't even acknowledge her birthday. Just move on, and visit this site EVERY DAY because you need a lot of help with your game. Like, A LOT of help.

We've all been there though, so don't sweat it. Plenty of time left for you.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

In my line of work (i.e. giving dating advice - peep the link in my signature), I teach guys a very important thing: there is NO such thing as a mixed signal.

With that said: the reason a woman may SEEM to string a guy along is because women communicate in a way that is more passive than men do. In the world of girl, being too direct has taught them that feelings can get hurt too easily and things get chaotic. Think about it for a second:

• When a girl doesn't like another girl, does she come right out and say it? No - instead, they will actually talk to that other girl, yet make the occasional snide comment about them in a way that's not so obvious (etc. "I love your hair! I wish I could get mine done like that, but we can't all afford to get it done every week like you can..." BURN!)
• If a girl asks her friend if she likes a pair of shoes she's thinking of getting and the friend doesn't like them, will she say "don't get those, they look hideous on you?" Nope - instead, they'll say "hmmm, I guess they're okay..." and the first girl will know that means they are the worst shoes ever.

I could go on... the point is, passive communication works well in the world of girl because they're great at picking up on subtleties and body cues to read what another person is thinking.

So, here's the problem men run into: a woman's natural way of communicating what she wants is to do it passively. So, let's say you ask a girl out and she doesn't want to go with you. Rarely will a girl give you a direct "no" answer because she's afraid being that direct with you will hurt your feelings, which will make her feel like the bad guy - and she doesn't want to be the bad guy.

Instead, she'll communicate her disinterest passively. How so, you ask? Let's take a look at your situation. This girl:

• "Playfully" swatted your hand away when you tried to hold it
• Really "wants" to go out with you but is just way too busy
• "Enjoys" texting you but makes you wait for hours on end for a response
• Likes being around you but "never wants a relationship"
• Only gives you one-word answers on a date

To you, this may seem like nothing. To her, though, these passive actions are her way of being "direct" about how she feels. In her head, she's thinking, "If I do enough of these actions, he'll eventually get the hint that I don't see him that way and move on..."

But, if you think about it logically, these actions really ARE telling you of her true interest. Think about it:

• Would a girl that likes you swat your hand away? Nope - she'd be grabbing at you all the time
• Would a girl that likes you be too busy? Nope - I've dated women in law school AND getting their doctorate, and despite their HUGE work loads would still find time to pencil me in, even if only for an hour or two
• Would a girl that likes communicating with you take HOURS to respond to a text? I'm not a texting fan, but even I know that YOU would have to be the one to end a texting session if she really liked you, 'cause she could message you all day
• Would a girl that likes you talk about how she doesn't want a relationship? For most women, that's the whole purpose of their existence!
• Would a girl that wants to talk to you give you one-word answers on a date? The girl I'm dating now can't STOP talking to me when I'm around. Why? The more they like you, the happier they are and the more talkative they get.

In summary: women don't string men along. What they do is give out passive communication that they feel is direct enough for the guy to get in hopes of leaving her alone. We, being men, read anything that's not a direct "no" as "I've still got a shot." But rarely is this true. My uncle had a saying: "The yeses will make you happy; the no's might have you down for a bit; but maybes will drive you crazy." A "maybe" is still a no. A mixed signal is still a "no." Anything she says to you that results in you not being able to see her is her way of saying "no."

Once you are able to understand this, reading women and their true interest will become a LOT easier for you.

 

[pyros]

just do whatever you want man, just for laughs.

 

[aceventura74]

In my line of work (i.e. giving dating advice - peep the link in my signature), I teach guys a very important thing: there is NO such thing as a mixed signal.

With that said: the reason a woman may SEEM to string a guy along is because women communicate in a way that is more passive than men do. In the world of girl, being too direct has taught them that feelings can get hurt too easily and things get chaotic. Think about it for a second:

• When a girl doesn't like another girl, does she come right out and say it? No - instead, they will actually talk to that other girl, yet make the occasional snide comment about them in a way that's not so obvious (etc. "I love your hair! I wish I could get mine done like that, but we can't all afford to get it done every week like you can..." BURN!)
• If a girl asks her friend if she likes a pair of shoes she's thinking of getting and the friend doesn't like them, will she say "don't get those, they look hideous on you?" Nope - instead, they'll say "hmmm, I guess they're okay..." and the first girl will know that means they are the worst shoes ever.

I could go on... the point is, passive communication works well in the world of girl because they're great at picking up on subtleties and body cues to read what another person is thinking.

So, here's the problem men run into: a woman's natural way of communicating what she wants is to do it passively. So, let's say you ask a girl out and she doesn't want to go with you. Rarely will a girl give you a direct "no" answer because she's afraid being that direct with you will hurt your feelings, which will make her feel like the bad guy - and she doesn't want to be the bad guy.

Instead, she'll communicate her disinterest passively. How so, you ask? Let's take a look at your situation. This girl:

• "Playfully" swatted your hand away when you tried to hold it
• Really "wants" to go out with you but is just way too busy
• "Enjoys" texting you but makes you wait for hours on end for a response
• Likes being around you but "never wants a relationship"
• Only gives you one-word answers on a date

To you, this may seem like nothing. To her, though, these passive actions are her way of being "direct" about how she feels. In her head, she's thinking, "If I do enough of these actions, he'll eventually get the hint that I don't see him that way and move on..."

But, if you think about it logically, these actions really ARE telling you of her true interest. Think about it:

• Would a girl that likes you swat your hand away? Nope - she'd be grabbing at you all the time
• Would a girl that likes you be too busy? Nope - I've dated women in law school AND getting their doctorate, and despite their HUGE work loads would still find time to pencil me in, even if only for an hour or two
• Would a girl that likes communicating with you take HOURS to respond to a text? I'm not a texting fan, but even I know that YOU would have to be the one to end a texting session if she really liked you, 'cause she could message you all day
• Would a girl that likes you talk about how she doesn't want a relationship? For most women, that's the whole purpose of their existence!
• Would a girl that wants to talk to you give you one-word answers on a date? The girl I'm dating now can't STOP talking to me when I'm around. Why? The more they like you, the happier they are and the more talkative they get.

In summary: women don't string men along. What they do is give out passive communication that they feel is direct enough for the guy to get in hopes of leaving her alone. We, being men, read anything that's not a direct "no" as "I've still got a shot." But rarely is this true. My uncle had a saying: "The yeses will make you happy; the no's might have you down for a bit; but maybes will drive you crazy." A "maybe" is still a no. A mixed signal is still a "no." Anything she says to you that results in you not being able to see her is her way of saying "no."

Once you are able to understand this, reading women and their true interest will become a LOT easier for you.

Thanks for the analytical post. I actually double majored, one of which being philosophy (maybe that's why I'm currently unemployed ).

Your analysis of the situation makes sense, she rarily would want to be the "bad guy" and flat out say "no" and rather just give passive-signals through the date.

What threw me off was her texting and calling me to hang out, which is why I eventually asked her out for date #1. Like around sept 8ish (just checked my phone's text messages) she was begging me to hang out. Then we finally got around to it towards the end of September.

Hence I thought this is "mixed signals" cause she asks me out a bunch of times, I finally agree and set up a date, then on the date she swats my hand away and tells me "no i'm mad" vs. the silent rejection (looked it up on youtube and asked a lot of girls I'm friends with...a girl will subtly just move her hand away from yours if she doesn't feel comfortable holding it...) so I thought it was just really lousy flirting on her hand.

She did mention she was never involved in a relationship, so I thought she might be as immature/under-developed in this dating/flirting/relationship field as I am, so I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt.

What you said does make a lot of sense though, and those thoughts did cross my mind.

Seems as though women sometimes aren't even speaking english, even if they are speaking english, if ya catch my drift lol

 

[aceventura74]

just do whatever you want man, just for laughs.

yupp. I will. And I'll post the outcome on here too. Thanks for the advice mate, if I recall correctly, you posted on my first thread (along with several times on this one), I really do appreciate it!

 

[RangerMIke]

Jesus... when you said that you were upset that she was only texting you 4 times a day I laughed my head off. With women I sleep with I don't text that much in a month.

Bottom-line you have done NOTHING right. NOTHING. Forget this girl, you can't fix this.

Read Book of Pook, DJ Bible (10 times), and the Alabaster Girl before you try with another girl.

 

[aceventura74]

Final Plan:

Cancelled the gift order.

Done with her.

Had a heart-to-heart with my best friend (he's an active user on this website as well).

She isn't worth me, nor the time or effort. And any more investment from me is just gonna result in me getting hurt.

Thanks for all the help--certainly not the easiest to hear about how "i'm wrong" etc., but it certainly made the point loud and clear.

 

[parkthebus]

@aceventura74 the other guy analysed the **** out of the female pysche but to actually answer your question, the reason they string you along is because the human female relies on social relations for survival (hence desiring the socially dominating man, even if he's not wealthy) so shell string you along and let you down subtly so she can maintain her social support. It's a survival instinct that most of them will never know controls their actions. If you imagine you tell someone outright that you don't like them, they'll probably cut ties with you. If you do it subtly, the relationship will take a hit but you'll survive. If the purpose not being liked is a male, he probably won't even know why the relationship took a hit just that he should give her some space or something.

 

[nismo-4]

You need to take her on an awesome date and try to make love to the girl. Simps. If she rejects you then you wait until she contacts you again which will mean she is ready to receive the D.

If that ever happens, give it till 2020.

OP, Judge nismo is very disappointed in you. Mixed signals is negative signals/ a message you don't wanna hear/ low interest. All synonymous. Your princess is in another castle. She only comes out when she needs your attention. You are deep in the friendzone. Delete her from all platforms.

I'm already making her swallow anyway. When I refuse to listen to her, she wants your shoulder to cry on. After that, she goes back to me to have her vagina destroyed.

Move on. For your own sake.

Case closed. She wants me to take her into chambers now.

 

[aceventura74]

If that ever happens, give it till 2020.

OP, Judge nismo is very disappointed in you. Mixed signals is negative signals/ a message you don't wanna hear/ low interest. All synonymous. Your princess is in another castle. She only comes out when she needs your attention. You are deep in the friendzone. Delete her from all platforms.

I'm already making her swallow anyway. When I refuse to listen to her, she wants your shoulder to cry on. After that, she goes back to me to have her vagina destroyed.

Move on. For your own sake.

Case closed. She wants me to take her into chambers now.

Got it nismo. Been reading all the suggested documents by all posters too, ready to start fresh!