Mixed signals; Professional Daters explained!

[BGMan]

All guys must deal with a phenomenon of mixed signals. By this, we are talking about a girl flirting with a guy, and otherwise acting like she likes him, but when push comes to shove, she won't date him, or not for very long.

How can we explain this?

I personally have noticed that there are some girls who I would definitely find attractive, but there's something about them I don't like. Maybe their face isn't "just so". Maybe it's because her eyes aren't the right color. Maybe her hair is too short. Maybe it's her being overly enthusiastic about spreading her religion, or something about her personality that I just don't like. Whatever it is, she's what I call a "not quite good enough" girl. On a guy's Mohs Hotness Scale, she'd register about a 6 or a 7.

However, even so, I'll joke around and flirt with these "not quite good enough" girls because I do find them attractive, and (perhaps) she's the cutest girl wherever I am at the time, but I won't date them because I know that I wouldn't be satisfied with one of them as my girlfriend. It would eat away at me like a worm knowing there is this problem which I can't fix.

But if this "not quite good enough" phenomenon holds true for me, why wouldn't it for girls as well? We all know that girls are profoundly different from guys, but there appear to be a few areas in which they resemble us, such as the degree by which one is attracted to a member of the opposite sex, and the way they deal with this.

So therefore, a certain girl might like me, and be attracted to me somewhat, and may even go out with me once, but there's some fatal flaw about me that she sees as something which will prevent her from being attracted to me. Perhaps she doesn't like guys who wear glasses. Maybe I'm too short. But for whatever reason, she won't date me, or if she does, she won't want to make out with me.

If a girl finds a guy "not quite good enough", two things can happen. First, if she has morals, she won't kiss or have sex with the guy; and it is this type of girl that Doc Love labels "The Professional Dater". However, if she "gets around", she and the guy may have a one-night stand, or even be fvck buddies for a while, but it will never develop into a long-term relationship.

Doc Love believes that Professional Daters have a more sinister, selfish plot in mind -- "they try to enjoy as many social and culinary experiences as they can, while biding their time for the 'real' Mr. Right." Well, it doesn't seem to be that way at all. Doc Love himself says, "...but there are many girls out there who would rate no more than a 6 or a 7 who are still full-on predatory Professional Daters". But these girls that Doc Love calls "Professional Daters" find the guy cute, but there's that something about them which makes them decide, "No, not good enough."

The problem is, a girl is quite likely to put you into the category of "not quite good enough" (40-49% Interest Level), and this would seem to explain the large amount of Professional Daters that the average guy runs into. But my solution to the Professional Dater problem is simply to never be afraid to move on, or to date several girls at once. If you do, you'll eventually find a girl that rings your bell and who also happens to have 50%+ Interest Level in you.

BGMan

 

[TesuqueRed]

What's Docs deeper theory on spotting professional daters?

I don't have his system and it's been awhile since I went through his replies on the subject.

What I can recall:

Date multiple women + kiss test would catch a fair number of professional daters right away...

 

[ali_g]

yep, do what he calls 'the smooch test'. That's the best way to weed them out.

 

[PrinceCharming]

What is "the smooch test"? Can someone explain it and how it is used?

 

[Cyledehysp]

And how about kino as a test (her response) ? Since It was called ultimate interest test more then once here, is it enough?

Or, maybe, its more like a temporary interest test? hm...

What do you think?

 

[DJinArizona]

As a rule I do the kiss test on EVERY first date and never call the girl again if she doesn't pass. My life has been a lot easier and I've completely avoided Professional Daters since I started doing that about a year ago.

Interestingly enough, I can think back to Professional Daters who I did bang occassionally or make out or get blown or whatever, but still, none of them kissed on the first date!

I think kino could be misleading as a test. Too many girls are touchy-feely with everyone so you can't always go by that.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Good reply, DJ-AZ.

Still, what's Doc Love's full take on this?

From what I know, you can tell a great deal from both kino and the kiss test. Anything too smooth is a red flag, any hesitation can be reluctance or sheer nervousness. Most DJs can tell the difference because, frankly, you often know more than you're willing to acknowledge. You often don't recognize that you knew as much as you did until after a situation blows up in your face--then you look back and realize you didn't trust what knew intuitively. That's the learning process and it's a bytch--but you know that you did receive the information up front and early. And this is invaluable.

Consider: the kiss test is fundamentally a kino test.

How is it different?

It isn't.

It's just a more intense kino test, and this is why it has value.

It is different since it blows past all the practiced moves of the amatuers. A professional can probably pass a kiss test. Meeting a professional that good is ultra-rare or unheard of (I haven't met one, but I read about 'em..) They're fishing for guys w/multi-million dollar portfolios--these are true professionals working the big leagues (Anna Nicole Smith is an aberation IMO)--

--but not really. I think even they blow it by being too slick, or too practiced. Guys that fall for that usually have a strong AFC streak that was recognized and taken advantage of.

The kiss test should work 102% of the time. The professional who can pass a kiss test can opperate at 110% efficiency, and I simply don't have what tempts them, so I'm safe.

 

[BGMan]

PrinceCharming:

The "Smooch Test" = a kiss at the end of the first date. If she won't kiss you, she has you in her "not quite good enough" category. DJinArizona knows much more about this than I do. Why?

I must make a confession here.

I have yet to actually kiss a girl for the first time in my entire life -- I only started dating a year ago and asking for numbers a year before that -- mainly because while I have conquered Hurdle #1 (my fears of asking for the phone number), and Hurdle #2 (my fears of asking a girl out over the phone), I have yet to tackle Hurdle #3 (my fears of kissing a girl).

I hope to put paid to that pusillanimity this coming semester.

BGMan

 

[Monkey]

I dont even think the 'smooch test' is an acurate gauge of womens interest. I've had a dates and kissed a few girls who next time I saw them had changed their minds.

 

[ali_g]

disagree, I can't think of a better way to weed out an uninterested woman than to lip-kiss her when she isn't expected it (i.e. you're not asking her about it)

 

[violator]

I think you guys are over generalizing the kiss test. Why? Because there are girls who won't kiss on the first date so as not to give the impression that they are sluts or easy. They do this even though they may like you. It is called the anti slut defense. Can it be overcome? Absolutely. By constant reassurance that you don't think she is a slut and by convincing her that she is not, you will get past the ASD and into her pants. This is especially true with the Catholic girls.

 

[ali_g]

having mentioned 'the smooch test', I reckon the best time for it is on the 2nd date. And if she won't do it then, she simply doesn't want you. How much time does a woman need if she likes you. Remember a woman who likes you wants to lip lock with you. And as for the anti-slut defence, well that's part of why the guy must go for the kiss unless she be branded a slut.

 

[jakethasnake]

wow, I had no idea. I thought you would have been quite a DJ since you (used to) post very often and had some good advice.




-Jake

Originally posted by BGMan
PrinceCharming:

The "Smooch Test" = a kiss at the end of the first date. If she won't kiss you, she has you in her "not quite good enough" category. DJinArizona knows much more about this than I do. Why?

I must make a confession here.

I have yet to actually kiss a girl for the first time in my entire life -- I only started dating a year ago and asking for numbers a year before that -- mainly because while I have conquered Hurdle #1 (my fears of asking for the phone number), and Hurdle #2 (my fears of asking a girl out over the phone), I have yet to tackle Hurdle #3 (my fears of kissing a girl).

I hope to put paid to that pusillanimity this coming semester.

BGMan

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
wow, I had no idea. I thought you would have been quite a DJ since you (used to) post very often and had some good advice.

-Jake

Not hard to explain. Most AFCs who first come here have already had some experience with girls. I was starting from nothing!

When I first came to college (fall 1999), it was first time I even SAW girls regularly because I was homeschooled all the way through high school. And although I got a superb education, my social skills left a lot to be desired. And I had absolutely no idea how to go about actually dating a girl. I was like that through my entire freshman year, and although I was considered a really cool person, I was called a "nice guy" pretty often.

I discovered the Don Juan Center in spring of 2001. Throughout that year I was pretty much a newbie, but I picked things up quickly. I got LJBF'ed later, which taught me a lot. That fall I was getting phone numbers, but at that time I was scared to call (I was still a recovering wuss) or of dating more than one girl at once.

I went on my first date ever in April of 2002 with my one-itis. Fortunately, I had been here for a year so I didn't make the standard AFC mistakes (other than getting one-itis). No kiss; I was scared, after all it was the first time I had ever been out with a girl.

This last semester, I no longer felt guilty about dating multiple women, and got seven numbers, and two dates, one of which may show promise for this upcoming semester (it was not long before the semester ended).

So what's basically happening here is that I started from less-than-scratch, and have been running my own DJ Boot Camp-type program on myself. And that's why I have never kissed a girl.

BGMan