Mixed signals and what to do with it

[teebear]

Rollo T. never brings up the celebrity maxim i.e. would she act this way if you were Brad Pitt etc. It's quite accurate though.

Here's the rub peaks. A first date only has gone well if she wants to see you again and actually does it. If she stops responding to your calls, or flakes on your second date (if it was ever going to happen), you have failed.

Raising attraction is easier said than done, if it's even doable. The woman has to have some sort of interest in you though.

And here's the funny part. You can't NEXT a girl you haven't f**ked. It's often men getting NEXTed because the woman isn't responding, she's flaking, she's unsure about you, etc. Yet the men think they're winning because they walk off. But they didn't get the pu$$y!

It's much easier to get a woman showing high interest than putting in the effort (with little to show for it) on a low interest woman. Game amplifies attraction. But attraction has to exist on both ends.

Sadly, raising attraction is a tough task, and there are more signs of disinterest than interest. After you get burned so much, you tend to move on a lot faster, even if you can't figure out why or how you failed. And women are either interested or not interested. There's no middle ground.

I agree completely. I'm beginning to feel that "building attraction" is a very difficult thing at best and perhaps not worth a great deal of effort. It reminds me of "overcoming objections" in sales. The likelihood of buyer's remorse is higher when you have to really sell something to a buyer. A woman is either attracted to you from the get-go or she is not. I have NEVER been surprised by a woman being MORE into me than I perceived - it's always been the opposite. For this reason I truly believe that "if you have to ask, the answer is probably no". Trust your instinct. Judge by her behaviour alone - it is the only reliable indicator.

If a woman is sending you mixed signals it's because she doesn't dig you very much. It's up to you how much effort you want to put into turning that around. I say cut your losses and keep moving.

 

[sodbuster]

IF a woman is interested in you, she'll make it easy for you to be together. NOT necessarily BE easy{may be a Church girl}, but you WILL be able to get dates, hang out, etc. IF you have to WORK HARD to get to see her???? Most likely, she thinks she can do BETTER. Either she hasn't seen all your "awesomeness" and MORE time chasing her will work or She's NOT impressed. IF she KNOWS you well and she doesn't want to date.... you are her male "girl friend" and yo need to move on and make time in yourlife for a woman who wants to f@ck you

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Either she hasn't seen all your "awesomeness" and MORE time chasing her will work

Well this is basically what I'm referring to. These days I usually knock the first dates out of the park, and therefore I'm the one who's deciding if there's going to be a second. However, every once in a while I will have a bad date or "average" date (hey I'm human ) but I know deep down in my soul that I could close the deal on the second date. That's the thing. The interest may not be high, but it would be high..... There are some, of course, that are lost causes, wastes of time. And I do recognize those for what they are. However the ones I know could be more....it's tough for me to do an immediate NEXT if she's not showing high interest, even though I usually do. I'm not much of the pursuer, that's not my game, I get them interested, then I let them pursue me, that's what I like, and that's what I'm comfortable with, and seem to be good at. However, I know I've let some higher quality women slip through my hands because I didn't pursue....I honestly don't even no how to go about it if they're not showing high interest. I know of times I've killed high attraction because of a perceived neediness, so in that sense, I stay away from any type of pursuit. If she's not reciprocating in some form, then I'm gone. There are times when I feel I should be more aggressive, or straight forward, but I guess I'm not confident enough at those times because I don't want to over pursue.

Also: There are timid ones. There are chicks out there who go by a set of rules, and they won't pursue themselves. They're used to guys chasing them, so they're "conditioned" to sit back and let the guy lead. And especially when they like a guy, they'll hold back....make him work for it a little bit. Then, when he doesn't, they may still be attracted to him, or even more attracted to him (because he's not all up in her ass), but because she has so many other options, or because of her "rules", she just lets it go. So, even if she does have high interest, she doesn't always show it.

A first date only has gone well if she wants to see you again and actually does it. If she stops responding to your calls, or flakes on your second date (if it was ever going to happen), you have failed.

I feel you here, and that has been my experience, for the most part, as well. However, I've banged chicks on the first date (knocked their socks off), then never been able to get a second shag. <------I've figured out the issue there, and that hasn't happened in a while. So, that's also a point. It's not always because the first date didn't go well. Sometimes it is the reason for low interest, but not always.

You can't NEXT a girl you haven't f**ked

I've heard you say this before but I don't quite understand it. Can you explain it?

And women are either interested or not interested. There's no middle ground.

You see, I feel there is a middle ground....or at least a way to turn the not interested into interested.

IF she KNOWS you well and she doesn't want to date.... you are her male "girl friend" and yo need to move on and make time in yourlife for a woman who wants to f@ck you

I'm not referring to being FZ'd either, that is one thing I really never had an issue with. If I wanted to bang or at least date the chick, Other than chicks I was forced to see on the reg, it was either going in that direction or we weren't doing anything.

 

[prodigy78]

I have 3 scenario's:
1. She is scared of commitment and thinks having a real relationship changes things between us.
2. She isn't emotionally available completely because she is thinking of someone else sometimes.
3. I'm making a big deal out of nothing

The second scenario is because I know she has a male friend that is in a relationship that she describes as someone who knows her really well and is a great friend. He sends her WA messages all day and she sees him from time to time(not at all as much as she wants to meet up with me). I know she has a connection with him because she told me a year ago talking to him made her realize her relationship at that time wasn't what it's supposed to be. On the other hand he can be annoying to her, she tells me this because he acts really dramatic sometimes.

Well, I found out the problem was #2. She needed to tell me something, so I went to her place. The guy above is in a long term relationship and she grew close to him. And some day the relationship went behind platonic with him, it started as being like a second girlfriend. He told her that his girlfriend doesnt make a problem out of it as long as they don't talk about it(yeah right). This went on for about a year. But when we grew closer she started having problems with it, so she cut the intimacy with him. But still she told me she still has strong feelings for him but in a friendship way. I don't mind my GF having male friends, but this just doesn't feel right since he clinging on her all day through IM. So I told her Im not in for some weird triangle relationship, she says she doesn't want that either but wants to be honest to me but that he is a good friend for her.

I'm torn atm. I like her being so honest, she shouldn't have to tell me this because I never made a problem out of it. On the other hand, what am I getting myself into? Will this contact stop at some moment?

I don't have a clue what to do.

 

[teebear]

It sounds like she is keeping her options open and loyalty to you is going to be a problem. You can have your pain now or you can have it later my friend, but I think that you know that this isn't going to end well.

 

[Rangercoog]

Okay... you are plan B... do not go along with that. My advice to you is to move on.... If she picks you over Plan A, (which she might) well great... otherwise. DON'T waste your time.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear peaks and Valleys,
"there is a building of attraction phase that needs to happen ".....No,not in something that will turn into a strong relationship....There is instantaneous attraction,sometimes in a few seconds,and then she will then go into a plausible deniability about any negative characteristics she sees or hears about you...I suppose it is love at first sight and depends on a lot of factors some rather lacking in Tangibility.

 

[Prime_Beef]

If I read this right...
1. U pumped her once. She remained ambivalent. ..meaning you didn't ring her bells, chemistry or your performance lacked
2. She admits to being a side piece spare girlfriend for a dude..we can call her the other woman or mistress
3. The other dude with the girl friend is ringing her bell or she wouldn't be there.
4. She doesn't have any morality nor maturity , so if you are looking for anything else, it's not here. Move on.
5. You are dealing with a garden variety skank, nothing more. AT WORK no less.

Let it go, no good ending here.

Remember, kids, in times if confusion with women and sexual access is questionable, remember the Prime_Beef maxim, "If you're not doing her....who is?"

 

[sodbuster]

^^^^^ The LAST line IS the message she's sending you..... SHe did you ONCE to keep you in her orbit, until she see's if she can land the OTHER guy

 

[prodigy78]

^^^^^ The LAST line IS the message she's sending you..... SHe did you ONCE to keep you in her orbit, until she see's if she can land the OTHER guy

Well, I'm having sex with her now so this isn't the case. She told me she needed to tell me this because she didnt want me to find out afterwards that this happened. She told her family she has a crush on me, for the reason she wants them to know what is up between us. So that's all cool.