Mixed Messages

[Lukef29]

I have really been interested in this girl for a while. Last week, we had our first real "in depth" conversation on MSN Messenger. Everything was going good. She was asking me about what I look for in a girl and other such questions. When I talk to a girl I like in person, I am usually shy, and she realized this. When I was talking to her on MSN, she asked that question, "Are you shy?" WHOOSH. My heart sank and I did not want to answer that question. But, I told her that sometimes I am shy. She said that she is the complete opposite. I felt my dreams go out the door. It was going so well too!! But, I told her "once I get to know someone I start to open up. Most girls don't take the time to get to know shy guys. They are automatically turned off. Girls just usually go for the ****y badboys."

Overall, she seems pretty interested though. Is there still hope that she would want to further this relationship?

 

[Fender]

Dude, I know this isn't what you want to hear...

But your thing with this girl isn't a "relationship" at all! MSN means NOTHING. And your little rant about:

"once I get to know someone I start to open up. Most girls don't take the time to get to know shy guys. They are automatically turned off. Girls just usually go for the ****y badboys."

sounds pretty AFC.

But don't worry. You can always turn this around. First things first...shyness is a big turnOFF! Some people might say "But that quiet dude over there gets LOADS of chicks!"

Well, theres a difference between being SHY and being INTROVERTED. One is a sign of weakness, the other is a general preference for not talking much. My advice would be to meet her in REAL LIFE. Ask her a few provocative/interesting quesitons, sit back, and listen. Don't worry about what she thinks of you. And have fun!

-fender-

p.s Mods, can you PLEASE sticky a short little message on this board saying:

"MSN/AIM/instant messengers= USELESS when dealing with chicks"

It'll save everyone a lot of time.

 

[t00dumb]

-i'll be nice when nice guys get laid

forgot who said that

 

[DJ4Real]

Well, yes, there is a chance for a relationship to occur, but, you will seriously have to break out of that "shy shell". When you spoke to that girl you should have been a little ****y and funny. Like when she asked "what do you look for in a girl" you should have said something like " WELL, she has to be able to cook like Emerill, clean like mrs clean, make six figures a year after taxes, she absolutely canNOT bother me when I'm watching TV, and she has to be able to ride a bike with one leg in the air; only one hand can be on the bike handle bar, and she cannot fall for a whole minute." Chances are she'll say something like " lol, wow, you are so silly".

 

[SlyD4rK]

Originally posted by Fender

p.s Mods, can you PLEASE sticky a short little message on this board saying:

"MSN/AIM/instant messengers= USELESS when dealing with chicks"

It'll save everyone a lot of time. [/QUOTE

yea instant msgs are pretty useless unless you want to 'practise' C&F...but otherwise, it means nothing at all.

 

[immrtlwun]

you can't really practice C&F on AIM. I've tried and the girl usually thinks I'm a complete a**hole because she can't tell when I'm joking.

BTW there's no such thing as an "in depth" conversation on MSN.

 

[SlyD4rK]

Originally posted by immrtlwun
you can't really practice C&F on AIM. I've tried and the girl usually thinks I'm a complete a**hole because she can't tell when I'm joking.

BTW there's no such thing as an "in depth" conversation on MSN.

thats what smiley faces / lols are for

 

[GirlInTheHat]

Personally, I would'nt be put of by a shy guy- lots of girls find it an attractive feature.

With regards to the MSN conversation- I met my boyfriend over MSN, and we have been dating for 2 months now.

Overall, I'd say don't worry. If she is asking you questions such as "what kinds of girls do you like" then I'd say that's a DEFINATE hint. If you think that you'd be shy around her in "real life", then you could use msn as a way to get to know her, and build your confidence up around her...

Anyways, hope that helped a bit- Good luck!

Ps. DJ4real- If someone said that to me, that'd be a big turn off. If you want to impress her, I know it sounds tacky, but honestly just be yourself. Chances are she is talking to you because she likes who you are, not because she wants you to be some arrogant copy of yourself.

 

[DJ4Real]

Well, that's just you. Being "yourself" never works. I've already tried just being myself. Take a long and hard guess why I've changed to say things like that. You seem like this girl that I know, you just take everything to the extreme and there is no playfulness to you; seriously, some of you women act stiff.

P.S. "Impressing" women is a big no no, the goal is to "attract" not "impress" her.

 

[GirlInTheHat]

*attract- bad choice of words on my part, sorry

I think you misunderstood me- jokes and playfullness are a great part of dating, I'm not saying don't- just don't try and completely change the way you act just because you think she might like it better... If she didn't like the way you are now, she wouldn't be taking to you now, would she?

 

[DJ4Real]

Originally posted by GirlInTheHat
*attract- bad choice of words on my part, sorry

I think you misunderstood me- jokes and playfullness are a great part of dating, I'm not saying don't- just don't try and completely change the way you act just because you think she might like it better... If she didn't like the way you are now, she wouldn't be taking to you now, would she?

I didn't change because I thought she would like it better. I was just tired of being "my 'nice' ole self". If you were male, you'd understand where I'm coming from. And the girl that I speak of is not the one who sparked this "change". The girl that I speak of now, seemed to like the way I am now, but I recently pissed her off (because I pushed her *it was supposed to be a friendly push*) so, she just won't talk to me or nothing. She just acts so hypersensitive and serious. I guess it's hard for her to take a joke. I actually decided to let her go, even though I have feelings for her.

 

[[]D [] []V[] []D]

Yeah... theres nothing wrong with "improving yourself" (being C&F).... if you say wanna tell us to be ourselves (which is basically AFC) then your gonna have everyone on these forums with over 50 posts against you...

Besides, attraction doesnt make sense... you should jus sit back and let the DJs do their thing

Alright well on to the question... you should never say that you are shy... but since she asked you should make your weakness become your strength...

For example..

Her:Are you shy
Me: Yeah...and thats why im such a mystereous and unpredictable guy!

GirlInTheHat... i bet THAT wont turn you off haha

 

[SlyD4rK]

Originally posted by GirlInTheHat

Ps. DJ4real- If someone said that to me, that'd be a big turn off. If you want to impress her, I know it sounds tacky, but honestly just be yourself. Chances are she is talking to you because she likes who you are, not because she wants you to be some arrogant copy of yourself.

haha...thats funny...you basically just proved yourself wrong
ill show you why:

#1 you responded, this shows that you are attracted to him because if he had not said anything....then neither would have you.
and #2 he has shown you that he will not give in to your shyt tests, therefore he is a challenge, and you continue to argue with him

you also reacted in a AFC way by saying " be yourself "
AND our goal is not to impress her...that simply does not work...don't believe me? actually try to take a look at the world from a guy's perspective...

Ex:guy likes girl...AFC mental process goes as follows: wow...shes kinda hot...maybe i should go talk to her...nah, what if she doesnt like me?....what if i am not funny enough?....what if she REJECTS me??!?!...yeah..plus i'm busy right now..i have to go (insert lame excuse here)

and on a final note, us DJs are not trying to be an "Arrogant Copy of ourselves" but we are only trying to realize our true passion in life...by becoming confident, clean, funny, and the center of attention...WHY....you ask? Because everyone wants to be that person deep down inside.

"Most people when asked advice on how to attract women are fed the advice 'Just be yourself'.....well i say IMPROVE yourself" -Allen Thompson (i think)

 

[08aisaac]

Originally posted by GirlInTheHat
Personally, I would'nt be put of by a shy guy- lots of girls find it an attractive feature.

With regards to the MSN conversation- I met my boyfriend over MSN, and we have been dating for 2 months now.

Overall, I'd say don't worry. If she is asking you questions such as "what kinds of girls do you like" then I'd say that's a DEFINATE hint. If you think that you'd be shy around her in "real life", then you could use msn as a way to get to know her, and build your confidence up around her...

Anyways, hope that helped a bit- Good luck!

Ps. DJ4real- If someone said that to me, that'd be a big turn off. If you want to impress her, I know it sounds tacky, but honestly just be yourself. Chances are she is talking to you because she likes who you are, not because she wants you to be some arrogant copy of yourself.

Wow, I forgot that chicks were ever on SS.

Remember, we are trying to attract people like you, not become friends with them, or listen to there advice. Sorry, we just won't.

And I find that most girls that get there BF's online, are really bad looking, or have a major problem in the head, or are just people that guys aren't attracted to.

So your advice is bad, you probaly can't get a real BF, or you get AFC boyfriends, and we don't like you posting.

It happens.

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

lol wow, we have a... a real girl on the board! (no offence Penkitten lol)

Don't take this offensively by any means, but the things taught on this site center largely around subconcious responses, because thats where decisions such as whether or not to like someone are made. Therefore what you are saying is not necessarily the truth, simply because you are saying it with a conscious mind.

Also with regards to thefact that you met your boyfriend over the internet, yes of course this can happen because he is probably a confident and funny guy in real life, BUT had you met him in real life and he was shy and unconfident, you wouldn't have continued to see him. Truth

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

Originally posted by 08aisaac
So your advice is bad, you probaly can't get a real BF, or you get AFC boyfriends, and we don't like you posting.

don't be an a$$hole, she has as much right to post here as anyone else

 

[08aisaac]

Sorry, I post at www.teenspot.com

There are alot of girls that give aweful advice, and then use the fact that they can get a BF onlne, as proof of there great advice.

Most people that get BF's on the internet, can't get them any where else.

Sorry if my post offended, but most people such as yourself seem un able to get a real BF.

 

[GirlInTheHat]

Originally posted by 08aisaac
Wow, I forgot that chicks were ever on SS.

Remember, we are trying to attract people like you, not become friends with them, or listen to there advice. Sorry, we just won't.

And I find that most girls that get there BF's online, are really bad looking, or have a major problem in the head, or are just people that guys aren't attracted to.

So your advice is bad, you probaly can't get a real BF, or you get AFC boyfriends, and we don't like you posting.

It happens.

Yowtch! Heres what you get for trying to help! Now I understand why you guys are on here...

Well, ignoring the unnecessarily personal comments- (i am neither unnatractive nor is my boyfriend non existant- MSN me if you wish- sugarsugarohsosweet@hotmail.com)- I am simply trying to give advice!

Personally, I think MSN is a great way to get to know people - "...if you cant get a boyfriend in real life.." WRONG. What do you imagine goes on in REAL life? I stand in a corner?

Note: I said that I MET him online- we SEE each other at least 4 times a week.

Anyway, back to the actual question...

Depending upon the girl, shyness can be either attractive or unattractive- IT DEPENDS!
Theres nothing wrong with trying to boost your confidence around her- I am just saying that she may be the former, not the latter- certainly seems it if she asked you "are you shy" directly.

Always remember though, that you wont be shy around her forever

Ps. Mr Debonaire-

 

[GirlInTheHat]

Originally posted by Mr. Debonaire
Also with regards to thefact that you met your boyfriend over the internet, yes of course this can happen because he is probably a confident and funny guy in real life, BUT had you met him in real life and he was shy and unconfident, you wouldn't have continued to see him. Truth

Sorry, this was just how it was for me- when I met him initially, of course he was really shy- personally I thought this was the cutest thing I'd ever seen... (probably cause that was the opposite of what I get in real life... "I've lost my number, can I have yours?" *rolls eyes* )

Different people are attracted to different things.