Mix Signals ..

[HOP2007]

Been dating this girl for about 6 weeks now.
She spends the night at least once sometimes twice a week.
And one week she even stayed Sun - Thursday ..

When we are together things are great we get along and emotions are high. But then I dont hear from her for 2 - 3 days sometimes.

I feel like I am just getting total mixed signals.

We are not exclusive just dating.


Any ideas?

When we are together interest level is high !!
But I need to send it though the roof .. how do i go about doing that?

 

[joekerr31]

do you like sugar?

i generally don't eat sugary foods, but every now and then i'll get a sweet tooth going. for about 3-5 days i'll eat things like chocolate bars, ice cream, etc.

after i've satisfied my sweet tooth i won't touch candy / junk food for months. not only do i no longer crave the sugar, i dont want it, i've had my fill of it.

you're present situation is very similar in nature.

you are each satisfying your sweet tooth for companionship. the only problem is that when you binge out on it, it quickly loses its appeal.

when i eat badly for a few days i start wanting good food again - i miss it.

when you dive in to a relationship in a short period of time, the way you have, its fun at first, but within a short period of time one party's sweet tooth gets satisfied and they start missing their freedom.

the key to a good relationship is to ease in to it. which you are NOT doing.

all is not necessarily lost though.

be thankful she aint calling you for 2-3 days, the break might actually keep your interest levels in each other high.

that is assuming you don't become a needy AFC that wants to be around her 24-7 until you're sick of her - at which point two people typically start fighting.

anyway, good luck.

 

[STR8UP]

be thankful she aint calling you for 2-3 days, the break might actually keep your interest levels in each other high.

Yea, it could be worse. She could be all up your a$$. That will put the brakes on a relationship faster than just about anything.

This one chick I've been hanging out with gives SUPER high IL signals when we are together. But then I don't hear from her for a week. It does make me wonder whats up cause her actions aren't congruent. But then all I have to do is look around and realize that I don't want a relationship with her, and even if I did it's better to go easy, especially in the first few months.

You are obviously in a position of weakness here.

Just remember, once a woman is sufficiently attracted to you it's usually NOT the things you DO that make her want you more, it's the things you DON'T do.

 

[HOP2007]

Well its not easy ..

I can usually go days being a challenge by not calling / slow turn around on emails and what not.

Regardless you have totally hit the nail on the head.
"It does make me wonder whats up cause her actions aren't congruent."

And you are so right she could be all up my A$$, been there done that and it causes problems because I have no room to breathe. I don't care if she goes out with her friends but I am fighting with the man side of me that wants to get some kind of control here.

Just have to go one day at time .. and get things back to a normal pace instead of the high speed pace that we started out with.

 

[joekerr31]

well trust me on this - its one rule that i believe with 100% conviction - the only thing a man is ever truly in control of is himself.

if you think you can 'control' a woman or anything else you are fooling yourself.

the more you try to control it hte more it will control you.

the only thing you have control over in this world is you - dont ever give that away. and the more you are in control of you, the more others will run to you to control them. its a wierd thing, but people want to be controlled by people who are in control.

go figure.

 

[edger]

if you think you can 'control' a woman or anything else you are fooling yourself.

Huh? There's a bit of a contradiction here. Below reads:

the only thing you have control over in this world is you - dont ever give that away. and the more you are in control of you, the more others will run to you to control them. its a wierd thing, but people want to be controlled by people who are in control.

BTW, Jokker, forgot to mention, I thought you were leaving the board for a while? What sparked the change of heart? Glad to see you decided to stick around.

 

[HOP2007]

Thanks Joker !

 

[Monkey]

Theres no mixed signals here - she understands the game of dating and you don't.

Shes taking it easy, but you are expecting 24hr attention.

You need to pull back and make her come to you.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

...When we are together things are great we get along and emotions are high. But then I dont hear from her for 2 - 3 days sometimes...
...When we are together interest level is high !! But I need to send it though the roof .. how do i go about doing that?

you do it by not smothering her, by not appearing to be a love-sick slave that adheres to her every whim, by actually having other interests in life besides her, but sadly it sounds like you are already headed in the wrong direction

 

[HOP2007]

sadly it sounds like you are already headed in the wrong direction

The truth is that I am border line on the wrong track.

I just hate the fact of a stand off .. ( who calls who first )
fact is if she doesn't call that is a true indicator of her interest level.

so be it ..

 

[Crank_It_Up]

don't look at it like a stand off, don't depend on her to rock your world, learn to enjoy other interests in life and you will like yourself and your world regardless if she or whoever else is in it. Surround yourself with hobbies, challenges, good friends and family, and the rest will fall into place. She is the least important issue in your life to focus on, correct the rest and all will be well.