Mistress and Wife

[( . )( . )]

Crap like this always reminds me of what that fella over at Heartiste said.

..I mostly stick to Heartiste because this was one of the first Manosphere blogs I read and I like the “not afraid to go into the dark side” attitude here. The puzzy “half-gamers” at places like sosuave ...

...they try to pick and choose “dark” traits while trying desperately to keep their “I’m a don juan” politically correct reputations in-tact. “You can’t be half a gangster.” Heartiste is just like “**** it, here’s some real talk, let’s get down and dirty” lol

Not that I think phucking some random slut while your married is "dark side", but you get my drift.

T!ts, morality is not a "hangup", it is a code of behavior. You don't have to agree with someone else's code of conduct, but it is wrong to dismiss it as a hangup.

Semantics. One mans morality is another mans "get the phuck outta here with that knee jerk faux offence", hows that, any better? Tomato potato.

Adultery was considered wrong by many of the ancients

And?

if you want to fvck around,don't get married. Or better yet, in this day and age, don't get married at all.

Dumb argument, like I said perhaps I want closeness with 1 woman only or maybe I want children and to bring them up in the best possible environment I can.

btw I'm not married, I'm just making a point.


All this has been covered in that other thread anyway.

I'm 100% behind the push to be the better man that this site promotes but I'm very much disagreeing with the word "cheat". Haven't men of power and worth always had crumpet on the side since beta's created the institution of marriage? Believe it or not men can differentiate sex and emotions.

Why can't I truly love my T-bone steak but have a greasy burger now and then?

 

[Desdinova]

Well, didn't you cheat on her first? What sort of trend is that setting for the relationship and how can you expect someone not to turn on you after that? After all, you hurt someone deeply doing that.

My ex was never aware of my affair. As far as who cheated first, I'm uncertain if she was doing it before I did. She was never home for most of the 5 years we were together and always had something to do or somebody to visit. She could have very well been cheating before I did. In fact, her ex-best friend had told me that she was seeing an ex-bf behind my back.

If you want to be spinning lots of plates, DON'T GET EXCLUSIVE -- and even worse, DON'T GET MARRIED.

When most people get married, I highly doubt that they intend on spinning plates on the side. I sure didn't. I was ready to be 100% exclusive in my marriage. The woman I married seemed to have no desire to be committed to sharing her life with somebody, and instead chose to spend her married time with everyone else except her husband and child.

Being married to someone who's never there is like being single except there's a restraining order against every woman in existence. That restraining order is called a marriage certificate.

Especially when these women have treated them WELL, take care of their family, and haven't given up on life.

Then we wonder why there aren't any good women...maybe it's because they trusted a man and had their baby and the fvcker cheated in a calculated and cold manner foresaking even their children.

That's why I think going for young and inexperienced women is the key to finding a good woman. My ex was neither of these.

 

[zekko]

Semantics. One mans morality is another mans "get the phuck outta here with that knee jerk faux offence", hows that, any better?

About the same. My point was not to try to convince you that adultery is wrong, but to point out that there are legitimate reasons for thinking that it is a bad idea. Not everyone who objects to adultery is having a knee jerk reaction, or is a brainwashed feminist.

I know the PUA community tends to ask you to throw away everything that society tells you and to make your own rules, but not all things that the culture embraces are useless.

When most people get married, I highly doubt that they intend on spinning plates on the side. I sure didn't. I was ready to be 100% exclusive in my marriage. The woman I married seemed to have no desire to be committed to sharing her life with somebody, and instead chose to spend her married time with everyone else except her husband and child.

I definitely agree with that. People usually get married with the best intentions, but sometimes things go terribly wrong.

That's why I think going for young and inexperienced women is the key to finding a good woman. My ex was neither of these.

You realize that's implying that the dearth of good women is the fault of men? I do think that's a factor, although of course there is a lot more to it than that, as I'm sure you'd agree.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

My ex was never aware of my affair. As far as who cheated first, I'm uncertain if she was doing it before I did. She was never home for most of the 5 years we were together and always had something to do or somebody to visit. She could have very well been cheating before I did. In fact, her ex-best friend had told me that she was seeing an ex-bf behind my back.



When most people get married, I highly doubt that they intend on spinning plates on the side. I sure didn't. I was ready to be 100% exclusive in my marriage. The woman I married seemed to have no desire to be committed to sharing her life with somebody, and instead chose to spend her married time with everyone else except her husband and child.

Being married to someone who's never there is like being single except there's a restraining order against every woman in existence. That restraining order is called a marriage certificate.





That's why I think going for young and inexperienced women is the key to finding a good woman. My ex was neither of these.

I hear you man -- it sounds like she was a pretty selfish person..it sounds like you gave it your all...I guess if things were that bad (no presence for 5 years) I don't blame you for looking elsewhere.

That's why it seems to me these LTR / marraige things is all about finding a quality person, having the same goals in that regard or similar moral boundaries and of course wanting things to work...think of DJvelvet or Marmel -- these guys don't even COMMUNICATe to their women ANYTHING -- just seems like there's so many better ways to handle these situations, even if the relationship lost its passion.

 

[Desdinova]

You realize that's implying that the dearth of good women is the fault of men? I do think that's a factor, although of course there is a lot more to it than that, as I'm sure you'd agree.

It certainly can be, but she could come from a fvcked up family too which makes those qualification irrelevant. It all luck of the draw, but there's nothing wrong with trying to increase your chances of ending up with a quality woman.

That's why it seems to me these LTR / marraige things is all about finding a quality person, having the same goals in that regard or similar moral boundaries and of course wanting things to work.

That's exactly what I thought I had. Within a year of the wedding, I had a wife that I barely knew. She should have been an actress.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

It certainly can be, but she could come from a fvcked up family too which makes those qualification irrelevant. It all luck of the draw, but there's nothing wrong with trying to increase your chances of ending up with a quality woman.



That's exactly what I thought I had. Within a year of the wedding, I had a wife that I barely knew. She should have been an actress.

Des, you've been through some sh1t man. You haven't let it destroy you, and your levels above that old place. DESPITE that I don't agree with cheating--(when said exclusivity has been expressed)--I see your plight and can understand why those experiences would lead you to certain actions.

 

[DjVelvet]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desdinova
When most people get married, I highly doubt that they intend on spinning plates on the side. I sure didn't. I was ready to be 100% exclusive in my marriage. The woman I married seemed to have no desire to be committed to sharing her life with somebody, and instead chose to spend her married time with everyone else except her husband and child.

I agreed. Actually when I got married 4years ago, I have no intention to cheat on my wife, she's a great lady.

The mistress I met just happens to be a model working at the pub and I was trying to game her, with my friends beside. She was a hard catch with hundreds of orbiters around her. I got proud when I got her.. Sense of winning (may be childish too)

It's when I get emotionally attached to her, I started got worried. I have got beyond the stage of "just physical"

I got the dread feeling of "oneitis" which I haven't gotten in ages.

To top that up, mistress interest level in me is extremely high. She is poor but keep showering me with material items.
I wear an old shirt, she buys a new shirt.
I was sick, she bought me Vit c pills
I slept and she washed my dirty clothes
I want to give her some cash for the things she had paid, she refused
And the list goes on...

Oh fuk fuk fuk.... This is getting bad

 

[DjVelvet]

Djvelvet, a question for you. Has this episode made your wife more attracted to you? Not sure where this started or the events leading up to it, but I'm guessing that the whole 'aloof' aura you probably have around her is bringing out an natural alpha vibe around her. So I'm thinking that she probably is feeling the desire, thus your marriage should be pretty good right now.

On the other hand, we both know you've got some confidence/insecurities that aren't exactly worked out yet, as evidenced by your one-itis for this mistress, who's obviously supplying the excitement for your life.

To answer your question,

Yes, I got naturally aloof with both wife and mistress and my wife cried and do all possible things to make me happy. Not that it's a proud thing to mention about


More info, mistress is away from my country and will be away for 2months (immigration issues)

That may be a good thing as I can slowly tone down on contacts with her. Only afraid of the infamous "absence makes the heart grow fonder" bullsh!t

Like drugs, I am having some withdrawal symptoms from her absence... And she won't be around for this 2months

 

[Desdinova]

To top that up, mistress interest level in me is extremely high. She is poor but keep showering me with material items.
I wear an old shirt, she buys a new shirt.
I was sick, she bought me Vit c pills
I slept and she washed my dirty clothes
I want to give her some cash for the things she had paid, she refused
And the list goes on...

This is another downside with her not knowing that you're married. Gifts between two people having affairs should be non-material; things like massage parlors, salons, dinners, chocolate, and basically any activity.

Where are you putting this stuff? Surely your wife is going to find it and question where you got it from.

And as far as ending your affair, we've already told you multiple times that you need to do it. It's up to you to actually go through with it.

Like drugs, I am having some withdrawal symptoms from her absence... And she won't be around for this 2months

And it's a perfect opportunity to cut contact with her.

Again, if you actually DO want or need a mistress, you need to go about it in a different way that will bring mutual understanding and respect between both you and her.

 

[speed dawg]

Your moral hangups are exactly that, yours.

No doubt. But they aren't hangups, just morals. Nice attempt to frame it as a negative.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

There must something missing at home. These men married the wrong women or married for the wrong reasons. I don't understand why all the effort you put into cheating you wouldn't instead try and funnel into your relationship. When was the last time you took your wife out on a 'date' or did anything special together?

Why not take some of your game and creativity and apply it at home?

If she's that unpleasant to be around, why stay married?

 

[( . )( . )]

No doubt. But they aren't hangups, just morals. Nice attempt to frame it as a negative.

Wasn't an "attempt", it's a fact. A growing number of men don't see having a mistress as some kind of moral dilemma. Your "morals" are indeed a negative to me and many men who share my sentiments.

But having said that, who knows? Maybe everything I've been told is wrong and some men just can't seperate phucking (mistress) with emotion/love (wife). Perhaps there are a few rarities out there that share a similar psychological makeup to women.

 

[zekko]

I don't agree with this idea that it's okay for men to cheat because they don't get emotionally involved (which isn't even true, just look at the original post). Either the behavior is wrong or it isn't.

You run the risk of creating emotional pain, dissatisfaction with the marriage, splitting up your children's parents, knocking up the mistress, and bringing home an STD to your wife.

When you cheat, you are role modeling bad behavior for your wife and all women. You're sending a message that cheating is okay, making it more likely that females will engage in the same behavior. It's a slippery slope. "Do as I say, not as I do" doesn't hold much water.

 

[speed dawg]

Your "morals" are indeed a negative to me and many men who share my sentiments.

That, my friend, is YOUR problem, not mine. It's a message board and I gave the guy my opinion. I'm not out campaigning for my morals, although I do believe in them fully. I typically never give my opinion unless it's asked of me. That goes for homosexuality like that other thread as well.

Maybe everything I've been told is wrong and some men just can't seperate phucking (mistress) with emotion/love (wife). Perhaps there are a few rarities out there that share a similar psychological makeup to women.

Some people can, I'm sure. I certainly could, and have done it before, albeit not in a marriage.

Relating this back to the original poster......he obviously cannot separate the two, as proven with him falling in love with his mistress. I'd venture to say his mistress would dump his ass if not for the perceived alpha-ness of being taken by marriage. Most guys who are married but choose to cheat just to get some pvssy (ie, know the different between emotion and physical), well, you probably don't know them. Because they are silent about it. They sure as hell aren't posting it in this forum because they don't need help. Only reason this guy needs help is because he's completely smitten with this new broad.

 

[( . )( . )]

That, my friend, is YOUR problem, not mine.

Ironic then that the knee jerk cries of "Dont be an aldulterer derp" always outweigh those that promote a mistress. Seems to me it kind of is a problem of yours.

 

[Boilermaker]

Adultery was considered wrong by many of the ancients, so that thinking is not new, or a result of media influence or feminist brainwashing.

Hmm... Not really. In many other cultures men were allowed multiple wives in the ancient times; so adultery was bringing another dimension - that is - don't mess with other people's property. Just like plain theft...

I can understand people who live by a code of conduct; but demanding respect from others is a very typical trait of the "moral" DJ.

I don't have to respect any hung up stupid belief when it comes to marriage and adultery.

Tits is right. It's always those stuckup moralists who demand RESPECT for their outdated opinions.

We are not the ancients, the ancients considered slavery as an option as wel, after all.

Besides, "Morality" has always been subject to the "spirit of the moment" so what looks moral today may look trivial and insignificant tomorrow.

When the dinosaurs finally will exit the scene and men regain their power; having a mistress probably will not be a "BIG" moral conundrum for a real man.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I don't understand how u dudes don't see that cheating when expressed exclusivity has been stated isn't 'cool'.

Why express exclusivity then?

Women cheat for emotions and men cheat for sechs is bull because even the OP here is already emotionally entangled.

All blacks like watermelon and all hispanics beat their wives too ya know.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

ps, the chorus on this website in regards to a cheating woman is 'shes a slvt!! NEXT' -- the chorus for men cheating is 'be secretive'

Cognitive dissonance -- that exists in threads interwoven into this place fully.

 

[zekko]

When the dinosaurs finally will exit the scene and men regain their power; having a mistress probably will not be a "BIG" moral conundrum for a real man.

As Spider-Man said, with great power comes great responsibility. Or was that just some "hangup" he had? If you are in a position of power, you have a responsibility to rule responsibly. If you do not, you set yourself up to be cast out of power. One of the things that helped lead to the rise of feminism and misandry was how men in the early part of the 20th century felt it was fair game to cheat on their wives. This was one of the reasons women became so disenchanted with their role in marriage.

A man of honor is a man of his word. If you don't believe that, I don't know why anyone would even want to do business with you. Why would you enter into an exclusive relationship if you have no intent of being exclusive? Now, if it's an open marriage, that's one thing. Or do you say to the girl, "We will have a half open relationship - you must remain faithful, but I will not."?

If you enter into a marriage with the intent to cheat, that's up to you. But if that's the case, you should not have any complaints about the quality of modern western women, because you are simply modeling bad behavior for them. We are supposed to be the leaders. If a man will be a role model by exhibiting moral behavior, a woman sure isn't going to.

A frequent complaint here is that women have enjoyed the benefits of equality without losing any of the advantages of chivalry. If you say that men should return to power, without having to take responsibility for his behavior (anything goes), isn't that being essentially guilty of the same thing?

 

[Boilermaker]

I never said I have a problem with Western women. To quote Zarky, one of the proponents of the nihilist school here:

your moral decay is my saturday night.

I agree with this. My basic premise is to turn off the knightly gestures such as to talk "openly" with a woman what our relationship will be like. I do not have such a responsibility. I don't need to be a "MAN" and declare my full intentions from the word go, and that is for a simple reason: It is not practical.

It will take a lot of effort and lying (and losing potential women) because I need to inject them my hard-core "half-open relationship" agenda. I don't need to do that just because I will feel self-righteous and knightly in the end. 95% of them will not buy it anyway. I will look like a macho-'weirdo' anywhere but SoSuave; if I make such claims publicly. Even my best guy friends still don't "get it". Women play low. They are not knightly. Jophil spent a good deal of his last years to bang us younger guys' heads telling how unaccountable women are. You can't fight guerilla with a well-established army, with well-scriptured rules and traditions.

That's why I choose to be like women. I don't respond to texts I don't have to. I don't need to explain myself for everything. I don't need to reveal my to the core beliefs and creeds when it comes to a one-night stand; or when a potential LTR shows up. Respect and exclusivity are earned in my book. If she is enough of a real woman ; she will be rewarded. All this said, I believe that I am a just and honorable man in my own way.

I am just not naive. That's all.