Mistakes and resentment

[Giantsfan88]

I dated this girl and I lost her because I had issues at the time. Is the consensus here that she will always see me as the guy with issues even if she once really liked me and sees me with them resolved? I feel this is a different case of low/losing interest because my issues impaired my interactions with people. Do resentment and mistakes a certain guy made live forever in a woman's mind like Doc Love says? I just don't feel like I had a fair shot at the time and I don't want to believe one chance per girl per lifetime. I feel like she never really met me. Do second chances for LTRs exist and has anybody ever experienced one?

 

[LondonTowers]

Second chances do exist after PLENTY of time and MASSIVE change.

In my experience that is a minimum of 18 Months and significant inner/outer game shift on the level where your able to attract women on or above your exes level at a consistent rate.

This is the ONLY way and yes your ex would become attracted to you again but the paradox is if you really did do this you wouldn't actually want her back after this process.

We get a variant of this question all the time on SoSuave but guys generally want it to happen over night and through some minor change. That is NOT going to work.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Its a good question and it depends largely on the woman in question and how big her ego is

I have known chicks to give me multiple “second chances” but i cant tell you of any times where ive walked away from those situations with a smile on my face

If there are “issues” you can bet your last buck there will be more

 

[FearlessEngineer]

Hello Giantsfan88,

I'm sure second chances in LTRs exist, but why would you keep hope on something that failed the first time?

In my fair opinion, you can learn from the mistakes you made and try to fix the issues you have to start with. Just focus on being a better person, everything will fall into place.

Good luck, FE.

 

[Giantsfan88]

I showed her boyfriend-like affection (overly romantic kino) on day 2 and didn't give her a chance to touch me and be all over me first. My date ideas were boring too, they did not help our chemistry. I was too "cute" basically but it came from a needy place and not my actual personality. Now that I'm dating other girls, these things are clear to me. Will my mistakes be in her mind forever even if I improve my game? I'm in a situation where I could be seeing her pretty regularly. I saw her last week and just smiled and said hey to her

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

Just let go and stop being a simp. Be normal and who cares what she thinks cause its in the past. Friendly yet disinterested and of course cheerful is how you should be around her.

 

[Giantsfan88]

Just let go and stop being a simp. Be normal and who cares what she thinks cause its in the past. Friendly yet disinterested and of course cheerful is how you should be around her.

I think the smiling and saying hey could have been interpreted as creepy because I was walking to the bathroom, stopped, and it took a couple of seconds for her to see me and then i said hey. Either it came off creepy or like my nice guy pu$$y disorder flared up again and either way it was no good. I just gotta be my highest self which is what initially attracted her. I just hope I didn't enter creepy zone but I won't let that idea fvck with me

 

[Giantsfan88]

But I'm curious as to anyone's opinion here as to if my "hey" was creepy since I didn't do it in a fluid walking past motion (read above reply of mine)? Just a social etiquette question...

 

[Obsidian]

It doesn't sound like you did anything terribly wrong when you tried dating her. You shouldn't fault yourself. Just get over her. She just doesn't like you that much, and probably never did. Her loss.

In answer to your last question: In the future, ignore her unless you have no choice but to talk to her. Err on the side of ignoring her. If you walk past her, just smile or nod. Preferably nod. You aren't her puppy.

 

[Giantsfan88]

It doesn't sound like you did anything terribly wrong when you tried dating her. You shouldn't fault yourself. Just get over her. She just doesn't like you that much, and probably never did. Her loss.

Wrong, she did like me that much, but my neediness with her due to issues I had at the time was horrible. I've come a long way with my game since then but my regret of my behavior with her still lingers. I was so different a few months ago that I would go as far as to say I came across as a different person (in a bad way). Other than ruminating about my past cringeworthiness with this chick, I really am a changed man.

 

[Obsidian]

You said that you kino'd her and she didn't reciprocate. It's easy to fault yourself all day long about doing too little kino, not enough, etc. **** that. Perfect is boring. I think sometimes the girl will intentionally sabotage a guy early on, and that will cause the guy to become insecure in subsequent encounters. Then the guy blames himself afterward for being too needy. Well if the girl had acted interested from the get-go then the neediness might not have developed. If she had reciprocated then maybe you would've been more confident.

Anyway, if you really are changed like you say, and especially if you are dating other people like you said, I bet that she will seek you out. Just play it cool.

 

[Peña]

I dated this girl and I lost her because I had issues at the time. Is the consensus here that she will always see me as the guy with issues even if she once really liked me and sees me with them resolved? I feel this is a different case of low/losing interest because my issues impaired my interactions with people. Do resentment and mistakes a certain guy made live forever in a woman's mind like Doc Love says? I just don't feel like I had a fair shot at the time and I don't want to believe one chance per girl per lifetime. I feel like she never really met me. Do second chances for LTRs exist and has anybody ever experienced one?

Once a person has a negative opinion of you it's hard to change it to a positive. Girls will still think of you from before as "that guy". If you improved yourself for the better why don't you start off fresh with a new girl? There's no ration of girls around. With new improvement you can get many new girls. Not sure why you're hung up on an old one from your old self. Mistakes happen and maybe she wasn't so great. Improve on getting new girls with an improved self.

 

[Meisterman]

A good rule of thumb is yeah, at some point you could probably have another chance. But once you reach that level, you won't even want to and you will see her as the one who should be begging you to get back together, not vice versa

 

[Atom Smasher]

It sounds like you've improved with your awareness but your execution may be a bit awkward still.

Just stay on the path of gaining social expetience and you will slowly see improvement.

PROCESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN INDIVIDUAL OUTCOMES.

You definitely need to leverage your situation with that girl to your advantage. Use her as a springboard. Simply be your best self. That means aloof but friendly, outcome independent. Hot and cold. All girls are for practice, to have fun with. We tend to take them way too seriously.

 

[Giantsfan88]

Once a person has a negative opinion of you it's hard to change it to a positive. Girls will still think of you from before as "that guy". If you improved yourself for the better why don't you start off fresh with a new girl? There's no ration of girls around. With new improvement you can get many new girls. Not sure why you're hung up on an old one from your old self. Mistakes happen and maybe she wasn't so great. Improve on getting new girls with an improved self.

I am starting off fresh with a new girl(s). My mentality has changed from scarcity to abdunance but I still want her. You say it's hard to change a negative opinion to a positive opinion and I totally agree. I'm up for the challenge. And I wanna turn things around so much that it'll be like I never fvcked up

 

[Giantsfan88]

A good rule of thumb is yeah, at some point you could probably have another chance. But once you reach that level, you won't even want to and you will see her as the one who should be begging you to get back together, not vice versa

I've never begged her nor would I ever. I want to re attract her to the point that we could have a healthy, balanced relationship