Mission to get her back, need help..

[expos]

Some great advice here DJs and I really appreciate it. It has given me the perspective I need.

I guess deep down I know I should probably scrap any notions of trying to get her back. As has been said it didnt work then so it probably wont work another time.

Although I do feel regret at what happened between us and my decision to leave her I know that waiting around for her to come back or attempting to get her back is largely a waste of time.

Good for you. Like I said in an earlier post, you've got to go out and live your life and not let something from your past, or wondering what could have been drag you into misery. The best progress you can make in life is when experience new things and make forward moves. That's the way I've gotten exes back, by going out and doing kick-ass sh!t and not caring what they are up to. It brings much happiness and health. Looking back is never productive in anyway.

With this girl, forget about her. I'm telling you man, just do it. If you fight to get her back it will not work. It NEVER does. I know this from experience when I fought to get someone back. They just blow you off. There is nothing you can say or do to pull her out of her NEW relationship. She is getting a need met by someone else. This how most girls are. They don't stray when they've got something in their grasp. It's only when it's not fun or they lose interest in the guy that they become vulnerable and open to leaving them. You will find that 80% of girls are absolutely selfish and only care about what they can get out of you.

If she is going to come back, she will initiate it. THEN you can decide how you want to proceed. This is the way it works.

I'm not trying to be a jerk to you, but I've got a loads of experience dealing with exes who I did get back and those I didn't get back. I know what works and what doesn't.

Let me tell you a quick story.

I pursued this chick really hard and eventually she gave in. We had a good couple months of dating, and then she got stupid on me and showed disrespect. I dumped her ass, but I suspected she was about to do it to me anyways.

I set out and did a bunch of cool stuff, got to know a bunch of new woman, got some good social proof, new job. Guess who comes back 8 months down the road to take her back? She even got her friends after me to take her back. It was insane. I eventually got back with her and it was good for awhile then went really bad. LOL.

But the bottom line is that I showed strength when I left her the first time and she remembered that. I also got her insanely jealous because I was talking to other woman and acted like she never existed. If I would have went out like a b!tch and pined for her, then I guarantee that she wouldn't want anything to do with me.

Take my advice please!

 

[jonhaul]

A chance with a woman is usually once in a lifetime once their interest level (love level) is gone you're nothing in their eyes. They're going to look for something "better" so its worthless to even entertain. Just remember these are YOUR feelings not her's thats the difference. Once you realize this you will be fine Ive had to move on many times myself they JUST DONT CARE how miserable you are or how you feel. Only thing that matters to a woman is her feelings and emotions. That is the truth do yourself a favor and take our advice.

 

[Kailex]

I know what you mean but its not strictly been like that. When I ended it (6 months ago) I was happy with my decision and with myself. I had a positive mindset and went out there and lived life. After dating and gaming different chicks for months (Ive not just been sitting around bored) I started to realise a couple of months ago that I do indeed miss my ex and that maybe I had made a mistake. I wasnt 100% sure and considered contacting her for weeks. Then I found out she has a new man. Sure this gave a sense of urgency to me wanting her back and did indeed bring up feelings of jealousy but it wasnt the critical point in which I decided I missed her and wanted her back, this was weeks before I even knew she was with someone. Indeed I was under the impression she was still single as she had been up until very recently.

You know what happened...

You went out with a bunch of different chicks that weren't as good as the "nicer" parts of your last relationship which is why you are/were even considering this.

Had you met someone consistent or better than the best parts of it, you wouldn't be feeling this way. It happens to even the best of us, we start looking through those rose-colored glasses and we think we'd be much better off if we went back but we forget why we broke up with them in the first place.

You already fractured that relationship... it's not going to be any better than when your relationship was previously at its best.

This thread should have ended as soon as Rollo posted that link, because it's the truth.

Maybe she settled with someone new, but she moved on. So should you. Don't even consider this or you will keep posting about her for the next year, and not necessarily good ones.

 

[Colossus]

"Getting her back" should never be your mission in life.

 

[bunjy]

You know what happened...

You went out with a bunch of different chicks that weren't as good as the "nicer" parts of your last relationship which is why you are/were even considering this.

Had you met someone consistent or better than the best parts of it, you wouldn't be feeling this way. It happens to even the best of us, we start looking through those rose-colored glasses and we think we'd be much better off if we went back but we forget why we broke up with them in the first place.

You already fractured that relationship... it's not going to be any better than when your relationship was previously at its best.

Yes this is pretty much what happened. When we broke up I was generally happy about it all and enjoying being back in the field. After dating a few different girls I found myself comparing them all to her and wanting the 'best bits' of our relationship back.

Only now after the dust has settled after I found out she has a new guy am I starting to take the rose tinted glasses off and remembering it certainly wasnt all good towards the end of our relationship.

I think TBH part of it is I miss the comfort and familiarity of being in a LTR.

 

[Kailex]

I think TBH part of it is I miss the comfort and familiarity of being in a LTR.

Give it some time. This will take some time to wear off.
It's completely natural for that to happen too, specially if the relationship lasted longer than a few months. Just keep doing what you have been doing and this fleeting thought and feeling will pass.

But don't contact her, don't give in and attempt to get back with her at all.

That relationship has long been fractured and she moved on. Maybe she feels the same way while being with the new guy, but maybe he is now the "love of her life". Either way, that is no longer your problem.

There will be others who are much better than she is. Trust me.

Whenever you feel like you start to "miss her", just immediately remember what it was that caused you two to no longer be together.

Best of luck.