Million dollar question: why haven’t you settled down?

[jaymbrs]

I get asked this often and at my age it’s no surprise however I find my usually vague answer of “I haven’t met the right woman” seems to not suffice for a lot of women. Like they legitimately want me to explain what my deal is. And if I was going to be honest, I haven’t settled down yet because I love my freedom and don’t want kids, right now Atleast. But I can’t tell them that, or can I?

 

[Alvafe]

better question why should I?

 

[jimwho]

Like they legitimately want me to explain what my deal is.

Well Becky to be more specific, I haven't met a woman deserving of my commitment.

 

[2Rocky]

What it should be....
....I have not found a woman who shares my goal in life to achieve my dream. When the right woman comes along who wants to share in the hard work and sacrifice I will have no problem going through life as a team because we will be stronger together than apart. That's what I'm looking fo rin a lifelong relationship and I'm going to keep on looking for it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Jaymbr,Remember Melvilles book "Bartleby the Scrivener",he had a great response to uncomfortable queries,"....because I prefer not".

 

[Black Widow Void]

Ironically, this question is usually raised by women that said "I do" but didn't... or they lacked good judgment by committing themselves to someone that said "I do" but didn't.

It's a tough line to maintain your dignity while also not turning the woman off by calling her out.

I basically say something like... "I realize that divorces occur, and I'm not knocking it, but I grew up around them and was the one that picked his friends up when they were going through them. I like the idea of marriage, but unlike my friends, I won't approach it with "if it doesn't work out, I can always get divorced."

 

[Zimbabwe]

I'm looking to settle down and get married before the end of this year, I'm 26 and I want to go against the popular belief here that you should be a lifelong bachelor.

It's tough because modern women lack the emotional maturity to make a marriage work, but i remain optimistic.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'm looking to settle down and get married before the end of this year, I'm 26 and I want to go against the popular belief here that you should be a lifelong bachelor.

It's tough because modern women lack the emotional maturity to make a marriage work, but i remain optimistic.

My comment may sting, but here it goes...
You aren't being "optimistic."
If you're approaching this as 'filling a position before the year is over'... it's being "blindly optimistic."

Within the first year of dating, we experience the 'honeymoon phase' (it's like a high you receive when first getting to know someone). After this feeling dissipates, you might experience your first relationship tiff. During this moment, you might feel miserable, but after making up, it's like a reset (the honeymoon high reoccurs).

Although this 'high' does feel good, this leaves us in no condition to make responsible choices. In marriage, it seems like everyone believes that they will beat the odds. Ask your happily married friends (those married at least over ten years) about their history. If they are under 50, I'd bet that it wasn't a matter of looking in February and married by the end of the year.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Take some time, write down your honest answer.

Keep working on it, expanding it, until it is both honest and compels her to convince you she is "the one."

Practice saying it out loud.

Kind of like rewriting a sales letter or something.

 

[Dr.Suave]

"I havent met a girl good enough to marry"

 

[chrisdontmiss]

You could say you don't want to get divorce raped. You could say you have nothing to gain from marriage but everything to lose. Also your girl will lose attraction for you since husbands are like a tamed animal instead of wild and free

 

[metalwater]

I enjoy my life and do things I wish to. How will settling down make that better for me?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Although this 'high' does feel good, this leaves us in no condition to make responsible choices. In marriage, it seems like everyone believes that they will beat the odds. Ask your happily married friends (those married at least over ten years) about their history. If they are under 50, I'd bet that it wasn't a matter of looking in February and married by the end of the year.

I get what your saying, but If i look at my sisters they all married guys they met for less than a year and are still married today. The thing is the purpose of all relationships should be for marriage, if you don't consider marriage potentially happening with someone then why even bother dating them?

I'm going to be spending this year meeting family friends, there are two women my age that I'm going to be vetting and hopefully getting married to one of them. It might end in disaster who knows but at least i will have a great story to tell.

 

[Kdw8]

I haven't found anyone to settle with. I've been in 2 relationships both being less than a year and dissapointing. I want to settle down one day, but that opportunity hasn't come to me yet.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Zimbabwe, with due respect, with that attitude I wish you luck. Reason I say that is because that is some super negative energy and women can sense your energy, trust me on that.

Secondly, the statement is not even true. Sure some women may lack emotional maturity, so do some men. But not all. Definitely not all. Try and think more positively about women, trust them more, that will reflect in the energy you project and you will draw more women to you -- the right women. The women you want to commit to.

You guys may think all this talk about "energy" sounds hokey, but women are perceptive and intuitive, not saying you're not, but we pick up on things, like a man's energy and if that man carries within him the type of negative energy described in the bolded quote above, that is a huge turn off for women seeking commitment and marriage.

You talk like you're a woman, my point is most modern women simply are not relationship material. That doesn't mean they are all bad, and there is a lot of competition for the good ones.

I only aim to settle down with high quality women, so i am being very selective.

 

[Zimbabwe]

That's funny because that is precisely how women describe many men! LOL

Oh the tangled web....

Anyway, like I said if your goal is to settle down with a quality woman, then become a quality man yourself. A man who thinks highly of women, doesn't believe we're all emotionally immature or not relationship material.

It's a false narrative anyway across the board.

But good luck!

The very last place any man should get dating advice, is from a woman.

you don't ask a fish how to catch fish you talk to the fisherman.

Even my mother try's to give me dating advice that is way too blue pill.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I get asked this often and at my age it’s no surprise however I find my usually vague answer of “I haven’t met the right woman” seems to not suffice for a lot of women. Like they legitimately want me to explain what my deal is. And if I was going to be honest, I haven’t settled down yet because I love my freedom and don’t want kids, right now Atleast. But I can’t tell them that, or can I?

What is your age OP?

 

[The Duke]

I always told them because I havent found a girl that checks all the boxes and ranks high in all the categories that mattered. After a few questions they realized I set the bar high for long term serious commitment.

 

[SW15]

I always told them because I havent found a girl that checks all the boxes and ranks high in all the categories that mattered. After a few questions they realized I set the bar high for long term serious commitment.

This is one of the best way to answer the question.

better question why should I?

That is a good question. It's valid to question the whole system.

Divorce Statistics and Facts | What Affects Divorce Rates in the U.S.?

We found every divorce statistic, study and fact you need to know - over 115 in all. Find out what impacts divorce (spoiler: almost everything).

www.wf-lawyers.com

Over a 40 year period, 67 percent of first marriages terminate. Most men get married by their 35th birthdays, which allows most to live long enough to live 40 years beyond their first wedding date.

What is your age OP?

@jaymbrs is 35 according to his profile.

Although this 'high' does feel good, this leaves us in no condition to make responsible choices. In marriage, it seems like everyone believes that they will beat the odds. Ask your happily married friends (those married at least over ten years) about their history. If they are under 50, I'd bet that it wasn't a matter of looking in February and married by the end of the year.

A lot of devout Christians get married quickly into a courtship because of the no pre-marital sex rule. Without pre-marital sex, that changes the way that a relationship develops. Most of the people doing this are 16-25 years old. @Zimbabwe is at the upper end of that age band. It's rare to see anyone doing the whole no-pre marital sex thing after age 25. Even if a 30 year old woman is single and a regular practitioner of a Judeo-Christian faith (attends weekly church service), she's probably having sex when she gets into a relationship.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

"Because I don't want to end up a marriedcel and posting essays on the DeadBedroom subreddit about how women these days all seem to have low sex drives"