Mid Twenties virgin, need advice on realizing potential

[Stanley]

I'm a 25 year old virgin.
The past year or so I've been swallowing the red pill a bit and have been focused on self improvement and positive change. A series of traumatic events and then a deep depression during covid has emboldened me and I've made substantial strides for the better. Book of Pook was by far the biggest game changer alongside lifting.

Quick background.
Despite being 25 and a virgin I've only dated girls in their early 20s that were Hb8 and gorgeous, I used to think they were out of my league. I've only had short lived relationships and the girls were BPD and anxious-avoidant. Several were abused sexually and I allowed their hang-ups to influence me and become my own. I've worked through this and addressed my insecurities in therapy as I was clearly attracting this type of woman. I lived at home all through college and was a commuter to a community college with few women. When I finally went to a 4 year university I noticed in one semester that women were constantly coming after me which took me for surprise. Growing up I was scrawny and got bullied as result. By the time I turned 20 I was 6ft and was scouted for modeling, but I still thought I was unattractive and I lacked confidence, so I didn't do it. I had low self esteem then...

With each passing year I became a better man and also continually grew into my looks. In the span of 6 months at the age of 22 I had:
Fun_Country club job_
-A 27 hb7 year old at my job reach around and grab my ****.
-My manager (early 30s spinner) openly wanted to **** me at work. (should've done it)
-skinny dipped with a girl (21) at work, but still didn't do anything sexual with her out of insecurity.
_Music teacher job_
-Coworker (20) wanted me to get with her to make an engaged man jealous (I passed)
-Manager (32) make sexual advances at me (I passed)
-Older Ghetto black woman (35) wanting to be my sugar moma and then stalked me for months. (hard pass)
_college_
-Homecoming queen on campus wanted me for the rebound
-**** tons of choir girls wanted me and openly approached me. (I'm a musician)
-Played piano at transfer student event in a lobby and had three girls give me their numbers (I chickened out)
-Poly chick wanted me for a threesome (I bailed)
-Music department referred to me as 'Romeo' as there were always girls coming after me.

During covid I had girls over zoom giving me their numbers or snapchat and one girl was bold enough to call me and asked me to come pick her up...she got my number through our class list. In every single instance these girls came at me HARD. I didn't realize my looks were so appealing and I had natural game and red pill qualities. My first girl friend was a model hb9 at 21 and was bat**** crazy. She had accused me of being with **** tons of women when I was openly a virgin. (lesson learned)

Fast forward to now.
I'm now getting approached by attractive young women on a regular basis and actively have to avoid my female coworkers since they want to get with me. One of these girls became my oneitis and we had a situationship for a bit. I don't **** where I eat anymore, but I knew she was leaving. Really cute lil half Chinese girl and came across as high quality ltr material, i'd peg her hb8. I played the game real good and held frame, but eventually me being masculine and confident scared her off. She had very low self esteem and was exceptionally shy... Regardless I'm now learning the nuance of game and when I fail I have my looks to fall back on. The issue I face is all these women assume I'm an absolute Chad player who is constantly getting laid...in my eyes that's a good thing... but I'm a virgin.

Girls ALWAYS assume i'm a stud and smashing constantly. I had a fear or stds and pregnancy for a while and post poned sex/relationships to focus on myself. Now i'm at the point in my life where I want to say **** it and just do it...but I'd be nothing but an inexperienced disappointment and wouldn't live up to all these hot young women's ideas of me. That and I live at home and feel odd bringing girls home and it just seems unappealing. I don't know what to do with my body, I would feel awkward and embarrassed to be frank and I have a fear of failure with these women...

I'm wondering if you dudes have some advice or tips to overcome this insecurity of mine. I've considered doing dating apps and filtering for an older woman and explicitly stating i'm looking to learn how to please a women and have fwb/teacher like relationship. Or on the flipside going for a young inexperienced girl/virgin and fake it until I make it. The only issue with that is where the **** do I take them? Whereas the older woman going for the young guy might be more open sexually and have a place to smash.

Direction and a stern kick in the ass would be much appreciated fellas. I feel like a little ***** right now

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

 

[Stanley]

**** yeah Jake you right

 

[Dr.Suave]

You are young so you should avoid single moms. Dont give a girl exclusivity unless she´s also a virgin.

 

[kavi]

Can you go p2p just for the sexual exp and confidence? That might be the easiest way to get over the insecurity of inexperience.

Other than that you seem to have a decent to high amount of male value (smv). You should learn how to make the most of that. If you legit about how good looking you are then if you are also intelligent/consciousness/masculine etc ie high value and alpha you should not be looking to fit into this current dating/relationships system and YOU WILL NEVER FIND A WOMAN YOUR EQUAL so dont ever let a woman think she is.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Assuming everything you are saying is true and accurate, you seem to have a lot of things going for you. Without knowing you personally it's hard to assess someone on the internet as anyone can be anything they want.

From what I hear the only thing that triggers your insecurity is being a virgin. Being a virgin is not as bad as society makes it out to be. Maybe for a man, there is more stigmatism than for a woman.

Society: A virgin woman at your age is a unicorn, a virgin man at your age there is something wrong. But these are all constructs. SO let go of that, there is nothing wrong with you. If anything it speaks to the value you place on yourself. And that is key.

Regardless, it also sounds like you want to lose it. And you have plenty of options. You can go two routes:

1) Go for a girl you trust and are "cool" with that can do you the favor. She will understand you won't be a Thor in bed. Maybe she'll want to be your teacher aka FWB.
2) Go find a random girl in a bar and get it over with. You won't see her again so who cares if it's not the best sex she's had.

Either way, this is only your first step. You will have to continue to find sexual mates to get good at it. Practice, practice, practice.

Confidence is earned, not learned.

As I said it sounds like you will not have a problem finding a girl, so take advantage of that. For most guys, that is the problem and well without the girl, you are left with the bottom of the barrel or the oldest profession which I WOULD NOT recommend for your first time.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I totally feel ya.

My main problem, besides being a 10/10 blonde with blue eyes, having a 12" c0ck, being world-class MMA fighter, ex-navy seal, and having to switch a phone number every 2 weeks because of females stalking me, is that I'm way too humble. I dunno what to do with it.

 

[Stanley]

I totally feel ya.

My main problem, besides being a 10/10 blonde with blue eyes, having a 12" c0ck, being world-class MMA fighter, ex-navy seal, and having to switch a phone number every 2 weeks because of females stalking me, is that I'm way too humble. I dunno what to do with it.

Now that's some Frame lmao

 

[Stanley]

Yeah sure, you say you're pretty much a chad, a model, and had all of those opportunities for $ex, even 3some and never did it.

Have you considered maybe you're gay and are attracted to dudes? Nothing wrong with it, but it could be what happens.

Nah just in my head and being beta, scared of failure... Although you be looking like a snack in that profile photo Seem like the kinda fella that would change sides for the gay chad model No, but actually a reasoning I didn't pursue that route was because I was afraid of being labeled a homo and was deeply insecure. I don't care now

 

[Stanley]

Assuming everything you are saying is true and accurate, you seem to have a lot of things going for you. Without knowing you personally it's hard to assess someone on the internet as anyone can be anything they want.

From what I hear the only thing that triggers your insecurity is being a virgin. Being a virgin is not as bad as society makes it out to be. Maybe for a man, there is more stigmatism than for a woman.

Society: A virgin woman at your age is a unicorn, a virgin man at your age there is something wrong. But these are all constructs. SO let go of that, there is nothing wrong with you. If anything it speaks to the value you place on yourself. And that is key.

Regardless, it also sounds like you want to lose it. And you have plenty of options. You can go two routes:

1) Go for a girl you trust and are "cool" with that can do you the favor. She will understand you won't be a Thor in bed. Maybe she'll want to be your teacher aka FWB.
2) Go find a random girl in a bar and get it over with. You won't see her again so who cares if it's not the best sex she's had.

Either way, this is only your first step. You will have to continue to find sexual mates to get good at it. Practice, practice, practice.

Confidence is earned, not learned.

As I said it sounds like you will not have a problem finding a girl, so take advantage of that. For most guys, that is the problem and well without the girl, you are left with the bottom of the barrel or the oldest profession which I WOULD NOT recommend for your first time.


Modern Man Advice

Yeah solid advice here, much appreciated.
I've also been working on my inner confidence and giving less of a **** in general. Thus this post and being in depth and honest at the risk of coming across as vain and a poser. Ultimately I have nothing to gain by lying on the internet to strangers, I genuinely want constructive advice from guys that know their ****. I used to fear rejection immensely and lately I just made an effort to push through that. I've been forcing myself out daily to be in public and have undertook comfort zone tests, such as saying hello to anyone you see or striking up a conversation with a stranger. I also in the process started day gaming indirectly. Got a haircut the other day and stroke up a conversation with the receptionist, she liked my sweater, and I went with it and she offered her snapchat. Went to BestBuy yesterday and saw a half decent looking girl and chatted her up for practice for 15 minutes (didn't go for number). Went to buy some new shoes and while waiting in line flirted with a women for fun and to practice holding frame.

One thing that has helped me is keeping the mantra of "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"! from pook. Essentially, **** it this should be fun and not get too heady about it.

 

[CoandaEffect]

Are you for real? Your post sounds totally fake to me.

 

[Stanley]

Are you for real? Your post sounds totally fake to me.

What do I have to gain by lying, fake internet clout? Besides being a beta virgin for 25 years isn't a flex, its shameful and embarrassing and I want to change that mindset.

 

[corsica]

First thing is stop watching Pokemon. Don't mention anime or video games to girls.

If you can get a decent looking girl in her 30s who can give you a hand (pun intended). She will know you're virgin during sex so no point in hiding it. If she makes advances at you, ask for help. I bet many women will be willing to teach you. Hopefully it's from another social circle that won't tell people that know you. In a few weeks you'll get the hang of it and you will feel confident on how to do it to younger and prettier girls.

It's like starting from the bottom. You have to earn your stripes.

 

[Stanley]

First thing is stop watching Pokemon. Don't mention anime or video games to girls.

If you can get a decent looking girl in her 30s who can give you a hand (pun intended). She will know you're virgin during sex so no point in hiding it. If she makes advances at you, ask for help. I bet many women will be willing to teach you. Hopefully it's from another social circle that won't tell people that know you. In a few weeks you'll get the hang of it and you will feel confident on how to do it to younger and prettier girls.

It's like starting from the bottom. You have to earn your stripes.

I like this one. I don't feel like hiding it from an experienced woman since she'll know. I've considered finding a friend with benefits type scenario away from my core group for this very reason. I think with some practice I wouldn't be so terrified of hot young women coming onto me and me never closing.

Also I don't watch pokemon, i just saw this pic and said **** it
Thanks

 

[Barrister]

OP,

It sounds like your issue is more one of confidence than anything. When you say you are a virgin - I assume this to mean you have never had sexual intercourse and you have gotten handies and blowies before?

If you are getting this much attention from women then you likely have good looks and are at least moderately personable. That is enough to get you in the door with a large percentage of women. Quite honestly, most women who are into you are going to be turned on to the point that they aren't going to notice that much if your technique isn't perfect. I would suggest, if you are really worried about giving yourself performance anxiety due to inexperience, that you get a hold of and take a very low dose of viagra/ciallis whatever. You will be hard as a rock and won't need to think about this at all.

More or less just get past that initial fear that you "aren't doing it right." Once you have gotten one in the sack your confidence likely is through the roof and you don't think about it as much. Once you have gotten multiple, you will basically feel like a pro.

 

[Stanley]

OP,

It sounds like your issue is more one of confidence than anything. When you say you are a virgin - I assume this to mean you have never had sexual intercourse and you have gotten handies and blowies before?

If you are getting this much attention from women then you likely have good looks and are at least moderately personable. That is enough to get you in the door with a large percentage of women. Quite honestly, most women who are into you are going to be turned on to the point that they aren't going to notice that much if your technique isn't perfect. I would suggest, if you are really worried about giving yourself performance anxiety due to inexperience, that you get a hold of and take a very low dose of viagra/ciallis whatever. You will be hard as a rock and won't need to think about this at all.

More or less just get past that initial fear that you "aren't doing it right." Once you have gotten one in the sack your confidence likely is through the roof and you don't think about it as much. Once you have gotten multiple, you will basically feel like a pro.

It is a confidence thing and a fear thing for sure.
I can easily converse and get with a girl until that point and then I get cold feet. I've had nothing more than make out sessions and groping. I have fingered girls before though, but nothing on the receiving end. The two relationships I was in both girls were religious and sexually abused and were very unavailable. Then, with covid and some heavy traumas I was completely away from the opposite sex and internalized some of these hangups for almost two years. I know that now and am actively trying to address it. A fear I had was also Std's and getting a girl pregnant thanks to public school system scare tactics. Now I'm more aware of the risks and would practice safe sex. I also live and was raised in a household with lots of women that was very 'traditional' and definetly picked up some nice guy afc tendencies as result. Recognizing and accepting these things has helped me adress them and make change.

I've also had that thought about taking an ed pill just as a reassurance thing. I quit porn and mental masturbation a while ago and that seemed to help my confidence and sex drive as well.
Thanks for your advice