Met a woman in my office building. Seek her out or wait to "bump" into her again?

[##17]

The more I think about it, the more I agree w/ Latinoman (and take back what I wrote somewhat). I think I came down on the OP too much. That this is a professional environment really has to play and a more laid-back approach is better. Giving your business card is perfect.

There is a lot to be said for DISCRETION as well as valor.

I still think though, that striking while the iron is hot is generally a good idea to operate. Girl from the gym? You gotta go for it.

 

[CompleteControl]

hehe, yes, you definitely can think things through endless

thats a good thing - persistent thought that is - unless its just going in circles.

anyway, heres the answer to your dilemma.

DO NOTHING. do nothing other than ONE THING.

and that ONE THING is..... have fun!

be happy. be content. enjoy life. smile. say hello to everyone you meet if you want. next time you see this girl smile and wave and move on.

if you are close enough to talk to her then ask her how her day is going.

FORGET outcomes. forget closing. forget her as a romantic option. forget all that stuff for now.

just walk around with a 'I'm a guy loving life" attitude and if she's interested she'll find a way back in to your life and you'll get your shot to ask her out at some point. if she's not, then no big deal

this is why i keep telling guys, you can't FAKE it. you gotta work on yourself first, you gotta get your positive vibes about life going good and strong. then closing women is a joke. when a woman sees a nice guy, who is confident, enjoying life, etc. - its the equivalent of a man seeing an hb10 walking down teh street in cut off cameltoe jean shorts and a wet white tank top with perfect t*ts.

think of how that stops you in your tracks and thats how women react to guys who have their sh*t together and are laid back and most of all friendly (not just to them, but to everyone!).

you DO NOT have to try and figure out all the different ways you can behave and then try to figure out all the different ways she might react to all those ways. thats making her the prize.

all you gotta do is walk around enjoying life and being the prize. women will make themselves available to YOU if you do that.

Excellent advice!

 

[jophil28]

THAT "attitude" of upright confidence - It is calm but powerful at the same time. How do you know when you are doing it right ??
For me it's hearing that women think I am a tad arrogant or too sure of myself OR a "bastard"..... Does that sound weird ? Maybe it does to some, but to me it means that I am hitting the ten ring , making an impression , getting under their skin. THIS IS GOOD !! I am in their cone of vision - I am stamping myself on their psyche.
Women seem to be drawn to the intriging male, the indifferent male or the uncontrollable male. So all our past attempts to 'please" them has failed miserably because we have lost that "intrigue' by seeking their approval.
Go figure !

It took me a few microseconds to grasp this concept when it was explained to me by a "natural"....

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Update

Well, an update for you after more than a month since the last run-in...

We arrived at the same time today and i wanted to avoid running into her as i had concluded she was a flake. But the timing saw us arrive at the stairwell at the same time. I looked over at her as we approached and i believe she said hi and then my name (a tad meekly, i might add). I simply smiled and said hi back. I think she asked me how i was doing. It was raining this morning so i said "Staying dry" or something like that. I was first up the stairs and at the top, i opened the door to the skywalk and entered, but left it open for her behind me. She thanked me. I then proceeded to walk the skyway and into the building and down the hall. The whole time, she was a few feet behind me. I deliberately said nothing to her and she said nothing to me. I kept my body language nonchalant. She overtook me right as we got to her hall. She wished me a good day and i replied in kind. Her vibe was friendly and a touch meek.

I think i did the right thing by not speaking with her beyond greetings. If you read the last episode, you know that she flaked on remembering my name AND flaked on the fact that we even met! In my book, that's an automatic strike-out, unless she expresses intense remorse. There is simply no excuse. My interest in her is virtually non-existent now...

 

[jophil28]

You are a "nice " guy.BUT you still want this woman. You say that you have no interest in her . WHy then are you recording and tracking her every move. If you were truly indifferent then you would not have written the latest post.
She still has your FOCUS -you told us about her every move !
You are in the "i want to be uninterested but I am still intrigued " zone.
Dude let it go . THis one has no future unless she starts ripping your clothes in the stairwell..

 

[grinder]

You are a "nice " guy.BUT you still want this woman. You say that you have no interest in her . WHy then are you recording and tracking her every move. If you were truly indifferent then you would not have written the latest post.
She still has your FOCUS -you told us about her every move !
You are in the "i want to be uninterested but I am still intrigued " zone.
Dude let it go . THis one has no future unless she starts ripping your clothes in the stairwell..

Oh man, many of us have been there. I remember my oneitis more than a year ago now. Nasty stuff. Total mind-fvck. I played this song by Yellow Card “Let Her Goooo” (That song was so bad I believe I deserved every ounce of pain).

Because I had to work with her I made up all these ridiculous DJ rules such as never answering the phone when she called, always waiting x amount of time before calling her back, not replying to her emails until after x amount of time.

Those “DJ” rules were very un-dj and served only as a reinforcement of my hangup on her. By TRYING so hard to be dj and indifferent it produced the opposite effect.

The only thing that really really worked was to quit TRYING to be or do anything with her. You can’t make yourself stop having interest, but you can ALLOW it to fall away of its own accord.

It will only fall away if you CHANGE YOUR FOCUS to another, or preferably, several other women. This you must force initially.

 

[##17]

Well, an update for you after more than a month since the last run-in...

We arrived at the same time today and i wanted to avoid running into her as i had concluded she was a flake. But the timing saw us arrive at the stairwell at the same time. I looked over at her as we approached and i believe she said hi and then my name (a tad meekly, i might add). I simply smiled and said hi back. I think she asked me how i was doing. It was raining this morning so i said "Staying dry" or something like that. I was first up the stairs and at the top, i opened the door to the skywalk and entered, but left it open for her behind me. She thanked me. I then proceeded to walk the skyway and into the building and down the hall. The whole time, she was a few feet behind me. I deliberately said nothing to her and she said nothing to me. I kept my body language nonchalant. She overtook me right as we got to her hall. She wished me a good day and i replied in kind. Her vibe was friendly and a touch meek.

I think i did the right thing by not speaking with her beyond greetings. If you read the last episode, you know that she flaked on remembering my name AND flaked on the fact that we even met! In my book, that's an automatic strike-out, unless she expresses intense remorse. There is simply no excuse. My interest in her is virtually non-existent now...

Honestly? No disrespect intended, but you seem kinda whiney and reactive.

If this were a guy (someone you had some professional contact w/ before, maybe someone who knows your boss or something) would you have felt the need to blow him off just because he didnt seem to remember you the way you wanted from before?

I'm not sure what she did wrong before, or what she ever really owed you. She did remember your name from a brief encounter from a few weeks ago...

You can say you nexted her. And I can say that I made the sun rise because I get up in the morning.

 

[Latinoman]

Honestly? No disrespect intended, but you seem kinda whiney and reactive.

If this were a guy (someone you had some professional contact w/ before, maybe someone who knows your boss or something) would you have felt the need to blow him off just because he didnt seem to remember you the way you wanted from before?

I'm not sure what she did wrong before, or what she ever really owed you. She did remember your name from a brief encounter from a few weeks ago...

You can say you nexted her. And I can say that I made the sun rise because I get up in the morning.

I agree with you.

I hope things are going well my friend!

 

[##17]

I agree with you.

I hope things are going well my friend!

They are, my friend!! Busy, but good...

I haven't seen you on here in a while...how are you?

 

[eyedogg]

This has been a very informative thread for me! Thanks ALL!