Met a 'Nice Girl'...Losing Myself

[cordoncordon]

EVERYONE! THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT POST IN THE HISTORY OF SOSUAVE!

For the first time in the history of Sosuave we have a guy actually complaining that a woman appears to be behaving too nice to him!

Men complain in this forum all day how because women are used to jerks and a**holes, and that they are struggling with women due to their good guy nature.

Now for the first time ever we have a guy that's having a problem being with what appears to be a really good quality woman!

You know women are bad now a days when meeting a good woman feels strange to us because of all the BDP's and nut cases we have dated in our lives.

We are becoming like the women that are turned off by nice guys! We becoming used to the drama, lies, bs, crazyness that bad women bring to our lives to the point that when we meet a good woman it feels strange and kinda turns us off.

This is a historic (and very scary) post...

No. If you read between the lines here, he isn't complaining because she is too nice, he is complaining because he feels she is not good looking enough, and he is not as attracted to her as he wants to be. I can promise you if this girl looked like Megan Fox (or whomever the OP finds super hot) he would be bragging up a storm on how nice she is, he would be spending every available minute with her, and he would be telling us how he found "the one".

Again, you can be as nice, as witty, as smart, as suave, as perfect personality wise as anyone, but if you just aren't that into someone physically, it won't work.

 

[Delly2000]

Hey Cordoncordon,

It hasn't got to do with looks. I have to admit she isn't a hot babe like the last girl I had a tryst with that was a super hottie. Where men would stare, Guys would give this girl things etc. But the new girl is cute and better "quality" (educated, no kids, car, own apartment) than the last girl.

This girl is attractive. My buddies tell me she cute. She is attractive enough for me. Truth be told I think she would be considered out of my league. People stare at her.There was some issues that I had about her body (she was a former big girl and although she lost the weight there is some residual which i only noticed after a few dates..sex etc)...I am over that.

But alas there are no clean deals. The biggest struggle aside from moving too fast that I am facing is that she use to date my manager (I work with her best friend who set her up which i didn't even know until after I made my introduction of seeing this girl out). Maybe you didn't see the post. It just bothers me. She is almost perfect. But when she is sleeping beside me or we cuddling or if we just out eating..the thought flashes through my mind that he "had her" from time to time and it makes me melancholy. I dont know for sure if but she told me they went on a few dates and it was nothing serious and that she would tell me everything I wanted to know and it was mutual that they eneded it. But I told her its none of my businesss.

No clean deals my friends. There is a choice I need to make. She seems marriage material. THis could be the woman I spend the rest of my life with and start a family and be happy. But can I overcome the jealousy?

 

[imarockstar]

Delly,

I think you just told us the truth, the underlying issue. Jealousy is eating away at you. I know the feeling, Ive experienced it almost the whole time Ive been with my current GF of 6 months. My problem is common with you, things moved too fast, and I am now attached. I tried as hard as I could to keep things slow but this only makes a woman want you more, eventually I gave up the fight and succumbed to an exclusive relationship.

Before I go on any longer and make this thread about me, I can tell you what I realized recently. Detach. Stop spending so much time together, it makes things boring, and then you result to fighting to spice up the mundane routine you call a relationship. The whole jealousy deal is just a trickle down effect caused by the bigger picture: your attachment.

I know how it is man. Im in the same position right now, and it feels horrible. My GF has been with a few guys I know, and it killed me at first, because I have put her on this pedestal, one in which I believe these guys are not high quality enough to be with her. Then I remembered that Ive been with several girls she knows and works with. But for a while it really bothered me, until I realized I was being irrational. The fact is she didnt know she was going to be with you, and now she is, so her past is irrelevant, and we all make mistakes. Ive fvcked some low quality women in some past drunken endeavors.

Jealousy is something you will have to get past on your own. It requires a different perspective on things. You also cant think about your GFs life before the two of you met, this is something I used to struggle with often, and it sucks.

As far as slowing things down, I highly recommend it, to an extent. If you go to long without making things exclusive, a girl may think your just using her, but let her be the one to bring up the exclusive talk. I rejected it a few times when my current girl brought it up, but eventually you have to become monogamous if you want a LTR with the girl.

The important thing is not becoming too attached after starting the relationship. This is where I failed, and am working on right now. It is a lot easier to not become too attached than trying to detach from something youve invested so much time, effort, and emotion into.

Good luck Delly

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Delly,
You are dealing with a Woman who is far more clever than you,and desperate...
The energy,intellect and ability to home in on an objective,that secured her PHD,is now centred squarely on You...
When this Girl ages and or pumps a Sprog out,she will revert to type...Fat cells are laid down early in life,once the imperitive for maintaining an abstemious way of life goes,she will like June,bust out all over...as Rollo says Danger Will Robinson.

 

[Delly2000]

Thanks Imarockstar. That is some good solid advice. You are right. The Jealousy is something I have to deal with and it will go away in time. But I am not going to fool myself and say it is going to be an easy task. It's going to take some effort. In all honesty if I didn't know the guy I wouldnt be jealous at all. And he won't be around forever. Puts a cloud on the relationship.

Saramouche...you are right. She is much more intelligent than I. I am not going to fool myself. And has a lot of energy. She makes these extensive lists of things to do. I wouldn't be suprise that if after every date she writes down what we done and analyzes my behavior. It is extremely likely. But suprisingly enough I am not intimidated by it.

I conceed that maybe she is desperate..which is why she is working so hard to please me...in such a small space of time. But I am going to go with it and enjoy the ride. Just try to stay centered. If after time she isn't in love with me but the idea of me (a husband, educated professional guy etc) it should come to light in some fashion. I just need to stay aware.

 

[scrouds]

No. If you read between the lines here, he isn't complaining because she is too nice, he is complaining because he feels she is not good looking enough, and he is not as attracted to her as he wants to be. I can promise you if this girl looked like Megan Fox (or whomever the OP finds super hot) he would be bragging up a storm on how nice she is, he would be spending every available minute with her, and he would be telling us how he found "the one".

Again, you can be as nice, as witty, as smart, as suave, as perfect personality wise as anyone, but if you just aren't that into someone physically, it won't work.

Bada bing! Its all about value. You hit it.

 

[5string]

Hey Cordoncordon,

It hasn't got to do with looks. I have to admit she isn't a hot babe like the last girl I had a tryst with that was a super hottie. Where men would stare, Guys would give this girl things etc. But the new girl is cute and better "quality" (educated, no kids, car, own apartment) than the last girl.

This girl is attractive. My buddies tell me she cute. She is attractive enough for me. Truth be told I think she would be considered out of my league. People stare at her.There was some issues that I had about her body (she was a former big girl and although she lost the weight there is some residual which i only noticed after a few dates..sex etc)...I am over that.

But alas there are no clean deals. The biggest struggle aside from moving too fast that I am facing is that she use to date my manager (I work with her best friend who set her up which i didn't even know until after I made my introduction of seeing this girl out). Maybe you didn't see the post. It just bothers me. She is almost perfect. But when she is sleeping beside me or we cuddling or if we just out eating..the thought flashes through my mind that he "had her" from time to time and it makes me melancholy. I dont know for sure if but she told me they went on a few dates and it was nothing serious and that she would tell me everything I wanted to know and it was mutual that they eneded it. But I told her its none of my businesss.

No clean deals my friends. There is a choice I need to make. She seems marriage material. THis could be the woman I spend the rest of my life with and start a family and be happy. But can I overcome the jealousy?

Get over the jealousy sh!t! Past is the past. So what if he had her? Seems to me she is treating you very well and that's all you should concern yourself with.

Ya know, I have actually seen three guys that used to date my wife over the years. Have they all had her? Probably. All three had nothing on me and I know what I'm doing behind closed doors so it doesnt bother me. What she has done with others is really none of your business.

Sounds to me as though you might be in love. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Kailex]

I Body wise she has her flaws but isn't grossly overweight. Very cute. I think the reason she is so easy to get along with is that she is a former fat girl.

And you're surprised she can bake?

Hope you are REALLY being honest to yourself about not caring about her weight... it'll revert to form like a few others said.