messy love!

coffeeandflowers

New Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2012
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Hey everyone. I'm new to this site and my situation prompted me to seek advice!

I'll try and keep it as read-able as possible.

Basically, i'd known this girl for about 5 years, we met on a night out. We used to text and stuff on and off. Then in the last couple of years it became more flirty. We then went out for a proper drink about a year and a half ago and we hit it off as per usual. She told me she was 'seeing someone'. I was completely cool with that. Anyway, a few more months down the line, it transpired that she had just broken up with her bf (of 2 years). They split up because he is a Sikh and she is a Muslim, and he basically chose is family over her.

A couple of months later we started to spend a lot of time together, we were literally inseperable, staying at each other's houses, it felt like we were a couple, though we weren't officially. In fact, she gave me the 'i'm not ready for a relationshio' chat as soon as we got together, she had been hurt, and i respected that. Everything was amazing, we couldn't get enough of each other.

Until one night she was out I heard that she'd been seen drunkenly snogging some fella. I confronted her, she was very apologetic, said she was v drunk etc etc. After a day or two i was over it, afterall we weren't officially 'exclusive' to each other.

However, not long after this, things went downhill fast, she barely seemed interested in spending any time with me and us doing anything together became hard work. When we did spend time together, it was still very couply, holding hands, kissing etc etc. Then it gets tricky, unbeknown to me, her ex was back on the scene, and she was spending alot of time with him, unsurprisingly, this coincided with me and her not spending much time together.

This carried on for a few months, and then we had a big chat, she told me how she was still heartbroken over her ex, and hated herself for not being able to make me hers. (They are only words i know). Then I began dating this other girl, though she was unaware. I went into a club with this girl, and the girl i we've been talking about was there, and she kicked off. Came on all strong, told me that I should have told her how i felt earlier, this night i ended up staying with her at her flat. She then saw a photo of me and this new girl from a night out, and sent me a text saying 'you two look cosy etc etc' i didn't reply, and she sid 'no reply? fine, i'll leave you to it, but if you're seeing her, i'd rather know'

A few more months later and she is the only girl on my mind. And here is where i made the biggest mistake, drunkenly I sent her a stupid text message telling her i was in love with her. She didn't reply, but text me the next day saying 'hey, u have a good night? x'

I recently asked her to come to my brother's wedding, and she did. She was on my arm all day and it was lovely. to me we felt like a couple again. Then as soon as we got back from the wedding, it's gone to being incredibly cold again.

Basically, I'd love your thoughts, and some advice on how to win her over again. Even after all this, I know she is the one for me.

Thanks
 

betheman

Banned
Joined
Nov 4, 2010
Messages
1,853
Reaction score
67
dont bother, she isnt into you, sorry but if she was, she would be making more of an effort.
give this one up, cut her out of your life.

Im serious, she isnt into you, you cant win her over, let it go
 

Night-hawk

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 20, 2012
Messages
570
Reaction score
32
Location
Canada
She's tryin' to play you

She's an airhead

You are in love with her, idealize her, and will still be there after her doing whatever she wants.

Congrats.

You'd be fine if she was a legit girl you liked to hang with and didn't want her, but the fact you are trying to win her over...(gong rings) next.
 

JohnChops

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
2,762
Reaction score
492
Location
No more keyboard jockeying . Action is the place.
honestly dont try to get her back because she isnt into you. Betherman is right, any girl who want to be with you will make an effort to be with you under any circumstance. I had this issue and had to cut that girl out of my life. It tough, had to do No contact but honestly im feeling free and refreshed. If you want just go find other girls to get your mind off this one. Go out and have some fun too, forget about her! Keep busy man and the best of luck!
 

BlueShift

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 9, 2012
Messages
12
Reaction score
0
coffeeandflowers said:
Was hoping for a more optimistic reply from someone!
Nobody is going to tell you what you want to hear on this forum. Get used to that.

You didn't assert yourself to what you wanted. You never took control of your 'relationship' with her. When she messed up, you didn't penalize her. Your attention was once valued to her, but attention is a currency. The more attention you gave her, the less it was worth. Simple supply and demand. Don't live to please a woman. You shouldn't be spending all of your time with a single woman, you should have other plates in your life such as work, aspirations, hobbies, friends and also different women.

She doesn't respect you because you were spineless and always placed her before yourself. Take care of yourself before you take care of a woman. Read the DJ Bible and read the forums.

The ball was always in her court, now it's time to cut her lose and start afresh - the ball is now in your court.
 

coffeeandflowers

New Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2012
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
Yeh, you're absolutely right. I let her have all the power in the relationship. Though when she betrayed my trust, I made her fully aware of how peed off i was.

You may think i'm looking at this through rose-tinted glasses, but i genuinely know she still likes me, as in fancies me and finds me attractive.

I just don't know how to re-establish myself in her life again. Any thoughts?
 

Spawn_Xe

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 19, 2012
Messages
13
Reaction score
0
Its a tough one.

You need to work on your game I think. Blueshift is 100% right, you need to take control and make her chase you.. make her validate and qualify herself to you because she's keeping you around for her own ego. Its obvious that as soon as she saw that you had other options, it affected her, not because she has high interest in you but because her safety harness was taken away.

If you don't game this chick hard and to the point she's worshipping you... she'll trash your heart in a couple of years when an alpha-jerk f*cks her the way she likes.
 

coffeeandflowers

New Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2012
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
I definitely need to work on my game. Have you got a specific game plan of what I need to do? I.e no contact, and what to do of she contacts me etc etc.

I really wanna make this work so if you have some specific do's and don'ts i should employ in getting her back onside and 'worshipping' me that would be great!

Cheers guys
 

Powerofmindset

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 25, 2010
Messages
73
Reaction score
0
This chick obviously wants her cake and eat it too. She's ****ing her ex and stringing you along. There are more women out there that don't have baggage like this.
 

ezio

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 10, 2012
Messages
162
Reaction score
8
She's stringing you along and you know it. don't be that guy,have some self respect!!
 

JohnChops

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
2,762
Reaction score
492
Location
No more keyboard jockeying . Action is the place.
coffeeandflowers said:
I definitely need to work on my game. Have you got a specific game plan of what I need to do? I.e no contact, and what to do of she contacts me etc etc.

I really wanna make this work so if you have some specific do's and don'ts i should employ in getting her back onside and 'worshipping' me that would be great!

Cheers guys

Read the DJ bible...

And one for you ? My lord dude she is just one girl out of the many you will encounter in your life. You think shes the one... your 100% wrong. Your just being clingy to her now. Stop. Do not pass go. Do not collect your pvssy. DJ bible and forget about her man! SELF RESPECT
 

coffeeandflowers

New Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2012
Messages
9
Reaction score
0
i appreciate the honesty fellas, i really do. But, as dillusional as you may think I am, the only things i want to know are how i can rectify this. I.e what systems and actions i can put in place to get her back onside again!
 

Echoes

Don Juan
Joined
May 3, 2011
Messages
107
Reaction score
4
coffeeandflowers said:
i appreciate the honesty fellas, i really do. But, as dillusional as you may think I am, the only things i want to know are how i can rectify this. I.e what systems and actions i can put in place to get her back onside again!
Look...

I'm no pro with the women. That's why I read this site. I have learned a ton and have started to make changes which are helping things to go the right way...MY way. I still have a long way to go but that's ok.

Do what the other guys said. Read the DJ Bible. Read the Book Of Pook. Continue to read posts on the message board. Educate yourself. if you do these things you will come to realize that rectifying the situation may not be possible...or even desirable! And you will actually be ok with that!

You will gain a level of confidence and self understanding that will make you say "Why the hell was I so worked up over this girl?".

Good luck.
 

BlueShift

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 9, 2012
Messages
12
Reaction score
0
Echoes said:
Do what the other guys said. Read the DJ Bible. Read the Book Of Pook. Continue to read posts on the message board. Educate yourself. if you do these things you will come to realize that rectifying the situation may not be possible...or even desirable! And you will actually be ok with that!

You will gain a level of confidence and self understanding that will make you say "Why the hell was I so worked up over this girl?".
Good luck.
Echoes makes a very good point. You will learn everything you want to know after a few months on the website.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
 

MM92

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2012
Messages
303
Reaction score
11
Location
England
BlueShift said:
Echoes makes a very good point. You will learn everything you want to know after a few months on the website.

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."
Yep, be thankful you're here. Come with a clear mind and you will learn so much and you will see that the vast majority of things on here work and they are right. I stumbled across here as my "game" was slipping and it re-taught me everything i knew but just seemed to forget and slack on.

Since then i've had not one problem with females and I genuinely don't think i'll ever have one that i can't overcome easily again. Mistakes are made to learn from. Good luck.
 
Top