Messed up

[Big Poppa]

I really don't know what to do. I was recently involved in a car accident. Not one of those fender benders but head on going close to freeway speed. My engine kissed the steering wheel. I suffered from a shattered ankle. Surgery and all that.

But that's not the thing plauging me. Well not all of it. The other couple in the car died in result of the crash.

I don't know what to ****ing do with myself. I was driving. The wheel locked. Like literally ****ing locked on me. I swerved and smashed into them. I spun everywhere and so did they. They ended up in the ditch. They died in a ****ing ditch. It was an old couple.

I don't know what to do with myself. The injury doesn't help. All I can do is sit at home and think. Working out doesn't help anymore.

I can't look anyone in the eye. I flinch at the slightest movement towards me. I avoid girls. I hardly talk to the ones I know.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Do I deserve to be happy? I feel like a ****ing monster for even trying to be cheerful about this. They're dead because of me. Two people, probably grandparents, probably just hitting retirement died in a ****ing twisted heap of metal.

I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for postng this here. I'm sorry eally im sorry.

 

[(JJ)]

This isnt an issue we can really help you with man. Everyone makes mistakes, regardless of how bad they are. The world generally doesnt care. It just keeps spinning until everyone's forgotten what happened. This is a very big deal, yes, and there is no reason for you to be expected to just get over it. But this is something that a professional needs to be consulted about. Find a good psychiatrist and discuss it with them. It'll be okay bro. Things work out. Good luck.

 

[YAboi]

Man, may the good Lord heal your bad feelings, it will be alright. Sucks man but the best thing you can do now is live your life to the fullest as a way of repaying that old couple.

Look on the bright side, at least they lived many long years. Mulling over the issue over and over again will slow your healing process. It was your cars' fault not yours.

Definitely seek some counselling and let other people in and keep active with daily activities like work as this will also help you get your mind off it and if your religious you could get into that too.

If all this fails then you can dedicate some part of your life to campaigning for road safety.

 

[worship]

Man, may the good Lord heal your bad feelings, it will be alright.

That won't help.

Anyway you can't beat yourself up about this, as you said your steering wheel locked so there wasn't much you could do. Just an unfortunate event.

But you have to look at the better side: consider yourself lucky that you only had a broken ankle and you weren't the one that died. Also consider that they were elderly people and not young people with their lives ahead of them.

Good luck.

 

[game.r]

What you're dealing with is called "Survivor's guilt" imo. But it may also be intensified because you were Indirectly responsible for that couples death.

You were not drunk or irresponsible, the wheel locked. You had no control over it. It sucks, but that's the truth.

You're a GOOD person!

I believe this because you're torn up about taking the lives of two person regardless of their age and it not really being their fault. That just means you're a decent human being.

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP!!!

or these feelings will linger and eat you up from the inside.

Get help and work through these issues. please!

 

[Cabal]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It was an accident. Sometimes that's a car crash, sometimes it's a roof caving in, sometimes it's a bomb (I'm a Brit, we had 7/7). You can't blame yourself. You lived; anyone who died in an accident would wish well to the people who survived.

You have to let it go, or it would be a waste of two lives, three lives even. That would be your only sin.

 

[amoka]

I agree. Get help ASAP.

 

[Da Realist]

What you're going through isn't too different from what is talked about here. You're basically stuck in the moment and can't move past it because you're angry at yourself. But why? That couple was in the wrong place at the wrong time and you couldn't control that. The wheel looked up at just that moment and you couldn't control that. They died and you lived and you couldn't that. The thing is that you're trying to control the situation in a sense becuase you think your suffering will bring some type of peace in a way. It's good that you feel something because it means you're a good person, but you have to let go and start going back with the flow of life.

 

[joyjoy]

I think It is not your fault. We are people and we have many mistakes. When we fall, we have to stand and begin the work again. i know it is shock, but pls believe that there is nothing following you forever. So be brave and I trust you can do.

 

[Upside]

A lot of people say to live life as if it were your last day on Earth. You more than anyone should be able to understand this now. It sucks what happened but look at the positive. You ARE alive.

 

[Joe Stud]

good psychiatrist, get some antidepressants (cymbalta?). just keep on keepin on. good luck

 

[londonzen]

sorry to hear this man

 

[prairiedog24]

That won't help.

But you have to look at the better side: consider yourself lucky that you only had a broken ankle and you weren't the one that died. Also consider that they were elderly people and not young people with their lives ahead of them.

Good luck.

Dude. That is terrible advice.

 

[PSYCHO]

It was a uncontrollable random act and not an intentional one - no fault.

The only way to prevent a random act accident is not to drive again! But also be aware, that you can have or cause an accident riding a bike and even walking.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://tinyurl.com/m3rjpe

The book at this link may help you.

Also there was a great teaching in the movie Ghandi that doesn't exactly apply to your situation as you didn't intend to kill the old people but perhaps the key for you to move forward and feel like you've atoned for what you have done is to help the elderly in some way.

Nahari: I'm going to Hell! I killed a child! I smashed his head against a wall.
Gandhi: Why?
Nahari: Because they killed my son! The Muslims killed my son!
Gandhi: I know a way out of Hell. Find a child, a child whose mother and father was killed and raise him as your own. Only be sure that he is a Muslim and that you raise him as one.

 

[Big Poppa]

****.

Well, I'm a lot better now. I have therapy sessions and just been keepng myself busy by reading and working out. I bought the home Iron Gym System since I fear lfting heavy will cause me took look like a light bublb currently ;D

I've been taking Norcos. Not prescibed but whatever.

My Game is back on. Hell everything is back on. I figure the best things I can do right now is have closure with the family(therapy advice) and make my life is something worth living.

Now, let's see if if I got major game crippled