Messed Up Situation

[faeyt]

First time posting, hi guys c: I found here after someone showed me the book of pook, but my situation isn't that normal...
Basically, I'm 21 and I've been single all my life. I usually fall for a girl for years and usually she'll like me back, but I'll be too much of a wimp to do anything about it. Now, I'm in love with this girl (and I have been for 3 years) and I've been very good friends with for about 5 years now, but she has a boyfriend (who I was actually close with a year or two ago).
In January, she spent the night at my place and then we unexpectedly started making out. She later told me she didn't expect it to happen but she's falling for me too. Over the next month we saw each other (and I even lost my virginity to her) but she told me she just can't leave her boyfriend.
I've tried not talking to her but she's got a LOT to deal with in her life and she's been telling me stuff she hasn't told anyone else - I can't just walk out of her life, it would cripple her. And I don't want to steal her away, both because a) I don't think she'd actually leave her boyfriend and b) if she'd cheat on him, she'd cheat on me, I'm not naive.
I literally don't do anything with my time. I have nothing to do, and the city I'm in has little to do at night, or maybe I'm just making excuses not to go out and meet people. I want to get over her but still be there for her but I'm so whipped it's pathetic. Every time I see her I get depressed when I have to leave because I know she'll be with her boyfriend at night. But meanwhile, I sit at home watching shows. I can't even pick up a decent hobby, and at university I have no TV to waste my life away on gaming.
Sigh. What do I do? I have intense one-itis and I've struggled with it for years, and I'm new to this whole thing so I can't just go out tonight and meet a girl (or can I?) I know I need to restructure my life but with this weighing down on me, she's all I think about. And she texts me so often I can't get peace of mind, I feel guilty when I ignore her texts. If it were as simple as walking away, I'd just do the NC challenge.
Sorry if this is too long btw :x

 

[faeyt]

Sorry for the double post...I forgot to mention, I'm seeing her in about 30 minutes. We're to have lunch, but then some friends of hers are visiting so she'll be partying with them tonight and probably her boyfriend too (since she didn't invite me). I was thinking of going out tonight and trying to meet people, build confidence through failure, etc as my first time actually attempting this stuff but it seems so futile...

 

[PoZest]

Does she complain about this boyfriend or is she happy? She says she can't leave him... Is that because she knows it would hurt him but she wants to? You know yourself you need to do other things to take your mind off her, maybe then she will realise its you she wants...

 

[Kbomb]

you have a lot of work in front of you here. You need to let this girl go simply for your own sanity. You have to. You are at square one, and in turn you need to begin learning and developing the skills you will need to get some control over this part of your life. It starts with being really bad at everything involving women and eventually get to a point, with you knowing your way around. IT IS EXACTLY LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE.

Now, go forth and fail and learn and fail and grow, and succeed here and there, but as you have seen success is not all its cracked up to be. You probably thought it would be eternal bliss to finally sleep with your oneitis, and instead its just a let down. learn the lesson.

 

[Voice]

Didn't she already cheat on her boyfriend for you?

This girl is using you. She might like you, but obviously not enough to leave her boyfriend for you. You already know the answer. Find other girls. Either keep her on the side to fvck or stop being seeing her altogether.

The only way to get over oneitis is to start seeing other girls and eliminate that girl from your life. Shes keeping you both so she has multiple options. If you want to get rid of you obsession then you have to erase this girl from your life. This means no talking, no facebook, no texts, nothing. I've gotten over oneitises that way. Now when I look back at the girls I had oneitis for they are nothing special. You will feel the same way when you are over this girl.

 

[Exoduso]

She cheated on her boyfriend for you. That's the most you're ever going to get from her if you want to be realistic.
Like you said yourself, if she cheated on him she could just as well cheat on you.
Since you say this has been going on for years, you have to let her go for your own sake... otherwise you'll keep driving yourself crazy.

 

[faeyt]

Yeah you guys are right. I went to lunch with her a few hours ago, and some friends came by visiting her (two girls). I knew they were going out later and it was implied I wasn't invited (I wouldn't have gone anyway), but we drove around, I got some alcohol from LCBO so it wasn't a total waste. We got back to her place and she said I could hang out for a bit, and they started drinking early. The girl said I should drink too, and I was going to, but then she said that I could stay until 10-11, which was when her boyfriend would be there. I checked this forum on my phone and knew I had to get out of there ASAP. I left shortly after but walking back I felt so ****ty. This cycle keeps happening to me and I always lose, feels so bad. She tried convincing me to stay but I don't have it in me to get drunk there and then leave.
I'm going to make an attempt to go out and meet girls tonight to get rid of this ****ing oneitis but the place I'm going to, she might be there as well. It's close and cheap, and I don't have much money on me, so my plan is to either leave before they get there or meet some girls there and hang with them (although my hopes aren't that high since this is my first time).
Man, I type a lot.

 

[faeyt]

Going to the bar/club in an hour or so, going to jump right into this and remove my approach anxiety once and for all. I shall post if anything interesting happens although from some stories I've seen on here I doubt it'd match up...we shall see