Jophill speaks the truth.
However - OP to me has all the signs of severe depression.
Not just the depression in getting over a chick, but all over helplessness and insecurity that has always probably been simmering, and this current situation bought it to the surface.
Just sayying "get over it" "get a grip" & "harden the fukk up" or whatever does not always work.
I know this because I am just coming out of a situation where I fell head over heels for a woman, despite me knowing deep down there was no long term future in it, she had a crazy ex -fiance that was was in jail for assualitng her, she did drugs, she was BPD, she had a kid, she'd been married at like 18 or 19and it lasted less than a year (she now 31).
Despite enough Red-flags to dress all the communists in China, I STILL persued her, especially after I bedded her. The "white-knight" syndrome was in full force, riding in to save this poor girl from herself.
When she went AWOL on me without explanation I forgave her. When she said that I had done something wrong - I apologised, when she said I was weird and revolting - I forgave her.....I clung on to those very few times of intimacy and her vulnerability & everything else went out the window.
She was like a drug to me.
She was also now, I realise, a CVNT.
It has taken me literally 4 months of constant ache from the pits of my stomach to do something about it. Every godammned second of the day this woman would enter my thoughts. I hit the booze hard, started smoking two packs of ciggies a day, stopped exercising, & even started to lose my good looks...got a haggard appearance. I couldn't eat, and I took so many sick days my employers started asking questions.
I went to my doctor. I'm on anti-depressants now. Not super strong ones, just enough to restore the imbalance in my brain.
By the way - did I mention this woman was a HB 8.5-9.
So, as I say - while I repeat that Jophill is right - your mental state has to be in the right frame of mind in order to be actually able to accept what he (and others) are saying.
If its not - get some medical help.
And DO NOT attempt to contact her again ever. You just might have to accept you are never going to get full closure. Mate, I did what you did, tried to contact through text, and facebook. Guess what she did? Blocked my facebook account and got her mother to text me to say "never contact my daughter again". This after I told her about a drug rehab probramme which she has entered. Sometimes it is so true: the more you do for some people the less they think of you.
This has been the worst period of my life.
So mate, get some help if you need it.
And try to look at it this way: If getting all fukked up & depressed over some cvnt is the worst that can happen to you, then really you got it quite good.
You still got two arms, two legs, two eyes, you can still crack a woody (I hope) you don't have to sh!t in the street & get your next meal from a garbage can, or be living in a country run by a dictator while you have to live in oppressive conditions.
Good luck mate, and keep us posted on how you get on.
