Men don't cheat. Women don't cheat, they deceive

[mrgoodstuff]

There's not much of a difference between male cheating and female cheating to be honest

Male can end up raising another mans seed. As well as man can end cuckholded and emotionally and financially supporting a woman starving him out and getting d1cked down by other men.

 

[Serenity]

You've stated in a previous thread you created, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/boned-a-prostitute-and-cheated.236798/ , that you cheated on your girlfriend by paying a random woman to have sex with you but the experience itself confirmed how much you love your girlfriend and how your "heart and body is just for her.

Besides cheating on her, what other ways could you have "confirmed" your love for your girlfriend? Does it take a moral shortcoming to be grateful for what you have?

You've of course avoided telling her. The circumstances of your incident probably will prevent you from ever having to outright verbally lie to her face, but through omission you are inadvertently lying to her face every time she looks at you and believes you're someone your not. That is deception.

Do you think it would be worth it if you came clean, and got it off your conscience (assuming deception through omission periodically bothers you)? Do you think a statute of limitations exists on cheating and deception? Or that if the incident qualifies as "barely cheating", and you're confident that your girlfriend will never find out, that it serves in the best interest of anyone to keep your secret to yourself?

Ignorance is bliss I guess, but would your girlfriend stay with you if you decided to end your ongoing deception? Would you
come clean even if risked the continuance of the relationship with your girlfriend? Is this girl worth being honest to, even if it means it breaks her heart and ends the relationship? If you love her and care about her, does her positive feelings about the relationship (which rely on false pretenses) justify the ongoing deception? At the end of day, do you weigh the pros and cons of honesty and deception and decide on a per case basis as to which to use? Is continued deception worth it to protect people's feelings and the ramifications of cheating?

I am genuinely interested in every question I asked. I'm not trying to be intrusive. But you have a strong opinion against the OP (rightfully so)... but you have firsthand experience regarding this topic, so I think it would benefit others who are dilly dallying around with the idea of cheating to hear your insight.

Those are great questions! I'll try answering most of it.

I did not cheat because I was unsure of my love for her, I did it because I was going in there with a bunch of colleagues on a trip, was drunk and got curious about the experience. I was already grateful for what I had, again this wasn't motivated out of a sense of lacking something as would be expected to be typical for this situation.

You are correct that not telling her is a form of deception. Does this single incident change who I am? No it does not, had I done it several times it would be a part of who I am. So I am not lying to her face every time she looks at me, because I am who she thinks I am. I just made one dumb decision that I won't repeat.

I don't think it will be worth it coming clean about that, which is why I haven't mentioned it. It did bother me for a few months, but that bad conscience was the price I paid, the consequence of my actions. I emotionally learn a lot more from that than going the easy way of coming clean and being forgiven. If I feel the pain I'll ensure that even in a drunken state I won't even think of doing it again, it just works that way for me.

I really don't think coming clean about it is going to do any good, especially now as it's been a while since this happened. If I did tell her I don't think she would leave, me not telling her is not driven by a fear of her leaving. If I was confronted I'd tell it as is, even if that meant she would leave me. Is she worth being honest to? Yes, I'm very direct about most things and I have gotten to her feelings sometimes because of it. But this incident wouldn't lead to anything good, I have already learned my lesson so telling her would only serve to make her insecure. Then I'd have to calm her down and make her believe I really do regret it and won't do it again. Well, that's a lot of hassle for nothing good for either of us.

The relationship isn't built on false pretenses, a single mess up isn't enough to invalidate everything we have built. I do weigh the pros and cons on a case to case basis, I prefer honesty and almost all the time that's the way I go.

As I said, it's not continues deception because the premises for our relationship is still valid. There's just this one time it wasn't valid, it would only remain invalid if there's repetition.

I hope this answers your questions.