Men at different ages

[Jasmine]

Hi All!!

I am after your wisdom here... In the past I have generally dated guys that are around the same age as me (24), give or take a couple of years, and the vibes are good, but there is never really a huge verbal exchange of feelings.

I am now seeing a guy that is 31, and he is constantly telling me I am beautiful and that he thinks he is falling in love with me. While I have these feelings too, I am so un-used to a guy wearing his heart on his sleeve that I am quite uncomfortable and feel like one of two things are happening: Either my self esteem is low enough to believe that I am not deserving of this beautiful guy, or that he has a ulterior motive and the things he says are not true.

Which of these instances do you think is the most likely? I really like this guy and want more than anything to believe that this is the real thing, but I feel like there is something I am missing.

Do guys start expressing their emotions more as they get older, or do I have something to worry about?

Thank u

Jas

 

[So pimp its scary]

I am not good at giving women advice on their men, you won't be able to get him to change very easily... and most anything that you would tell him would make him respect you less...

But, when you do break up with this guy, do him the favor of the truth... so that he won't f*ck up relationships in the future like that.

 

[Jasmine]

Thanks Pimp, but you've lost me. I don't understand how you think he's 'stuffed it up'?

 

[Halo]

You've already answered your own question. You said you like the guy. A quote comes to mind, I think it's of military origin, "analysis is the mother of all fvckups."

Personally I wouldn't be throwing out compliments left and right, but maybe he really does think you're beautiful!

Don't put the cart before the horse, by presupposing you're about to get hurt, etc, etc. Just concentrate on having an enjoyable time, come what may.

Besides, what else are you going to do? Cut it off based on the mere possibility that his intentions are less than noble? Later on the inevitable "what if he was for real?" scenarios in your mind would bother you more than that.

As for the age question, I have found that as I get older I cut to the chase quicker. That's a natural consequence of experience, as I now have a clearer idea of what I want and don't want in a woman.

 

[Kodiac]

He's just your typical AFC.

Spilling his guts, being a p*ssy - ahhh, the memories!

Don't doubt yourself, sounds like you have this guy p*ssy whipped already, congrats

 

[ChevyLover]

Ok. I used to read and believe whole heartedly everything on this website. I still do believe the concepts. But, they are not all written in stone. I learned that with a girl I've been with for a awhile - I always talked, she always listened and never opened up as much as me, and I eventually thought she didn't like me because of it so one day I told her I had to break up with her because she didn't like me. Well she let me have it then. Biggest guilt trip in the world so I'd maybe somehow possible change my mind. She explained why she never talked that much and explained she would never be bored with my talking - it cheered her up every time. So some of the things on here like only listening and barely ever talking are not always true. This chick is hot btw.

So my advise to you Jasmine is stay with this guy. Whatever you want to hear from me, pretend I said it as long as it keeps you with this guy. There is nothing wrong with him, he is just so surprised and happy that a girl he likes so much seems to like him the same amount, which has probably never happened to him before because its a fvcked up world, and he can't help but express his feelings of happiness in a dumb way. Tell him you love him back and that if he keeps saying things like that your going to get suspicious of him being a piece of **** in some way.

I think the number one thing to a relationship is good communication. If you are thinking something like your suspicious of him or something, let him know. Let him defend himself. Let him EXPLAIN himself. Its not fair to him otherwise - you keeping stuff like that from him and asking us.

Hell he is an afc according to whats written on this website, a nice guy. But I respect a nice guy too - its not his fault he never found this website. You like him, and hes not a jerk. Stay with him, unless you want to go to some jerk whos gonna treat you like **** just so he can fvck you and then take off, leaving you with a thousand diseases. lol

Thing is, look at movies and shiat. If a guy is falling in love with a girl he is supposed to tell her right? Then she will fall in love with him and say the same damn thing. LOL He doesn't know the proper way of expressing his feelings. Thats all. Nobodies perfect. Hes a good guy. Your falling in love with him. He's beautiful. Stick with him. Period. If you break up with him over him telling you he thinks he is falling in love with you, that is just sad. Something like that would make me wanna go outback with the 12 gauge and off myself.

CL

 

[Jasmine]

Thanks Chevylover, that was a great post, helped a lot.

I think it is my self esteem and I am going to have to get over it. Very strange... you'd think that him saying every nice thing to me under the sun would up my self esteem... lately I have been thinking that I haven't met his family and friends yet because i don't 'add up'. He has been married before and perhaps I think that I am not as 'good' as his ex. I think it might just be something that I'll have to work on.

Thanks all v. much.

Jas

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Let's just say that neither one of you are quite ready for a relationship. Even at 31 he still believes that smothering a woman with complements will "make her" become interested in him. You are still unsure of your own worthiness to tell what he is doing AND his complement make you uncomfortable.

He needs to learn that being himself will be enough for the right woman and you need to understand your own worth to the extent that you can blow off the supplications of a confused man.

 

[So pimp its scary]

I don't think that it's hopeless, but what I'm saying is that no matter how you tell him that its bugging you , it will create some strain on the relationship.

It's more if he continues or gets worse after you tell him that things aren't working out right... you will have to be very tactful in your explanation, or he's likely to become offended. These 2 things combined could be the spark leading to your breakup... it's not inevitable though... he might actually change.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by So pimp its scary
These 2 things combined could be the spark leading to your breakup... it's not inevitable though... he might actually change.

Unless he regularly visits this site, I would predict his chance of changing as slim.

 

[Jasmine]

I actually think that the sentiment involved when he said 'I think I'm falling in love with you' is nice, because I feel the same way. I guess it's just my own stupid problem that I don't believe him.

 

[Jasmine]

NO, I think I have worked it out. It feels like he is saying it, but not to me. It's happened so fast.. I've only been seeing him a month. He's been married before... maybe he wants so much what he has had before that he is trying to make it happen with me. Does this sound like a possiblity?

 

[WaterTiger]

He loves you and you've only been seeing him a month? I'd be a little concerned about that. And I'd also find out what prompted the divorce. You want to be sure that he is in love WITH YOU not with some "If Only" fantasy. In my experience, guys that "fall in love" this quick are clingy and controling. I may be wrong, I don't know all the details about him or the relationship. I'm just saying be careful.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yes, typical AFC who has handed all the control to the woman. Might not be what you want to hear, but at this point this guy is no longer a challenge, so off course you are starting to doubt yourself as you loose interest by the minute.

There are chumps who need to spill their guts, of all ages. I've been guilty of it before, as most guys in here. He probably was a suplicating younger man in the past. The irony is that all the nice things that he's saying to impress you are only causing you to loose interest.

And yeah, after a month? Come on! That was quick, for him to stop doing all the things that originally caused you to feel attraction. Some guys have the nack for blowing a sure thing. If it was after a few months of marriage, or engagement, I could see both opening up and spilling your guts.

There is no easy way to tell him, or explain this to him, without affecting your relationship. Plus even if you wanted to be honest, would a woman ever admit that 'being nice' is not the way to conquer them?

As far as Chevy's post is concernted, yeah, off course you're gonna like his response Jasmine, he's telling you the fairy tale ending, what you want to hear. Be honest with yourself. You can try to fool us, even fool him, but don't kid yourelf. You deserve better.

Both of you might be living in a fantasy land. Where the afc gets teh girl, and they lived happily ever after. The way things should be, and are, can be totally different. We can't live in the should's, can't we?

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Jasmine
Either my self esteem is low enough to believe that I am not deserving of this beautiful guy, or that he has a ulterior motive and the things he says are not true.

yep kodiacs right, hes your average frustrated chump (no hidden agendas or surprises, or anything exciting), basically what we all used to be.

forget all the lovey dovey sh!t, its all hes most likely got in his toolbox, and there are NO ulterior motives other than hes a man who wants to phuck a women.

 

[DJ_Dork]

He is AFC = Desperate needing love. He's also older which means... he is choosing younger women like yourself because women like yourself are not so advanced in the games of dating.

I dislike older guys trying to pick up younger women because it takes them out of my equation since i am a younger guy.

 

[princelydeeds]

Typical silly woman. Typically silly AFC. His only crime is liking her. I think he has bad taste. He is falling for a woman who can't respect him cause he likes her too much. She obviously wants someone who doesn't want her. I feel sorry for the guy. If liking this woman is wrong, its not his issue its hers.

If you like him, even a little bit, direct him to this website.

 

[theproject]

Jasmine:


I am sure you deserve the best-just like all women do.

Like you trusting others comes very easily me as well. But also trusting myself is also very important so that if someone lets me down it really is no biggee.


theproject

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by Jasmine
he is constantly telling me I am beautiful and that he thinks he is falling in love with me.

Oh my god! Drop him instantly and go find a biker who'll disrespect and abuse you.

 

[Jasmine]

Hehe, point taken Bobb