mellow_yellow's Game Log, Set 1 of ∞

[mellow_yellow]

Why am I making an approach journal?:
I've spent too many hours reading through interesting yet pessimistic threads that revolve around the plight of being a minority, today's terrible dating market, and other yadda yadda. I was doing that rather than taking real action. When going out, I'd check out some women, but never approach because I felt awkward about it. This feeling of awkwardness was probably fear distilled in a different form. In the past, I used to get nervous. And now, instead of typical fear, it's more like feeling weird and thinking she wouldn't be interested since I didn't get any IOIs.

A few days ago, I came back from a Miami for a college friend's bachelor party and somehow I received a change of perspective on approaching. With one of the guys, I cold approached different bachelorette groups to invite them over to our table. I hesitated for a split second in my head then agreed to cold approach with him because I instantly knew we had to make the most of this expensive VIP table and girls weren't going to come to us just because we had a table. My mood was normal, calm, and collected when I began approaching. Yes, we got rejected a few times and had some girls completely turn their shoulders away to ignore, however I didn't feel the crippling awkwardness that I usually felt. For the bachelorette groups and other girls that did come over, I talked with as many as I could and just enjoyed being in the moment of the music, great guys, and meeting people who were celebrating life in Miami.

I had an epiphany that I wasn't succeeding because:

1. I wasn't approaching enough...more like not at all
   
   
2. I wasn't following through the approach all the way to make her reject me even if I felt her losing interest. I'd give up too early before or during the conversation. I should be trying to get her to reject me instead of trying to avoid rejection.
   
   
3. I was treating approaching like a major event when it should just be a normal, casual activity just like eating, thinking, or hanging out. I was framing it like I was going to give a speech to 1,000 people.

I'm structuring this approach journal in sets (1 set of approaches = 1 new thread):

• For every 3-5 women I approach, that will be 1 set = 1 thread where I keep all the follow-up dates in so it's easy for readers to follow. I've seen other guys' approach journals get like 15+ pages long as they put all their approaches and dates in the same thread.
  
  
• For each woman I approach, I'll write down what happened, how I could've done better, and questions I have to you.
  
  
• Like improving your life and pushing boundaries, you can never stop doing it hence there could be infinite sets (∞). I'll publish all my sets until I finally internalize everything as a master DJ and no longer need an approach journal.

With this said, I'm in the right frame of mind to begin an approach journal, beginning with the 2 numbers I got from a HB9 on my return flight back to LA and HB8 the next day at my usual bar.

 

[mellow_yellow]

Set 1, Approach 0 (bachelorette group in Miami club, HB 7-9)
While out clubbing in Miami with the bachelor group, my 3 "targets" were this half-Korean girl and 2 white city girls. I was dancing, joking around, and kinoing their shoulders, their lower back, and pulling them closer to me. They eventually left our table with their bachelorette to go somewhere else.

Questions for you:

• If I wanted to try pulling one of them, would it have been better if I isolated and try to kiss-close or take one to the dance floor then escalate?

Set 1, Approach 1 (Kristen, HB 9)
I met her on the Miami flight back to LA this past Monday. When she was sitting back down from the lavatory, I told her I liked her colorful jacket and asked where she got it from then we asked each other what brought us to Miami. She mentioned she was there for her birthday and the "guy I'm seeing...boyfriend...but I'm not sure what we are, I guess we're seeing each other." I said "wow, amazing you're doing long distance" then we talked about where we traveled to and stuff. I kinoed her shoulders and arms as I chatted and joked around with her.

I felt like our chat was about to drag on so went to the bathroom and after I sat down, we didn't talk until I asked if she's taking the next day off work. I asked for her name and said nice to meet you. Then, I turned around again and said "you're in X city aren't you?, I'm in Y city. Let's meet up sometime. Mind if I get your number?" She said sure and gave it to me. Got her number. Haven't texted her yet.

What I could've done better:

• After the plane landed, my stomach felt a little nervous on how I was going to ask for her number. I think I spoke a little too fast asking for it and wish I said "Let me get your number" instead of asking for it.

Questions for you:

• She was unsure about her long distance boyfriend. I know this number may be worthless. Should I still try hitting her up or skip?
• I got her number on Monday and haven't text her yet. When should I set up a meet-up? I'm thinking Monday if it's not too late.
• If I should text her, I'm planning to send a playful text like "I have some options for you. We can rendezvous in Miami on the JetBlue flight or meet in your X city" rather than say "hey it's mellow". Thoughts?
• And if I get LBJFed during the date, would it be worth keeping her around as a hot friend for social proof and fashion advice?

​

Set 1, Approach 2 (Dani, HB 8)
I was with my friend John at my usual bar and we recognize that it's an ex-girlfriend of one of friends. They broke up like 5 years ago. My friend thinks she's hot, but doesn't want to for it because she dated the friend we know. We both talk to her about what we've all been up to. I make a few jokes and she laughs in good spirit. As she's about to leave, I said "hey since you're nearby, let's hang out sometime. I'll give John your number too." John said it's all me if I'm going for her lol

What I could've done better:

• Not sure though I think Dani may have seen me and John as old acquaintances rather than potential lovers or whatever since all 3 of us were chatting with each other.

Questions for you:

• John says he wouldn't go for her because she's our friend's ex. I argued that we don't need to get his blessing because it's been so many years. Thoughts on going after friend's ex-girlfriends? I'm not super close to this friend, but I do see him around when meeting up with our large group of friends.

 

[mellow_yellow]

Your thoughts make sense @Amante Silvestre, especially on how you used to work the clubs. I'm thinking that a club is a fast version of life where you're bouncing around between "plates", building social proof with everyone you talk to, and bumping into the women towards the end "by chance" after they've been eyeing you as the fun guy with status. Near my table, I noticed these European suave guys who were each working on a girl with heavy kino and kisses and pulling them back by the arms when the girl would try to leave. They left empty-handed since the girls were only interested in fooling around before leaving with their friends. I'm not into the clubs anymore either since I've been to plenty and the dynamics aren't what they used to be. I'll probably find myself back in a club eventually so I'll remember your advice to work the entire club unless there's a girl who really wants me.

Date Set-up (Kristen, HB 9)
Texted on Sat saying that we could "rendezvous back to Miami or meet at X bar in her city". No reply. I'm pretty sure that she's ignoring because she gave me her real number; it's linked to her FB profile. I'm going to follow the 2-strikes rule for setting up dates and text 1 more time in about a week. I have a gut feeling it's because my and her SMV are mismatched despite the good chat we had back on the flight. She's a 9 while my best guess is I'm somewhere between a 3-6. As a side note, I am working on my SMV by hitting the gym and looking for a higher-paying job.

Date Set-up (Dani, HB 8)
She replied 2 hours later and said Monday night might be hard she's running errands and has a few appointments, but she'd let me know. I replied 2 hours later with a "sure let me know". Today, she said she'll be heading into our local bar and "if you guys are around, lmk". Bad sign since she sees me (and John) as a friend. I'm going to try and set up a one-on-one with her again if we don't meet on Monday, but I think this will be an uphill battle even if I get her out since I have to reframe that we're not friends.

I think Set 1 of my log is coming to a close. I'm going to start racking up approaches for Set 2.

 

[ohrein]

How is this thread being ignored? It should be stickied as an example on what every newb should be doing.

True that. Good to see someone actually making changes and being analytical. Reminds me of me when I started! Approaches are the best confidence builder.

If I wanted to try pulling one of them, would it have been better if I isolated and try to kiss-close or take one to the dance floor then escalate?

Amante did a good job of the other questions but the only other thing I'd add about clubs is that women are often just out to dance and have fun with their friends. A lot of it is just soaking up male attention as well. Not to say you can't have success at clubs, because you can, but just have to keep in mind it's a numbers game much like OLD. Don't be disheartened by low success rates.

Anyway, I like your attitude and commitment to actually improving your life. Keep it up and you'll go far.