Meeting with mediator soon! Here are the questions...

[TheLadiesMan]

I found the template, and this is the one I'm using.... If anyone has ever had to go through this, this advise... I'm looking for the best possible answers to these questions. I have donw my answers, but am looking for your personal opinions and views. Thank you.

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. Responsibilities and Decision-Making

We each have a heartfelt and legal responsibility to provide for the physical and emotional needs of our child/ren. When our child/ren are scheduled to be with father, father is the ON-DUTY parent. When our child/ren are scheduled to be with mother, mother is the ON-DUTY parent. We agree that the ON-DUTY parent will make decisions about the day-to-day care and control of our child/ren. Neither of us shall schedule activities for our child/ren during the time the other parent is ON-DUTY without prior agreement of the ON-DUTY parent.

We care about the well-being of our child/ren. We realize we both are very important to our child/ren and they need each of us as an active parent throughout their lives. We respect each parent's separate role with our child/ren and we support each other as fit and proper parents. We will give our child/ren permission to love, and be proud of, the other parent. We shall put our child/ren's needs first in planning their living arrangements. We expect each child is an individual and may have different needs and that their needs will change as they grow older.

2. Residential Schedule

We shall follow this specific schedule so our child/ren know what will be happening to them and when they will be with each other and with each parent.

* Our child/ren shall have a home base with /_/mother /_/ father and have regular contact with the other parent as listed here (list days, evenings, overnights, and times):

Mother shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with mother as follows:

Father shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with father as follows:

3. Summer Residential Schedule -- if different than residential schedule above

* During the SUMMER, our child/ren shall have a home base with /_/mother /_/father and have regular contact with the other parent as listed here (list days, overnights, and times):

Mother shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with mother as follows:

Father shall be ON-DUTY and our child/ren will be with father as follows:
4. Holiday Schedule

During the holidays, the holiday schedule shall be followed instead of the residential schedule for our child/ren older than _____ years.

On PRESIDENT'S DAY, MEMORIAL DAY, AND LABOR DAY WEEKENDS our child/ren shall remain with the parent they are normally scheduled to be with that weekend through Monday at 7:00 p.m.

Our child/ren shall spend Monday through Friday during SPRING BREAK with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

Our child/ren shall spend EASTER SUNDAY with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

Our child/ren shall spend MOTHER'S DAY with mother and FATHER'S DAY with father each year.

Our child/ren shall spend JULY 4th overnight to July 5th with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

Our children shall spend HALLOWEEN until 9:00 p.m. with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

Our child/ren shall spend THANKSGIVING from Wednesday after school until Sunday at 7:00 p.m. with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years. (If this Thanksgiving holiday schedule results in our child/ren scheduled to be with the same parent for 3 weekends in a row our children shall spend the weekend following Thanksgiving with the other parent so our child/ren end up spending 2 weekends in a row with each parent.)

* Our child/ren shall celebrate CHRISTMAS on December 24 from 9:00 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and be with the other parent from 9:00 p.m. on December 24 until 9:00 p.m. on December 25.

When any of our child/ren are school age, (do not check both of the following options):

* our child/ren shall spend CHRISTMAS BREAK from when they are released from school on the last school day before December 25 until 7:00 p.m. the evening before they return to school with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

OR

* our children shall spend CHRISTMAS BREAK with each parent each year as follows: They shall be with father in /_/odd /_/even numbered years and with mother in /_/odd /_/even numbered years from the time they are released from school on the last school day before December 25 until 7:00 p.m. on December 26 and the remainder of Christmas Break until the evening before they return to school at 7:00 p.m. with the other parent.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

5. Transportation -- children and belongings

We shall arrive on time (no more than 10 minutes early or late) to drop off and pick up our child/ren. Because remembering is difficult for child/ren, we shall deliver our child/ren's clothing, school supplies, and belongings at the same time we deliver our child/ren. We shall return our child/ren's clothing in a clean condition to the parent who purchased the clothing.

When our child/ren are scheduled to return to father,

* father shall pick them up at: (place)
* mother shall drop them off at: (place)

When our child/ren are scheduled to return to mother,

* mother shall pick them up at: (place)
* father shall drop them off at: (place)

6. Flexibility

Although our child/ren need living arrangements that are predictable, if something unexpected or unavoidable comes up, we shall give each other as much notice as possible. If we are unable to agree on a change to the schedule, this residential schedule shall be followed. If this results in the need for child care, the scheduled ON-DUTY parent shall make the child care arrangements and pay the cost.

7. Communication

To keep our child/ren out of the middle of our relationship and any conflict, we shall not (A) ask them about the other parent, (B) ask them to give messages to the other parent, or (C) cut down the other parent around our child/ren. We shall treat each other with dignity and respect in the presence of our child/ren. We shall keep our conversations short and calm when exchanging our child/ren so they won't feel afraid or anxious. We agree our child/ren can have unlimited telephone access to each of us.

During long separation from our child/ren, we will maintain frequent contact with them by phone, letter, post cards, video, or audio tapes, etc. We will encourage and help our child/ren stay in touch with the other parent by phone, letter, etc. Before leaving, we shall give each other the address and phone number where our child/ren can be reached when they are away from home for more than 48 hours.

8. Safety

* We shall not operate a vehicle when under the influence of alcohol or non-prescription drugs when our child/ren are in the vehicle or use these substances /_/at all /_/carelessly when ON-DUTY as parent. We shall not leave our child/ren under age _____ unattended at any time.
* Only (names)
are to be present when our child/ren are exchanged.
* We shall not use, nor allow anyone else to use, physical discipline with our child/ren.
* Only biological or adoptive parents (no stepparents) can use physical discipline with our child/ren.
* All contact between our child/ren and (name)
shall be supervised by
* Neither parent shall allow our child/ren to be in the presence of

9. Education

Each of us will contact our child/ren's schools to find out about their needs, progress, and special events including parent-teacher conferences. We shall also share information about our child/ren's school progress, behavior, and events with each other. We will encourage and support our child/ren's efforts for further education such as college or technical training. Major decisions about our child/ren's education (such as which school they will attend) will be made by

10. Extended Family

We recognize our child/ren will benefit from maintaining ties with grandparents, relatives, and people important to them and we will help our child/ren continue to be with these people from time to time.

11. Financial Support

Child support shall be set in accordance with the Idaho Child Support Guidelines (ICSG). We know we may agree to more than the ICSG support amount, however, the judge will correct any child support amount listed in the pleadings filed in this case that is less than the ICSG amount. Child support shall be paid until our child/ren turn 18, or up to the age 19 if they continue attending high school.

For income tax exemption purposes, father can claim (child/ren's first names)

in /_/odd /_/ even numbered years and mother can claim (child/ren's first names)

in /_/odd /_/even numbered years.

12. Child Care

If occasional (not work-related) child care is needed by the ON-DUTY parent, we shall offer the other parent the chance to provide this care before seeking someone else to care for our child/ren. The ON-DUTY parent shall make any needed occasional child care arrangements and pay the cost.

Because the basic child support award does not cover work-related child care costs, father shall pay _______% and mother shall pay _______% of the cost of work-related child care directly to the child care provider in advance. The work-related child care provider shall be chosen by

13. Health Care

We each have a right to our child/ren's medical information and records and we will communicate with each other on major health care for our child/ren. Major decisions about health care (such as the need for surgery) will be made by ______________________. The ON-DUTY parent shall make sure our child/ren take their prescription medicine. In emergencies, each parent can consent to emergency medical treatment for our child/ren as needed and we shall notify the other parent as soon as possible.

Health insurance coverage for our child/ren shall be provided by /_/father /_/mother /_/the parent that can obtain suitable coverage through an employer at the lower cost. In addition to child support, we shall share costs for our child/ren's health care which are not covered or paid in full by insurance (including the cost for health insurance premiums and deductibles, medical, dental, orthodontic, and vision care). These out-of-pocket health care costs shall be prorated between us in proportion to our ICSG incomes. Currently, father's share is _______% and mother's share is _______%. These payments shall be paid directly between us no later than (A)30 days after receiving the bill OR (B)30 days after receiving proof of how much the insurance company paid on the bill, whichever occurs last.

14. Move from Current Residence

We shall give each other as much notice as possible and at least _________days notice when a decision to move is made. A move of __________miles or more makes it difficult to follow the schedules in this Plan and requires a new agreement. We shall resolve the changes concerning our child/ren and have them made an order of the court before moving to a new location of over _________miles.

15. Child/ren's out-of-state Travel

We shall not remove our child/ren from the state of Idaho without advance agreement of both of us. We shall include the date we shall return our child/ren to Idaho in our written agreement.

16. Disputes

If one of us does not follow a part of this Plan, we understand the other parent's obligations under the Plan are not affected. When we cannot agree on the meaning of some part of this agreement or if a big change (such as a move or remarriage) causes conflict, we shall make a good faith effort to resolve our differences through mediation before returning to court for relief.

17. Other

Reasonable costs shall be awarded to the prevailing party in any action brought to enforce any terms of this agreement.

* Our child/ren will be legally and publicly known by the surname (last name) of ________________________.
*

18. Duration

ONCE THIS AGREEMENT IS MADE AN ORDER OF THE COURT, this agreement shall be in effect until further court order. Any changes to the Plan shall be made in writing, dated, and signed by each of us. Until such written change is made an order of the court, this agreement will govern any dispute.

Our signed copies of this agreement shall (check all that apply):

* serve as our parenting arrangements until court orders are entered.
* be delivered to the court to be merged and incorporated into our divorce decree.
* be delivered to the court with a request that an order be entered in conformance with this agreement.
* be delivered to our attorneys for their

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have no personal experience but I think you have the right idea. Most of the mediator's meetings will not be with anyone so well-prepared.

Although I am not well-versed in family law, I am good at dealing with courthouse staff. Sweet-talking the fat women who work there will get you a long way. This week I was getting some friend's records for them, and the county had made several mistakes in the file, so I got the fat girl clerk to go and find the judge to get the file corrected. She would never have done that if I had not smiled and been nice to her.

Good luck.

 

[penkitten]

i was wondering what in the heck happened to you.

did you write this up or is this what the standard for your area is?

 

[TheLadiesMan]

i was wondering what in the heck happened to you.

did you write this up or is this what the standard for your area is?

It's just a template I grabbed from the intarweb, but it has what I think is, the fundamentals of what I am trying to achieve.

The question about the Christmas vacation week, has me a little stumped. I think it's asking whether or not I would want to share that weekend, or split it up among years.

I'm going for the even years.

 

[countermart]

I’ve been through the courts on this. Geez I feel sorry for you and the same thing happened to me!

Just make sure that everything you agree to you can keep to because you have to live with it unless you two can agree on any change. Also I have not read all that you have putdown but maybe make sure there is a clause that in the event of non-compliance the parties will first go through mediation with XYZ and if that fails can then proceed to the Family Court. That gives you a buffer from having to go to court again and can reduce costs.

Get through this OK and you will find that the Family Court is actually assisting you, rather than having to deal with that crazy ex *****.

Countermart

 

[penkitten]

It's just a template I grabbed from the intarweb, but it has what I think is, the fundamentals of what I am trying to achieve.

The question about the Christmas vacation week, has me a little stumped. I think it's asking whether or not I would want to share that weekend, or split it up among years.

I'm going for the even years.

i read it just like the other holidays.
one parent will get christmas eve and the other will get christmas one year, but the next year rotates the other way around.

i have friends that have this exact thing set up, which is why i asked if you wrote it or where you got it.
it seems that if you get christmas one year, the other parent will get easter.

for parents that make a big deal out of every holiday, i have seen them rotate labor and memorial days.


i think this is your best route right now.
hopefully later on you can maybe get 50/50, like one week on and one week off. i think that would be good for your son.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

I’ve been through the courts on this. Geez I feel sorry for you and the same thing happened to me!

Just make sure that everything you agree to you can keep to because you have to live with it unless you two can agree on any change. Also I have not read all that you have putdown but maybe make sure there is a clause that in the event of non-compliance the parties will first go through mediation with XYZ and if that fails can then proceed to the Family Court. That gives you a buffer from having to go to court again and can reduce costs.

Get through this OK and you will find that the Family Court is actually assisting you, rather than having to deal with that crazy ex *****.

Countermart

Yes, that's in there. Good looking out bro, and thank you.
I edited, and finished the proposal to where it's as fair as (hopefully) it can be.
Pretty sure she will agree to everything except, the every other week - shared parenting thing. If I get more than 4 days a week, along with everything else in the proposal (rights to his name, etc.) I'll be happy.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

i read it just like the other holidays.
one parent will get christmas eve and the other will get christmas one year, but the next year rotates the other way around.

i have friends that have this exact thing set up, which is why i asked if you wrote it or where you got it.
it seems that if you get christmas one year, the other parent will get easter.

for parents that make a big deal out of every holiday, i have seen them rotate labor and memorial days.


i think this is your best route right now.
hopefully later on you can maybe get 50/50, like one week on and one week off. i think that would be good for your son.

My goal is to get 50/50 shared parenting with my son.
Having a say in where he goes to school, what doctor to see, signing his report card, etc. that's very important to me too, and if I get that, it's a victory.
If the mediator should ask me how the day will go with my son, hr by hr, I have it all written down.

 

[penkitten]

i think it is very important that whomever that you do this because it ensures that she wont try to rearrange the schedule.
like if she needs for you to have your son on her day because she has to work, great, more time for you with your son.... but that she can not expect you to hand over one of your days just because she needed you to have him on her day.
i hate when people think they can rearrange the other persons schedule and disrupt it just to help themselves out or cause issues.

i admire you fighting for you son.
you are a wonderful father. do not ever doubt it.

 

[IronStar]

Excellent! That template is better than the half assed thing I came up with when ironing out some 'issues' over custody I had with my XW.

I dont know how the process works in the US, the main thing from my experience is try to keep the agreement as simple as possible when it comes to the actual schedule. Work, illness, family issues always seemed to conspire to mess mine up, depending on how your ex is this could all end up being fuel to the fire if you end up going back down the mediation/court route.

My son now stays with me alternate weekends, Easter & one week during the school summer holidays, makes it a lot easier to plan for.
Its not ideal, especially Xmas, but its practical. I have my own life to lead now, & my son is an important part of it (my ex can go f*ck herself though :cuss: )

Good luck, keep your chin up, the whole mediation process isnt much fun but it beats the alternative of becoming a McDad.