Meeting up With EX,after time apart.

[JamesyBHOY]

Okay let's start at the beginning,3 years ago in College(was 18)I met this girl & after a few months of hanging out together,we eventually got together & went out for almost 2 years.Then we broke up,Partly my fault as I became the usual nice wussy & wanted to spend every waking minute with her,She just wanted to have fun & i got un too deep,So after a few weeks of arguing,We decided to call it quits.This messed me up,So i moved away(just over 12 months now)to live with other family to basically get my **** together & my Mum has health problems so it's time to move back Home.A few months ago she bumped into my mum and asked her for my cell number(which she didn't get),I was supposed to come home last month & she somehow heard this and came to my house to see me but i had some stuff to sort out,So stayed on for an extra month.

We only live 5 Miles apart,So i will see her sooner than later,Okay i admit i still have feelings for her,but thanks to the time away,I have got rid of all that love,Clingy Emotional **** & now in relationships I just wanna have take it slow & forget all that crap.

So when i see her,How should i handle the situation.I know how the conversation will go,We'll bump into each other she'll smile & say how are you,how've you been & so on then it will go on to are you seeing anyone and blah blah blah.

I have a few options that I can go for in this situation.

I can play the Iceman, be Cold,Don't smile,After she says a few words say i have to go then get up & leave,Basically make her think I don't give a Flying Fuc# about her & it's all in the past.

I could be more friendly,Smile,Be Cheeky with a slight touch of Sarcasm Thrown in,Then as I go to make my excuses & leave,If she asks can me meet up later in the week or whatever,Smile/Smirk & say sure,same time same place as always then grin and walk out.or say do you really think i'm that easy then grin & exit.

If I be too cold,she might leave it at that,or if i'm more friendly she might interprit it wrongly & think i still care more than i do.

Basically when we meet,I want to let her make the first move & do a little running after me to see how far she is willing to go for a second chance,Like i did before after her.Then after making her run for a few weeks,i'll tell her that I don't want to get back together as i'm too young,but i'll tell you what we can go out once a week or two weeks & see how things go,then maybe further down the line we'll see what happens.

Like I said it will invlove a lot of small talk & i want to give her the impression that i really don't want to go back to the lovey dovey relationship that we had(which i really don't),but go out then maybe one day it might happen.

How would you guys handle this particular scenario if in my shoes,Be Cold,Friendly,Cheeky/Arrogant/Sarcastic then leave around halfway through the conversation,then leave the ball in her court & see what she does next.Any opinions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SemperFi719]

Ok if she didn't do anything to harm you or disrespect you then you have no reason to be unfriendly to her. When you meet her you have to show her the new you. Show her that you are fun to be with and that you are a new person. If you guys have any hopes of getting back together then you should be warm and welcoming. If she sees you as cold, distant, and being an a-hole, this girl will think "Thank goodness I left him, hes no fun and would just bring me down with him." Get the logic? Just show her the new you, the FUN you, but don't go there with any expectations.

 

[Capt.Jack Sparrow]

I can play the Iceman, be Cold,Don't smile,After she says a few words say i have to go then get up & leave,Basically make her think I don't give a Flying Fuc# about her & it's all in the past.

Look man, don't be the iceguy or whatever you called it-- Be the DJ. Be the ****y plus funny-confident-fun guy-know you can do it if you wanted-type of guy.


- CJS

 

[JamesyBHOY]

It's not that she really did anything wrong like cheating on me or anything like that,It was ultimately her friends fault that we broke up,Her best friend to be more precise,I had known the best friend because we went to the same high school,Then college & when I had just started I met another girl whom she was best friends with at the time,but I didn't really feel anything for her so I ended it after a couple of months,the best friend tried it on at a christmas party with mistletoe but i told her to chase herself,Around a month or so later I met the girl that i am writing about we had been going out for three months or so,One night i was going to pick her up & surprise surpise who had just become her new best friend the same little **** that had been at highschool with me & also best friend with my last girlfriend now here she goes again with the new one.

I always new she liked me even in high school but to be honest i hated the little ****e#,So even after my girlfriend was at the toilet she would try it on with me all the time,I never told my girlfriend about it,as she was more likely to believe her friend anyways.So from the first few months of them becoming friends,she basically poisoned her mind that she was too young to do this & turned her into this party girl that was flirting with everybody & not coming in to all hours,Yet when we were together we rarely ever argued or anything.Then as the months went by we started to see less & less of each other and that's why we broke up.A few weeks after we broke up,she went out with a so called close friend who totally blanked me for her & she even took him to the shops right across from my house,even though there were closer ones to her house.They done this for about a month then he banged somebody else and she ended up getting arrested over him because she went crazy & attacked the other girl whom he had cheated on.

So basically the way things ended we never got round to clearing a lot of personal **** up that went on between us,So there still a few things that need to be said & cleared up & I just wasn't sure if I should act cold,Friendly,Mysterious etc or just get it all over with in the first meeting since it will all come out eventually(as they say better sooner than later).I have even been having thoughts if it really is worth all the hassle because when the best friend finds out that we met,she managed to turn the EX against me that she was too young,yet the friend tried it on with me all the time & most of their other friends as well,So I have been asking myself what's going to be different this time around,Since the friend now works with her,I think that it would end the say way as before.

So the only possible solution that i forsee,Is to spend as less a time as possible with her,Go out & do my own thing then in the long run basically make her want to spend more & more time with me,It might come around the way I hope,but if not then **** Happens,You win some,You lose some.

 

[NewMan]

Be the DJ.

Fvck the Ice man or SUper ****y and funny.

Just be DJ - see her have fun and do what you would normally do.

 

[Move]

So the only possible solution that i forsee,Is to spend as less a time as possible with her,Go out & do my own thing then in the long run basically make her want to spend more & more time with me,It might come around the way I hope,but if not then **** Happens,You win some,You lose some.


I totally agree with your last paragraph of finality. Theres a lot of things that sound left hanging, but from reading your in depth post, it sounds like this situation is consuming you.
You need to take a step backwards so you can assess the situation rationally.
I cant compare to your situation, however im in the same stage.
Things fell apart with a girl i was with for only 4 months, but its a bi**h that the only things we remember are the GOOD memories huh.

Due to my feelings (and super AFC'ness) i told her i didn't want to see her or be her friend. Rather than stretch out the pain, start getting over it straight away right? Would you really want to go through it again and experience more pain?
If you got back with her, would things have changed dramatically?

Strangely enough, these DJ techniques work. I also have begun practicing and all of a sudden this girl is calling ME everyday looking for excuses to talk to ME!

I suspect this is the same situation your in. You feel like there could be another chance to get back with the ultimate object of your desire? Theres always a chance.

There is a technique i have been using.
I think about how bad this girl would have been for me. I think to myself that this girl would have consumed me and turned me into a hollow soul. I think that when i have that 'chat' ill remember the strong independent me. I believe that the best thing for me would be her telling me she never wants to be with me ever again. This would truly enable me to move on with my life. There would be no argument. If she takes me back, im gonna go through all that pain again... so the best thing for me would be her telling me 'see u later'. I guess its a way of turning a negative into a positive, but its works for me.

Shes not as amazing as you think she is... and there will be other, MORE amazing girls out there, keep the ball rolling man, dont cash out just yet.

Good luck buddy

 

[JamesyBHOY]

Thanks for the Help Guys.

The Truth is we made the perfect couple,but circumstances dictated that it was not to be then,So I know she is still interested in me but I DON'T LOVE her anymore,I still have feelings for her & if it came down to it,then I'd do the right thing for me.So when the meeting comes,I don't want to laugh chat,flirt,Joke & act as if we never broke up or anything had changed because both of us still have **** to say & it will be brought up eventually,So I would rather get it over & done with as early as possible,rather than waste a few months arsing about like Romeo & Juliet only to have it all come out then.

However what has happened has made me stronger & I can pick up girls no problem but the Truth is she is the only one that I have ever developed feelings for,Although I can't really be bothered with all the hassle of wasting months DJ'ing her,Only for it to come down to the same problems as before,Screw That,The friends are still there,So what am I to do.

A. Nothing like i did before.
B. Ask her to move away with me,just the 2 of us.
C. Tell her it's either her friends or me.

I think it's really a no win situation,Just the Soppy part of me speaking out loud,& that i'd be better off instead beating the last few fragments of the Sucker that's seems to still be lingering inside me somewhere First.

Then when we do meet,just make deep eye contact with her & tell her straight that I don't want to be her friend,Her Boyfriend,Her bit on the Side or whatever & it's best if we just let it go,then leave it at that.

After all I don't have any contact with any other EX,Even if i see them in the street I just ignore them,So why shouldn't this be any different.Excuse me, while I ***** Slap My Face a few times until I regain my senses,that i temporarily seem to have lost.