Meeting up with ex - 1st time....how to act?

[PrettyBoyAJ]

A lot of posters on here are Attention *****s. They like being the center of attention.

 

[1ncredible]

Tomato, Buddha said it all to be honest mate in my eyes.

I wouldn't give her a second thought - get yourself back out there.

 

[tomato]

You guys are 100% right and it doesn't matter one bit.
At this stage, either he is going to make a serious step towards change, or he'll just keep coming back to SoSuave for more hand-holding.
.

What the hell man, NO! I am taking on all of the advice given to me - I agreed with what the posters said - that last post was just a blip - I just thought it might be a good idea to cut the crap and just be honest with how things are - do you want something or not - or I'm gone, bye. Ok it was a stupid question - that wont happen again.

I have made change - I immediately stopped talking to her and started going out LOTS and meeting other girls - chatted to lots of them and got lots of interest - I have even slept in the same room as other girls and could have had sex but honestly didnt want to because I just wasnt interested at all.

I am totally listening to all the advice and asking questions which show that. If you doubt I had a gf at all lol then I dont know why you come on these forums because everything could just be made up - in this case it isnt.

 

[tomato]

she broke up with you, not to mention in a fashion that would indicate that she cares nothing about your feelings considering she did it via text after 2 years.

You see I cant believe this! She was SO in love with me would have done anything for me, cared for me so much! I took her for granted, I had my moments where I thought "I could do better than this" - when I should have been putting effort in - this is my fault as much as hers. Since the man in a relationship always has to lead its therefore my job to fix this right - I think she knows deep down that its right - I read it in her own words to her friend "maybe I'm making the biggest mistake in my life I have a really attractive intelligent guy thats going somewhere - If I end this it might be the biggest mistake I ever make" - So the doubt is there - its just that I acted like too much of an AFC I killed attraction - I got too IN LOVE - I tried to protect what we had by suggesting we dont drink so no stupid mistakes happen - I was ok with not talking to girls because it annoyed her and then expected the same of her - which she then wasnt willing to do.... SO I acted like a total idiot and when he started flirting with other guys I threatened to leave and made a massive deal out of it - when actually I should have been cool and just done the same. SO HOW DO I RECOVER THIS

Then focus on laying the OTHER girls and spin your ex like any other plate.

Yes I'm doing this - but I really am not interested - im basically forcing it all - I have had plenty chances to have sex and really havent wanted it - I keep comparing them to her and think - hmm thats not as good.. and it totally turns me off. I'm spinning plates anyway though atm - one which is madly into me and wants to be together properly (but I'm not attracted to really), and two others a hotter I will prob go on dates with soon.

I'm not going to get over her - I have been looking and there i nothing I find as attractive as her that doesnt already have a bf. I have gamed lots of girls just for show - I got two of them posting on my fb wall after she posted something- must have got her jealousy hamster going!

 

[tomato]

Look man, you don't want to hear it, but do you really want to get back into a relationship that ended via text and has been on a two month hiatus?

I was the one that has made it last two months - I was following advice to not contact her to appear non-needy and therefore havent been talking to her - could have been talking far more and meeting if I hadn't been ignoring her - I've only just started to talk to her. But I'm realising its mainly superficial flirting from my side thats happening - she is "loling" and "hahaing " a lot to what I say - thats some kind of IOI right? I dont know how to play this game with her - I know if I was getting these signs from a new girl it would be attraction - but I just dont understand it here - could anyone please help that has experience getting an ex back?

I don't want to be the @ss to say it, but if I could tell you how badly I tried to get back with an ex before -- and it just in the end, always seems to leave you with LESS dignity than you may have had before.

But people get back together all the time right? I know it happens - what happend to the alpha mindset of "assume every girl wants me" etc since when did we start assuming that meeting up would end in failure WTF happend.??????????????? I am going to the gym btw - every other day - am on it!

There are likely deeper reasons why this relationship stalled out and fell apart, and if you go back into it, unless those very reasons are addressed on both ends, it is not likely it will work.

I know what they were and have sorted them from my side - any problems she had were either not real problems or caused by me acting AFC and not having corrected the problems.

Also, because you were the one dumped, really if she wanted to reconsider a relationship, it would have to be under her terms. And that's just a place where you have to not want to get yourself into.

the whole point of this game is to affect peoples moods - I dont get why everyone is being so defeatist all of a sudden - I am going out and spinning other plates - iwant to know how to spin this one better

nd consider if a relationship was to occur again under what circumstances would it have to change to be successful?

4 things need to be changed relative to last year:
1. we need to not live with my parents - neither of us (i'm sorting this out)
2. we need to both have something to do (last year she didnt have anything -now shes at uni - no problem)
3. I need to start acting fun and cool like at the start not annoyed like at the end (was annoyed and untrusting after found out she had been emailing a guy as a "friend" (turned out although the emails she sent him were innocent, she ask him if he wanted to meet up with her and had made a plan about how she could hide it from me) - I overreacted and basically dumped her - since then I had been a total idiot - and that finally drove her away - I have sorted this issue mostly - happy to keep that in till talk of LTR comes up - then only a little as reassurance)
4. I need to get her more involved in social stuff - I let this fall apart last year cause she wanted me to spend ALL my time with her so basically had no friends.

but just be aware it's very hard to fix a broken relationship, it's often easier to learn and gain experience and go fresh into one that doesn't carry the same residue.

This is literally the first ever person I have really wanted to be with for a long time and I am 23, I have very very high standards and I can promise you it will take many years before I meet someone as attractive and well matched as her - yes it may happen but you need to realise that this effort is worth it - I have even been out there and nothing interests me - I am at uni and see lots of young intelligent girls - the only one that interests me has a bf and is very committed to him. You need to understand that for me the effort I put into this is worth it even if it only has a 1 in a 100 chance of working. And since I'm a confident guy with stuff going for him I assume it will work I assume she really wants me back - I just need to show her I'm not the guy I was before the breakup but the one from before

But be confident, care-free, happy, excited, funny, non-needy, and kino her up real good -- lots of touching -- try to rekindle those feelings and things that brought you both together in the first place and caused the mutual attraction.

YES THANK YOU - I have a problem that she isnt responding well to sexual innuendo - she just goes "lol" and then carries on talking about what ever else we were talking about (eg when I say "stop poking me, you know I can POKE you far harder than you can handle"). Obviously atm this is over chat so no kino...............

HOW CAN I MAKE THINGS PROGRESS VIA CHAT? ITS JUST ALL UNIMPORTANT CRAP ATM - SHOULD I ASK HER WHAT SHE@S VBEEN DOING FOR THE LAST MONTH??? I DONT KNOW IF THATS CHASING? ALSO want to ask her if theres anything important she wants to tlk about? BTW last night she said "you have to show me your new place sometime" - I didnt respond to this - thinking of saying "
So you want me to show you the flat - your going to have to convince me your cool enough first" - what you think?