Meeting her Ex for the 1st time

[ukdude]

Hi guys,
Over the weekend I'm going to see my girlfriend and there is a high chance that her ex will be at the club we're going to.
This guy really gets on my nerves coz he keeps texting, calling and facebooking her. She has said that she will stop talking to him completely if I want, but I've been playing it cool so far in front of her even though its really annoying me. I don't want to come across as insecure and I'm not even worried about him as a threat (from seeing photos and his behavious he seems very lame), but he is really disrepctful to her by calling her in the middle of night and obviously he still likes her.
How should I act when I meet this guy? Should I shake his hand etc?
Is it ok for me to have a 'quiet word' with him when she's not around and tell him to back off?

Cheers for any advice guys.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

And just WHY is she still talking to him? It sounds like he's getting some sort of reward from her to pursue even though she's quite obviously taken...

By the way, I see nothing wrong with telling her how you truly feel when she is still talking to her ex. You probably can do it in a way that doesn't seem insecure, even still I'm wondering if she would just keep it behind your back if you requested she no longer talk to him.

 

[ukdude]

pLaYtHiNg:
He doesnt know that she's seeing anyone. They dont really have conversations - it's more a case of him sending her drunken messages and her being too kind to be blunt and tell him to leave her alone.
She has kind of hinted that is the reason she wants me to come to this club with her - so he can see her with me.
I guess I should wait a week or so afterwards and then see if he's still messaging her.

Btw we've only beein going out for a few months which is why I havent really said much yet about her still speaking to him. But now that its getting a bit more serious with us it's starting to bother me. Before I didn't care because we were just casual.

 

[Son of anarchy]

Talk to him privately and make him sensible about this particular situation.
If he call her in the middle of the night,he is not only disturbing her,he is making a clear and doubtless intromission in your "territory".
Make it clear once for all.
And dont pay attention to those who say to avoid it or "play it cool" to avoid looking insecure;if you see a burglar taking the size of your home gate,go there and kick him,and to hell who think that "you are paranoid".
Anyway do what you think good,just remember to dont f**k with your instinct,usually those who do are the afc and they are not very envied in their self-created condition.

 

[ukdude]

cheers son of anarchy.
i'll have a word with him on his own after i've been introduced and let him know that she is my girlfriend now and i don't appreciate him calling her.
if he carries on after this, then he has no excuses

 

[SleepyRangerMedic82D]

uk dude.. you can talk to him, but obviously she is responding or he would get hint and stop calling or texting.. just make sure she isn't playing you man

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Yeah... I'm still not so sure about your chic. I realize things are still new, and boundaries are still being established... but not telling someone who is actively pursuing you that you are in relationship, or even just mentioning seeing someone else just feels disrespectful to me.

It really shouldn't even be up to you to tell this guy to back off. I just get the impression she is not so innocently trying to generate competition and attention for herself.

I am not sure that confronting him in a 'club' atmosphere is actually the smartest thing to do. Communication will be difficult with loud music, possible consumption of alcohol and add the fact that she wants to parade you around and/or rub you in his face, so to speak, and a lot can go wrong. If you must meet him and confront him, it's probably best to take place in an effective environment, or maybe even a phone call or email so he is not pressured to work through his defensiveness on the spot.

It's a lot of speculations and judgments, but I am just trying to place myself in that kind of a mindset, and that's what I came up with. I hope all goes well! Good luck to you.

 

[909pua]

Hi guys,
Over the weekend I'm going to see my girlfriend and there is a high chance that her ex will be at the club we're going to.
This guy really gets on my nerves coz he keeps texting, calling and facebooking her. She has said that she will stop talking to him completely if I want, but I've been playing it cool so far in front of her even though its really annoying me. I don't want to come across as insecure and I'm not even worried about him as a threat (from seeing photos and his behavious he seems very lame), but he is really disrepctful to her by calling her in the middle of night and obviously he still likes her.
How should I act when I meet this guy? Should I shake his hand etc?
Is it ok for me to have a 'quiet word' with him when she's not around and tell him to back off?

Cheers for any advice guys.

hey don't be surprised if on the sidelines her ex is still banging her...!

 

[DJDamage]

. They dont really have conversations - it's more a case of him sending her drunken messages and her being too kind to be blunt and tell him to leave her alone.

There is a system that blocks incoming calls and messages from a certain number. Your girlfriend should have been doing just that.

.
She has kind of hinted that is the reason she wants me to come to this club with her - so he can see her with me..

You want to know my advice? Don't go to the club.

Your girlfriend should have told him to stop with the texting because she is with another guy and you are just making excuses for her passivity. If you know he might show up in the club then why are you going with her to the club anyways? there are other places and things you can do with her. Showing up in the club with her will just make the night uncomfortable for you while your girlfriend will be relishing in the drama.

.
Btw we've only beein going out for a few months which is why I havent really said much yet about her still speaking to him. But now that its getting a bit more serious with us it's starting to bother me. Before I didn't care because we were just casual.

and this is why this issue should have been resolved BEFORE you made her your girlfriend.

Her ex is still in the picture and it should have been up to her to get rid of him for good, not you.