Meet up sh*t test

[Fugitive]

Arranged to meet my girlfriend today. She emails in the morning and asks me how I'm feeling. I tell her I'm not 100% but okay (she knows that I recently suffered a head injury playing football). She says if I'm not 100% that we should leave meeting today and can re-arrange. I told her that we could re-arrange or I could meet her today near her work so I don't have to drive her home and we can both go home separately on the train.

All of sudden she flips out and tries to raise her value. She accuses me of cancelling on her, tells me she doesn't want to meet and then starts throwing out demands that I should train it to her house, that if I don't drive to her that I shouldn't go to the gym either and that she going to cancel our holiday.

I basically refused to submit to her demands and told her I can meet her after work and we can both go home by train and I'm not going to skip gym just because she says so.

As a result she broke up with me.

Am I in the wrong? How should I handle this?

 

[Suspens]

Cheating, or about to do so.

 

[Fugitive]

^ Highly unlikely dude. I know all the guys in her life and there is no one. She is also very attached to me. Thanks anyway.

 

[Suspens]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=225447

Anyway I hope you guys get back together, good luck.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

^ Highly unlikely dude. I know all the guys in her life and there is no one. She is also very attached to me. Thanks anyway.

He also added "...or about to do so", which amounts to eyeing the field. Might be the case. Either way, her decision to break up with you was highly unreasonable. Is she like that normally? If yes, then why do you put up with it? If no, then she could have been digging for a reason to put an end to the relationship, lending weight to what Suspens wrote.

How do you handle it? The same way you handle any other break up - "Oh, that's how you feel? Ok, great. Fun while it lasted. Bye." Don't fight for her, don't try to get the bottom of it through some formal, drawn out, logical discussion to sift out reasons. Even if you get her back, any of those two routes would amount to massive backsliding on your end. Same for b1tching, crying, fighting, cursing, any of that. No good. Never negotiate a girl into being in a relationship with you. If she returns with an apology, then you cross that bridge. Until then, stoic, tight lipped and back to your regular schedule programming, meaning, your life and the mission behind it.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Well since you two are split, it doesn't really matter at this point...but for future reference, you STOP REPLYING after the first text in which she overreacts and DON'T CONTACT HER AGAIN until she texts you and apologizes for her disrespectful behavior.

At which point you accept her apology but make it very, very clear to her that mutual respect is everything and the basis of your relationship and if she violates this again then you don't need her in your life.

There's no sense in arguing logically with her. If she is looking for a reason to fight with you, SHE WILL FIND IT. If it wasn't this stupid thing, it would've been something else.

This is not a sh!t test. This is her having already decided a while back that she doesn't want to be with you any longer, and instead of confronting you directly and saying this, she is waiting for an opportunity where she can get mad at you for something that's not worth getting mad about, get you all worked up, make you say something stupid so that she can blame the breakup on you and rationalize to herself that she was right and that you're a chump.

By the time a woman makes it known that she's not into you any more or found another guy or has lost attraction, it's far too late and often it happened months ago. You probably slipped up or broke your frame. Not that it's ENTIRELY your fault, but usually guys are in complete denial that they fvcked it up for themselves so it's better to err on the side of caution.

And don't be so naive... it's not what you want to hear, but you NEVER know all of the men in a woman's life.

I'm in a crummy mood and i'm most definitely going to be the one who gives you tough loving, because it needs to be said.

 

[Fugitive]

Thanks for replies so far. I still highly doubt she is cheating but likely will find out soon.

@BetweenTheLines she has done this before but it's been a while. On a few occasions before she got super mad and broke up in the heat of the moment. Only to return a day or two later, she argues and I don't accept her bullsh*t and she then apologises. I think she's just insecure and the smallest thing that makes her feel undervalued sends her into a tantrum.

Thanks @ Gravity/BetweenTheLines I will not contact her as I feel she has acted immaturely and not me!

 

[VladPatton]

I agree with BTL, Suspens, and gravity. Those 3 posts right there are your answers. See what happens, and never underestimate a female's ability to deceive you.

 

[Yewki]

I'd say gravityeyelids nailed it, and based on the following...

On a few occasions before she got super mad and broke up in the heat of the moment. Only to return a day or two later, she argues and I don't accept her bullsh*t and she then apologises. I think she's just insecure and the smallest thing that makes her feel undervalued sends her into a tantrum.

Sounds like she has some BPD issues too. Not LTR material. Hopefully you're just using her to get laid.