Me and my boss, no contact?

[bat soup]

Thank you good explanation.
She actually sent me a very nasty msg today wow lol.
She basically told me she is in an extraordinary relationship and is not available and not looking for anything because she feels complete. And that she had already told me she was happy with someone. That she appreciates I finally understand that.

This is what happens when you keep ignoring the signs that someone's not interested.

she sent me another couple of msgs and they were all nasty. Things like use the phone for work only don’t send me msgs for work through Facebook and whatnot. She is really upset and over reacting

And this is what happens when that person is your boss.

 

[RicBoy]

im writing this from the ER lol.I am passing a kidney stone and the pain is 10/10 when hits is peaks.
I called her today from the hospital because I couldn't come to work and she acted friendly like nothing had happened.

 

[member160761]

im writing this from the ER lol.I am passing a kidney stone and the pain is 10/10 when hits is peaks.
I called her today from the hospital because I couldn't come to work and she acted friendly like nothing had happened.

You are a lost cause man. Who the hell is going to piss on you when you are in the hospital? When you are 40 and this dense nobody save God can help you.

 

[MtmVaott]

im writing this from the ER lol.I am passing a kidney stone and the pain is 10/10 when hits is peaks.
I called her today from the hospital because I couldn't come to work and she acted friendly like nothing had happened.

Man, it doesn't matter how she acts.
Again, this is only about power and respect since the first time she rejected you. You showed your full hand, she has hers still up, and you tried to bargain with her instead of picking up your cards and exchange them with new and unknown.
And she will get interested again if she is not firing you, but it doesn't matter. Because you are insecure and it will come up sooner than later, and that is what makes her feel the disdain and this is then why the fallout is getting bigger and bigger.
That woman is only a beautiful shell acting beautiful in your eyes. And that is ALL she is.
Or did she drive you to the hospital? Or did she genuinely ask you how you are doing, promising you to bring a cake to your bed or to your next day at work because genuinely cares about you?

 

[RicBoy]

This girl is not that great she is like a 5 or 4...I just have this obsession with bosses..My previous company I dated my boss for a year, and in the company before I dated also my boss for a few months. Im not that attracted to this girl honestly, I can walk away easily. I just like the challenge lol. She is 44 with 3 kids and a grandkid, she should be jumping hoops to get me honestly

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Yes it is. His pyhsical appearance including scent and his personality (chemistry) is still the same (as is hers). So the attraction remains. What is now different for her is a feeling of aversion towards him because of his behaviour. This dampens and supercedes the feeling of lust towards him. If he would stop seeing her, her feeling of aversion would fade over time, and they could start almost fresh. Lust and aversion together are described with the IL scale.

Edit: To give an example: You are seeing a girl, she is very pretty, smells good, is feminine and sweet. While you walk through the city alone, you spot her in a Fridays For Future demonstration shouting and behaving like a man. After that incident, are you still interested? Would you go into a relationship with her? What if she behaves feminine again when you meet her in person again? And how would you react if she tries to strenghen the bond, and the week after you see her again shouting at the demonstration?

What you're describing is attraction changing, waxing and waning, which is what I said. At this very moment there is no attraction between them. Yes, that can change. You said the attraction is still there, which if true she wouldn't be pushing him away. It might come back, but right now it's not there. You said it yourself, his behavior has turned her off.

I've had plenty of beautiful women where I felt aversion to the point of permanent turn off. At a point of digging her own hole, there becomes little point in keeping track of how deep she's digging. To ignore past slights is again a manifestation of a lack of self respect. To build on your example, if she lies to you repeatedly are you going to keep forgiving her indefinitely if she's sweet afterwards and says sowwy?

 

[RicBoy]

What you're describing is attraction changing, waxing and waning, which is what I said. At this very moment there is no attraction between them. Yes, that can change. You said the attraction is still there, which if true she wouldn't be pushing him away. It might come back, but right now it's not there. You said it yourself, his behavior has turned her off.

I've had plenty of beautiful women where I felt aversion to the point of permanent turn off. At a point of digging her own hole, there becomes little point in keeping track of how deep she's digging. To ignore past slights is again a manifestation of a lack of self respect.

I didn't chase her all that much man. I asked her out twice and then we ended up flirting in the msgs we sent about work. I really didn't do anything all that bad honestly. She just sensed that I didn't take no for an answer and felt the need to rejected hard.

This was a lost battle from the beginning. Dating a single mom of 3 that is my boss, is too hard. Like once I heard here, not good to date single mothers, there's a reason they are single.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I didn't chase her all that much man. I asked her out twice and then we ended up flirting in the msgs we sent about work. I really didn't do anything all that bad honestly. She just sensed that I didn't take no for an answer and felt the need to rejected hard.

This was a lost battle from the beginning. Dating a single mom of 3 that is my boss, is too hard. Like once I heard here, not good to date single mothers, there's a reason they are single.

From what you said earlier sounds like you Facebook stalked her. And it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself the problem is her, not your approach.

From what I can tell she was right about you not taking no for an answer. The one thing you have right is yes single women with children are too hard for you. They lead their children so they're constantly in a masculine state, it takes skill to soften them.

Draw as many lessons from the experience as possible, own up to all your mistakes.

 

[member160761]

I can walk away easily

You put this ...

She is 44 with 3 kids and a grandkid

... on a pedestal, while claiming ...

she should be jumping hoops to get me honestly

... what you are actually doing for weeks.

It is over man. Males like you, who don't have their️ ️benis under control (and other vices), suffer from delusions of the highest grandeur and loss of sanity. When you are truly posting from the hospital about this you are genuinely ****ed in the head. As I said in the last thread, I'll watch this dumpster fire from here on out.

 

[Canadian_Man]

It's toast.

Don't lose your job over it.

 

[MtmVaott]

What you're describing is attraction changing, waxing and waning, which is what I said. At this very moment there is no attraction between them. Yes, that can change. You said the attraction is still there, which if true she wouldn't be pushing him away. It might come back, but right now it's not there. You said it yourself, his behavior has turned her off.

I separate attraction from being a man/woman. How I define it:
Attraction is physical attraction and chemistry. It is what literally draws people together, usually in a matter of seconds.
Being a man means to know oneself to the core and being in contact with oneself. Every other manly aspect is obtained as natural consequence or by natural development from that. This should be a baseline.
Being a woman: I don't know.
But the FFF protest girl is not a woman, and a man not enough in contact with himself is not a man.
So the aversion comes from not being a man/woman, not because someone is ugly.

The separation is very important, because it explains the mixed signals you receive after a rejection, when there is high attraction between you and her. You can trust the attraction is staying the same. Now you have your ease to restore power and respect. Her emotions are fleeting in this time, her opinions about you as well, but the attraction stays. After you have restored enough power and respect, you can start building a connection again, to the point of time that suits you the best.

I've had plenty of beautiful women where I felt aversion to the point of permanent turn off. At a point of digging her own hole, there becomes little point in keeping track of how deep she's digging. To ignore past slights is again a manifestation of a lack of self respect. To build on your example, if she lies to you repeatedly are you going to keep forgiving her indefinitely if she's sweet afterwards and says sowwy?

Exactly, OP pretended to be confident and now his boss has enough.
But good point about the girl digging her hole and ignoring ones own anger. Usually rejections are done hurtful by women, so unless she is making up for it or punished enough by indifference, she can keep sitting in her hole.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Men and women are different when it comes to rejection. Usually a woman will slam the door and lock it, while men are more prone to reopen an opportunity.
OP, she was never all that attracted in the first place. She probably found herself unwittingly playing into the flirtation a little, but then talked to someone who made her feel self-conscious about it.
You need to learn how to bide your time and soften up the target a little before you strike.
Also, like many guys have already told you, trying to get involved with someone at work almost always ends bad.

 

[RicBoy]

Men and women are different when it comes to rejection. Usually a woman will slam the door and lock it, while men are more prone to reopen an opportunity.
OP, she was never all that attracted in the first place. She probably found herself unwittingly playing into the flirtation a little, but then talked to someone who made her feel self-conscious about it.
You need to learn how to bide your time and soften up the target a little before you strike.
Also, like many guys have already told you, trying to get involved with someone at work almost always ends bad.

Yes she works with me probably for the next few years there was no need to rush.
Probably for the best, have I had slept with her the risk of getting fired would be really high.

 

[MtmVaott]

I separate attraction from being a man/woman. How I define it:
Attraction is physical attraction and chemistry. It is what literally draws people together, usually in a matter of seconds.
Being a man means to know oneself to the core and being in contact with oneself. Every other manly aspect is obtained as natural consequence or by natural development from that. This should be a baseline.
Being a woman: I don't know.
But the FFF protest girl is not a woman, and a man not enough in contact with himself is not a man.
So the aversion comes from not being a man/woman, not because someone is ugly.

The separation is very important, because it explains the mixed signals you receive after a rejection, when there is high attraction between you and her. You can trust the attraction is staying the same. Now you have your ease to restore power and respect. Her emotions are fleeting in this time, her opinions about you as well, but the attraction stays. After you have restored enough power and respect, you can start building a connection again, to the point of time that suits you the best.

Exactly, OP pretended to be confident and now his boss has enough.
But good point about the girl digging her hole and ignoring ones own anger. Usually rejections are done hurtful by women, so unless she is making up for it or punished enough by indifference, she can keep sitting in her hole.

Figured situations like this happen when you try to force an outcome instead of listening to yourself.
I'm sick of hearing here how someone should behave (I'm guilty of this as well).
Getting angry about a rejection is completely justified. You are interested in someone, that person says no. Should I know delude and lie to myself and act like I wouldn't care? How low is that?
Controlling the anger is one thing, but the problem with me (maybe OP too) is I don't feel the anger soon and strong enough.

 

[RicBoy]

I was in the office today and grabbed some lunch and sat down at kitchen table. She was having lunch at her desk. She came over and sat at my table with her food. Another girl came couple of minutes later and they started talking bro each other. She didn’t say anything to me not even asked if I was better from my kidney stone. She just did the basic hi how are you and that’s all.