Me and my boss, no contact?

[RicBoy]

My supervisor and I have been flirting a lot in the office. I work off site but I go to the office twice a week or so. I saw clear signs she was interested, she even added me on Facebook and checked all my stories. I asked her out for drinks first time she said she was busy. I waited a week and asked again. She replied she has a partner for 3 years. I came to find out later this is true, but I suspect it’s more like friends with benefits because she doesn’t live with him, no pics of him in the social media and from her stories she is almost always alone. I’m not sure if she is talking to other guys.

After being rejected twice, we had a company party she was more or less warm towards me and we talked etc. Next few days we exchanged a few texts for work mostly and she started using emojis and opening more again. I started to flirt again in the msgs but then I said a stupid joke (called Mrs my last name) and she said bad joke and backed off and stopped watching my Facebook stories. After that she started to give me 1 liner and 1 word responses so I stopped. I got fed up with her attitude and sent her one last text saying pretty much if she isn’t interest I’m done and if she wants anything she can hit me up. This was all.

is she just a attention ***** or what’s her deal here?

how to processed from here, how to act when I need to interact with her for work? Is there a chance she might come around? No contact?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

My supervisor and I have been flirting a lot in the office. I work off site but I go to the office twice a week or so. I saw clear signs she was interested, she even added me on Facebook and checked all my stories. I asked her out for drinks first time she said she was busy. I waited a week and asked again. She replied she has a partner for 3 years. I came to find out later this is true, but I suspect it’s more like friends with benefits because she doesn’t live with him, no pics of him in the social media and from her stories she is almost always alone. I’m not sure if she is talking to other guys.

After being rejected twice, we had a company party she was more or less warm towards me and we talked etc. Next few days we exchanged a few texts for work mostly and she started using emojis and opening more again. I started to flirt again in the msgs but then I said a stupid joke (called Mrs my last name) and she said bad joke and backed off and stopped watching my Facebook stories. After that she started to give me 1 liner and 1 word responses so I stopped. I got fed up with her attitude and sent her one last text saying pretty much if she isn’t interest I’m done and if she wants anything she can hit me up. This was all.

is she just a attention ***** or what’s her deal here?

how to processed from here, how to act when I need to interact with her for work? Is there a chance she might come around? No contact?

First of all that's a dangerous game, she could probably get you fired if you push it too far.

Second of all why are you making yourself so available? What's the rush? Quit trying to close so fast. Keep flirting and pretend to be on the fence until she's practically begging to suck your kock in her office. Then you can say 'hmmmm ok but let's be quick and I want a raise ' and have your fun with it.

Quit getting so serious and butt hurt about her going cold and remember to be playful and light hearted about it. She should be the one trying to get you alone, not the other way around. Don't over extend to the point that you will get your jimmies rustled if she goes cold, don't identify with her responses. Just be chill, do your thing, flirt subtly, and don't try to lock something in until she's made it extremely obvious that she'll jump on you the second you let her.

 

[RicBoy]

First of all that's a dangerous game, she could probably get you fired if you push it too far.

Second of all why are you making yourself so available? What's the rush? Quit trying to close so fast. Keep flirting and pretend to be on the fence until she's practically begging to suck your kock in her office. Then you can say 'hmmmm ok but let's be quick and I want a raise ' and have your fun with it.

Quit getting so serious and butt hurt about her going cold and remember to be playful and light hearted about it. She should be the one trying to get you alone, not the other way around. Don't over extend to the point that you will get your jimmies rustled if she goes cold, don't identify with her responses. Just be chill, do your thing, flirt subtly, and don't try to lock something in until she's made it extremely obvious that she'll jump on you the second you let her.

Got it
should I put some space for a while now that I sent that last msg. After that last msg reaching out is not an option I think.

so you saying just act normal like nothing happened and keep flirting when I see her at the office?

 

[bat soup]

My supervisor and I have been flirting a lot in the office. I work off site but I go to the office twice a week or so. I saw clear signs she was interested, she even added me on Facebook and checked all my stories. I asked her out for drinks first time she said she was busy. I waited a week and asked again. She replied she has a partner for 3 years. I came to find out later this is true, but I suspect it’s more like friends with benefits because she doesn’t live with him, no pics of him in the social media and from her stories she is almost always alone. I’m not sure if she is talking to other guys.

After being rejected twice, we had a company party she was more or less warm towards me and we talked etc. Next few days we exchanged a few texts for work mostly and she started using emojis and opening more again. I started to flirt again in the msgs but then I said a stupid joke (called Mrs my last name) and she said bad joke and backed off and stopped watching my Facebook stories. After that she started to give me 1 liner and 1 word responses so I stopped. I got fed up with her attitude and sent her one last text saying pretty much if she isn’t interest I’m done and if she wants anything she can hit me up. This was all.

is she just a attention ***** or what’s her deal here?

how to processed from here, how to act when I need to interact with her for work? Is there a chance she might come around? No contact?

I would just whip it out right there in the office. Preferably on the conference table. That's what normally works for me.

 

[RicBoy]

I would just whip it out right there in the office. Preferably on the conference table. That's what normally works for me.

I’m looking for really advice man. I’ve been anxious like hell with all this situation. She is my boss and if this goes south I can lose my job. On the other hand man, last couple of weeks all I think about is her. I hate it

 

[bat soup]

I’m looking for really advice man. I’ve been anxious like hell with all this situation. She is my boss and if this goes south I can lose my job. On the other hand man, last couple of weeks all I think about is her. I hate it

OK. I'll give you some serious advice. But first explain to me how you can go no contact with YOUR BOSS?

 

[RicBoy]

OK. I'll give you some serious advice. But first explain to me how you can go no contact with YOUR BOSS?

Hahaha. I mean just keep it formal

 

[EyeBRollin]

Don’t feed the troll. We already have an identical OP to this.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I’m looking for really advice man. I’ve been anxious like hell with all this situation. She is my boss and if this goes south I can lose my job. On the other hand man, last couple of weeks all I think about is her. I hate it

She very clearly isn't thinking about you so drop it.

 

[The Duke]

I get the vibe you are more interested than she is. You really haven't indicated anything that tells us she is interested at all. This is the OP wishing something was there when it's not.

 

[bat soup]

Hahaha. I mean just keep it formal

Yeah, the thing is that you have to be professional around her and so you don't really have the opportunity to do any of the things that would normally work to find out if she's interested.

Normally it's necessary to push the boundaries a little to force a woman to respond and show her hand. Otherwise women will happily keep you in the grey zone, which is where they can tease you and manipulate you.

But in any case since she's making things difficult and not being cooperative, really there's your answer. You can't push it further without putting your job at risk. It's not worth pursuing women that don't cooperate generally and in this case, it's extremely risky as well as highly unlikely to be worthwhile.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Got it
should I put some space for a while now that I sent that last msg. After that last msg reaching out is not an option I think.

so you saying just act normal like nothing happened and keep flirting when I see her at the office?

You should make your own choices. I would be fairly professional and respond to any advances or flirty stuff from her with a 'lol' or smile, but nothing more because I don't want to stir drama that can get me canned, and more importantly because she burned that bridge.

Let her think you have other options (which it sounds like you don't), ideally have other options. Embody the vibe that she has to earn your affection, and that otherwise your communication is all business.

You've shown her you're interested and are available, and when she pushed away you got upset, which just shows her you're weak and over invested. Nothing a woman does should upset you, especially if she wants to not be with you. Be chill, easy going, just laugh it off, keep it professional going forward, and if she wants anything to develop she'll have to work harder now, since she dug a hole by turning you away. If you have no self respect them you'll continue being always available, and she'll continue messing with you.


Why would a woman leaving you or turning away from you upset you? It saves you precious time and you can focus your attention on women that are actually into you and aren't playing games. Don't identify with rejection, it's meaningless.

 

[RicBoy]

ideally

You should make your own choices. I would be fairly professional and respond to any advances or flirty stuff from her with a 'lol' or smile, but nothing more because I don't want to stir drama that can get me canned, and more importantly because she burned that bridge.

Let her think you have other options (which it sounds like you don't), ideally have other options. Embody the vibe that she has to earn your affection, and that otherwise your communication is all business.

You've shown her you're interested and are available, and when she pushed away you got upset, which just shows her you're weak and over invested. Nothing a woman does should upset you, especially if she wants to not be with you. Be chill, easy going, just laugh it off, keep it professional going forward, and if she wants anything to develop she'll have to work harder now, since she dug a hole by turning you away. If you have no self respect them you'll continue being always available, and she'll continue messing with you.


Why would a woman leaving you or turning away from you upset you? It saves you precious time and you can focus your attention on women that are actually into you and aren't playing games. Don't identify with rejection, it's meaningless.

You should make your own choices. I would be fairly professional and respond to any advances or flirty stuff from her with a 'lol' or smile, but nothing more because I don't want to stir drama that can get me canned, and more importantly because she burned that bridge.

Let her think you have other options (which it sounds like you don't), ideally have other options. Embody the vibe that she has to earn your affection, and that otherwise your communication is all business.

You've shown her you're interested and are available, and when she pushed away you got upset, which just shows her you're weak and over invested. Nothing a woman does should upset you, especially if she wants to not be with you. Be chill, easy going, just laugh it off, keep it professional going forward, and if she wants anything to develop she'll have to work harder now, since she dug a hole by turning you away. If you have no self respect them you'll continue being always available, and she'll continue messing with you.


Why would a woman leaving you or turning away from you upset you? It saves you precious time and you can focus your attention on women that are actually into you and aren't playing games. Don't identify with rejection, it's meaningless.

Thank you good explanation.
She actually sent me a very nasty msg today wow lol.
She basically told me she is in an extraordinary relationship and is not available and not looking for anything because she feels complete. And that she had already told me she was happy with someone. That she appreciates I finally understand that.

she sent me another couple of msgs and they were all nasty. Things like use the phone for work only don’t send me msgs for work through Facebook and whatnot. She is really upset and over reacting

 

[Scars]

"Don't sh!t where you sleep."

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Thank you good explanation.
She actually sent me a very nasty msg today wow lol.
She basically told me she is in an extraordinary relationship and is not available and not looking for anything because she feels complete. And that she had already told me she was happy with someone. That she appreciates I finally understand that.

she sent me another couple of msgs and they were all nasty. Things like use the phone for work only don’t send me msgs for work through Facebook and whatnot. She is really upset and over reacting

When women see that you're easy and have little self respect they go along with it and treat you like garbage too. Bonus for her here because she is in a position of power with you, so she gets a big ego boost and power trip. She probably would have loved it if you kept your cool, but seems you got pretty obsessive pretty fast, big turn off, it signals you have little going on.

Brush it off with an ok hand sign emoji and forget about anything romantic or sexual developing. She burned the bridge with those texts and if you think they're nasty then she has to work to rebuild that bridge. All the work. Don't hold your breath.

Best thing to do going forward is to be care free and get shiit done effortlessly at work. When you're around her be positive with others and only talk to her if it's absolutely necessary. Keep it short and respectful, all business. If she tries to make it rough for you, don't show that you're unhappy about it. Say 'no problem', and go do it, show her she can't phase you no matter how hard she tries.

If she offers something that seems sexual or romantic, play it off like you're busy or like you need to think about it. This is signalling that you're not easy and not available, especially after her pushing you away, and that she needs to try way harder for much longer for anything to happen. Obviously don't say this, just politely decline her.

Most importantly find other options for yourself to get your mind right. Sex is easy man, women are everywhere.

 

[member160761]

This is the second thread about the same issue and she still lives rent-free in your head. Go on a vacation and get your head out. Your obsession is unhealthy, as it already was pointed by many in the last thread.

 

[MtmVaott]

@RicBoy
I haven't told you in your last thread, but the same time you started it I have started mine and it was a very similar situation. I've been rejected in a similar way as you on Sunday.

You have been made insecure by her first rejection, which happened to me at least. And she was way more ready and unforgiving to reject you again, so it's like walking through a minefield. It's not a good place to be in in the first place.
And like @bat soup wrote, you want to push it, but you were too afraid of getting rejected when you made your interest clear the first time, and the fear was even increased after her rejections. Again, not a good position.

But I get it why you continued to pursue her.
Luckily, she used a rejection with gaslighting. For me, this is the final line. I am done with people who do this to me, forever. I may talk to them afterwards, but the person is not the same for me anymore.
I have never been in the situation where I had to spend a lot of time with someone who rejected me like that. So I can't give you advice on how to proceed.

I guess @EyeOnThePrize has a good point about finding other options for the reason to get your mind off her. It doesn't have to lead to anything.
And something else I want to add: This isn't about attraction. The attraction is there, it's not going to become less. Right now, it's about respect and power. She has too less respect and too much power, and that since she first rejected you. You should do everything to respect yourself and strip her of the power over your head.
One thing that I realized lately was that behaviour to reel someone in (like making big eyes, smiling, creating approach opportunities, flirting) is for oneself, and behaviour to understand and support someone (or protect/provide as a man) is for the other person, while it also affects oneself ("investing"). You could now categorize her past behaviour and see who she is for you.

 

[member160761]

should I put some space

Yes, you should get some space while getting into this straitjacket.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

The attraction is there, it's not going to become less.

No, it's not. She told him off, that's aversion, not attraction. He feels her last texts were nasty, that's aversion not attraction. Attraction is not static, it's always fluctuating.

 

[MtmVaott]

No, it's not. She told him off, that's aversion, not attraction. He feels her last texts were nasty, that's aversion not attraction. Attraction is not static, it's always fluctuating.

Yes it is. His pyhsical appearance including scent and his personality (chemistry) is still the same (as is hers). So the attraction remains. What is now different for her is a feeling of aversion towards him because of his behaviour. This dampens and supercedes the feeling of lust towards him. If he would stop seeing her, her feeling of aversion would fade over time, and they could start almost fresh. Lust and aversion together are described with the IL scale.

Edit: To give an example: You are seeing a girl, she is very pretty, smells good, is feminine and sweet. While you walk through the city alone, you spot her in a Fridays For Future demonstration shouting and behaving like a man. After that incident, are you still interested? Would you go into a relationship with her? What if she behaves feminine again when you meet her in person again? And how would you react if she tries to strenghen the bond, and the week after you see her again shouting at the demonstration?