Maybe it's not so hard to find the "one"

[Slickster]

Hello again

Now if I could go back I would change the title of this post and lose "the one" part. I never intended this thread to get bogged down in the concept of whether "the one" exists. It just sounded alot better than "someone you share deep compatability with." I know that people around here like to get hung up on words and such. I find it similar to banging my head against the wall when people begin getting so caught up on words like the "one" or "perfect" or "find", etc. I should've known better but I haven't been posting here much lately and kind of forgot how careful one must choose his words.

by Vulpine

There's nothing written that says you can't create the perfect woman for yourself.....

This is what I was getting at with the original post.

I believe that women in a relationship will become what you allow (or don't allow) them to be. If that makes any sense?

If you are a push over and a pvssy they'll walk all over you. If you are a man and demand respect you'll most likely get it in return.

So when I say maybe finding the "one" isn't so hard. I'm meaning that we are just as responsible for how we are treated by the women we spend time with as they are.

The other real problem lies in the fact that when it comes to dating and meeting someone new both men and women lose sight of what is really important. Everyone is so concerned about getting this new person to like them that the "real" part of each other's personalities is usually hidden.

How many times have you met some new chick you found attractive but right away began to notice red flags? How many times have you continued to see that same chick knowing full well that she doesn't meet your expectations?

If you are like me it happens all the time. I'm sure others do the same. So right way we are sabotaging ourselves and our relationships.

So in essence I'm trying to say that by being genuine and being respectful we will bring those same qualities out of the women we date and have relationships with. In effect we will create a relationship with the type of person we are looking for.


Thoughts?

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

I like your post slickster.
It resonates very much a lot I have come to believe in my own experiences and goes against the grain of what is written here to a large extent.

I think anyone can do what they put their mind to.
Your woman will perceive you as whomever you come across as when she first meets you. The only other way to change that is by disappearing for awhile and drastically altering who you are, i.e. going from wuss to buff, confident, and personally successful. People do that all the time, so it isn't out of the question.

I don't think 'one' exists. We can get reasonably close, but its impossible.
What if the one for you exists in some impoverished town in Africa?
What if the one for you is in a marriage right now and doesn't believe in the one, but if you came together, she would be the one?
Being human, I just think there's too many variable to align to people of varying personalities PERFECTLY.

With that said, we can get the type of woman we want by being upfront, honest, and straightforward. Some guys will assume that means "being yourself," and in a way, it does. Being yourself means telling a woman straight up when she crosses your personal boundary. It means, telling her when something is important and should be important to whomever you devote yourself to, or she should find someone else. If you're going to sacrifice X opportunities, you need to do so by getting Y return. Right? We walk a fine line between emotion, psychology and general genetics and basic biology.

And yes, people try to SELL themselves on dates, when in reality, it's the stuff that's NON sold which makes people 'buy.' When people get down, dirty, and honest, guys come to women in droves. Most guys want to see that hot beauty vulnerable, cry, shed emotion, laugh, snort 'laugh,' or just be human. Human, to me, is endearing. I don't want a maniquen. That's probably why I don't find models attractive, they don't appear human.

You can find the perfect relationship for YOU, if you bring the true YOU to the relationship. If you don't, it won't work. There's girls in the past I should have been with, but I wasn't me. I was consumed by other factors, busy worrying about other women, or I read the girl sitting before me totally wrong. For instance, I brought, on our first date, this hot daddy's-little-italian-girl who my grandmother of all people introduced me to, to a bar. She wasn't a drinker, except under VERY minor situations, and rarely with a new guy, since she "hated being out of control." I was too young to realize the error, and our dates never got off the ground. Now I know better.

Be honest.
Who are you.
What do you want.
What are you looking for.
What is important.
What are you will to do/commit to.
What are you expectations now and in the future.
Do you have an ultimate dream for it.

Me...I'm unsettled in my own life. I don't know what I want to do, so having a confining relationship that's too committment centered is suffocating. That said, I have an amazing gf, she does what most men want, looks incredible, and is younger than me. So for me, it's been a tough go at it as of late. I've personally hit a brick wall, as I always do at 2 years or so, and don't know what to do or where to turn. People marrying. Bro moving. Gf wondering where the future is going, even though she's only 23.

The thing is...there's MAN ones. I can't count on any number of hands how many women I've bumped into and wonder..."Hmmm...." Be it vacation, or if she's travelling with a bf. It was a passing thing, I just tend to wonder ALOT.


A-Unit

 

[iqqi]

Bump. Great thread, and relevant.

Slick is happily married now, BTW, and that is why one reason why he said he doesn't post here anymore.

 

[synergy1]

No point on playing the blame game. It doesn't matter whether the chicken or the egg came first...all that matters is that things are the way they are, and you either adapt or you get left behind.

God this might be an old thread, but what I quoted embodies my mentality to a tee. In fact, I have probably told friends this exact line at one point or another.

**** drama, **** the blame game. Its counterproductive.

 

[Phyzzle]

I really find this subject interesting. I keep going back and forth. Sometimes, it seems that a high interest woman adjusts herself and her personality to better suit mine, and that I can form her into a better person as long as she has that interest. Meanwhile, when the same woman looses interest, she becomes unreliable and disrespectful.

But other times, I wonder if most women I date are complete douchebags from the beginning, and it just takes a month or two for it to come out.

 

[joekerr31]

Is it because we ourselves (men) aren't the perfect "one"?

If we become the perfect man or boyfriend, or companion do you think our relationships with women will improve?

Or are we all just perfect the way we are and its the women who are beatches?

Thoughts?

you can only know what you know. unless you are mature, you don't know what maturity looks like. unless you are kind, you don't know what kindness looks like. unless you are ethical, you don't know what ethical looks like.

the biggest problem for 99% of the men out there is that because they aren't quality, they don't know what quality looks like.

and a woman knows almost right away whether you are a man who knows the score in life and won't put up with any bullsh*t or whether you are a man who hasn't figured the score out yet.

if you haven't figured the score out yet, women will twist you into a pretzel via their natural instinct to communicate covert and to get their way through subtle manipulation. all of which destroys the relationship in the end.

men who DO know the score though, find that women behave properly. because those women know if they start pulling bullsh*t that their ass will get punted out the door.

put simply, this is the whole prize mentality. a woman who sees her man as the prize will behave herself. a woman who doesn't see her man as the prize, who thinks she could do better, who thinks that she is settling, will subvert the relationship over the long haul.