MilesSmiles
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- Jan 16, 2008
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Long-time lurker here--first off, despite the constant bickering and occasional misogyny, this site (esp. the DJ Bible) is incredible. I never thought a website could shed so much light on what it really means to be a man in a time when society is brainwashed--the wealth of knowledge here has been life-changing to say the least.
Ok, enough ass-kissing, here's what I'm putting up for discussion: Is the PUA mindset of "search-and-destroy" conducive for ever forming an actual LTR, or is it self-limiting?
Anyone that's followed all the "rules" talked about here--be it when/ how often to call a girl, when to "NEXT", dealing with s#!t tests, etc.--for an extended period of time will notice that they often have very little to do with the outcome of a "conquest." You can run seemingly perfect game and girls will still flake. You can be intelligent, goodlooking, and charismatic and still spend more time single than not. At the same time, you'll notice AFC's in happy relationships with attractive girls. What gives?
I think, and this is just a theory, that there is something to be said for the fact that most people in LTR's DO NOT meet as a result of a cold approach. They meet through mutual friends, coworkers, etc....THEIR OWN SOCIAL CIRCLE. In my own social circle of friends, every couple that has been together over a year were, at one time, "friends!" And I'm talking about the town of Bumblef!ck, Nebraska...I live in New York City!
I know it's a bad word around here, but being "friends" isn't the same as LJBF. You can be part of the same social circle as a girl and consider her a "friend," but you might not hang out with her outside of group activities. I think THIS is where you want to be--you don't need to worry about conveying social proof blah blah blah because you've already been SCREENED and ACCEPTED by your mutual friends.
When you do a cold approach and get a girl's number, you're just some dude. When you go on a date with her alone and maybe makeout with her, you're still some dude. Most of the time, she will eventually flake, be it after 1 date or 5, because you're essentially still a stranger. She's not in your "world;" she doesn't share your friends and experiences. The whole model of "dating" is for single people that want to stay single!
So what to do? I haven't scientifically "field tested" this, but in my experience, I think the answer is to actually go out and make friends! Meet girls and invite them out with you and your friends without the pressure of it being a "date." Have parties and invite them. Work them into your social circle, but don't be their emotional tampons--just be a cool guy that invites them to do fun things! As they start feeling more and more at home in your social circle, they inevitably are going to be attracted to the leader of the group (hopefully, that's you!). Furthermore, you've already established enough comfort and trust that they are unlikely to flake. This also works with girls that are taken but unhappy--remember those branch-swinging monkeys? This is how they do it. If all else fails, you've just expanded your social circle.
I'd be eager to hear other poster's thoughts about this. I think the use of routines, negs, etc. are more in line with good socializing rather than "picking up." Furthermore, I think we can all agree that most quality, LTR-worthy girls are not going to clubs to get picked up...they have OPTIONS!
Ok, enough ass-kissing, here's what I'm putting up for discussion: Is the PUA mindset of "search-and-destroy" conducive for ever forming an actual LTR, or is it self-limiting?
Anyone that's followed all the "rules" talked about here--be it when/ how often to call a girl, when to "NEXT", dealing with s#!t tests, etc.--for an extended period of time will notice that they often have very little to do with the outcome of a "conquest." You can run seemingly perfect game and girls will still flake. You can be intelligent, goodlooking, and charismatic and still spend more time single than not. At the same time, you'll notice AFC's in happy relationships with attractive girls. What gives?
I think, and this is just a theory, that there is something to be said for the fact that most people in LTR's DO NOT meet as a result of a cold approach. They meet through mutual friends, coworkers, etc....THEIR OWN SOCIAL CIRCLE. In my own social circle of friends, every couple that has been together over a year were, at one time, "friends!" And I'm talking about the town of Bumblef!ck, Nebraska...I live in New York City!
I know it's a bad word around here, but being "friends" isn't the same as LJBF. You can be part of the same social circle as a girl and consider her a "friend," but you might not hang out with her outside of group activities. I think THIS is where you want to be--you don't need to worry about conveying social proof blah blah blah because you've already been SCREENED and ACCEPTED by your mutual friends.
When you do a cold approach and get a girl's number, you're just some dude. When you go on a date with her alone and maybe makeout with her, you're still some dude. Most of the time, she will eventually flake, be it after 1 date or 5, because you're essentially still a stranger. She's not in your "world;" she doesn't share your friends and experiences. The whole model of "dating" is for single people that want to stay single!
So what to do? I haven't scientifically "field tested" this, but in my experience, I think the answer is to actually go out and make friends! Meet girls and invite them out with you and your friends without the pressure of it being a "date." Have parties and invite them. Work them into your social circle, but don't be their emotional tampons--just be a cool guy that invites them to do fun things! As they start feeling more and more at home in your social circle, they inevitably are going to be attracted to the leader of the group (hopefully, that's you!). Furthermore, you've already established enough comfort and trust that they are unlikely to flake. This also works with girls that are taken but unhappy--remember those branch-swinging monkeys? This is how they do it. If all else fails, you've just expanded your social circle.
I'd be eager to hear other poster's thoughts about this. I think the use of routines, negs, etc. are more in line with good socializing rather than "picking up." Furthermore, I think we can all agree that most quality, LTR-worthy girls are not going to clubs to get picked up...they have OPTIONS!
