Mature men, I need your help!

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I really need some good insight.


I want to make up for the totally wasted college experience by starting another university, preferably this autumn. I want to live in the dorms, socialize like crazy, be around people my age 24/7, party, and so on. I didn't live any of these in the last 5 years and I regret it so much I want to die...

Yes, I'll be going to have fun, not for "a career".


Seeing college guys and girls having fun and feeling good kills me on the inside. Many a times I feel like starting to cry.
Hell, I'd happily trade 30 years of my life for 3 years of great dorm life!


However, leaving this autumn would mean going there with little money, and I don't have the certainty that my parents would support me (I haven't told them my intentions, yet). And going there only to get a job in a couple of months would kill the whole purpose of the thing.

Leaving this autumn would also mean:

- going there with underdeveloped social skills; would I waste the opportunity again? But on the other side, I'd be leaving for this exact thing: to grow socially.

- quitting from the Masters Degree (which is a waste in every way, but still)

- living on an extremely tight budget till this autumn (which svcks; I'd like to use this time to grow socially)

- quitting a good paying job (where I wouldn't stay for more than an year, but the longer I stay the more I can raise money for college - and leave next autumn)


And leaving (in general) would also mean ~2 years of unemployment -> bad for my future wealth; and falling behind my peers (but I'm 7 years or so behind, anyway - regarding experiences)


TL;DR version:
Overall, I am fvcking depressed, I'm thinking about leaving in every fvcking second when I'm awake, I'd trade my life for a chance to live the college life, but I don't think I'll have enough financial security to live it fully, nor I think I'd have enough preparation socially to make the most out of it, nor would starting college again have a too good impact on my future employment.

But the influence on my mental would be tremendous. I'm a wreck mentally right now and this fvcks up everything.



What the fvck should I do?
Please help!

 

[Falcon25]

Take out student loans and do it. Good Luck.

 

[PDubb75]

This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Financially, this sounds like an absolute sh!t show. I understand the regret of not having the college experience, but it isn't worth what you could lose.

1) A master's degree is not a waste of time
2) You are exactly right about what that unemployment could do for you future finances. It could snowball out of control on you.
3) You can have a great time, somewhat similar to what you are looking for without going back to college. You just need to find the right places to go and people to hang out with.

Do not trade your life for the college life! I know plenty of people that ended up not having nearly as much fun in college as they expected. Can you imagine if that happened to you, and you had to spend the rest of your life with that huge regret? Thinking where you could have been in life?

 

[trrush]

then 5 years from now you'll reget dropping your masters degree. join a social club and be friendly with them, they'll include you in different things (parties and such) and you can make friends. you just sound lonely to me.

 

[bigneil]

Don't do it. Take on debt just to get laid? That won't impress the ladies and you'll have no future. Plus as young as you are (prime for a man is 27 or so), you will feel old there.

You are better off finding a project to start working on - something that might take 4 years to make you money. The economy is tanking. College is a rip off even for those who can afford it and who study hard. There are doctors out there with no work.

 

[Warrior74]

Honestly, its not college life you need. Its therapy and some good friends. What is your social life like now? Who are your friends? What do you do for fun? What is the hottest club in your city right now? You can't go back in this life, you can only go forward.

I'm gonna kill you right now. I had a blast in college. I rocked it out. But now, I can't go back. (actually I am going back for my masters, not to party). Even at 24-25 my mentality and mind state had changed. Part of the fun of college for a lot of kids is having their first taste of pure freedom. You already have that, you are not going to experience, you are going to leech of of their energy. I may be wrong here but that's how I see it.

As a man you have to keep going forward. You need to get some damn friends in your masters studies. You need to keep your job. You need to build a social life for yourself. You can't run back and hide at "college" might as well move home and try going back to high school. Hell go back to JR High and FIX everything at the start! Go back to the womb! You get me? Be brave. Eyes forward. Make a new life for yourself starting right now.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Financially, this sounds like an absolute sh!t show. I understand the regret of not having the college experience, but it isn't worth what you could lose.

I know, but I not leaving is living with a "handicap" which is messing with my head and preventing me from being active enough & happy.

1) A master's degree is not a waste of time

This one is. I'm barely attending classes (as does everybody), the teachers don't care as they often don't come either, they do their job like sh!t (with a few rare exceptions) and everybody gets the good grades and the diploma, no matter what their actual results are.

Ok, the diploma could be something useful, but I think that you can understand why I don't place much value on this degree.

2) You are exactly right about what that unemployment could do for you future finances. It could snowball out of control on you.

Scary sh!t. I think a part time, socially active job is the next best thing.

3) You can have a great time, somewhat similar to what you are looking for without going back to college. You just need to find the right places to go and people to hang out with.

But this whole sh!t is holding me back... I feel what you're saying as I was thinking the same some time back; but now this college thing has grown on me and I simply feel retarded, esp. when people around me live it and talk about it. It's then when I *die* on the inside.

Do not trade your life for the college life! I know plenty of people that ended up not having nearly as much fun in college as they expected. Can you imagine if that happened to you, and you had to spend the rest of your life with that huge regret? Thinking where you could have been in life?

I AM living with this exact regret!

Honestly, its not college life you need. Its therapy and some good friends. What is your social life like now? Who are your friends? What do you do for fun? What is the hottest club in your city right now?

I admit in shame that the social part of my life is at its lowest ever.

You can't go back in this life, you can only go forward.

I'm gonna kill you right now. I had a blast in college. I rocked it out. But now, I can't go back. (actually I am going back for my masters, not to party). Even at 24-25 my mentality and mind state had changed. Part of the fun of college for a lot of kids is having their first taste of pure freedom. You already have that, you are not going to experience, you are going to leech of of their energy. I may be wrong here but that's how I see it.

Unfortunately, you are wrong. I didn't have that freedom and that is why I want to go back to college.
I am emotionally, socially, "experience-ly" retarded.

The last years should've been when I had to develop my whole personality as did most of the people my age. I did, to some degree (thanks sosuave! Without the guys here I would've been in a deeper pit.), but not as much as those who lived independently, in a suitable, great environment.
AND THIS SH!T IS KILLING ME!



Thank you for your replies, they have been spot on and have confirmed my thoughts.

But my mind is so stuck in going back that I'm almost sure that I will actually leave and see where life goes from there.
I mean, if I go I may head towards mediocrity, but if I stay I am settling for mediocrity (I simply can't "go further")
That's how I see it.


As for credit, I once made a point to avoid it like plague. I'll try to stick to that point for as long as possible.

 

[element0]

I know exactly how you feel, I really messed up my college experience in every way; grades, girls, friends. It pains me to think of people having random hookups and their own apartment with parties every weekend, but regret does no good, it just puts me in a bad mood. I just graduated this fall, and I'm 24. The last year and a half after changing my major was terrible, I felt old in class, I felt like everyone knew I was old. I took a comp class in which I was closer to the age of the professor than the students, it was awkward sharing our "life stories" in class.

You're going back to socialize, chances are you're just going to end up being the creepy older guy in class, and not the life of the party. Think Matthew McConaughy in Dazed in Confused.

Get out of school and get a job, join a social club or a sports team, you'll life will continue. Those 19 years old college slvts are still there, they are just 23, have a job, and are probably more interesting now.

 

[Mike32ct]

I know exactly how you feel. As I mentioned in another post, I commuted to college so I had no fun. During my entire college career, I never went to a party, stepped foot in a dorm, went to a bar/club, or even so much as kissed a girl. It tore me up inside for YEARS.

Years later, I finally able to put this issue to rest while still keeping a decent job. Want to know how? Go on VACATION. Go on a cruise or go to Vegas or whatever party destination suits you. It doesn't matter. Find partying vacation, have fun, get drunk and possibly laid. Then come back to the reality of your job with a big smile on your face. You say you have a good paying job. Don't you have vacation time?

It's easiest to get laid on vacation because her FB or secret lover that was discussed in other threads is not available to her. She can booty text him all she wants, but he is hundreds or thousands of miles away. If she wants sausage on vacation, she's gotta pick it up locally.

 

[element0]

]I know exactly how you feel. As I mentioned in another post, I commuted to college so I had no fun. During my entire college career, I never went to a party, stepped foot in a dorm, went to a bar/club, or even so much as kissed a girl. It tore me up inside for YEARS.[/B]

Years later, I finally able to put this issue to rest while still keeping a decent job. Want to know how? Go on VACATION. Go on a cruise or go to Vegas or whatever party destination suits you. It doesn't matter. Find partying vacation, have fun, get drunk and possibly laid. Then come back to the reality of your job with a big smile on your face. You say you have a good paying job. Don't you have vacation time?

It's easiest to get laid on vacation because her FB or secret lover that was discussed in other threads is not available to her. She can booty text him all she wants, but he is hundreds or thousands of miles away. If she wants sausage on vacation, she's gotta pick it up locally.

Yep, similar experience for me. Although I lived in the dorms for two years, then I moved back home for the final three years of my degree.

Good call on the vacation, it definitely makes things better, even if you don't get laid.

What has helped me the most is moving to a section of my city that a bunch of young people live and has a lot of nightlife. So my friends are always congregating at my apartment for a night out, thus increasing my own social value to others, while making the logistics of a pickup very easy. Would that be an option for you, challengeguy?

 

[FairShake]

No. Just no.

Actually a little more. College was designed as higher education to contribute a bit more to this great little experiment we call life. Despite appearences to the contrary this is still what it's for. Partying should be a secondary plan. For your time off! Once you start PRIMARILY basing your life on what you do on your time off you don't progress anywhere. If you were in come kind of secure position I could understand you wanting to take a couple classes and hang around the dorms. But the economy being the way it is hardly anyone is that secure. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones with a "good job."

Grow up and get your priorities straight man. I always say depression is when you cannot find a way out of your problems. I'm going to amend that and say depression is also when you pick the most backasswards way out of your problems. The folks who lived the college life certainly don't consider their life over after college. They move on to the real world and balance responsibility with the new options for socializing. Try modeling yourself on that.

 

[Tortendieb]

Man if I were you I'd rather go backpacking to some remote country for 1-2 months. It's exciting, you meet lots of cool people and you will have a different look on life when you come back. Plus you can do it really cheap if you plan well.

If you go to college you'll be living a lie. Because college will not magically change YOU, it's yourself who has to do the work. I moved out of college dorm to a new city and had no friends. Felt bad for some time! Then I decided to just join random social clubs, like some martial arts, dancing etc. Now I have friends and opportunities even without college.

Oh I'm maybe not all that mature but have my 5 cents anyway

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

What has helped me the most is moving to a section of my city that a bunch of young people live and has a lot of nightlife. So my friends are always congregating at my apartment for a night out, thus increasing my own social value to others, while making the logistics of a pickup very easy. Would that be an option for you, challengeguy?

Only if I move away from home (where I lived all throughout university), but let's be realistic: for a long enough time, considering my people skills, I'd be too busy to survive to meet people.

No. Just no.

Actually a little more. College was designed as higher education to contribute a bit more to this great little experiment we call life. Despite appearences to the contrary this is still what it's for. Partying should be a secondary plan. For your time off! Once you start PRIMARILY basing your life on what you do on your time off you don't progress anywhere. If you were in come kind of secure position I could understand you wanting to take a couple classes and hang around the dorms. But the economy being the way it is hardly anyone is that secure. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones with a "good job."

it is about partying, but not only; it's a whole formative experience that I feel I missed out on.

Grow up and get your priorities straight man. I always say depression is when you cannot find a way out of your problems. I'm going to amend that and say depression is also when you pick the most backasswards way out of your problems. The folks who lived the college life certainly don't consider their life over after college. They move on to the real world and balance responsibility with the new options for socializing. Try modeling yourself on that.

Some kind of an analogy: while the one who was successful enough with females can consider them secondary and can really focus on a career, a business or God knows what else, the virgin is having a hard time doing these, so chances are he can't use his full potential.

This is my situation with the college life: I have nothing to "move on" off, I feel incomplete, unworthy of success and I cannot connect with people.
If it'd take me years to move on, shouldn't I better use these years to make up for the lost time?

I understand what you say, since a part of me is saying the same things, but the other one is desperate to leave.

Want to know how? Go on VACATION.

Man if I were you I'd rather go backpacking to some remote country for 1-2 months. It's exciting, you meet lots of cool people and you will have a different look on life when you come back. Plus you can do it really cheap if you plan well.

Short term solution(s)...

If you go to college you'll be living a lie. Because college will not magically change YOU, it's yourself who has to do the work. I moved out of college dorm to a new city and had no friends. Felt bad for some time! Then I decided to just join random social clubs, like some martial arts, dancing etc. Now I have friends and opportunities even without college.

Oh I'm maybe not all that mature but have my 5 cents anyway

I'm not expecting college to change me, but to be a catalyst for changing myself.

 

[PDubb75]

I'm not sure why you came on here asking for our help. Your mind seems beyond set on going to college. If you were to take a step back and look at all this, from a non-biased point of view, you would see the issues here.

You are putting WAY too much stock in the college experience. Even if you had a blast, I still don't see how this is a good decision. And I can pretty safely say that whatever experience you have will be quite different than it would have been years ago at the "normal" time. It was a missed opportunity. You should really accept that fact and move on with your life.

The absolute best time of my entire college experience was my freshman year in the dorms. But that was a first-year dorm. Meaning, at least at my school, you couldn't even get into that dorm at this point. I lived in another dorm sophomore year and it was NOTHING like freshman year. In fact, I regretted staying there at the time.

You are looking to use the college experience for the entirely wrong reasons. People are there to further their education. That (at least should be) the number one reason they apply to a school. Of course there is more to it, but I think this:

You're going back to socialize, chances are you're just going to end up being the creepy older guy in class, and not the life of the party. Think Matthew McConaughy in Dazed in Confused.

is spot on.

You refer to this missed opportunity as a "handicap". That is exactly what tells me you are putting way too much into this. Plenty of people skip the college experience and have great, productive, happy lives. And there's nothing to say that them going to college would have made their lives any better. It's pretty clear to me you have built this up in your mind to a ridiculous, misguided level. And with the financial implications, that can be extremely dangerous.

Some people have mentioned vacation as an alternative, and you turned it down because it is a "short-term solution". What is this a short-term solution of? Your goal is to go back to college to gain life experiences that are new to you. How does vacation, especially a prolonged vacation, not offer this to you?

What are you expecting out of the college experience, anyway? The easy girls? Since you are talking dorms, the young, immature guys? Drinking alcohol in an absolutely filthy house that could get busted at any time (supplying to minors, anyone?). I just don't see what you think you need here. And if you are talking hanging around with upper classmen, chances are they will be MUCH more focus on studying, as they are in their tougher majors classes, and not just the easy gen eds of freshman year. I didn't go out NEARLY as much my last 2 years at college. And when I did, it was to a bar, which was no different than bars I can find around me now (except maybe a little sleazier and more watered-down drinks).

And I'm sorry.... but to say "I have nothing to "move on" off, I feel incomplete, unworthy of success and I cannot connect with people", simply because you didn't go to college, is insane. There is nothing about college that is going to "change" you so much, if you haven't been able to change simply because you never went.

 

[FairShake]

I cannot connect with people.

THIS is your problem. Going to college has nothing to do with your ability to connect with people. It's something you're focusing on in lieu of connecting with people. In fact, if you were better at connecting with people I think you would be talking to THEM instead of strangers like US about this problem. This problem is not an "internet" problem. It's for people who are involved in your life. Family, friends, a psychiatrist. And rest assured, for what you're talking about, I think you may need a professional ear to listen.

Think about this, more people in the United States, Canada, UK, whereever you are, HAVE NOT gone to college. But most of them develop socially just the same. Your lack of college experience is only a crutch you are using to prolong your development.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I just really hope you don't make this mistake.

 

[Tortendieb]

Agree, socializing is hard work and college won't magically do it for you UNLESS you are a natural socializer already.

Trip is a short term solution!? And Sitting in college to pick off easy girls is not!? Take the time off to reflect on your life.

I tell you from my experience. I've quit everything I had and went to live in a different country. You start out with ZERO friends and possibly even have a slight language problem. Yes it takes BALLS to even talk to people. You could end up depressed for some event makes you finally WAKE UP and start acting.

You sound like you need new input, new inspiration for your life. Go somewhere completely different, experience different things.