Mature Man = Taking Things Way Too Seriously??

[squirrels]

Just looking around here, I wonder if the "Mature Man" forum has become a way to enable overthinking and chumpish behavior.

I mean, the very idea that "Mature Men" have to approach women in a different, more socially "mature" way leaves it wide open to the prospect of AFC behavior creeping in.

For one thing, overrationalization. From the constant talk of the "Feminatrix" to the discussions about mating habits of men and women, to all this talk about "greater meaning"...it looks like people in this forum are getting lost in minutia and continually trying to swim 12 feet down in a 6 foot pool.

The idea behind this and other seduction websites is that you're a man, a woman is a woman, and nature has the mechanics already ironed out...you just have to facilitate them. Yet, it seems like everyone's trying to attach some "higher meaning" to relationships and, as a result, finding them empty and hollow.

Maybe it ISN'T supposed to be some soul-filling experience to be with a woman like everyone here acts like it is. Maybe it's just a fun-time. Maybe the kids on the high-school forum are closer to the truth.

And then we have the topics that constantly come up...busted LTRs, older women, women with kids, all kinds of situations a PUA or common "Don Juan" would consider too much trouble or dangerous...yet this forum, by suggesting "maturity" seems to want to tackle all the wrong women for all the wrong reasons. Look at these:


The Sexually Manipulative Woman
Women With Kids Discussion
Plain Jane (or slightly lower) looks vs Personality - can there be happiness?
Met a woman with 3 kids
"Attached" Women Sitting By Themselves in Bars
Chicks who actually go out of their way to be ****s...or maybe not
MILF UPDATE~ and please give me advice
Women who want to be men.


For a group of people who are supposed to be mature, in-control womanizers, WHY do threads like this appear??

And then the worst is the threads that I've not only seen but been participating in lately. Some of you have seen my "Dead-End" thread or Joker's "Pep Talk" thread. If we're truly men living our lives, what is it that's driving us into such deep emotional turbulence?

Is it REALLY worth getting so damned rattled about the simple things in life? Is it worth it to try to delve and analyze all these situations when, in truth, it's overanalysis that gets us into a lot of trouble in the first place?

I can understand that marriage adds a new dynamic to the male-female relationship, but other than that, does the game REALLY change at all for the so-called "Mature Man"? There aren't a lot of married men in here...mostly guys from the regular forum who are "looking for deeper discussion" or wrapped up in bad long-term relationships. But the stuff I see here is the same stuff..."Woman at work looked at me, should I look back??" What the hell?!

What worries me most is that we're growing into this jaded bunch of collective souls, that whenever one of us has a bad experience, he brings it back to the collective and they all get dragged down because of it, then sit around trying to rationalize it and understand it and toss it around until it gets beaten to a pulp.

In our 20s and 30s, why have we all become a bunch of jaded, gloomy, brooding single men, looking for some "grander purpose" in all the dumb-sh!t things in life that we should be ENJOYING the simplicity of instead of trying to squeeze blood from them like so many stones?

I don't even feel comfortable reading this forum any more. I think the negativity is infectious, and worst of all, I've become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

I haven't had sex in 4 months or so now. I spend my weekend nights playing Gears of War on X-box 360. I used to sit and talk with my friends about how disappointing it was that society was becoming so dependent on things like cellphones, text-messaging, and the Internet to support their lack of social skills, and I turned around and became part of the problem. I used to post here about how people were getting lost in the minutia of all this advice and theories and sh!t, and I turned around and became part of the problem.

If we're not having fun chasing women, then we should STOP DOING IT. Either that or figure out what it is that MAKES it fun in the first place and get back to THAT, instead of trying to be "mature" and find some life-purpose in every little thing we do. Whatever happened to just trying to be happy?

Maybe I'm off-base, but it seems like things have gotten so far from the original "spirit" of this site and this forum that we're now just another bunch of internet message-board dorks jockeying for post-attention.

 

[Vulpine]

For one thing, overrationalization..........

.......I haven't had sex in 4 months or so now. I spend my weekend nights playing Gears of War on X-box 360..........

......it seems like things have gotten so far from the original "spirit" of this site and this forum that we're now just another bunch of internet message-board dorks jockeying for post-attention.

Mmm... irony sweetener my morning coffee.

 

[insidious]

Hey I saw your "Dead End" post.
Dude you're just experiencing the normal
self-reflective doubt that any thinking man
with a brain encounters thoughout his youth.

Why do I do this? Why why why? What's the point of it all? It really means nothing...

You'll wake up one of these mornings and
realize it all really is worth it. You probably know
that right now, or you would have jumped
off the nearest bridge by now.

 

[NewMan]

I have not posted in a while.... when I come back and visit, I understand why.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

Wow, i can see the thoughtful and reflective points that Squirrels is making. It seems like the days when i was reading Pook's posts in the DJ Bible were ages ago and i didn't expect to be in this place of writing so many posts when i first discovered the site. But am i ever glad i did for i am grateful to have an outlet for the many questions and thoughts i have not been able to share with other guys till discovering this forum. Having said that, let me address Squirrels understandable concerns with a few observations:

First, "The Mature Man" is not the right title for this forum. It should be "Older Men" or "At the Game Longer Than You Pups and Still Swingin' for the Fences" or something similar...

Second, and to my main point. Let's face it, people who share deep thoughts on an internet forum to any regular degree do so not because they are losers but because they are, and here is one of my favorite terms: introverts. And being introverts, we are naturally predisposed to sitting around AT HOME or even at work and pondering life. It's no secret many of us here are philosophers and so we're here not because we are hiding from the world or not satisfied with simplicity but because (gasp) we actually love thought, we love analysis, and we love the process of reflection and enlightenment...especially where women are concerned. Hell, i'd be bored outta my mind if i just had a bunch of easy lays but no chance to think. Don't let the extroverts (bless 'em, they're legit at their own game) throw you off YOUR own path. It's the extroverts who get the simple game. They want it simple. They wouldn't and couldn't want it any other way. And "mature men" are also more seasoned men, we've had more time to get over the hype and now we want to start asking questions and pulling meaning out of our experiences. We're tired of failing to break through in certain areas and tired of having empty sexcapades (OK - not tired, but just wanting more fulfillment). We want to know why. We want to understand. We enjoy understanding.

It's very subtle, but much of the activity on this MM forum is not actually about getting laid or scoring an LTR. It's actually about the willing process of analysis and the exchange of thoughts, questions, and advice. Yes, this IS about women - the subject matter, that is - and, being introverts, we can't help but want meaning and we can't help but want understanding and so we don't get the simple game and we don't want the simple game. But in our more complex, more thoughtful, more ponderous game, we do hope to learn, change, and grow and we all play a part to that collective goal here on this forum.

 

[azanon]

To each his own. This forum (including the mature men subforum) and the DJ Bible have really empowered me including lots of positive results.

 

[joekerr31]

squirrel has good points. if the forum were just about people b*tching and nothing else, well it would be a waste of time.

personally in all my responses, 90% of the time they are about two things.

1) what action should be taken
2) why that action should be taken

i think as long as that formula is used more often than not, then we are building a collective conversation that is focused on moving forward.

now, i think in part what is frustrating you squirrel is that you see this forum as being about one thing - increasing your ability to get laid or date women.

in my opinion the site has grown beyond that (and its valid to argue that perhaps it shouldnt - perhaps it should remain just a DJ tactics forum).

but thats why i like the mature forum - its about more than just getting laid. getting laid is EASY (assuming you are half way decent looking). last week i banged a 22 year old (i won't go in to it, but you know, i definitely like women in their late twenties / earlier thirties more. its really annoying when a chic doesn't know what to do in bed).

anyway, i digress.

getting laid is easy. becoming a better man, identifying your weaknesses, rooting them out and eradicating them, is whats going to lead to the real prize - which is a better you, a more focused you, etc.

like i say, its totally valid that argue that this forum has become more of a psychology / philosophy corner - but personally i like that. I think its fascinating to sift through what makes us tick and reprogram the midn with a better perspective.

but now and then you gotta take a break from it all, i agree. and peopel should take breaks.

they should come, learn, then apply. i've been posting way too much lately, but its just because im in the mood for this kind of conversation (i can't really get it in real life with most people). at some point in the near future i'll take a break and disappear into the real world for a while.

anyway, your frustration with the rhetorical dialogue that sometimes plagues the mature forum is a good sign - it shows that you're on the verge of attacking life head on and are starting to shun things like the internet, xbox, etc. (which is good!).

anyway, i see the potential for this forum to become just a bunch of b*tching men - but i don't think its there right now. i still think there are some great insights posted every day that help keep men thinking straight and protecting themselves from the pitfalls of male/female relationshps.

 

[grinder]

Have you visited those other sites on seduction? I have. They suck and nobody is there. Why is that?

The only knock I have on this site is people tend to expect it to do too much for them. They sometimes forget that they and only they are responsible for their lives.

 

[paintballz]

holy crap are you serious?

gears of war?

what happen to being social and what not..

i dont know your age but you probably can make thsi negative into a positive.. throw a xbox party and invite over friends/girls and have a few beers

between your facination/addiction to xbox and the internet i see why your on a 4 month droubt.

took me about 3 weeks to come up with enough courage to GET OUT THERE and get that pu$$y, now i have 3 chicks im steady banging and the more i network the more vagina comes around

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Men don't think things through enough...

Just looking around here, I wonder if the "Mature Man" forum has become a way to enable overthinking and chumpish behavior.

I mean, the very idea that "Mature Men" have to approach women in a different, more socially "mature" way leaves it wide open to the prospect of AFC behavior creeping in.

For one thing, overrationalization. From the constant talk of the "Feminatrix"

I would say your post is a prime example why men are frustrated and confused.

Whenever a guy brings up a legit question, someone from the peanut gallery is always there to encourage him to censor his own thoughts by causing him to question whether his thinking is "manly", or "DJ" vs. "AFC." It is a shaming tactic worthy of a woman, and avoids the key issues.

The fact is: men have voluntarily placed themselves in a double bind when it comes to women, relationships, and family life. Yet, no one seems to give a damn, until a situation like the Chris Benoitt makes the headlines, reinforces stereotypes, and bodies have to be cleaned up.

They drive themselves nuts trying to satisfy the contradictory expectations of women. "Success" is often rather short term--ie. getting laid, getting dates, etc. while the long term: ie. creating a stable family life for kids, borders on the impossible.

When these introspective men begin to ask questions that challenge these expectations, we see posts like this saying: "STOP THINKING SO MUCH, YOU WUSS!"

The Communist Chinese could not have dreamed up such a more effective censorship system.

I find it hard to fathom how ANY man who lives in the USA can continue to believe that:

1. Women are still oppressed, and need male protection
2. Society treats misbehavior by men and women equally and fairly.

The facts are:

1. Women were NEVER oppressed by men. Both men and women were oppressed by social roles that were functional at one time, but had outlived their usefulness.

Whatever expectations men had of women in a committed relationship or marriage in the past have now been redefined as "oppression." Women, however, see no contradiction in expecting expecting the sun, moon, and the stars from their husband, while getting insulted at the mere thought of cooking a decent meal now and then.

2. Women can make all sorts of false claims, and there will be legions of chumps willing to take up her cause. I need only point out the Duke Lacrosse case as an example.

Our society correctly punishes bad behavior from men. But it continues to turn a blind eye toward violence, abuse, and manipulations by women. Until that is addressed, I have no problem with posts by men about the so-called Fematrix.

 

[Latinoman]

By the way...I'm an extrovert. More so than an introvert. If I'm waiting for a flight or I'm waiting for somebody...I simply log into my blackberry and do some magic. I make it look like I'm doing some serious business or are busy with work stuff. In reallity...I'm simply chilling. Giving advice or taking a break from the real world.

 

[jophil28]

The post from PlayerinTraining is excellent.
One of the crude expressions of so called "maleness" on this forum is the tendency to be insulting and abusive whenever a newbie writes a horror story about how he was treated by some dame.
We have all been treated badly and abused by a woman at least once. I have ONCE .And ONCE is enough for me to take action. ( that 'abuse ' word still does not sit well with me.I feel like a "victim" . However some women are perpetrators - emotional and psychological abusers,and they are very skilled at doing harm in relationships - it is what they do). Rather that denigrate and humiliate newcomers who have been caught up in the feminazi web , why not give even-handed advice without all the "male" aggression and insults.
I think that most guys listen and absorb more when advice is delivered in a calm, intelligent and even-tempered manner.

 

[Interceptor]

You know, all your replies are fine and dandy.
But just when I finally realized just how fvcked up the other rooms are and was convinced to only stay in the MM forum because some jackass complains about people posting in (Gasp!! Heaven forbid) a forum, I come in here and guess what?
I find yet another self righteous post condeming people for participating in a forum.
I think the best advice is to not take yourself TOO seriously so as to think that you are an AUTHORITY or have been given the right to tell other people what to do. ("Pfft! Knaves! This is most displeasing to me refined eyes! These pitiful boors. How dare they post what they feel and disagree with MY view of the world and how things are and should be according to ME!")
Maybe we should start with those things?
How 'bout it, fellas?

 

[Latinoman]

Jophill...

There is a difference between an advice forum and a comfort forum.

There is a difference between telling a man to become a DJ by gaining control of his life and telling a man to feel sorry for himself by blaming women.

And when a poster does not want to listen and continue to flood the board with the same threads...and the same Oneitis...instead of doing what abuse women do in their forums (feeling sorry for themselves and getting group hugs)...some one has to stand up...smack the man around a few times and truly get the attention. Dirty job. I don't like doing it. But do you know what...I do it as a last resource. And when I do it and FINALLY get the attention...I typically go back and take my time to provide the person solid and respectful advice.

You are 11 years older than me. I was expecting you to do that dirty job. You know...sort of the older lion thing. But...if it is too much for you...I have no problems doing it.

 

[Slickster]

1. Take a Sosuave break! 3 posts a day for 3 years = Bad

2. Put your XBox in the the closet.

3. Get out and enjoy the summer.

 

[profitASAP]

Jophill...

There is a difference between an advice forum and a comfort forum.

There is a difference between telling a man to become a DJ by gaining control of his life and telling a man to feel sorry for himself by blaming women.

And when a poster does not want to listen and continue to flood the board with the same threads...and the same Oneitis...instead of doing what abuse women do in their forums (feeling sorry for themselves and getting group hugs)...some one has to stand up...smack the man around a few times and truly get the attention. Dirty job. I don't like doing it. But do you know what...I do it as a last resource. And when I do it and FINALLY get the attention...I typically go back and take my time to provide the person solid and respectful advice.

You are 11 years older than me. I was expecting you to do that dirty job. You know...sort of the older lion thing. But...if it is too much for you...I have no problems doing it.

Latinoman is a real man and speaks the truth....well done, sir!

 

[Drum&Bass]

Just looking around here, I wonder if the "Mature Man" forum has become a way to enable overthinking and chumpish behavior.

and also..

For one thing, overrationalization. From the constant talk of the "Feminatrix" to the discussions about mating habits of men and women, to all this talk about "greater meaning"...it looks like people in this forum are getting lost in minutia and continually trying to swim 12 feet down in a 6 foot pool.

These words expel brilliance and excellence !!


i've noticed the rookie AFC's around the age of 30 poisoning the mature man forum with useless questions about women. I don't even participate that much anymore because now its gotten to be stupid and old..

you got a bunch of guys that come up with their own theories and assumptions about women (most seem very logical and spot on) but who cares ? and on top of that its ridiculous how many topics are repeated...

Discussing women is boring and useless, at a certain age you should "GET IT" I'm at the point now where I see some poor bastard asking for advice and I decide to let him figure it out and go through the hurt on his own..
its much more productive and the experience no matter how painful will build character.


Any guy that comes in here asking advice about a woman in the mature man forum in my eyes is without a doubt A to the muthafucken F - C

If we're not having fun chasing women, then we should STOP DOING IT. Either that or figure out what it is that MAKES it fun in the first place and get back to THAT, instead of trying to be "mature" and find some life-purpose in every little thing we do. Whatever happened to just trying to be happy?

Yes exactly !!!!