Mature Jerk- such a thing?

[TheMainMan]

Guys,

Having recently turned 25 I would appreciate your thoughts on:

Acting a Jerk V Acting mature.

Personally I think women love the jerk personality and although it gets me a lot of attention I do think that many girls think that I should act more mature for someone with a quarter of a century behind them.

My question is:

How do you combine the best qualities of being a jerk who has a dont give a **** attitude with that of maturity, calmness and control?

To me these two personality traites appear in conflict. At heart I see being a jerk as something of a hidden AFC with insecurities. To me women see through this and would much rather the maturer man.

Dont know if you agree?

Cheers.

 

[Templeton]

I have found that the "don't give a shyt" attitude only works when it is genuine. Not when one is trying not to care - if you don't give a damn you don't have to force it. At that point then surely, on one level at least, you are in control.

 

[NicBro]

I don't think jerk and mature are in conflict. Being mature is imo being confident with who you are and being sure of yourself and your reality. When you are this you don't give a **** what other people think or say.

Great idea with this forum!

It would be great if the users of this forum would state their age in their profile btw!

 

[coldcoal]

Personal experience has a way of seeping in as the years pile on. When were talking about mature gaming the mix starts to turn to uglier odds. Divorced women who married too young, building desperation of those still unmarried...it all comes into play as to what you can get away with.

But I would say in general being the nice guy is still as uneventfull at 25, or even 30, as it was at 20. I don't think nicer guys start pulling ahead until much much further down the road.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

The question is "Do women respond differently to different M.O.s as they age?"

As usual, the answer is both yes and no.

When a chick hits about 25, she wants to leave the boys behind. That means you have to be more of a "Mature Man." They expect you to have your sh1t together and not act like a 21 year old at the biggest bash of the year. A mature man to a chick is a guy who can handle his emotions and handle the stress of life with a "no problem, I can handle it" attitude. Most importantly, they want a guy that can handle them.

But they still want the exciting emotions that the 21 year old dredged up in them. They still want to "feel." They don't want to be bored and they don't want a boring mature man.

You still need to give them ups and downs but you need to control your ups and downs.

 

[sol2k]

It's not like I have loads of experience here, but I have thought about this on ocasion.

I think that jerk vs. mature are not in conflict, depending on the defintion of the terms.

(open for definitions here, especially for men > 25/30)

Jerk - the dude that doesn't seem to care, is always really ****y and (a bit too) funny (at times)

Mature - the responsible, sensitive, calm and wise man

The way I look at it, older men need to have both. Being or acting like a jerk seems to be quite refreshing for the older ladies as it lightens up the mood and introduces humour, challenge and
playfulness into the relationship. Being (or acting ) mature is needed for those rather more serious moments when passions are hot and the risks are high. Women of older ages need to know they are with a guy who is in control, not over her or the situation, but at the very least, of himself.

The real problem here is balance and timing. How much jerkyness to use and when ? Should you play with the situation or take it seriously ?

Ah... the eternal paradox... to know these things (IMHO) , you must first fail at them ! Simple, eh ? Go ahead and try it... some of us with better instincts will stomach it better than others. In the end, nothing beats going out there and trying to be a 30 yr old jerk kid, clowning around verbally, and then switching to the 30 yr old master of cool I know we all have in ourselves (give or take a few years...)

Cheers
Sol2k

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Just for the record, women want men who are masculine. This masculinity entails many things that incorporate the jerk, the nice guy and the mature man.

For example women don't like wimpy men that constantly cave in to their demands - so in this instance they like ' the jerk'. In the same breath women don't like men who are inconsiderate of their womanly needs and desires - so in this instance they desire 'the nice guy'. The 'mature' man knows, by the circumstances of the situation, when to be 'the jerk' and when to be 'the nice guy'.

 

[Big Pappy]

I think the definition of jerk needs some refinement.

Jerk is a derogatory term. This is a label to avoid. The jerk exhibits behaviors to avoid. Acting like a jerk is a short term cure to a long term problem.

Seek to be a good man. Someone who doesn't lie or cheat or steal. Of course, be funny. Of course, be confident. But, try really hard not to be dull.

Don't try to validate who you are by the number of girls you date, or the quality of them. Validate who you are by the goals that you have set for yourself and met.

Try not to be a goofball, no matter how cute someone told you it was. Be humorous with the observations you make in the world around you.

As women age, try to remember that they aren't as competitive as they once were. If a woman over 30 sees that you are a ladies man, she may very well next herself because SHE lacks confidence.

 

[bp1974]

If by 'jerk', you mean being the loudest, ****iest guy in every room you walk in to, then yes, I think there's a conflict between jerk and mature man. That kind of jerkish behaviour is attractive in young guys because it's very insecure, boyish, centre-of-attention stuff. In an older man, it's pathetic and unattractive to any but the most idiotic women.

If by 'jerk' you mean always calling a woman on her sh*t, not caving in to her emotional whirlwinds and living your own life, then it goes hand in hand with growing older and makes you more attractive.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

Originally posted by Templeton
I have found that the "don't give a shyt" attitude only works when it is genuine. Not when one is trying not to care - if you don't give a damn you don't have to force it. At that point then surely, on one level at least, you are in control.

This is very true.

 

[torqueboxer]

I turned 25 in october and began to do a little bit of introspective thinking about what type of woman I was looking for. The conclusion that I came up with was there were two major types of woman in my area.

The first type is the "just turned 21" and are just starting to go out and really begin to party and find out what its like to be around older men. No more hiding in the basement and drinking in secret. Now they can go out and hit the clubs and get drunk without worrying about "getting caught".
These girls havent gotten tired of the party life and still want to go out with the girls and get wild, AKA( not very good mature dating material) but, great for hanging out with and maybe taking home for some late night fun! These girls are the most prone to be attracted to "The Jerk". They dont really have the long term experience with guys taking advantage of their inexperience with the bar style pickup.

The other group is the one that seems to be more of what this forum is looking for. A little bit older and experienced in going out with friends not for the sole reason of getting $hi! faced. Alot of these woman or girls are looking to try to find a LTR, husband, sugardaddy...etc. And others may just be blowing off steam after along work day. These are the woman that you can actually hold a conversation with and might actually make you laugh. These are the woman that the "mature" jerk would be best with.

With the younger girls pretty much any type or combo of jerk, C&F, neg hits will work as long as you are comfortable with such forms of pickups. When going after the older woman C&F works well still but a little more substance needs to be added to the pick up. Try to make yourself more well rounded. Knowing a line from one of their favorite moivies that most other men havent seen go really well with the older woman. But part of being the "mature" jerk is when to turn it on and off. With some of the young girls you ca pretty much run the standard jerk routine at level 9-10. With the older ones try turning it down to maybe level 6-7 i've had better luck that way. It seems to me the older they get the less the jerk level needs to be turned up. LOL

 

[Falcon Eye]

Originally posted by bp1974
If by 'jerk', you mean being the loudest, ****iest guy in every room you walk in to, then yes, I think there's a conflict between jerk and mature man. That kind of jerkish behaviour is attractive in young guys because it's very insecure, boyish, centre-of-attention stuff. In an older man, it's pathetic and unattractive to any but the most idiotic women.

If by 'jerk' you mean always calling a woman on her sh*t, not caving in to her emotional whirlwinds and living your own life, then it goes hand in hand with growing older and makes you more attractive.

When dealing with older women you're dealing with females who have lived and have life experience. The loudest, ****iest guy in the room is something they have seen many, many times before.

Having your act together together is what's important as you get older. Middle aged women certainly value a man who is established in a career, who knows how to handle finances, who is able to hold his own in good conversation, and who respects himself. Take care of yourself health wise, dress well, and stand up for what you believe in, including calling the woman on what she needs to be called on. Control your life, don't let your life control you, and certainly don't let any woman control you... in short just be a man.

 

[Player_Supreme]

http://www.sacscene.com/pn1/modules...ame=gallery&file=index&include=view_photo.php

You tell me?

 

[HuuBinh]

you guys would agree with me that every grown woman is a little girl inside. for that reason, a mature woman will want to seek a mature man, but that little girl is more responsive to the jerkish attitude.

 

[dillin]

Originally posted by HuuBinh
you guys would agree with me that every grown woman is a little girl inside. for that reason, a mature woman will want to seek a mature man, but that little girl is more responsive to the jerkish attitude.

Ever notice how really serious women turn into little gigglying girls when they are around a man? Why do you think this is?

And yes your right, every women has that little girl inside.

 

[Big Pappy]

Player_Supreme! Is that you?

You really need to stop keeping those chicks from falling on the floor!

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by Big Pappy
Player_Supreme! Is that you?

You really need to stop keeping those chicks from falling on the floor!

LOL. yeah that's my only purpose there is to hold up drunk ass 40 pluss women. I think I make a fine standing pole myself....lol

 

[SpyderJuan]

Ultimately, women want a man who can handle them. I just got nexted by a chick, who told me that she needs a man with a strong personality who won't let her get away with her bs.

Being too much of a jerk works against you and being too laid back is just as bad. Say 'no' and stick to your guns and when she is acting up, tell her that you won't stand for that kind of behaviour.

Take this for what it is from a guy that forgot to apply the advice to himself.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Originally posted by Big Pappy
Player_Supreme! Is that you?

You really need to stop keeping those chicks from falling on the floor!

I don't know Pappy, from where I sit it looks like she's five seconds away from doing some knob-slobbin'. Play on Playa...

There have been some excellent posts defining definitively what it is about the Jerk women like and how Jerks can pull, but generally have a hard time keeping a healthy woman. While both are confident, the Jerk is confident to a fault. He also lacks the respect with which the Mature Man treats himself and ultimately knows his woman should be worthy of, if she is to be his woman:

Jerk: I don't give a fvck, now b1tch ride my shaft or ride the curb...

MM: Yes, I'd like to get to know a bit more intimately, but I'll put it to you this way... You're a beautiful, smart, sexy woman but I'm not going to cry myself to sleep tonight if you decide you don't want the extreme pleasure of my company. I have too much to be proud of to beg or even to need to. Furthermore you're not the only woman I wanted to talk to tonight. You're just my first choice.

While neither one is sleeping alone tonight, ask yourselves what type of women both these guys are going home with and how that reflects upon the men they're going home with. Now which would you rather be? You see the dramatic difference respect makes. Only sorority girls and women with no respect for themselves want Jerks. Real women want Mature Men.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[Player_Supreme]

"While neither one is sleeping alone tonight, ask yourselves what type of women both these guys are going home with and how that reflects upon the men they're going home with. Now which would you rather be? You see the dramatic difference respect makes. Only sorority girls and women with no respect for themselves want Jerks. Real women want Mature Men."

1. "While neither one is sleeping alone tonight," You hit it right on the head with that one. Which is what it's about. Gettin laid.

2. Who cares about what type of man your becoming. Save that for the www.becomeabetterman.com websites. This is about getting laid and upping your ability to get laid by anytype of woman that YOU choose...whether it's a broken down one or a successful REAL woman...cause they are all still succeptable to game.

3. "Only sorority girls and women with no respect for themselves want Jerks." Sorry Cyrano I've got to call you on this one. Your words sound good but do not belong in reality. I've only dated successfull women for the most part and they all will fall just as the sorority or other ones you mentioned.

What your forgetting is that woman are emotional creatures. When an intelligent womans emotions are engaged her IQ doesn't matter...actually it makes it easier for people like me to do what I do.

I am speaking from Experience not conjecture and flowery words. Which is the difference between you and I. You may write well but your life experience level is not up to par yet.

I've learned and practiced and perfected my game. That means I've been out there doing this (dam thang). Not posting nice ideas and thoughts on it.

I've found that most women when they reach their late 20's and early 30's will be tired of the bad boys and will definetely be desperate to meet a nice man. But they will still remain attracted and can still fall for the jerks out there...and still do!!!

When you expand your base of awarness and contacts...look at how many girls you will hear about with good jobs dating jerks who dog them out....you will be amazed!

I can walk into any older persons club 25 & up and pull attractive intelligent women and dog them out and keep them around until I get tired of them.

That is the difference of actually having game and politicing about it.

http://sac.napkinnights.com/pics/view_image.php?id=1782&ind=21

Experience shows it's traces.