I myself discovered this site ten years ago and found validation for all my core understandings about the love/life game.I am 35 this is about my 41 year old cusin which has recently gotten the preverbial rug pulled out from underneath him.He is an attractive man as am i,but he has allways had one up on me with the gift of gabb.Allways been kinda ****y,confident,life of the party.HE is now a sniviling shell of something not resembling a man.He has lost all self respect,confidence,and feels he is worth nothing more than to hope this was all just a bad dream so he can have her back.Here's the story:When he was young he had the hottest chick everyone wanted,for 6yr's it went verry badly so he decided "from now on im not going for the hot chick again, i cant trust them.So he hooked up with a stable "supposed good girl" unattractive not his style. We all now what happens next...He doesnt commit,doesnt respect her,stays out all night,cheats etc. After a few years they marry.He still doesnt commit and keeps on as usual.He is being a challenge but thats about it.She puts up with it hoping that this one bad habbit will fade,because other than his partying he is everything she wants in a guy and father to her girls.8 yr's ago they have a boy "JR" brian...he continues in as normal.Kissing and hooking up with girls even when she is at the event with him.He has a buddy "thug...not the kinda guy you trust" that his woman thought was extremly hot.About a year ago he starts hanging with this guy more and more having him over a few times a week.He would have me over or someone else and play football on playstation or do what ever letting darrin ocupy his woman so he could do his thing.He was so ****y,so arrogant he had her whiped "with no effort on his part" he paid no attention.They divorced but stayed togither.I said she was getting the legal stuff out of the way for when she was totally done with him.Ok 3.5 months ago she started a fight with him and said she was taking the daughter and going to her mother's house for the night to cool off.She only dropped off the daughter to go and hang with his buddy. "turns out latter they had sex 6 times that night".Two days later he asks the daughter"did your mom stay with you all night"?Assuming she probally went for drinks and guy bashing with girlfriends.The daughter says"she just droped me off and i didn't see her till 3 o'clock the next day.I am sure she didn't plan on this.He totally lost his cool put his hands on her many times i had to intervein.She kicked him out and started seeing his buddy...all along telling him they are just friends.He was going there straight from work everyday cooking,putting kids to bed etc. Then going home to his parents.Whining crying and asking advise from everyone especially me.He was checking her phone etc.Finally he overheard her telling the other guy how she cant wait to be with him...He still didnt get it.Two weeks ago she awnsered all his questions..When they slept togither,how many times,that she loved him..And the old line"I love you too,im confused. HE still doesnt get it,he doesnt wanna beleive.He lies to the kids when she is with the other guy so they wont be upset and covers her household while she is doing her thing.I( try to tell him the most important thing right now is the example you are showing your kids.Be a man ,stand tall,dont let anyone treat you poorly etc.I tell him she has no respect for you,how could she you have none for your self.He is whipped and broken over a below average chick and has all women so high on a pedistal it's rediculous!When we go out her her new man is all he want's to talk about.When he sees an attractive woman now he says in a loud ,embarassing,disrespectfull way "I wanna F*** her" but thinks its un attainable..she is too hot.Now he talks to werry large unattractive women most of the time and tells every one he talks to about his situation.After 3 to 4 months there has been no healing,no moving on.He is still as if this happened yerterday.I wrote this so he could read your replys.Im telling his the right thingh,proper insight,he says "that makes so much sense etc."But is hanging on too tight.I will have him read this and any replys.I am confident that coming from other men he may get it,wake up and listen.Pick up the peices,take lessons learned and move on a better man.Join my cause...Im just trying to save a brother from slipping away.
master DJ's your wisdom is needed
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jophil28
Master Don Juan
This may sound like kicking a man when he is down, BUT, you do reap what you sow.
He got himself emotionally attached and he's traumatized by the event and it's going to take him some time to recover. He's going through grief. There are two doors. One keeps you in the room forever, stuck in resentment and bitterness, the other gets you out. It's not easy and no one can do it for him. He has to want to climb out.
The whole battle takes place in his mind. The more he fixates on talking about the other man, the more he's absorbed into that. It's not about the other man. It could've been any guy. If this guy was a real friend, he wouldn't have cooperated, but even then, then she would've found another guy. It's really about the woman and what she decided to do.
To move on, he has to break off all contact (except for any dealings strictly regarding the child, and nothing else), keep his mind off her when his mind drifts back to her, keep busy with activities, hobbies, interests, pursue new ones. Play sports. Join a gym. Lay off alcohol, it's a depressant. Getting out there and doing things opens new doors, he'll meet new people. He'll learn new things, which in turn, will make him more interesting to new people.
Right now, his sense of happiness is tied to her. This is a fatal mistake. When your happiness is based on someone else, if that person walks or dies, she takes your happiness with her. This is what he's experiencing. The mistake on top of that he's making is to assume that, because he perceives that his pain is caused by her leaving, that if she came back, he'd have no more pain. The truth is, if she came back, he'd be with a person who causes him pain and is capable of doing it again. And will. That's no way to live.
The whole battle takes place in his mind. The more he fixates on talking about the other man, the more he's absorbed into that. It's not about the other man. It could've been any guy. If this guy was a real friend, he wouldn't have cooperated, but even then, then she would've found another guy. It's really about the woman and what she decided to do.
To move on, he has to break off all contact (except for any dealings strictly regarding the child, and nothing else), keep his mind off her when his mind drifts back to her, keep busy with activities, hobbies, interests, pursue new ones. Play sports. Join a gym. Lay off alcohol, it's a depressant. Getting out there and doing things opens new doors, he'll meet new people. He'll learn new things, which in turn, will make him more interesting to new people.
Right now, his sense of happiness is tied to her. This is a fatal mistake. When your happiness is based on someone else, if that person walks or dies, she takes your happiness with her. This is what he's experiencing. The mistake on top of that he's making is to assume that, because he perceives that his pain is caused by her leaving, that if she came back, he'd have no more pain. The truth is, if she came back, he'd be with a person who causes him pain and is capable of doing it again. And will. That's no way to live.
They never tell you everything. But you don't need to know everything. The more you know, the more you hurt herself tortured with the knowledge. Maybe for years. Be careful what you ask for. All you have to know is that she broke the trust. That's enough.
She was totally done with him way before she decided to file. The rest was to make it easy on her transition.
The wrong kind of challenge. You don't have to be a cheat or neglectful spouse in order to be a challenge. That's the kind of stuff that gets you dumped eventually, as he now knows.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
BISH, put an age on your profile.
Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
Im with Mr Me on this one.Mr. Me said:
I am also having trouble feeling any sympathy for that guy.
HE acted in ways that neglected her and he abused his relationship with her by cheating on her . He chose her initially because she was perceived to have fewer options than the LTR hottie who first dumped him. He then treated her like crap because the thought he could do so with impunity.
Hs arrogance and ****yness were in fact swaggering egotistical license, not confident manliness, and his behavior lacked manly honor and respect.
Karma.
She is now treating him in a similar way to the way that he treated her.. How many times have I seen the tables turn like this , I have done what he did and then had a woman do it back to me. Live and learn. IF you live and act without ethics and morals you have no right to whine if others treat you in the same way.
puma183
Don Juan
Have him read the following:
www.womensinfidelity.com
At least finding out that he is not alone will help him start the recovery.
www.womensinfidelity.com
At least finding out that he is not alone will help him start the recovery.
I think his ego is getting the best of him right now.
He thought he was "all that" and could get away with hooking up with hot women WHILE coming home to a housewife who takes care of his home and his kids.
After all, you did say that he was ****y, confident, and full of life. Ironic how the people who seem the most secure are really the epitome of insecurity deep inside. I'm willing to bet that his ****iness and confidence was based on external influences as in, "These people think I'm the $hit, therefore I am the $hit."
That's why it's no wonder that he crumbled like a sand castle when his "sure" thing betrayed him.
First thing he must do is follow Mr. Me's advice. Second thing, you must give him access to this site so he can read up on some posts by Interceptor, Rollo, Pook, etc. Finally, he needs to understand and ACCEPT the fact that his marriage HAS been over ever since the day he started cheating on his wife thinking he could get away with it.
I feel bad for the guy but I'll reiterate what has already been said, "He had it coming."
He thought he was "all that" and could get away with hooking up with hot women WHILE coming home to a housewife who takes care of his home and his kids.
After all, you did say that he was ****y, confident, and full of life. Ironic how the people who seem the most secure are really the epitome of insecurity deep inside. I'm willing to bet that his ****iness and confidence was based on external influences as in, "These people think I'm the $hit, therefore I am the $hit."
That's why it's no wonder that he crumbled like a sand castle when his "sure" thing betrayed him.
First thing he must do is follow Mr. Me's advice. Second thing, you must give him access to this site so he can read up on some posts by Interceptor, Rollo, Pook, etc. Finally, he needs to understand and ACCEPT the fact that his marriage HAS been over ever since the day he started cheating on his wife thinking he could get away with it.
I feel bad for the guy but I'll reiterate what has already been said, "He had it coming."
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
Women will wait until their escape route is clear and then leave.
She probably decided after the first or second time he cheated;then,stashed some cash,found a place to live,found a new man and kept him hanging around thinking he could get her back until SHE was ready.
I do think he had it coming though
She probably decided after the first or second time he cheated;then,stashed some cash,found a place to live,found a new man and kept him hanging around thinking he could get her back until SHE was ready.
I do think he had it coming though
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear All,
Can I thank Puma183 for his advice on The Womens Infidelity site....lot of wisdom here.I think all the brothers could benefit by reading, with a couple of minor differences my relationships all end up this way.
Can I thank Puma183 for his advice on The Womens Infidelity site....lot of wisdom here.I think all the brothers could benefit by reading, with a couple of minor differences my relationships all end up this way.
Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
WC2
Master Don Juan
When you live by the EGO you die by the EGO.
EGO EGO EGO.
This dude had boat loads of confidence for some time and HUGE ego because he was able to maintain his wife and do his thing on the side.
After awhile this huge ego becomes a routine.
As soon as his girl starts wanting some other dude, his ego gets shocked and his whole world collapses around him.
This is not easy to get over, trust me.
I had the same complex with a GF a year or two ago. She loved me no matter what. I could go out and get with other girls and come back and I would rock her world.
Soon enough she caught on to the fact that with all this BS I was doing, she could pull some BS too. So she did. And she went behind my back with another dude.
It took me a good month or so to really put it behind me.
However, this seems to be a lengthy ordeal. Are these children boys? If so, raising his boys while his ex-wife is banging some other dude isn't healthy.
Really he got what was coming to him. There's time for fun, but there's also a time to settle down and look forward to the future. It seems your cousin was more set on his present personal pleasures than his future. I can see screwing around on your wife, but screwing around blatantly when your own kids are involved is a bold move.
Consequently he paid for it, and he's going to have to figure out a way to get over the pain while still remaining close to the kids. Sometimes men can't get over the pain without leaving the kids for a long while; however this is not a great option.
Karma's a *****.
EGO EGO EGO.
This dude had boat loads of confidence for some time and HUGE ego because he was able to maintain his wife and do his thing on the side.
After awhile this huge ego becomes a routine.
As soon as his girl starts wanting some other dude, his ego gets shocked and his whole world collapses around him.
This is not easy to get over, trust me.
I had the same complex with a GF a year or two ago. She loved me no matter what. I could go out and get with other girls and come back and I would rock her world.
Soon enough she caught on to the fact that with all this BS I was doing, she could pull some BS too. So she did. And she went behind my back with another dude.
It took me a good month or so to really put it behind me.
However, this seems to be a lengthy ordeal. Are these children boys? If so, raising his boys while his ex-wife is banging some other dude isn't healthy.
Really he got what was coming to him. There's time for fun, but there's also a time to settle down and look forward to the future. It seems your cousin was more set on his present personal pleasures than his future. I can see screwing around on your wife, but screwing around blatantly when your own kids are involved is a bold move.
Consequently he paid for it, and he's going to have to figure out a way to get over the pain while still remaining close to the kids. Sometimes men can't get over the pain without leaving the kids for a long while; however this is not a great option.
Karma's a *****.