harkkam08,
Ordinarily when I read posts like this, I wish I could reach through the screen to strangle the nonsense out of the author :trouble: Why? Because I once was where you are now, and it was that experience and the time I now realize I wasted on it and her that made me realize I was doing something very wrong and HAD TO CHANGE. I also met some nearby SoSuave members who have since become good friends and they helped to point me in the right direction.
However, you seem like you are in bad shape right now. So I feel a more effective solution than the violent unbridled brutality I referenced above will be to accurately translate your musings. When you see what you really are saying, I think even you will be disgusted with you.
harkkam08 said:
Its not so much her I think, maybe, but the loneliness of not having someone to hold, to kiss, to share my day with and KNOW that they are there for you and you are there for them.
It's her, no question about that.
harkkam08 said:
I feel ALONE, like drift wood. When I was with her at least I could call her up and go to the beach, or go watch a movie or just make love in my car.
Awwwww, how romantic...
harkkam08 said:
She had traits that now I look objectively that a lot of women dont have. She was gentle and kind and caring, she never started fights with me even though I did with her. She came from a poor family and she was very humble and respectful toward society and people and she treated everyone with kindness.
She loved being free and doing silly things at the spur of the moment, and I always used to get embarrassed at her for that. In my GUT i know that she might not be the ONLY one that I will love but she was a woman who I will always wonder about.
Wow, how could you let her go? Here you have the only woman in the U.S., the only one out of at least 150 million others who has this perfect combination. This free spirit, this fragile vase, who wouldn't hurt a fly, and now she's gone. How can you possibly go on?
harkkam08 said:
She didnt have health care, and sometimes barely any food to eat. She worked hard for a living helping her parents support their family. I came from a middle class family.
With health care costs rising nearly 15% - 20% a year, this is hardly a surprise.
harkkam08 said:
My parents didn't like her, because she had a different religion than I did, which we broke up and got back together many times and she eventually decided to convert because she said "i love you and dont want to loose you"
Thats ACTION on her part. We would go to the beach and she would make me take my shows off and chase her and we would fall down on each other and kiss each other. We would play in the snow and jump on top of each other and play wrestle all the time.
A-HA! Here's the PROOF that she still loves you and that there is STILL A CHANCE she will come back! Oh, but wait...
"I realized Ive been lying to myself this whole time about this relationship. And that I havent been following my heart. Ur not who I want to follow" - Oneitis Girl
harkkam08 said:
One time we were on the Boardwalk and a lady was crying, my ex got up mid sentence and walked over to the woman and said "hey is everything okay sweetie" and I just stood there amazed at her ability to care.
I remember one time we were at a Mcdonalds and there was a person throwing up and feeling sick she was with a guy who didnt know how to take care of her. The manager threw them out, me and my ex both decided to help them and we got them water and I called the ambulance. My ex got down and patted her on the back and made sure she was feeling okay even got some puke on her shirt. The cops came and said "Wow your girlfriend is really nice man" and I said "I know Im lucky" he said "thank you so much"
Again, no other woman could possibly do any of those things. Maybe she should consider becoming a Nurse. She could make decent money, and provide health care to her family that can't afford it.
harkkam08 said:
She loved to sing and do covers of songs. Sometimes she would make me hold her hand and dance with her while we were walking and we heard some music. One day we were at my school and she told me to go up a flight of stairs and say "I love you" and I so badly wanted to, it seemed like fun and exciting like pushing my boundaries.
WHOA, MAN! This is why if you ever had any chance of a relationship with her, it no longer exists. What man ALLOWS a woman to MAKE HIM HOLD HER HAND? What man would even entertain the idea of ascending a flight of stairs to proclaim his love for a woman as if he were a mere character in some fairy-tale most likely authored by a girl? This is not pushing your boundaries, it's pushing your male dominance out of existence. In the PUA world, pushing your boundaries means getting her to do different stuff in the sack.
harkkam08 said:
SHE was INTO the community in fact I had met her while she was hanging out with some PUA's. She was shy and quiet and she had decided to change her life and was becoming more social and I met some PUA's my younger brother had known and she was with them.
And now the PUA community is INTO her.
harkkam08 said:
She had a hard life, her mother was hospitalized for mental problems and she was very lonely within the first few months of our relationship so I was always there for her, making her feel better.
We got through the issue of our parents being against our religious differences but that took a tole on our relationship.
Nice going, Romeo. You helped Juliet feel better, just like a good FRIEND would. But you know, things still could have worked out if not for that darn religion problem...
harkkam08 said:
I was insecure in the relationship and I would start fights with her, and every time I did we would break up. We had broken up about 3 times in the last six months.
You were needy. You weren't sure what to do with her. I'm sure she did things that bothered you and you couldn't figure out why she would do them. She saw deficiencies and insecurities in you and she realized you weren't the MAN she first thought you were.
harkkam08 said:
Then the final blow, I found out she HAD herpes. SHE had told me but i had no idea what HERPES was. Until I saw it in a text book while studying for a class. I got so scared I dumped her. Told her "The relationship isnt solid, we keep breaking up, I cant risk catching the Lip kind of herpes because of this"
You're 24 years old and DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HERPES IS? Under what rock have you been hiding? I can smell inexperience here, and I have no idea where you are. She was right in front of you...
harkkam08 said:
She got so angry and upset and told me that "I never really broke up with you I just wanted you to change because you would never listen to me and I even cried for you to change" Which is true we would argue and I only took her serious when she would break up with me.
There was a time early in your relationship she wanted you to change, to grow into the man she wanted. You didn't change, time passed, other men came
harkkam08 said:
And she was upset that I dropped her "You let all of our memories and love go when you left over herpes, its like I didnt even matter"
I later learned that the lip kind of herpes is very common over 50% of people have it.
You broke up with her over a cold-sore? :crackup:
harkkam08 said:
Many times during the month that I pleaded to her she told me "After the herpes incident I lost all desire to be with you"
She said "I realized you will never love me like I need you to" and "If you had HIV I still would be with you and not leave you, and you left me for what"
And who can blame her? Here she takes care of total strangers. Like a woman crying on the beach and a drunk girl who is puking her guts out at McDonald's. And you dump her because of a cold-sore. Shame on you!
harkkam08 said:
I apologized so much to her for my mistake and over reacting but everyday I apologized and asked for a second chance it got worse and worse and eventually boiled down to "I knew all along you arent right for me, now that I am not with you I have no doubts so thats why I feel this is right for me" and "leave me alone now" and "You hurt me for a year get over it"
Sounds like you lost your masculinity on the beach... or at McDonald's...
harkkam08 said:
I would be driving my car and she would be there smiling at me and Id say something funny and she would kiss me on the cheek. We would be on the beach and I would watch her jump into the water and just try to drag me in.
Pathetic. Just pathetic. YOU should kiss HER.
harkkam08 said:
We would go to Manhattan and we would sit in union square and listen to all the musicians playing and make out on the benches and we would walk the city streets finding new places we had never been to before.
You probably dropped a lot more bling than you care to admit during these care-free frolics...
(Reply lengthy, so continued in next post)
