Married men sleeping in separate bedrooms, WTF???

[Sonic1]

This actually blows my mind. About a month ago my brother-in-law confided in me that he is sleeping in another bedroom and my sister is sleeping in the master bedroom. He didn't elaborate as to why other than my sister was not happy with him. Fast forward a few days and was talking to her and she brought up that she was pissed at him and there was no way in hell she was going to sleep in the same room as him(and they haven't for about a year now) and even went so far as to say that they have not had sex in 11 years!!!! She doesn't work and hasn't worked for 24 years since they've been married. She treats him like crap and has for years. I assumed he was at least having sex? He makes all the money and gets an allowance also? She gives him crap if he eats out for lunch too.

So I thought this was an isolated incident. ^^^^^ Nope! In passing last night another friend told me that he sleeps on an air mattress in his living room because his wife doesn't like his snoring. Similar situation where he gets treated with little to no respect and again, she hasn't worked for the 19 years that they have been married.

I am actually flabbergasted. I hope this is not common in the US. It's no wonder some women act the way that they do. I cannot imagine earning a wage for my family, coming home and getting treated this way. What is the man getting out of this situation other than someone else to spend the money that he is earning? I don't get it. I wouldn't stick around for it. Even if she was going to get alimony and child support, I wouldn't care. I'd rather live in a tent by myself than be subjected to this.

Whenever I hear stuff like this I cease being lonely and really enjoy being single.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

A lot more common than you think.

It's called bait & switch, people post here for advice.

reddit.com/r/deadbedrooms

 

[dasein]

This is far more prevalent than any of us hear because many men are ashamed to admit it, and if they talk about it socially, they will be punished in even more ways at home by the wife. It's easy to call them wimps or AFCs, but what recourse do they have in modern culture? Not much.

Have seen this exact thing not a few, but dozens of times among married friends over the years. Why anyone rolls the dice in marriage in the status quo is beyond me.

Don't get married.

 

[sodbuster]

My Dad actually said it.... "it's MY DA^n bed, SHE can sleep on the couch" It pisses mom off, but he's the ALPHA women need.....

 

[Sonic1]

Great post.

This is why I advise the following if you decide to marry.

1. If possible, marry someone who makes as much or MORE than you and is committed to working This is why I advise my friends not to get serious with Starbucks Baristas, waitresses, etc. One of my friends actually considered dating his barber--nope!
2.Do NOT purchase a house with ANYONE before the 3 year mark. agreed
3. Do NOT have kids before the 5year mark. good luck with this one

Does this guarantee you will have a successful marriage? Certainly not.
What it DOES do is maintain the ability to walk away for an important time period while your spouse's real nature shows.Most won't. Sounds cynical, I know.Nope, doesn't sound cynical, sounds like you've been through a bad experience, I have too. But why do these men tolerate this behavior? Because there are financial ties,(house, etc) kids, or time has elapsed and they see no other option.Yes, but more specifically because they have lost all confidence and are codependent. I was during my marriage.

I have to be careful with what I say to my brother-in-law. We have talked about what the financials would look like if he divorced. He'd basically have to give up his military pension that he earned after 24 years(totally worth it in my mind based on the circumstances as he has a job making 6 figures). I did tell him that I wouldn't tolerate the crap he's putting up with.

I remember right after I first got married (probably 2 months in) being told by my ex that I was to sleep on the couch that night. I told her that I paid for the bed and was going to sleep in it and if she wanted to sleep on the couch that was up to her--she did! If only I had kept that frame during my whole marriage. Oh well.

I really didn't know this was a common thing. That's really a shame. I've been treated poorly by my ex but we still slept in the same bed and had sex. It may have been angry sex though now that I think about it!

 

[sharkbeat]

The value of men in America is diminishing. With all the women's rights groups popping out left and right, women this women that, naturally, they start blaming men for their adversity. There's some truth to their agenda, but like any agenda, you mix the truth with your own so you can push both at the same time. Some idiots, including men, bought into this and gave them full support too.

So, expect things to get worse actually. The marriage rate has been declining because some men have started to see this.

 

[Sonic1]

I realize what I posted is the "ideal" scenario, and tough to do.

Especially when there is no birth control pill for men.

But you can talk about these things before marriage. If you wear a rubber, YOU control things. Until some male contraceptive pill comes out, this is the best we have. If she gives you the cold shoulder over this you can remind HER of what you agreed on....and remind YOURSELF why you agreed to it, why the rules are NOW changing, and if you WANT to have kids with someone so dishonest, and manipulative.

Easier said than done, I know.

But the reason these men are IN this situation, is because they allowed themselves to be trod on, bit by bit. They allowed small infractions, which encouraged large infractions.

I did the same.

Not an easy one, to be sure.

Agreed about the birth control bit. I don't have to worry about that anymore though. I got snipped this year. I shudder at thought of having to put a kid in a car seat or change a diaper ever again.

I remember talking about things before my marriage. It's amazing how they change their minds though. I'm with you, same things happened to me. It sure does make you think when you see people in relationships now.

I see it all the time now in the grocery store, some woman *****ing at her husband about whatever. Was on my way to get a haircut the other day, stopped at a light and looked left when I heard some woman yelling. Was a wildebeest screeching at her man about something. It honestly made me shudder. :nervous: I don't think I'll ever get married again.

Good discussion!

 

[LiveFreeX]

Here is another CLEAR example where a married man need only say:

NO.

You guys are looking at examples of weak ass dudes getting married and then saying how marriage makes you weak? WTF. Goddammit people, just say NO and tell her to fvk off.

The majority of men who get married are power surrendering sh1t bags anyway, doesn't mean you have to be.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Sonic,
If you want to get some more authorative information,check out Bettina Arndt's "The Svex Diaries",where the Svex lives of 110 couples was followed daily,how those poor Devils suffered!...I had that stunt pulled on me by my non working Wife...Interesting that when she chose to sleep in a tiny little room,she told all and sundry that this was my cruelty to her!

 

[Sonic1]

Dear Sonic,
If you want to get some more authorative information,check out Bettina Arndt's "The Svex Diaries",where the Svex lives of 110 couples was followed daily,how those poor Devils suffered!...I had that stunt pulled on me by my non working Wife...Interesting that when she chose to sleep in a tiny little room,she told all and sundry that this was my cruelty to her!

I just read the preview of it on Amazon. Wow! I'm going to order this book.

 

[LimeSlush]

When my father's relationship with my step mom was on the way out, I was about 16-17 years old, my dad was banished to another bedroom. I could tell right then it was on the way out. The thing is, my dad is a very insecure man and constantly seeking approval from women. Their sex life had gone to non existent, he was drinking a ton to deal with his emotions, and I just remember learning the lesson from observing this that I'd personally never allow this to happen to me. I'm lucky enough that I have a girl that no matter how bad we scrap, she wants me to sleep in the same bed, and I'm of the same opinion. But if she ever told me to go sleep on the couch I'd tell her to beat it. I feel bad that guys end up in this predicament

 

[MatureDJ]

My Dad actually said it.... "it's MY DA^n bed, SHE can sleep on the couch" It pisses mom off, but he's the ALPHA women need.....

BINGO!

The wife should just use silicone ear plugs; they can really deaden the sound.

 

[nismo-4]

To hell with getting married.

Best. Solution. Ever.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Great post.

This is why I advise the following if you decide to marry.

1. If possible, marry someone who makes as much or MORE than you and is committed to working
2.Do NOT purchase a house with ANYONE before the 3 year mark.
3. Do NOT have kids before the 5year mark.

I am one of those husbands. For almost 2 years my wife and I haven't slept together or had sex. She makes more than me and I make good money. Financially we do OK together. Thank God we never had kids. I can say the only benefit of a woman making as much or more than you is during the divorce. I stand to get a little more of the assets in the divorce, which is about 60 days out from being finalized.

There is always hope for men in this situation. The good news about being married and not sleeping with your wife for years is that my wife's competitors could tell that I wasn't getting any.

I was at a female friend's party and her tall, blonde, size zero sister, who is a flight attendant completely threw herself at me, knowing that my marriage was in trouble. Thanks to reading this forum for years, I was able to pick up on her signals, like her telling me she was "going to stalk me". That would have gone over my head before I found this site, lol.

I went from separate bedrooms to having the best sex of my life on a recurring basis, and I get more assets out of the divorce. So, sometimes there is a happy ending for husbands in this situation.

 

[backbreaker]

when my wife is pregnant i sleep in the guest bedroom. I move around a lot when I sleep and from what i understand at times I can snore lol and it ****s her sleep up. unless we're having sex when she's prengant i sleep in the guest room. no biggie.


lol I wish my wife would tell me I couldn't sleep in my ****ing bed that I bought. when she is really really mad at me, which doesn't happen often but it has happened she'll sleep with our son. if i sleep on the counch it's by 100% accident like i was watching TV and just feel asleep or something

 

[Knight's Cross]

When I was done with my marriage I slept in a separate bed for like the last 2 weeks. It actually freaked my ex out. Have no idea why, I had filed for divorce and for 2 or so weeks we were still under the same roof. By then I just didn't give a hoot.
In a good marriage I can't for the life of me see why a guy would put up with that. I'd tell a woman to pack up and get out.
KC

 

[evan12]

I think men in North America and Europe are scared from their wives for some reason I cant understand , wives act as a commander for men and men take it without resistant . is it all because they are afraid of divorce or they are just programmed for that .

 

[Zarky]

Tell me again.. why would anyone get married in the first place?

Even "old fashioned" marriage.. what benefit does it have to a man? What man would want to screw the same woman for the rest of his life?

I don't care if all the "traditional marriage" proponents got their way -- I still wouldn't want to be someone's husband. Why would I?

Enlighten me.

 

[Zarky]

if you wanted to create healthy children...is it really that complicated?

Guess I've never seen what's so alluring about having kids. I'm kinda surprised there are that many men out there who want 'em.