Married Men mistakes, they stop dating their wives

[ThisNThat]

Although you hear so many times that women initiate most of the divorces, there is actually a driving force that causes this.

It's usually in-action on the husband's part. They stop dating their wives.

Ever hear the story where the soon-to-be-ex-husband is crying over his beer to his male buddies that he came home and one day her bags were packed..or she simply left and never came back..and..he's scratching his head...wondering why?

Usually these are the guys that have reached a point of complacency in their marriages to the point where they stopped dating or courting their wives. They take them for granted. They tune them out sometimes.

It seems the husbands get a little TOO comfortable/oblivious/complacent/etc etc...and then one day it escalates to her moving out


And he's like "Wha....huh...wa...wa...huh? What happened?!" (You think he's acting dumb, but he is actually ignorant to what occurred here)

It seems when you hear these stories about how their wives dumped them out of the blue...but funny thing is...it was never due to infidelity on his part, always loyal, he was never abusive, he never abused drugs or alcohol. A LOT of which are instigators of divorce.

But...it was his complacency and still...lack of continuing courtship with his wife that lost her.

Agreed?

 

[El Payaso]

Unlikely. Even when things are going well, many women will find it boring and will infuse drama because they want some excitement.

In addition to that, many women also become complacent. They stop doing many of the things that made you attracted to her. Blowj0bs? Lol. That's no longer in her dictionary. Sex? Only when she wants to have kids. Sexy lingerie? Sweatpants count, right?

Not to mention they become fat and stop being sexy. All her attention will also switch to the kids. How dare you talk about your needs when little Johnny and Sally need to be taken care of will become her mantra.

 

[lizardking82]

Unlikely. Even when things are going well, many women will find it boring and will infuse drama because they want some excitement.

In addition to that, many women also become complacent. They stop doing many of the things that made you attracted to her. *******s? Lol. That's no longer in her dictionary. Sex? Only when she wants to have kids. Sexy lingerie? Sweatpants count, right?

Not to mention they become fat and stop being sexy. All her attention will also switch to the kids. How dare you talk about your needs when little Johnny and Sally need to be taken care of will become her mantra.

This happens in relationships already, man. I think if you don't ask her and make it clear somehow that you still want that sexiness to be part of the relationship, she ain't givin' a flyin' **** about it.

 

[Roober]

Both partners tend to get complacent. Men typically lose their frame completely and fall completely into a woman's frame. Bad behaviors being to become acceptable, sex is reduced or gets boring altogether, and basically everything that made the couple fall in love is lost... I see it in most of my married friends and would not be surprised if they end up divorced in the next 10 years. 50% of first marriages end in divorce. I would say 75% of those who do stay married do so because it is the path of least resistance.

This is largely why if I end up in an LTR, I won't get married. She needs to understand she can't get complacent.

 

[ThisNThat]

Both partners tend to get complacent. Men typically lose their frame completely and fall completely into a woman's frame. Bad behaviors being to become acceptable, sex is reduced or gets boring altogether, and basically everything that made the couple fall in love is lost... I see it in most of my married friends and would not be surprised if they end up divorced in the next 10 years. 50% of first marriages end in divorce. I would say 75% of those who do stay married do so because it is the path of least resistance.

This is largely why if I end up in an LTR, I won't get married. She needs to understand she can't get complacent.

Roober, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine, she's in her 40s, so am I...and she was saying those who have been married in their 20s are divorcing in their 40s (seems to be the common thing, a good 20 year run, then divorce will happen)

She joked on how NOW is the time the dating pool starts to fill up with newly 40-something divorcee's. lol

Happened to an attractive female I knew...she started hanging out doing social activities with other single people, without her husband in tow...because "he worked Fri and Sat night shifts...he was an entertainer, a showman." She would kind of flirt with "safe" guys a lot in the group of single people.

One day, I saw that she had changed her last name on Facebook and found her on POF...as soon as her son turned 18 and left for college....the marriage was over.

That also seems tobe common, parents stay together until the 18 year olds move out and then "poof" come the divorce papers.

 

[RangerMIke]

Long term relationships are NOT a natural human condition. It takes a lot of work, A LOT OF WORK. And both partners have to be committed to making it last.

There has to be complete trust... BOTH partners MUST get something out of the relationship... BOTH have to have a stake in making it work. And whatever it is you are getting from your partner, and what you are giving her.... MUST be something that is OBJECTIVELY measurable.... and when that objective measure is NO LONGER happening, then corrective action MUST be taken.

 

[playa99]

Maintaining & developing your frame is so important in all walks of life! You should be an exciting guy because that's who you are, not because you've got into a relationship.

So many men put on facades to appear confident, but in reality, very few actually are.

When it comes to marriage, for a woman, the relationship is fun & filled with travelling in their early 20's, kids in the early-mid 20's & the typical 'family' life until the early-mid 40's. When that's over, whats left?

A lot of men look to win a woman by exciting them, rather than looking for a woman who excites them. In doing this they completely lose their frame. Men are meant to lead & set the example, not submit & pander.

Eventually you are going to run out of exciting & interesting things to do.

 

[ThisNThat]

Maintaining & developing your frame is so important in all walks of life! You should be an exciting guy because that's who you are, not because you've got into a relationship.

So many men put on facades to appear confident, but in reality, very few actually are.

When it comes to marriage, for a woman, the relationship is fun & filled with travelling in their early 20's, kids in the early-mid 20's & the typical 'family' life until the early-mid 40's. When that's over, whats left?

A lot of men look to win a woman by exciting them, rather than looking for a woman who excites them. In doing this they completely lose their frame. Men are meant to lead & set the example, not submit & pander.

Eventually you are going to run out of exciting & interesting things to do.

Eventually you are going to run out of exciting & interesting things to do

And then this is where reality kicks in.

The reality of the situation is though, there will always be times where WILL be lulls in relationship/marriage. You cannot be "always on" Who needs that kind of aggravation, right?

The occasional "date night" does help though.

 

[playa99]

And then this is where reality kicks in.

The reality of the situation is though, there will always be times where WILL be lulls in relationship/marriage. You cannot be "always on" Who needs that kind of aggravation, right?

The occasional "date night" does help though.

It isn't so much what you do, it is about who you are.

I accept that you cannot be physically doing 'exciting' things all the time. This is why it's important to be 'exciting' regardless of what you are doing.

When you are naturally an interesting guy, it isn't aggravation.

 

[ThisNThat]

It isn't so much what you do, it is about who you are.

I accept that you cannot be physically doing 'exciting' things all the time. This is why it's important to be 'exciting' regardless of what you are doing.

When you are naturally an interesting guy, it isn't aggravation.

Well "interesting" is a subjective term. Depends on how one defines what "interesting" is.

 

[Roober]

Roober, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine, she's in her 40s, so am I...and she was saying those who have been married in their 20s are divorcing in their 40s (seems to be the common thing, a good 20 year run, then divorce will happen)

She joked on how NOW is the time the dating pool starts to fill up with newly 40-something divorcee's. lol

Happened to an attractive female I knew...she started hanging out doing social activities with other single people, without her husband in tow...because "he worked Fri and Sat night shifts...he was an entertainer, a showman." She would kind of flirt with "safe" guys a lot in the group of single people.

One day, I saw that she had changed her last name on Facebook and found her on POF...as soon as her son turned 18 and left for college....the marriage was over.

That also seems tobe common, parents stay together until the 18 year olds move out and then "poof" come the divorce papers.

Doesn't surprise me one bit. Once the kids have grown, people feel like it is okay to leave the marriage. Had they both actually committed to each other and made things fun throughout the relationship, they may have stayed together. People are lazy, that is really the bottom line. Marriages don't take work, people fall into lazy routines, and their lives get boring. They refuse to adapt and end the marriage.

Good relationships DO NOT take work. Good relationships are NOT difficult to maintain. That is feminist BS fed to society to further fuel prescription medication and therapy fields. If two people are a good fit, things flow effortlessly. Even their fights are effortless, and they work it out. So what's the problem? people are lazy, too damn fvcking lazy...

Look at it this way, you get a plate and it goes like this...
-action dates
-your funny and ****y
-in the best physical and mental shape of your life
-you have options and she knows it
-you are constantly tapping her emotions
-you are always looking to improve yourself
-sex is excting (because of the above)

She is a good one, so you settle into an LTR/marriage and get "comfortable"
-action dates stop or are dramatically reduced
-Start wasting a lot more time on useless activities like videogames, TV, etc. - not resisting her when she wants you to stay home
-often times, you reduce your physical exercise
-sex is not only less frequent, it is much less exciting
-she knows she has you bagged
-settle into an okay job,
-settle into routine
-Kids will add a whole different element to the mix
-as time continues, people get more and more lazy... it is a fact of life. Most humans are fvcking lazy as $hit...

Marriages fail because men change, lose their frame, and turn into androgenous AFC idiots. They go from things like
-backpacking, skydiving, and traveling ----> wine tasting, birthday parties, and glass blowing
-oral, anal, random locations ------> in bed or on the couch missionary style
-cologne, neatly groomed, form fitting clothes ----------> crappy clothes, unshaven, and old spice
-talking about sex, dreams, and travel --------> kids, work, and errands

SO the key is.... remember who you are now, and don't get lazy!


/end rant

 

[bigneil]

A man must re-seduce his woman during their every encounter.

I just spent 48 hours with my girlfriend. I noticed that on the plane ride home she held my hand the whole time, and confessed her love the whole time - which is exactly what she was doing when we met before the trip. This is easier said than done - I'm difficult to be with for long periods (as many of you have observed).

 

[resilient]

The thing is... women are also responsible for their own happiness. If they are unhappy with their own lives, purpose, friendships, hobbies... the man shouldn't take full responsible for her behavior/mood or when her interest level drops like the titanic.

I am in complete agreement with you all that a man should be spontaneous and re-spice things up from time to time with a date/vacation or a novel activity that jolts her attachment mechanism.

Women follow the man's lead/frame, true. However, life has its ebbs and flows. The mark of a good woman is how she supports the man in marriage when dealing with heavy losses (job, death of a parent, a serious illness/disease/cancer). There will be dips in frequency of good feels, but if she loves the man, she'll recognize it's a growing period or a temporary lull and isn't an indicator of how the next 2-5-10 years will be unless she believes he truly gave up on himself.

Having a strong root in spirituality, self-esteem, family ties, and support system helps a woman to not lean heavily on the man, the marriage, or place all her happiness in his hands when the marriage hits a rough patch.

 

[Juanto]

A man must re-seduce his woman during their every encounter.

I just spent 48 hours with my girlfriend. I noticed that on the plane ride home she held my hand the whole time, and confessed her love the whole time - which is exactly what she was doing when we met before the trip. This is easier said than done - I'm difficult to be with for long periods (as many of you have observed).

Nonsense. You are a sweet

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Nonsense. You are a sweet

What are you trying to say? I'm sure some of his "hos" "fall in love" with him.

 

[SgtSplacker]

It's not dates that make relationships last, it's management of expectation. The first thing you need to do in an ltr is letting that woman know you are not there to keep her entertained. In part this has to do with finding a woman that actually does things on her own. To many women sit around waiting for men to do everything for them. This is what the dating culture creates. We become people offering services to women. And as such can be replaced when no longer needed.

Flip the fuucking script guys!

Show value, be awesome, hook her with your awesomeness but stop offering any kind of service delivered in such a way as to satisfy expectations.

She's gonna complain and vilify you but in the end if you have worked on yourself enough she will stick around.

I'm not saying to totally be a jerk about things. But yeah every so often don't shy away from disappointing her. Break that invisible leash you are not a pet.

When I date a girl I'm nice but not very accommodating. I'm there to have fun, not too try and make her happy. The date is for me not her. If we jive together and enjoy each other's company then awesome. If she's being retarded about not stopping for ice cream, then I'm not trying to hear that crap

 

[Urbanyst]

People cling to those they behave have high value.

Marriages fail because one or both parties go down in value.

 

[Zengy]

It's not dates that make relationships last, it's management of expectation. The first thing you need to do in an ltr is letting that woman know you are not there to keep her entertained. In part this has to do with finding a woman that actually does things on her own. To many women sit around waiting for men to do everything for them. This is what the dating culture creates. We become people offering services to women. And as such can be replaced when no longer needed.

Flip the fuucking script guys!

Show value, be awesome, hook her with your awesomeness but stop offering any kind of service delivered in such a way as to satisfy expectations.

She's gonna complain and vilify you but in the end if you have worked on yourself enough she will stick around.

I'm not saying to totally be a jerk about things. But yeah every so often don't shy away from disappointing her. Break that invisible leash you are not a pet.

When I date a girl I'm nice but not very accommodating. I'm there to have fun, not too try and make her happy. The date is for me not her. If we jive together and enjoy each other's company then awesome. If she's being retarded about not stopping for ice cream, then I'm not trying to hear that crap

legit man. Everytime i am a selfish hardcore ****er, am loved. Then i start to love and care, i get ****ed and dumped !! Never again.

 

[resilient]

This thread was enlightening (not being sarcastic).

So, @SgtSplacker, I suspect when the man starts chasing her (to win her love back when she withdraws attention, affection, sechs, etc.), he freaks out and feels he has to entertain her all the time with amazing original date ideas that she hasn't been on a 1,000 times with other exes or orbiters, her IL drops fast (reeks of desperation, losses respect for him).

The man is allowed and entitled to be selfish. He still should surprise her from time to time with romance, but he doesn't have to be casanova/adonis 24/7, that's not realistic, it's just an illusion brought on by pop-culture and chick flicks.

Have you all noticed that if a man loves too much or shows he cares too much, she loses all respect, and looks for attention elsewhere? That's the modern society we live in today. If she wants to look elsewhere, she has a myriad of social media and discrete OLD options to choose from (married or not) at her digital finger tips.

The man has to pull back, be selfish, and resist the temptation to play into her frame. Keep her curious and her challenge factor engaged. Otherwise, game over.

 

[marmel75]

Married Men mistakes---they get fat, out of shape and stop fvcking the life out of their wife. You think some hot Milf who goes to the gym and takes care of herself wants to see some fat slob naked who weighs 280 lbs and is out of breath from 3 pumps and then has to put on an Oxygen mask before rolling over and going to sleep? Fvck no.

If you were doing that well enough you can pretty much do anything you want and she isn't going anywhere, regardless of all the complaining she might do.